Tag Archives: fempire

Pretty Little Lies

22 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Fempire

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A big part of the red pill involves unraveling all the pretty little lies we are told about how things work and are versus how things really work and really are. Often this occurs when those pretty little lies fall apart.

For men it may look something like this: All their lives they have been told that if they are good, kind, respectful, generous, sensitive, and so on that girls will like that, they will find a good girl, and live happily ever after. “Be a modern male,” they are told. Often this does not work as described and such men either don’t find girls as attracted to them as “bad boy” types or he does marry, does all the “right” things, and his wife is unhaaaapy and divorces him.

For women, it looks a little different. Women are told things like education and career should be their focus. Put off marriage and children. Be independent and self reliant, even in a relationship or marriage. You can do, be, and have it all. There are no limits. Don’t “waste” your potential. Etc. “Be a modern woman.”

I am simplifying as there are many many more layers than this. And many girls and later women work very hard to be and do all that. And it can even seem to be working or work somewhat. Society reinforces and props up the ideas on many levels, furthering the illusion. Yet for many women, despite doing and being all that, life doesn’t work “better” as described. A gnawing uneasiness develops as the mid-30s approach. The cause is often misunderstood. It couldn’t be the pretty little lies!

So she may double down, thinking more independence, career, self-reliance, etc. is what is needed. Maybe a divorce, sudden career change, or move is how it materializes. “Change,” becomes the answer. Perhaps it works short term. But as the decades pass, the discord between how it was supposed to work and how it’s actually working grows.

For many women in their early 40s and above, you are here. (It may occur earlier or later depending on situations and circumstances.)

A choice. Double down again, or admit maybe they were wrong? Maybe you were wrong?  There’s no going back, no do-over, just now. Maybe it’s time to start unraveling the pretty little lies? To reconstruct with what remains?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Do You Have Superwoman Syndrome?

25 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by in Fempire

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If like me, you were raised to be a good little feminist, you may have what I have come to call “Superwoman Syndrome.” As a child you were told to be all you can be, and while on the surface that sounds good, the truth is the attempt to be and have it all can turn you into a burned out, workaholic who puts family and a personal life last in the attempt to live up to the Superwoman myth.

In many ways, I see feminism as the female version of the blue pill, the “pretty little lies” women have been told will lead toward a happy, successful life. Like the supplicating beta male, trying to “be nice, then be even nicer!” the female blue pill tells a woman that she should work harder, achieve more, that job title and status, “just like a man” are the path to success.

And of course if a woman tries to live that life script and finds it lacking, feminism blames her. She’s not trying hard enough, she has to try harder! She has to be more powerful, more independent, more strong because after all she is a victim of oppression and a failure if she doesn’t.

So she goes to college, starts her career, puts off marriage and family in the quest to climb the corporate ladder. If she does marry and have kids, she’s told to put her family last, to put herself first, and to let someone else do the “menial” tasks like raising children and keeping house. After all, those are things ANY woman could do, right? Why waste her potential?

So she either finds herself married with children and a husband that she barely sees or when she does she’s so darn worn out she’s just going through the motions. Or she puts off marriage and kids only to find that when she’s “ready” at age 35, she’s facing a much smaller dating pool than she would have in her early 20s, and unlike then, now she feels like she has to decide quick, maybe making concessions she would not have otherwise that lead to a “meh” at best and unhappy at worst marriage. Or maybe she doesn’t settle only to find she can’t find anyone at all, or at least not anyone who wants to marry her although they may want to sleep with her.

At this point such women either just furiously keep trying to work the broken script or they realize, perhaps too late, that they played their hand all wrong. Now what? There are no easy answers. You can’t turn back time and redo things over, and for many the path to the corner office turns out to be a lot less satisfying than it was supposed to be. Or she’s finding her employment options becoming more limited with age, as she competes with ever younger workers who are willing to do her job for less. The corporate world, she may find, will never love or care for her like a family would, she’s entirely disposable. In her youth focusing on herself may have been enough, but with age she feels the loneliness and disconnection from anything of true meaning or legacy more and more as the meaning and security her job and career were supposed to provide becomes more and more precarious.

It takes a lot of guts and insight for someone with Superwoman Syndrome to admit it’s not working out, that change is needed. However it is the only hope she has of ever getting from where she is to where she would rather be. The process can be filled with feelings of betrayal, anger, bitterness, and blame. After all she did everything society told her to do, and it didn’t work, not because she didn’t try, but because nobody told her it was a big social experiment and she was the guinea pig, a test case.

In time the anger fades and life moves on. She starts to rediscover what it means to be a women, to be female, to be feminine. She learns there is strength in weakness, in letting go of control, of following rather than leading. She learns being a womanly woman doesn’t make her “less” but makes her more. She learns no job or career will ever be as satisfying or stable or secure as a loving family. She learns a woman’s greatest achievement is not her own, but to nurture great achievement in others which in turn is her shared triumph and achievement.

If you find that it’s just not working to “be it all and do it all,” consider taking off the cape, humbling your pride, admitting that maybe independence is not the path after all, and learning how to be interdependent or even (gasp!) dependent.

There’s freedom in letting go.

Let those who have ears hear.

Are Men and Women Different?

24 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by in Gender

≈ 6 Comments

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As I discussed in this post, some people seem very attached to the idea that men and women are the same and that we only act differently because we are taught to.

Are men and women different? Obviously, physically, yes. But I believe it goes much deeper than that and the time I have spent reading up in the manosphere has confirmed that – men and women think very differently from each other. Here’s a good post at a controversial, but eye opening, manosphere site on that very topic.

I can even see this while observing toddlers interact at my daughter’s preschool. At ages 2-5, it’s possible that these children have picked up some gender social cues but I think their behavior at this age is fairly uninfluenced.

The girls and boys interact and there are degrees of these behaviors from child to child but in short the boys are much more physically active, build things, stack blocks vertically into towers, interact with each other physically, change activities frequently, and in general roar about like little warriors.

The girls are more likely to sit and engage in quiet activities, enjoy imaginary role type games, play dress up, stack blocks horizontally, interact with each other verbally, and engage in more subdued activities.

Nobody tells them to do this, they just do it. All of the activities are open choice and there are no rules that the boys need to do this and the girls need to do that, they just do.

My theory is that a lot of the problems in the modern dating and relationship realm are caused by this misinformation that men and women are the same. That denying these differences makes men and women somehow more equal. Poppycock.

What it’s done is left women acting more like men and men acting more like women, a sort of coming to the middle that isn’t really working for either side.

What’s so wrong about admitting that men and women are different? That maybe they are two parts of a larger whole? And that it works best when women act like women and men act like men?

Oh wait I know, because that’s sexist. Or something. Okey dokey.

Ladies, if you want your relationship

Let those who have ears hear.

What Have Men Done for You Lately?

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Red Pill

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Yesterday’s post at another red pill aware gal’s blog got me to thinking about where exactly women would be in a world without men willing to keep it safe and functioning?

Short story: In big trouble, whether women or especially feminist women want to admit it or not.

In the blog post linked above, the author points out that 412 of the 414 first responders who died on 9/11 were men. It’s a staggering number. 412 out of 414.

And the thing I realized after pondering that is it not only happened that day, but it is happening every single day. On the front lines fighting for our country’s safety or on the front line responding to 911 dispatch calls that there’s a burglar, fire, accident, or some other emergency — men are there.

I know it’s a lot more popular to bash men these days than to praise them, but think for a moment what it would be like to live in a world where when you called 911, nobody showed up? If there was no such thing as 911. If the only military or police forces around were corrupt and run by local warlords? If in your time of need you were on your own, sister, deal with it?

Likewise, imagine if all those job sites where men are building buildings, or those road projects where new roads are being built or old ones repaired, or when there’s a huge storm and a tree goes through the power lines, or insert major-infrastructure-of-any-sort here were simply empty — no hardworking men showing up in all sorts of weather making sure it’s all getting done.

Imagine of all the cargo transportation services, again overwhelmingly a male industry, stopped delivering. No trains. No planes. No trucks.

I could go on and on but what I am getting at here is when you stop to think about it, the answer to the question, “What have men done for you, lately?” is actually, “A heck of a lot.”

And I know, I know there are women doing many of these jobs and women are capable of doing many things, but pointing out all that men do in no way diminishes women, does it?

And let’s face it, women aren’t employed in huge numbers in these jobs by their own choice. Women by and large don’t *want* to do these jobs. But they need done. And men do them.

And I for one am grateful, and I hope I never live in a world where I have to wonder if anyone will respond when I call 911, or when our country is attacked, or when a bridge collapses, or when the power goes out. I hope I don’t have to take all that on myself, or let’s face it, more likely do without.

And here’s another thought, do men do all these things because they hate women and live to oppress them and because they think they are better than them? Nope. No they do not. They do it because they care about people, including women, because they care about society and civilization. They care so much they are willing to sacrifice their own safety and life in the process if necessary.

Huh. Isn’t that interesting? When was the last time you heard that on a women’s talk show? Or read that in a women’s magazine?

Of course sure, there are bad guys, and the hijackers of 9/11 were all male, and some men do indeed do bad things. But that’s a very, very small portion of all men actually. Most men are great guys, hardworking and true.

So as unpopular as it is to say these days, I am going to say it. Thank you, men! I couldn’t do it without you, and I wouldn’t want to. I appreciate all you do. I appreciate that you do it so well, it’s nearly invisible and seamless. I am glad I have never lived in a world without all these things you do, or had to wonder if you would. And I hope I never will. Thank you.

And you know what, it doesn’t take anything away from me or what I have achieved or done to say that. And it doesn’t put down other women, either, or mean I don’t also think women have value and need appreciation.

But in this blog post, it’s about the guys and me thanking them for all they do. They certainly deserve it. This one is all about them.

Let those who have ears hear.

Guys Care About How You Look

20 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Relationships

≈ 14 Comments

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Hey you, running around in pajama bottoms and flip flops, did you know guys cringe at gals running around in pajama bottoms and flip flops and letting it all hang out like nobody cares how you look?

Yep. they do.

Well if you are a college hottie you might get a pass, but in general guys like girls who look good.

I know, I know…how sexist. That’s objectifying and shallow. He should love me for who I am. Right?

Well sister, men are visual creatures like it or not. Very visual. As in they notice and rate every woman they run across in every situation all day long, apparently. From the gal at the coffee stand to the woman in line in front of them at the bank to the girl next door, all of them, all of the time. They aren’t consciously doing it. They just DO it.

Why? Who knows. I suspect it has something to do with their need not so long ago to be always alert to their surroundings because being super observant really helps one be a good hunter or warrior.

Likewise, when sizing up a potential mate, these men were looking for all the signs that said she’d be good at having babies. Studies show it is the very same signs of fertility that men are naturally attracted to.

And let’s face it, women are also attracted to men who look a certain way. Often the same signs that show he would make a fine hunter and warrior. So we must be sexist, too?

Now it is true, some women are already too keenly aware of their body image and obsess over every tiny flaw and spend entirely way too much time and money on their appearance already. This post is not for them. To them I would say, relax. Guys don’t like that either. And chances are you look great but are so uptight about it you can’t enjoy it.

However, there are many women who have taken it to the other extreme. They put little to no emphasis on their appearance, and yet they expect men to overlook all that.

The biggest thing a gal can do to improve her physical appeal is to maintain an ideal body weight. Not too fat, not too thin. With 2 in 3 women overweight or obese, this is an area where a gal can easily stand out from the crowd. But not with fad diets or crash diets or whatever, which only set up a boomerang effect that leads to even more weight gain in the future. Better to eat a highly nutrient rich but lower calorie diet made up of good, sound food than to try to subsist on less of the “typical American diet.” The Paleo Diet is a good example.

And be active. Eating well is where it starts because eating 400 calories is a lot easier than burning 400 calories, but regular and robust physical activity helps too because it builds muscle which in turn burns more calories day and night. And don’t worry, you won’t look like The Incredible Hulk if you work out. A women’s hormones keep muscle mass from building in the same way a man’s does. If you don’t like to work out, then adopt a strenuous physical hobby. Wake-board chicks have killer abs and are super lean as a side effect of that very strenuous sport, for example. And have you ever seen wake-board guys? Holy smokes! Not a bad “two birds with one stone” effect, if you know what I mean. Similar for other such active hobbies. Worth doing for the masculine eye candy alone!

Ok, then from there, think “feminine.” Long hair. Pretty dresses or skirts. Jewelry. Tasteful make-up. Shimmer. Sparkle.

Tasteful goes a long, long way. Looking feminine does not equal looking like a streetwalker. Leaving something to the imagination is far more powerful than letting it all hang out.

It’s not rocket science. And it doesn’t decrease your power or worth as a person or reduce the inner you. In fact, it increases your all around appeal. And whether you are married or single, looking good for your man or looking good for your potential man is not a bad strategy.

And by the way, a gal feels better about herself and more confident when she knows she looks good, too. So it’s not just for him.

Chances are the ones who will be complaining and getting all bent out of shape about this are the women in flip flops and pajama pants.

 

 

What Language Do They Speak on Mars?

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Gender

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Ladies, do you ever feel like you are speaking French (or Vesuvius) and he is speaking German (or Martian) and there are no translators in sight?

The more I think about it, the profoundly different ways that the male and female mind work, likely create much of the strife in the battle between the sexes.

And if so, I am starting to realize that’s going to take a whole lot of patience, understanding, and hopefully a decent ability to play charades to make that work.

To complicate things further, each gender approaches the other more like they would like to be approached than how approach actually works for the opposite sex.

And then there are on top of that, lots of other problems, including a totally topsy-turvey sexual market place (smp) and marriage market place (mmp) that resembles the wild-wild west.

If any of you know how all that works, please share it in the comments, because I personally am stumped!

But I think it’s in everybody’s best interest to get it figured out. Or if not that, at least back up on all four wheels, ok maybe three good wheels and a partial flat, something better than this anyway.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

What Is The Manosphere?

09 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Gender, Red Pill

≈ 7 Comments

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Recent events have increased awareness of a small corner of the virtual and real world known as “the manosphere.” But what is the manosphere? And what is it all about?

Loosely, as I understand it, the manosphere is a collection of blogs and websites created by men for men where they can discuss issues men face. The topics and content of these websites varies widely, and some are even in direct opposition to each others espoused philosophy or understanding on a certain issue (the most controversial as far as the main stream media likely would be where the manosphere intersects with the female world, and opinions about dating, love, sex, and relationships are the topic.)

While the manosphere is predominately male, that does not mean it is made up of men all in complete agreement with each other or in agreement of any one certain point of view.

Some examples of sub groups within the manosphere include (but are not limited to):

  • Married men talking to other married men about marital issues
  • Single men talking to other single men about issues surrounding dating, relating, and marriage
  • Men talking to other men interested in a lifestyle that does not involve marriage, and in some cases does not involve women romantically  at all
  • Single dads talking to other single dads about parenting and legal issues
  • Men of all relationship status talking to each other about issues men face in general
  • Men interested in discussion of men’s legal rights such as paternal rights, divorce law, sexual harassment laws, and the like
  • Men talking to other men about “guy stuff” like sports, hunting, fishing, motorcycles, fitness, career, self-improvement, and the like
  • Blogs written by women in reaction to or in support of men’s issues and how they impact women and relationships (some in the manosphere would consider these websites outside of the manosphere, not a part of it, as they are not written by men for men.)

And more…

Are men in the manosphere occasionally angry or bitter? Yes. Do some of these men who are angry and bitter have just cause to be angry and bitter? Yes.  Are all men in the manosphere angry and bitter? No.

Is everything written in the manosphere fact? No. Are facts discussed and debated? Yes. Is everything said in the manosphere truth? No. Is the truth discussed and debated? Yes. Do some men in the menosphere hold negative views of women or more specifically feminism? Yes. Do all men in the manosphere have a negative view of women? No. Do men in the manosphere sometimes say shocking things or express views other than the social norm? Yes. Do all men in the manosphere say shocking things or express views other than the social norm? No.

The manosphere is not a hate group, or a terrorist group, or even a cohesive single organization, as it has been portrayed by some in the main stream media.

Put another way, if men getting together and discussing topics important to men seems threatening, one should question whether women getting together to talk to other women about issues important to women is threatening? If they cannot say yes to the latter, they cannot in good consciousness say yes to the former.

In short, the manosphere is men talking to other men about being a man, on the Internet or in person at workshops and conferences. It is a loosely formed male community united around their common identity of being male. It is nothing more, nothing less.

The manosphere is actually really interesting.

Let those who have ears hear

 

 

Are Men The Enemy?

03 Tuesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Gender, Red Pill

≈ 21 Comments

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As someone who came into the world shortly after feminism, I have been told pretty much my whole life that it’s all men’s fault, that men are plotting to hold me (and all women) back, and that men are the enemy.

Like all social constructs of reality, for a long time I accepted this widely touted idea as fact. Because that’s just how things are, right?

Or are they?

Actually, almost everything we hold to be true about the world we live in, how it works, and what it all means are ideas that we have been taught, pretty much from birth, are truth when in fact much of it is simply the way people think the world works at that moment.

One of my favorite authors, Don Ruiz, calls this idea “the parasite” and it is all of the thoughts and beliefs implanted into your consciousness by your parents, family, friends, religion, community, and the very society you belong to. Like a computer’s operating system, it runs invisibly in the background, affecting your thoughts, feelings, and life choices without you even realizing it.

Realizing all of these things you have always held as truth are in fact not facts — but simply things you were taught and at the same time taught before you had the ability to examine or question these “truths” consciously or critically, and then they became your life lens and beliefs even though you yourself did not choose them is pretty big.

Ok I will give you a minute to absorb that.

Said another way, almost everything you believe is because you were taught to believe it, not because you choose those beliefs yourself. You likely have all sorts of beliefs you have never even stopped to question or ask if you personally believe them.

Like men are the enemy. Or women (or insert group of people not like you here) are the enemy, for that matter.

Knowing this, you can examine these beliefs based upon what you have observed your whole life. Does it jive as your personal truth?

Are there bad men? Certainly. We’ve all met men (and women) who are not nice people. Or if you haven’t, count yourself very lucky (or you are somehow getting Internet on a deserted island.)

Are there good men? Or women? Yes. We’ve all met them.

One such example is a man from my Rotary group who heard my partner had suddenly departed, leaving me to care for two young children, five acres, and a small farm-based business solo right at the start of high season. Upon learning this, the man and his wife decided since he had just retired from an executive job that involved lots of travel, and that they were now suddenly together 24 x 7, and it was a bit much, that maybe they could lend a hand by agreeing he would come and mow my property once a week to help me out, get him out of the house, and because he swears he likes mowing. It “relaxes” him, he says.

And so mow he has, week after week, all through last season and then as soon as this season began there he was, asking for the gas can. Like clockwork. Week after week after week. He puts on his headset, jams to classic rock, and spends four hours saving me four hours of work I would have to fit into an already jam packed schedule otherwise. We rarely even see each other, he simply comes when he can and mows. Unless they are out of town, and then he apologizes (!) he won’t be there till they get back. He asks for nothing in return. Never has. I do give him and his wife gifts of my farm product, which they seem to enjoy but only very humbly take every fourth time I offer or so.

Is he my enemy? He is a man, after all.

No, no he is not. I could tell you dozens of other stories about other such good men (and the women who love them) and how they are anything but an enemy to me, holding me back, or ruining my life.

So there’s an example of what questioning the beliefs of the parasite can do. You realize they simply aren’t truth after all. And you experience an awakening that allows you to start seeing the world through your own personal truth. Ruiz calls this “the dream.” And we choose “the dream” if we take off the autopilot and create it.

You realize that men are people, like women, and people are good and bad and to lump them all into a single category just because they are different than you and because one or two may fit the pattern here and there — that a rule does not make.

So while this may be a mind-blowing thought for some, men are not the enemy. And believing they are may be causing a lot of your troubles you mistakenly think they (men) are causing.

Wow. Oooooommmmmmm.

So how would you rather “the dream” look? That overwhelmingly men (and all people and all life and even all life and matter and the entire universe) are not your enemy, but instead your ally?

That’s how I read it anyway, but that’s my dream, you have to decide for yourself.

Let those who have ears hear.