Tag Archives: feminimity

Be Thankful

22 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Red Pill

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It seems like an apt time of year to ponder gratitude.

True thankfulness is exceedingly rare in today’s entitled “gimmie, gimme NOW” world.

I find it so ironic that in an era where many have more material and physical abundance than perhaps ever before in all of history, it’s much more common to encounter people thinking they need more than to meet those who appreciate all they’ve got.

And since this blog is for the ladies, I will focus on this from the female perspective from here. (Perhaps a male blogger can tackle a version of this topic for the guys.)

For women, who have for decades been raised to believe there are no limits, they can be or do anything they want to be, that they deserve it all, and that they don’t just deserve it they are OWED it, contentment and gratitude can be viewed as negative, limiting, and outdated.

However I would argue it’s only those rare women who cultivate a true gratitude attitude that ever find the seemingly-ever-elusive happiness, fulfillment, balance, peace, and abundance so many desperately seek.

The answer ironically isn’t having more, it’s not just being OK with — but actually being thankful for — less.

Now before you think I am advising gals need to aim low or give up, give me a chance to explain.

Contentment and gratitude for what *is* truly is the secret to ever having enough. Because everything is relative.

For example, for some people an 800 square foot house is “small.” For others a 2,500 square foot house is “small.” Any house could be viewed as too small, too big, or just right based on one’s perception.

I once read a book by a woman who suddenly realized one day that the problem wasn’t that’s her house was too small, it was her attitude toward it that was. Rather than being thankful for and loving the house she had, she resented it for everything it was not, and spent many disgruntled hours wishing to live anywhere but there.

After that “ah ha moment,” she embarked on a year-long quest to love her home with all she had. She lovingly took stock and then went to work making it as beautiful, comfortable, welcoming, and cozy as it could possibly be.

Soon others began to notice her modest little house. Editors from home and garden magazines that she used to read with envy started calling her, asking to feature her home! Then offering her a regular column! Then encouraging her to write books about how she had created her lovely abode.

That’s the difference gratitude makes. It was the same house. She was the same person. All that had changed was rather than wishing for something else she embraced what she had and poured her heart and soul into loving it just as it was while doing all she could to make it all it could be with the resources she had.

In the end embracing gratitude led to so much more than not doing so ever did. She wasn’t settling. Or aiming low. Or giving up. Or getting less.

In fact had she stayed on the path of wanting more, she would likely still be stuck right there, bitterly hating her little house, wishing for something else, thinking, “if only…”

Instead she was loving her house, living a life beyond her wildest dreams, and embracing the ever growing abundance with a humble and thankful heart.

If you find yourself often thinking about what you wish you had, were, missed, or should be, try looking at what you have right now with gratitude, knowing it’s enough, being thankful for exactly what you’ve got, making the most of it, and embracing the blessings that have been right there all along. At home, at work, at play, and in love.

Happy Thanksgiving! May it be a blessed one.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Does Feminism Say Boys Are Better?

07 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Fempire

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A recent post by a commenter got me thinking… Does feminism actually say boys are better?

On the surface one would likely say, “Of course not!” It’s all about building women up, right? It’s about girl power!

Except feminism largely pushes girls to be more like boys. Hummm. That’s odd.

Girls are told to act less like girls. Dress less like girls. Avoid activities and topics that are deemed, “girl stuff.” To shun traditional girl roles in favor of more masculine ones.

When you think about it, doesn’t feminism actually encourage women (starting as girls) to ape traditionally male behavior rather than celebrate the uniqueness of being female?

I would agree with feminism that boys are better… at being boys. Women, however, are better…at being women.

But in a world where boys have been encouraged to act more “female” and girls have been encouraged to act more “male” for decades now, isn’t that counterproductive? What’s so wrong with boys being boys and girls being girls? Men being men and women being women?

Personally, I like being female. I don’t consider it a disadvantage. I don’t consider it a bad thing. I don’t consider myself “lesser” because of it. I don’t feel like I am a victim. I don’t feel held back. I don’t feel like I have missed out. I don’t want to be “something else.”

Why would feminists insist I (and other women) should see it otherwise?

Hummm….

Who’s to Blame for the Mess Today?

08 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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The title of a post at another red pill blog reminded me of something I have been meaning to write about for awhile, my thoughts on who is to blame for the mess we find ourselves in today. The blog post above is not about the topic I am about to discuss, but is a worthy read in its own right.

If you were to ask the question, “Who’s to blame for the mess today?” (and by mess, I mean the mess between men and women, relationships, divorce, failed relationships, people having a hard time getting or saying married, etc.) to the average Jane on the street, she’d likely say some version of “Men are!” or “The patriarchy!” or some such.

But are men really behind the backwards and upside down dating and marriage marketplace we face today?

I’d argue no. I’d say women are.

Now there may have been some Machiavellian men involved in the start of the sexual revolution, feminism, no fault divorce, the destruction of generations of social and moral norms that while not perfect worked for the most part — but largely it was women themselves, and more specifically women who came of age during the late 60s and early 70s (my mother’s generation) who I feel are truly to blame.

Perhaps it started before them, by the whisperings and urgings of the female generation before, but somewhere in all that the wheels started coming off the cart when older women started to encourage younger women to rebel against and then reject their traditional gender roles rather than to encourage them to be good, honest, chaste, and upstanding young women headed toward marriage and motherhood.

Women created the situation we find ourselves in by encouraging a “go guuuurl” style culture where young women (including myself) were taught from a very young age to reject the roles of wife and mother for as long as possible or even entirely, mistrust men, and to instead adopt the false Goddess idol of the “single independent woman” instead. At the same time these elder women worked to dismantle as many of the social norms as they could that had previously restrained women from acting upon their basest natures (hypergamy and solopism).

These women taught their youngers that red was blue and blue was green, that being a devoted wife and mother was akin to wasting one’s life and that to embrace some party girl, casual sex, be your own boss, live for yourself and the moment lifestyle was “freedom” and “progress.”

In my opinion, it was an incredibly selfish and destructive sophistic thing for these elder women to do, misleading the young down a path that would lead them to pain, confusion, disease, heartbreak, loneliness, broken families, broken lives, and an unbridled unapologetic, selfish worship of “me“, among other things.

It was especially harmful because women are greatly influenced by group thinking by our very natures. Because of this, women can easily be manipulated and mislead.

As I approach the age where I transition away from being a young (reproductive age) woman and toward the next phase, being a matriarch (post-baby making age), I feel the pull stronger and stronger to try my best to turn the tide, to counsel young women (including and especially my own daughters) against the “new ways” and back toward the tried and true path women followed before. Perhaps a more constrained path, a less exciting path, but a far more stable, safe, and solid path for them, their future children, and society as a whole. I believe this is what I am (and other women my age are) called to do in the next phase of my life — build up the next generation of women, support them, encourage them, guide them.

To those younger than me: Be a good woman. Develop your traditional skill set. Resist the urge to put yourself in the center and put your family and community there instead. Revel in your feminine nature, nurture others, be loving, kind, and true. These are your strengths and gifts as a female, as a woman.

I am not saying women should forgo education or being a productive member of society, not work. I am not advocating women accept abuse, oppression, or second class status. Don’t believe the lie that it is either this or that…. that the traditional path will only and always lead you backwards.

Forget the “new ways.” They don’t work. I have tried, I have watched others try, I have seen the results, it is a broken script, a failed social experiment. Beware! It will seem to work in your 20s and 30s but like a house of cards it collapses and reveals it was an empty shell all along. By the time that becomes obvious, and you have second thoughts, it could be too late to correct your path.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Did women let women down?

Embrace Your (True) Girl Power!

01 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by in Fempire

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Over the past few years, I have been exploring the meaning of being female in a post-feminist world. And I have come to a very surprising (even to myself!) realization about “girl power” — it seems to mean the exact opposite of what I had always been led to believe.

Let me explain. I was raised in a world where “girl power” was defined as “doing what men do.” And I did. I took auto shop and woodworking classes in high school (along with only two other girls in each class), went to college, got a career, made good money, supported myself, started a business, and more.

I was opening doors, and for myself, thank you very much! I avoided things traditionally considered “feminine.” I wore unisex clothing like jeans and t-shirts, avoided “the domestic arts,” shunned girly-primping, wore flats, and told myself that I would, “be taken more seriously” for it.

Was I taken seriously? Actually I was, but not because I did my best to avoid anything “female” related. I was taken seriously because I did what I love and have followed my passions and put my heart and soul into everything that I did.

Well almost. I cringe to say, but I did not put my heart and soul into my marriage. Rather than be a wife in the traditional sense, I strove to emulate the supposed “marriage of equals.”

Long story short, that didn’t work out so well. For either of us. And I regret it. Not that it was all me, but if I am honest a part of it was. At least half. But what is done is done, that’s 7-plus years of water under the bridge now.

A few years ago I started looking at my life and wondering what had led me to the place where I found myself. I had executed the feminist script to perfection. But despite being practically the “single independent woman” poster child, I found the end results to be lacking. I was lonely. I didn’t “get it” when it came to relationships.

And so while exploring this angst, I stumbled across the red pill. As I read blogs and message boards populated mostly with men talking about men and women and relationships, I was shocked to learn men weren’t happy with this brave new world, either.

They encouraged each other to explore what it means to be masculine, to be a man, to do things men traditionally liked to do. This made me wonder, what would happen if I did the same, explored what it meant to be feminine?

So I did. And the results have been pleasantly surprising! Rather than find it drudgery and oppressive, I found that I like pulling an amazing loaf of fresh baked bread out of the oven, and that folding fresh, warm laundry can be surprisingly sensual. I’ve been potting up flower baskets and fluffing up my nest ever since.

While I have a ways to go, I have to say an increasingly neat and orderly home is a big improvement over my formerly half-assed, last ditch, and cluttered surroundings. Oddly, I have found the more beautiful I make it, the happier myself and my children are getting. And it’s been more sweat equity than shopping spree — I have found it doesn’t have to be expensive to create a home that provides cozy refuge from the world. It’s a work in progress but I am slowly editing room-by-room, getting rid of “stuff” and keeping only what I truly love. My girls are loving it, too!

I’ve also been playing with the traditionally feminine spheres of beauty and fashion. Again, this has all been on a budget, but with some creativity and a few great consignment shops, I’ve replaced much of the jeans and t-shirt wardrobe with flattering, feminine attire. I still have jeans and t-shirts, but now they emphasize (modestly and tastefully) my female form rather than disguise it. I wear skirts a lot more. I even ordered a pair of strappy summer sandals with (gasp!) heels. I got some shimmery make up and learned some new techniques for applying make up via online videos, and I have been painting my finger and toe nails, too!

Along the way I have redefined the meaning of “girl power.” I have been shocked to discover I find more joy in embracing my feminine side than I ever did trying to act more like a man than a woman. And yes, I am still taken seriously, maybe even more so!

To trying to be a man, I simply say, “Pfffft.” I’ll take the shimmer, and flounce, and channeling my energy into making my surroundings beautiful for me and mine over trying to be more like a man any day!

What do you think? Should we redefine the meaning of “girl power” to mean reveling in the power of femininity? Or is it better for women to act just like men?