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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: hypergamy

Hypergamy, to Music

01 Tuesday Jan 2019

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

gold digger, hypergamy, marrying up, red pill, social climber, social climbing

Happy New Year, everyone!!!

And now to celebrate, a new post!

Tonight a song came on the radio I had forgotten about, but as it played I realized it was hypergamy right out there, long before the Internet or the manosphere or the Red Pill.

For best effect, play the video while you read along with the lyrics: (Note the plausible deniability worked into the video storyline… as well as the, “SIW you-go-girl!!! Just like a guy, they do it, too — equality!” last verse — can’t be too obvious, right?!?)

Material Girl

by Madonna

[Verse 1]
Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they’re okay
If they don’t give me proper credit, I just walk away
They can beg and they can plead
But they can’t see the light, that’s right
‘Cause the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mister Right

[Chorus]
‘Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

[Verse 2]
Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That’s all right with me
If they can’t raise my interest, then I have to let them be
Some boys try, and some boys lie
But I don’t let them play, no way
Only boys that save their pennies make my rainy day

[Chorus]
‘Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
Living in a material world
And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
[Interlude]
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world

[Verse 3]
Boys may come, and boys may go
And that’s all right, you see
Experience has made me rich, and now they’re after me

[Chorus]
‘Cause everybody’s living in a material world
And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
Living in a material world
And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

[Outro]
A material, a material, a material, a material world
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world (uh uh)
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world
Living in a material world (-terial)
Living in a material world

 
Thoughts? Please share in the comments!

The Girl and Boy Games Start Early

05 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in parenting, Relationships

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, dating, first crush, girl games, hypergamy, jealousy, life, love, marriage, relationships, true love

If you have every been around preschool or grade school aged kids, you may have noticed the girl and boy games start early. My youngest, now in grade school, recently encountered one of the trickiest girl games, and I have to say she handled it like a champ.

There is a boy in her class who right from day one declared he thought she was the bee’s knees. And beautiful. And that he loved her. And wanted to marry her. The kid is “a natural,” clean cut and good looking. He’s got game already!

Every day after that he waited for her to arrive. I walked her to class the first few weeks, so I go to witness his face light up at the sight of her, watch him rush over, say, “Hi” and then the compliments would begin.

Then he started to “kiss” her. He was savvy enough to know that rather than actually try to kiss her, he would make a little “beak” like with his fingers and peck her on the cheek.

“Momma, why does he do and say all that?” she’d ask me after giving her daily report.

Now before the manosphere perhaps I would have overreacted, read something sinister into it, worry that he would hurt my little girl. But thanks to the guys around here, I knew by then that nope, he was just a sweet little boy with a crush. So I told her just that, and said to be nice to him, and take it as a compliment, then say to him, “My mom says I am too young for all this.”

I was also tempted to ask him what his career goals were, or to see how many camels, sheep, and goats his family might have to offer. (Kidding!)

Now that’s not the tricky part, although navigating girl-and-boy games can be tricky indeed. No, the tricky part was that her friends who were girls started to get jealous and to wish this boy was crushing on them instead. They started to chase him at recess, and try to win his affections away.

But he didn’t waver. He had made his decision. I thought that was very touching, and that it showed him to be of good character rather than a gadabout. (I am a momma bear, after all.)

After a few days when I asked her how she handled it, the girl games, she said matter of fact, “I told them it is not my fault he likes me. And that they didn’t need to get him to like them, they just needed to find their own love of their life. And that he was out there. Somewhere.” The girls accepted this, and all remained friends.

Lol. Out of the mouth of babes! She’s spunky, that one!

If these two actually do end up getting married, I will for sure be writing a country song about all this.

The Siren Call of Hypergamy

20 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 101 Comments

Tags

attraction, battle of the sexes, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, dating, divorce, hypergamy, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance

According to Red Pill philosophy, the achilles heel of each gender is women are hypergamous while men are polygamous. Or in other words, women are always on the lookout for a better deal, while men are always on the lookout for additional partners.

Now of course these are generalizations, and not everyone acts upon these base drivers. But that does not mean they are not there, and one is wise to guard against them as acting upon them has a tendency to be destructive more often than not.

Since this blog is directed toward women, we will now ignore the topic of men and polygamy (perhaps we can talk of this another day) and focus instead on women and hypergamy.

In college, I remember clearly my abnormal psychology professor talking about the “theory of availability.” In short, he said that the idea of total commitment was all but dead in American culture — that everybody was available if the offer was right. I was appalled at the thought, even then, many years prior to discovering the Red Pill. But 20 some years of life experience later and seeing that very scenario in real life many times, I’d say like it or not, for a large part it is likely true. Especially if people are unaware or in denial of this.

Ladies, no matter how great of a guy you have, or how ideal of a situation you are in, there is always the risk that hyperemic urges will strike. And my advice is to be aware of and to conciously counter them. Otherwise they can feaster and grow in power, these thoughts of “What if?” or “Why not?”

Case in point: Tonight I was at a charity event representing my biz. It was an interesting and accomplished crowd. Some of the most influential and powerful people in my area were there, in fact. There were four single, accomplished, attractive, and interested men giving me very clear IOI’s at the event. Any one of them would be a “catch” by anyone’s standards. I am sure with any encouragement, I could have followed up on any or all four of those threads. But I didn’t.

Why? Because I am already in and pursuing a relationship with a single, accomplished, attractive, and interesting guy who is committed to me and things are going well, are more than promising in fact. To allow my hyperemic urge to take the lead tonight could (would) have spelled disaster for that. And for what? The “possibility” of something more? No thanks.

So I took it as the flattery it was (it always feels good to be noticed), and of course those guys don’t know I am seeing someone so I can’t blame them, but I didn’t return or encourage the IOI’s, packed up my stuff at the end, and went home alone.

Because I know, thanks to the Red Pill, that hypergamy is simply a house of cards. To indulge in it once one has “chosen” will only result in disaster.

But if you don’t know the enemy you cannot confront it. Ladies, meet hypergamy — destroyer of lives, families, happiness, and futures. My advice? Avoid it at all costs. Dance with the one who brought you. Once you have chosen, be happy with and stand by your choice. No matter how tempting other offers may seem. Trust me on this — the grass isn’t greener. It’s astroturf.

 

 

Money Matters

04 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 108 Comments

Tags

abundance, AFBB, divorce, finances, frivorce, hypergamy, inheritance, joint accounts, marriage, modern marriage, money, red pill, remarriage, second marriage, seperate accounts, solopism

I recently met a friend for lunch who I hadn’t seen much of since she got remarried about 18 months ago. After I caught her up on what was new with me, I asked how married life was going? Her face fell, and she replied, “Let’s talk about you.”

I probed more. They had faced several very significant challenges in the short time they have been married. He changed jobs. She tore her ACL and had to have knee surgery. He had been battling with a mysterious recurring sickness and was laid off from his job because of time off work. Then the worst blow — her mom, who she was extremely close to, died suddenly from a brain aneurism. It had been a bad, bad year plus.

On top of all that, she was about to get an inheritance from her mother’s estate and it was causing issues between her and her spouse. My friend is very thrifty and money conscious, where her husband is more laxidasical and has had trouble with debt before. As she talked I could tell there was a real power struggle going on between them over finances.

We agreed, when we both married young the first time, nobody had any assets they felt they needed to protect. Everyone was broke, and it all got built from the ground up. Back then what was mine was yours and what was yours was mine. Joint accounts, joint property ownership, joint everything.

Unfortunately, that joint everything became “half mine, half yours” after both of our divorces. Her husband had also been through that experience. She has one child, he has none. At 45, life is more complex than it was at 22. So they entered into their second marriage as many couples do, what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours.

Or, it sounds like that’s what she wants it to be. It sounds like he would prefer more of an “ours” model. This feels threatening to her because while he has the better paying job, she was the one who had a house (at the time they married it was underwater in equity, it is now back at market value plus her sizable down payment.) Her plan, before marriage, was to leave everything to her son, including the house.

And now there is a chunk of change coming in too from the sale of her mother’s estate, split between her and her brother. She didn’t say how much, but I would guess it is around a quarter mil. She’s the executor of her mom’s estate and has been dealing with some very yucky family dynamics as relatives came out of the wood works demanding “their share.” She’s understandably paranoid.

As I listened to her talk, I could tell that she had been keeping her husband out of any of the inheritance discussions. She considers this money “hers” and her plan is to sock it away for retirement, pretend it doesn’t exist.

He’s hurt by not being included, and feels the money should be “theirs.” He says that’s his plan when he gets his inheritance.

Then she dropped the bomb, she was considering a divorce before the inheritance is settled as the solution!

Wow. My red pill knowledge kicked into high gear. Frivorce, AFBB, hypergamy, solopism, all of it was right there front and center. She had been struggling financially when they met, barely making the bills. She welcomed him then. Now that she has a better job and this windfall, maybe she doesn’t need him anymore? I could see the hamster wheel spinning!

So I asked a few more questions. Was he physically abusive? No. Was he emotionally abusive? No. Was he cheating? No. Did he have an active addiction? No.

Then I said it. “So you got into this thinking forever or….?”

I don’t think that was what she was expecting me to say.

She paused, then she whispered, “Forever.”

“Ok then.” I said. “So let’s stop talking about divorce, and start talking about how you guys can work through this.”

It was obvious to me the problems wasn’t that she wanted to keep the money, or that he wanted to share it, but that they didn’t agree on it one way or another. I took a devil’s advocate role, voicing some of what I imagined her husband must be feeling (and I am sure it isn’t good!) I gently pointed out that maybe she was still thinking like a single person. Maybe she should at least include him in on the discussions about the money. Sit down, each with a piece of paper, and say in each of their ideal world’s what they would propose they do with it.

Ak. Communicate? She was obviously uncomfortable at the thought of that discussion. Then it came out, she wasn’t communicating much of any of this with him, she was having most of this discussion in her own head. And *bingo* that was a problem she had had in relationships before.

We talked about her mom, and what her mom might want her to do. I pointed out that the inheritance was a generous gift, meant to be a blessing, not a burden. And that I could understand why she wanted to tuck the money away, her mom was trying to make her life easier and more stable by leaving her that money.

We talked about some advice I had seen years earlier by the female financial guru Suze Orman. It was a question much like this, what to do with an inheritance? Orman’s recommendation was to take a set amount and spend it on something that would bring joy, as a way to celebrate the gift this person had given. Then put the rest away. Orman pointed out, otherwise in most cases, an inheritance is gone within a year with little to show for it in the end. My friend liked the sound of that.

As we talked further, my friend revealed she and her husband had not gone away together, alone, since they married. Her teenage son, who has a schedule packed with sports events that take up most weekends, lives with them. And they had also taken in her husband’s best friend’s teenage daughter, while he worked two week on, one week off shifts in Alaska. (The girl’s mom is a drug addict and not in the picture.)

Ah ha, it suddenly came to me! How about a vacation, alone, just the two of them, as the way to spend the part of the inheritance to bring joy? And not one big vacation, but 6 smaller weekend getaways spaced out over the coming year. And then maybe 6 additional weekend trips as a family?

(I wish I could say this was my idea. But it’s not. This is something my fiance told me was a requirement soon after we started dating, he would insist on us getting away once a month, alternating between family trips and couple’s time. I own a business that operates weekends, so I had not been away anywhere in a long, long time. At first it was hard to leave, but in the end he was so right! We’ve already gone on many fun adventures with the kids and by ourselves and that time away is always such a time of bonding. Now, I can’t wait for that one weekend a month!)

She liked it. The rest of our lunch went well and I could tell she was feeling a lot more hopeful about things than when she walked in. I hope she stops obsessing over the thought of divorce as a solution, and starts working with her husband to come up with something that feels right to them both. She’s a good person, who has been through a huge loss. I get how she could go there. But I hope she doesn’t.

After we parted ways with plans to get together in a few weeks, I met up with my fiance and shared what all had gone on. It was a great opportunity for him and I to discuss some financial details we hadn’t really gone deeply into. We’re still having that discussion, how do two people who have taken the divorce hit and have assets we fear to lose again, build a life together? And what about our children, and what we want to do for them? (He has 3, I have 2.) Will it be yours, mine, and ours? Yours and mine? Ours? We haven’t fully decided but we are discussing the pros and cons of each approach.

They say money is a leading cause of divorce, and I believe it. Money and the way we view it and allocate it are deeply rooted things. Yes. Money matters. But should it be a reason to divorce?

“For richer and for poorer, till death do we part.”

Let those who have ears hear.

The Only One

24 Saturday May 2014

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

fidelity, hypergamy, marriage, red pill, relationships

Be his only one, for all your life! That’s the good stuff…

“All Your Life”

Would you walk to the edge of the ocean
Just to fill my jar with sand?
Just in case I get the notion
To let it run through my hand
Let it run through my hand Well, I don’t want the whole world
The sun, the moon, and all their light
I just want to be the only girl
You love all your life
You love all your life Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies
Yeah, and put them in a lamp to light my world?
All dressed up in a tux and bow tie
Hand delivered to a lonely girl
To a lonely lonely girl

Well, I don’t want the whole world
The sun, the moon, and all their light
I just want to be the only girl
You love all your life
You love all your life

Lately I’ve been writing desperate love songs
I mostly sing them to the wall.
You could be the center piece of my obsession
If you would notice me at all, yeah

Well, I don’t want the whole world, no
The sun, the moon, and all their light
I just want to be the only girl
You love all your life
You love all your life

You love all your life
Life
Yeah

Let those who have ears hear

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