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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: gender

Lady Killer 2

18 Saturday Aug 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 82 Comments

Tags

gender, gender roles, hunter gatherer, red pill, social construct

My killing spree continues, with hundreds — maybe thousands — of wasps, sugar ants, and now fall webworms (aka tent caterpillars but they are actually a different critter) on the list. I am still pretty conflicted about it all but am doing what needs done.

This was in stark contrast yesterday after asking my housepainter if we (he actually) could try blasting the higher up webworms from a large tree with his high powered pressure washer.

He, his son, and a friend’s husband gathered under the tree with a gleam in their eyes, cheering the process on as each webby mass filled with hundreds of caterpillars was anailiated. Rather than feeling bad about it, like I did the day before as I got the lowest nests out of the tree and drowned the caterpillars in a bucket of soapy water, they were clearly enjoying the caterpillar slaying.

The painter’s son, in his mid-20s, even asked me to video him blasting the webs so he could send it to his friends!

Granted, maybe not every guy would enjoy it as much as they did, but I take it as more evidence that gender is not a social construct. I truly seem to lack the hunter impulse and don’t approach the task with the gusto that these men did.  And yet, I recognize that gusto doesn’t need to be tamed, shamed, or labeled “toxic masculinity.”

Hunters and gatherers. I know which one I would rather be. I’ll take gathering any day! But I am also thankful that others embrace the hunter role. Viva la difference!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

The Power of Gentle

05 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire, Red Pill

≈ 110 Comments

Tags

empowerment, femininity, feminism, gender, gender politics, girl power, SIW, strength

Something modern culture seems to have lost sight of is how masculine and feminine power can be quite different.

Like much about being feminine, feminine forms of power were branded as weak and inferior by those advocating women act more like men, “in order to be taken seriously.” Thus feminine forms of power were largely cast aside as outdated.

Today its more common to see women opting for masculine power techniques, even priding themselves on being ballsy, brash, and outspoken. However, these masculine forms of power don’t sit well on a woman.

It may be counterintuitive, but for a woman there is far more power in being gentle.

Maybe you know such a woman? She isn’t loud but yet people listen. She isn’t demanding but is given respect. She isn’t pushy but gets far.

Gentleness is so powerful for a woman for exactly the same reasons strength is so powerful for a man. It is the essence of femininity just as strength is the essence of masculinity. Yin and yang.

Perhaps it’s projection at play here? Women might be confusing what they see as strength in men as what men would see as strength in women? But the reality is, they don’t. Just like women don’t see feminine forms of power as strength in a man, despite the common modern sensitive guy trope. It’s repellant vs. attractive.

If you want to be more effective in your efforts, try a gentle approach. You might be surprised how much further it gets you than a more forceful “masculine” method.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Have You Figured Out the Pretty Little Lies Yet?

28 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 60 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, blue pill, dating, divorce, equal rights, gender, red pill, single parenting

For decades, changing social norms have turned things on their head. So for fun, I thought I would create an interactive post where commenters can list the blue pill lies and/or red pill truths they have discovered. Please — add yours to the list!

Thoughts on Gender Benders

24 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill, Uncategorized

≈ 41 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, female, gender, male, red pill, transgender, transgender children, transgender kids

Over the past few years, the idea that gender is something one chooses rather than is has been increasingly directed at some of our society’s most vulnerable and impressionable — children.

Parents and caregivers are encouraging it. The media is encouraging it. Even public schools are teaching transgenderism (a.k.a. It’s a choice if you are a boy or a girl or one of the many other possible “gender identities”) in some states. But the American Academy of Pediatrics has drawn a line — they say such teachings are CHILD ABUSE. Here are their 8 reasons why. They say:

1. Human sexuality is an objective biological binary trait: “XY” and “XX” are genetic markers of health – not genetic markers of a disorder.

2. No one is born with a gender. Everyone is born with a biological sex. Gender (an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female) is a sociological and psychological concept; not an objective biological one.

3. A person’s belief that he or she is something they are not is, at best, a sign of confused thinking. When an otherwise healthy biological boy believes he is a girl, or an otherwise healthy biological girl believes she is a boy, an objective psychological problem exists that lies in the mind not the body, and it should be treated as such.

4. Puberty is not a disease and puberty-blocking hormones can be dangerous. Reversible or not, puberty-blocking hormones induce a state of disease – the absence of puberty – and inhibit growth and fertility in a previously biologically healthy child.

5. According to the DSM-V, as many as 98% of gender confused boys and 88% of gender confused girls eventually accept their biological sex after naturally passing through puberty.

6. Children who use puberty blockers to impersonate the opposite sex will require cross-sex hormones in late adolescence. Cross-sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) are associated with dangerous health risks including but not limited to high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke and cancer.

7. Rates of suicide are twenty times greater among adults who use cross-sex hormones and undergo sex reassignment surgery, even in Sweden which is among the most LGBQT – affirming countries.

8. Conditioning children into believing a lifetime of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex is normal and healthful as child abuse.

I have never felt conflicted or torn about being biologically and socially a female. So I will admit, it is hard for me to relate to someone feeling they are not the sex they were born. And I am sure there are relatively rare cases (.003%) where it truly is the case, such as in people who were born hermaphrodites and whose parents choose at birth their gender, and choose wrong.

But otherwise, from the minute sperm meets egg, people are XX or XY. And that same XX or XY data replicates, along with the rest of their DNA, in every single cell of their body.

It’s not good or bad to be a boy. It’s not good or bad to be a girl. It simply is what it is. IMHO, it isn’t a choice. Actually it seems masochistic and self-loathing to fight it. There are lots of things we can choose about being who we are. I say better to focus on those, rather than spend energy on wanting to change something one cannot —  your own biological reality. Even after surgery, hormones, and other measures — you’ll never change your cellular reality of XX or XY.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Does Feminism Say Boys Are Better?

07 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, empowerment, feminimity, gender, masculinity, red pill

A recent post by a commenter got me thinking… Does feminism actually say boys are better?

On the surface one would likely say, “Of course not!” It’s all about building women up, right? It’s about girl power!

Except feminism largely pushes girls to be more like boys. Hummm. That’s odd.

Girls are told to act less like girls. Dress less like girls. Avoid activities and topics that are deemed, “girl stuff.” To shun traditional girl roles in favor of more masculine ones.

When you think about it, doesn’t feminism actually encourage women (starting as girls) to ape traditionally male behavior rather than celebrate the uniqueness of being female?

I would agree with feminism that boys are better… at being boys. Women, however, are better…at being women.

But in a world where boys have been encouraged to act more “female” and girls have been encouraged to act more “male” for decades now, isn’t that counterproductive? What’s so wrong with boys being boys and girls being girls? Men being men and women being women?

Personally, I like being female. I don’t consider it a disadvantage. I don’t consider it a bad thing. I don’t consider myself “lesser” because of it. I don’t feel like I am a victim. I don’t feel held back. I don’t feel like I have missed out. I don’t want to be “something else.”

Why would feminists insist I (and other women) should see it otherwise?

Hummm….

(Not) Forever Young

28 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender

≈ 392 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, blue pill, dating, gender, red pill, relationships, womanhood

A comment on the last thread by Sergey points out one of the biggest issues with the “modern woman” script: In youth, the world is her oyster. Anything is possible, options are all open. But then unexpectedly it tops out around age 35. Once one is no longer a young woman, the path becomes murky… where does the path go from here?

He says:

“It’s the best time ever for Western women in their 20s/early 30s. After that, though, the options are the following:
* spinster – crushing loneliness and a feeling of self-inadequacy for most, except radical egoists;
* single mom – financial and emotional strains, a risk of problematic child, a sense of life wasted on upbringing the kids;
* divorcee – effectively one of the above, with bitterness of life wasted on wrong mate/stupid breakup on a whim;
* having a committed partner, without kids – generally trying to conceive, due to the strong social/biological pressure and time until fertility window close running out fast; child-free variety is probably one of the happiest combination;
* having a committed partner, with kids, without career – with life embittered by the sense of missing something other women presumable have (“a care-free single life”, professional achievements etc) – thanks to all that lib-fem messages they are daily bombarded with;
* having a committed partner, with kids and a career – have-it-alls; they have their problems as well, all too common self-shaming of “being a bad mother”, envy to ‘care-free’ lives of single women etc.

Self-contradicting mix of social messages sent to women by society (mostly other women, both “progressive” and “conservative”) seems to cause much harm. The lack of it, a sort of ‘each to her own’ relativism is no better: seems that women are somewhat wired to external validation, and the lack of praise/shame feedback to their choices confuses females even more.”

At one time the female life path was fairly defined. She’s a girl, a maiden, a young woman, a wife, a mother, an empty nester, a grandmother, a matriarch.

Yes the choices were limited, but perhaps that is as liberating as stifling? Studies show the more choices we have, the less satisfied we become, ironically. Without a clear path… is modern woman lost in the wilderness?

What do you think? Please share in the comments (while respecting the viewpoints of others.)

Embrace your Femininity

20 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships, Sex and Such

≈ 107 Comments

Tags

androgeny, attraction, battle of the sexes, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, feminine wiles, femininity, gender, happiness, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, true love

Over the past 40 years, traditional feminine qualities such as beauty, grace, domesticity, charm, chastity, and being “girly” have been increasingly vilified in a similar way that masculine traits have been vilified for men and boys (but ironically encouraged in women and girls!)

Women and girls are told that acting feminine will lead to them being objectified, oppressed, overlooked, and disempowered. Instead women are encouraged to be strong, independent, self-sufficient, aggressive, tough, and more.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret — for females femininity and feminine traits ARE power! Yep.

And I am not the only one to think so. In fact this was reconfirmed yesterday as I listened to a podcast by a woman who bills herself as a “modern day courtesan.” This woman is in no way “red pill” and yet her message was similar — if you want to succeed in love and romance, be MORE feminine!

To clarify, a courtesan is not a call girl, escort, or prostitute (they sleep with men for money, any man, with no expectations of him beyond the encounter) and it’s not just about sex. A courtesan is a long term companion who is financially supported by her admirer/s, sometimes in an exclusive monogamous relationship or sometimes in a few non-exclusive but ongoing and long term committed relationships.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating a courtesan lifestyle, but I do think her message was dead on as far as feminine wiles being a core part of female strength, and one women should not be afraid of. Her advice would be just as appropriate to apply within a marriage or long-term relationship as in a courtesan one — in short, the path to happiness, love, and romance is paved with female charms.

Some of her advice? Be happy and light. Laugh. Flirt. Look for ways to bewitch your partner and draw him in. Enjoy adorning yourself. Dress well. Learn how to use make up and other beauty products to your best advantage. Don’t overwork yourself. Learn how to be seductive (not the same as slutty, the opposite actually!) Be mysterious in a good way. Educate yourself on current affairs and a wide range of topics so you can be a charming conversationalist. Understand you may draw a man in because he is initially interested in sex (not too fast, ladies! Anticipation is your friend), but you will keep a man by seducing and connecting with his mind. Study your man’s personal favorite female qualities and work those to your advantage. Don’t be pushy or demanding, but instead coax his cooperation and devotion with your feminine wiles. Wear pretty undies. Let him take care of you. Be a refuge for him, a place he cannot wait to run to. Forgo “broken men” who do not and cannot truly appreciate and love, love, love the feminine. Be a lover of the masculine, as well. Be the kind of woman he can’t bear to live without. And more.

It all sounded like good advice to me. What do you think?

 

Men and Emotions

09 Monday May 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Gender, Red Pill

≈ 322 Comments

Tags

abuse, battle of the sexes, break ups, commitment, dating, divorce, emotional abuse, gender, love, male emotions, malemental health, men, men and depression, men and emotions, physical abuse, red pill, relationships, verbal abuse

Before I started following the manosphere, I pretty much believed the main stream media’s portrayal of male emotions — meaning namely that men have fewer emotions than women.

Turns out, it’s not true. Men actually feel emotions very deeply, perhaps even more deeply than women. But how those emotions are processed and expressed is different, so on the surface this can give the appearance that men do not have the emotional depth or breath that women do. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Women tend to express emotions outwardly, talking freely to friends, family, and others about their emotions. Men tend to express their emotions inwardly, presenting a stoic face to the world even when inside they may be feeling anything but.

According to the “Mental Health” chapter of a book I have been reading, “Is He Worth It: How to Spot the Hidden Traits of a Good Man” by Shawn T. Smith, PhD, statistics show that more women than men are diagnosed with and on treatments for mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. This on the surface seems to suggest that women have more mental health issues than men.

But the author goes on to explain when one looks at the bigger picture, men are more likely to engage in substance abuse (alcohol, food, gambling, drugs, etc.) and are a full four times more likely than women to commit suicide. When these factors are taken into account, women and men struggle with these issues at about the same overall percentages, he says.

The difference? Women are more likely to reach out to their doctor or to a mental health specialist for medication and/or therapy when they are feeling anxiety or depression than a man, while men are more likely to self medicate and/or (tragically) commit suicide as a way to cope with their depression or anxiety.

It’s unclear if this is due to a gender difference, a social acceptance difference, or a combination of factors. In general women reach out to others for support, mainly other women. Men often only reach out to their own partner for emotional support, and less frequently to other men or family members.

It’s important for women to understand these differences because many times what seems like relationship problems, a man who is grouchy, sullen, and non-responsive, and/or engaging in substance abuse despite thing seemingly going relatively OK, can often be the result of his feeling anxiety, depression, hurt, or fear in other areas in his life, such as at work, and those emotions are then translated into emotions such as anger or moodiness.

Too often women respond to the expressions of anger and moodiness by internalizing them, thinking it is about the relationship, when in fact it may be completely unrelated. I have personally experienced this, and have seen it in other couples. I have even seen this misunderstanding between male and female emotions lead to unnecessary divorce.

Instead, a woman can and should step back, not take such expressions personally, but consider if in fact they may be signs her man is struggling with anxiety, depression, fear, or hurt in some area of his life.  In this case, instead of engaging in conflict with him, taking a patient and empathetic approach combined with and some probing and problem solving may be a far more productive/constructive.

In other words, be a helpmate. Be on his team, rather than adding to his stress. You may be able to help. Or what may be needed is time for him to work it out with your support.

Maybe he needs to consider changing jobs? Maybe he is under too much financial pressure? Maybe he is under too much physical or psychological pressure? Maybe he needs to identify the cause and make some positive life changes that will lead to a resolution of the cause of his struggles?

I hate to admit this but it is true, when I was young and newly married, I almost entirely only considered my own experience, as many women do. What a mistake. I wish I had known this information earlier in life, so I could have been a help to my then husband in his struggle with his feelings about being in a dead-end, no-win, taken for granted job despite his being an excellent worker as well as understood better how his ex girlfriend cutting off contact between him and the child they had as teens were the cause of his drinking and detachment. Instead, like many women do, I was clueless he was even feeling those emotions and just assumed his moody, grumpy, sullen attitude was because he was unhappy with me.

Unfortunately this profound misunderstanding was a big cause of our marriage falling apart, because rather than realize he had for over 10 years been struggling internally with some very powerful emotions, I just assumed when no matter what I did things did not improve, that he just didn’t care to work on “our” problems.

Shortly after our divorce the company he worked for sold to another and he is now one of the most valuable members on their team. So much so the owner has taken him under his wing and is grooming him to be his successor. He’s finally being recognized as the true, loyal, hardworking employee he has always been. He’s also quit drinking, and has been clean and sober for many years. He reunited with his now grown son, and they have a relationship that brings them both great joy. He’s also remarried now, and he seems to be happily so.

I often ask myself “what if?” What if I had understood? What if I had reacted differently? What if I had waited just a little bit longer? But the truth is, I will never know. I can’t go back in time and undo what has been done. All I can do is acknowledge it, learn from it, and do different going forward. And I also hope my sharing this can perhaps help other women (and men) avoid the same outcome.

In short, men do have very deep emotions. When they are grouchy, sullen, angry, or withdrawn it’s often because he’s struggling with those emotions internally. Rather than add to his struggle, do your best to lighten it and to be a point of joy and refuge in his life. Men need their woman to be that.

Perhaps the men here would like to share… is this so, or if not, please share how so in the comments.

The more I learn, the more I see that men and women do not have to be enemies. In fact, I believe that together, as true partners, life is easier for both. It’s too bad society promotes a battle-of-the-sexes approach to remlationships, rather than a collaborative one. Luckily couples in the know can choose to be a team, rather than to be on opposite teams.

 

—————————–

(Please note: I am NOT recommending women silently endure abusive behavior from her man in hopes that things will improve. The above is referring to normal levels of anger, sullen, grouchy male behavior, not ongoing physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Likewise, men should not endure abusive behavior from women “because of emotions” either.)

 

Red Pill Women?

29 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 75 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, blue pill, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, divorce, feminism, gender, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance

Now it’s been said that women have no place in the manosphere, nor can they comprehend or be red pill. I can see the point, and mostly agree. Manosphere sites are for men, and women should respect those male only spaces, just as we would expect men to respect women only spaces.

However I have myself learned tremendously from my exposure to the manosphere and the red pill, and so I am not so sure I would say women being exposed to these ideas is without merit. In fact, I know that for me personally it has entirely changed how I live my life and approach the world — for the better!

I was just as clueless, perhaps more, as anyone when I stumbled across the red pill. I was drinking the mainstream media kool aide and believed pretty much all of it. It had never even occurred to me that perhaps those facts might be skewed to support an unspoken agenda that was in turn destroying the relationships between men and woman, and destroying families.

I was horrified. But I could also see it was true. I wish more people understood how our “modern way” of thinking is leading us as a society right toward a cliff.

But there are no sites, or few, where women can be exposed to these ideas that could help improve gender relations and help get things back on track. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I started this very site — to provide that place where women (and men) can learn about a different path. A path back toward men being men and women being women.

And in turn, then those women (and men) can raise the next generation without all this social experiment nonsense that was foisted upon my generation — the idea that gender is a social construct and that being the same is the answer. Men and women are not the same. They are uniquely suited to play a role, with strengths and weaknesses, and they are in my humble opinion two parts of a whole.

My advice to the women who come here and to the manosphere in general would be to listen, truly listen, to what these men are saying. Put yourself in their shoes. See the damage that has been done. Understand the anger, frustration, and pain. And then be and do different than the average women. Rather than argue with them, or defend yourself and claim, “I am not like that” realize that on some level, yes you are. But you have a choice. Become aware of where women fall, and guard yourself. Use it to become a better woman. Then, teach other women to be better women, too.

Sickness or Health?

19 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

abundance, attraction, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, divorce, gender, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance

I have this friend, who is also a therapist, who often says very profound stuff.

One day, he said this:

“When you are sick, you are drawn to the pain. When you are healthy, you are drawn to the love.”

Ommmmm.

Ponder. Share. Discuss.

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