Tag Archives: infidelity

10 Surprising Things Guys Like in a Women

24 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Relationships

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In the past year or so that I have been lurking about the manosphere reading what men have to say about love, marriage, relationships, and women, I have learned some surprising things, like they wish women would:

1. Be pleasant: That sounds easy, right? But far too many men say it’s is really hard to find. Today, men say it’s far easier to find what they don’t like in a woman: sassy, gossipy, self-absorbed, nagging, bragging, adversarial, independent, argumentative, drama-driven, immodest, and immoral.

2. Ask About What He Likes: Many men say they feel like far too many women seem to think a relationship means everything and anything SHE wants. Guess what? He had feelings, wants, needs, and dreams, too! Ask about them. Then remember and do your best to implement them into your time together. From as small as what’s his favorite cookie? Meal? Drink? Ice cream? To planning a trip to a place he’s always wanted to go, these actions will lead to huge bonus points for you!

3. Be Loyal: Men like it when women have their back in public (even if you politely disagree later in private). Guys also say it’s very appealing to know you won’t run him down to others. And you would think it would go without saying, but lots of men say far too many gals leave them wondering if they could be faithful, or would cheat if they got the chance. Men are very loyal minded. Trust is big.

4. Look Pretty: Men are very visual. And they like when women look pretty. Yep. I am not making this up! Skirts, dresses, flattering jewelry, attractive hair and makeup, and other “girly” touches make a guy visually happy. Not that he doesn’t like “the natural you” but he likes “the feminine flair you,” too. And he notices. Not that it has to be over the top. Think Marianne, not Ginger.

5. Be Supportive: Men say they can’t resist those gals that act like a first mate, not ones who war for the captain’s chair. A relationship is you two against the world, not you two against each other. Yet, men say they aren’t looking for doormats, either. Being supportive of his career, goals, dreams, hobbies, and struggles will pay off for you both. Oh and have your own dreams and goals, too. Men like to hear about and help you achieve those, too.

6. Have Your Finances in Order: Guys say too many women they have met seem to spend every penny they have, and then some. Debt isn’t attractive. And men especially don’t like women who seem to have a get out of debt plan of, “Find Price Charming who will deal with it.” Um yeah, nope. A woman who has financial self-control shows good partner potential.

7. Show Don’t Tell: Women tend to verbalize what they are thinking and feeling much more than men do. A man would rather his gal show him how she feels about him by being affectionate, attentive, and kind than by talking about it for hours on end (while not noticing he’s awkwardly wondering how to escape!)

8. Keep It Simple: Women’s minds are always on the go. We enjoy talking out loud with our gal pals, dissecting our every emotion and experience, pondering all the possible options and outcomes, and breaking it all down. Guys? Not so much. Guys are more bottom line. When you REALLY want to make a point, keep it to 5 words or less.

9. Maintain Respect: It’s been said that if they had to choose between respect and love, they would choose respect. Women usually answer the opposite – love. Obviously both are important. But you will get a lot of “street cred” with a guy by showing him respect, and especially keeping your emotional cool during heated moments. Focus on resolving the issue, not attacking his character.

10. Love Him True: Even some of the most gruff guys in the manosphere show a soft side when they talk about love. Men love with a devotion that few women can fathom, it is so different from our own feeling-based love. They say once a man loves a woman, he makes that choice and then will love her forever after unless she actively takes steps to destroy that bond. (And yes, his heart can hurt badly too, so be gentle with it.)

They don’t really sound all that hard to do, nor are they really anything new, buy guys say these traits are extremely hard to find in a woman, yet highly attractive. Why not adopt these irresistible habits?

Let those who have ears hear. And please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments. Have I left anything out?

On Sex in Marriage

18 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Sex and Such

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Ladies, something I hear some married (or more often formerly married) men in the manosphere say is that after they got married, the loving that once was a flood trickled or came to a stop.

Some blame marriage itself. They say that once a woman has her man, she no longer wants him.

While I am sure it may be in some cases, I am not convinced that’s exactly what’s going on much of the time.

Maybe your are too tired trying to do and be it all? Maybe you put everything else first? Maybe your libido is lagging? Maybe you are mad at your husband and so you are holding the sex card to your chest? Or maybe other reasons, there are many possible I am sure.

Whatever it is, I would urge you to get it figured out and get your sex life back on track, for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. (Unmarried ladies file this in the “future to-do” category and get things off on the right foot.)

It’s easy to slip into the mistake of taking your relationship as a for granted. It will be there, right?

Bad, bad attitude, sister. Your marriage and connection to your spouse is the pivot the whole rest of your life revolves around, or it should be. Not some afterthought tacked on when you have an extra minute.

Do you know how often your spouse prefers to have sex? And how? And are you guys doing that? And do you talk about these things, not in bed but when you are both well fed and feeling good and maybe in a playful way rather than treating it like some tense Geneva Convention negotiation?

If not, consider trying it. Or if not asking and talking about, maybe your spouse isn’t a talker, experimenting to figure it out yourself.

Or you can just attack him. Today. Yes, today!

Maybe he’s the one who is holding out. Do you know why? Have you asked? Do you care?

Same advice, put figuring this out on your priority list. Top, preferably.

Why? Because celibacy is something many might strive for before marriage, but should not within it.

Think for a minute how unfair it is. Unless you have an unconventional arrangement of some sort, and if so you are likely talking about sex often anyway, you have asked your husband to be faithful only onto you till death do you part, and you pledged the same to him. It’s not like it’s “ok” for either of you to go out and get some on the side then, now is it?

To be married but celibate is in fact far worse than being single because at least then there is hope the dry spell will end. That there is happiness waiting at the other end of the rainbow.

And here’s a little secret many women don’t know, it’s actually regular and satisfying physical bonding (i.e. sex) that opens up a man emotionally. To him, that is love. And women are said to be looking for emotional bonding as much or more than physical bonding. To her, that is love.

Think of it like a snowball effect: you start rolling the sex ball with no demands of emotional engagement. Just start it down the hill. Soon, it gathers speed and your closed off mate starts opening up and doing things that translate to “love” for you. Spontaneously. Soon it picks up all around. The snowball effect grows and grows. Soon you wouldn’t think of being without that engagement and connection. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

But it doesn’t just happen. Someone has to start the ball down the hill. And since, like it or not, the only person we can control is ourselves, if you want a happy marriage and this is on your heart, well get to rolling, sister.

It might be rocky at first. There may be false starts. That’s ok. Stick it out. Don’t expect anything. Just give.

“Hey, wait?” You may think. You may start to ponder how you should be getting more in return.

Screech. Stop. Hello. It’s not a transaction. It’s something you should give, and give freely. Not something to be traded or bartered or doled out in spoonfuls. It’s not something to be used to get him to do what YOU want.

“But I am not in the mood redpillgirl,” I can hear some say.

Tip: it’s all in your head. Get yourself some female erotica and get to reading. One friend reports her married sex life was never better than when reading the recent runaway success “50 Shades of Grey.” She was attacking her husband daily (sometimes more!), he was loving it, and she never even told him what prompted her sudden off the charts drive. They are still rocking it to this day.

And another perk, sex is good for both of your health. Yep. Reduced stress, reduced depression, lower anxiety, better sleep, reduced risk of cancer, lots and lots of upside await.

Any notions you have that sex is bad, or wrong, or shameful need to be left at the curb. That’s just what people told you to keep you from running around like a jackrabbit before marriage. They forget to add in the caveat, “But once you marry by all means, get busy!”

Even the bible says so! I am not kidding. Consider:

1 Corinthians 7

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

(Note: This passage is not included to alienate anyone bc of faith, if you practice another faith and know of a similar passage on marriage and sex, by all means please share it in the comments!)

See, even the apostle Paul thinks if you can’t swear to a life of celibacy you should marry and you should be getting busy with your husband for the sake of both your everlasting souls!

Then consider that he has a much higher sex drive than you likely do, and if you aren’t having sex with him you are either asking him to be some kind of unofficial monk with super human powers or you are basically leaving him wide open to be tempted by porn, infidelity, prostitution, addiction, and other problems you don’t want in your marriage. Hoping it won’t happen to you? Not good strategy.

Sometimes it helps me to listen to music to get my mind wrapped around something. In this case I would suggest:

Enjoy! And then just do it! Today!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Trouble With Demi-Gods

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by in Relationships

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Anyone familiar with Greek and Roman mythology knows demi-gods are usually trouble. Half mortal, half divine, they can bend and break the rules of the world. And they do. But not fully immortal, they tend to run afoul of the social order and often suffer the wrath of the truly divine eventually.

I know just such a someone, let’s just call him Hercules. He is a strapping 6′ 3″, totally ripped, basically so attractive, you’d think he was carved from marble.

Oh and he knows it, and it shows in his nonchalance and devil may care attitude toward almost anyone and anything but himself. Hercules pretty much gets whatever he wants in life just by showing up and turning on the charm. And oh yes, he is charming. He isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he does have some pockets of esoteric knowledge he’ll whip out to impress the crowds and sometimes even shows signs of being deeper than he appears. And other times, also much more shallow.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know this sounds all judgmental. I like Hercules in a love thy neighbor type of way, like I love all people. But not in a LOVE thy neighbor kind of way, if you know what I mean.

In fact, Hercules and his ex-wife used to be my neighbors.  They moved in when she was expecting their second child, both girls. His ex-wife is a demi-god in her own right, one of those gals who is just a whirlwind of a train wreck that you somehow can’t help loving and hoping the best for. She’s very attractive, but not terribly bright. The two of them have known each other since high school, but didn’t get together until she was married to Hercules’ best friend and while I don’t know the exact details, let’s just say it likely wasn’t on the up and up.

They fought like cats and dogs. Fire and ice. It was always some drama and in a weird way it seemed to draw them together like moths to a flame, only to get singed, circle, and return for more.

Shortly after I was divorced, Hercules came by one day to drop off his kids for a play date. Still married and living two doors down at the time himself, it didn’t even cross my mind that he might make a pass at me until he did, right there in my very own kitchen, with the kids in the next room. And by made a pass, it was a full on, no mistaking it, “How about it? Let’s go upstairs.”

After a split second of shock, my hind brain kicked in with fight or flight. I didn’t even have to think about this. My reply was, “Listen here, you are my neighbor’s husband, this is not happening, and it’s never happening. Got it?” He laughed and persisted, until I cut him off on no uncertain terms by asking him, “Don’t you think my life is complicated enough?” I guess he could not think of a comeback to that, and he quit. Because my life is complicated enough, and he knows it.

Fast forward a few years and I have repeated those words to him on a half dozen occasions. Anytime he gets a chance alone, he starts in. I am not sure what it is about. I suspect it’s more about the novelty of a female rejecting his glorious splendor than it is about him actually caring about me in particular. I could be wrong about that, but I doubt it. I almost wonder if he likes me rejecting him sometimes, like it reassures him somehow. Maybe so.

But the trouble is he does it with such ease, it’s clear this little song and dance works for him much of the time. But not with me. As a single mom with two kids and a small business, my life is complicated enough. I don’t need to court trouble. I don’t need a man I can’t count on, no matter how enticing the wrapping.

Hercules and his missus broke up eventually, no surprise. By that time they had run around behind each others backs, then tried to have an open marriage arrangement, only to have that open the lid on a Pandora’s box of jealousy and skirting and skanking around openly and not, followed by the arrival of his son born to another women they had an open relationship with, and the aftermath of that, then affairs on both sides, as they set up their respective launch pads, and it was done.

She moved into an apartment her boyfriend paid for, he moved in with a girlfriend. His girlfriend’s a nice gal, 36, never been married, no kids, great job. She keeps him in the lap of luxury. They are trying to have a baby. But that didn’t stop him the next time I saw him from trying to corner me, asking me how about it, now that he’s not married? When I asked, “What about your girlfriend?” He answered without a pause, “I got involved in that too fast. I should have taken some time off.” My response, “How is any of that my problem? Oh yeah, it’s not. Thank God.” He laughed it off, shot me a “you know you want me” look, and off into the world again he went.

A few months ago, I had a gal who is a known heroin addict show up at my door. After she left, there I was alone, at night, just me and my kids. I realized how vulnerable I really am, and despite my usual courage of a lion, it rattled me. I could not sleep all night. I posted it on Facebook, as this girl lives in the area and I was hoping someone knew her name. My bachelor brother called immediately, ready to quit his job and jump on a plane that minute. Not 15 minutes after that, there’s Hercules in my driveway telling me to get in, we’re going to get me a gun.

We went gun shopping and to his credit he showed genuine concern. He told me that if things ever fall apart (he for some reason believes the government will collapse soon) he said the first place he’s coming is to my place, with guns, and his kids. I told him Spartans are welcome in cases of national emergency (and trust me, unless someone else got here with guns first, in that scenario he likely would be welcomed with open arms.)

Once again, he made a move, asking me point blank why I wouldn’t ever give him a chance? And my handy go to, “Because my life is complicated enough,” was the reply. He said if I ever changed my mind and got horny, just give him a call. I kissed him on the cheek, thanked him for schooling me on guns, and said maybe I would go with him to the gun show the next weekend. But I didn’t call to set it up. Because he’s still living with his girlfriend, and I just recently found out he’s also still hooking up with his ex here and there. I’m not an idiot.

Yesterday I was having a really hard, lonely day. I could have used some help from someone like Hercules. Later that day, I was driving through town, and I saw his truck at the local bar. Without a pause, I kept on driving, because after all, my life is complicated enough. I don’t need to go messing with demi-gods. Everybody knows, they are trouble.

Ladies take note: A woman lets a man in. She can’t go complaining later or blaming anyone but herself if it turns out exactly as as badly as it was obvious it would. And if you are still tempted, knowing better anyway, stop and ask yourself this: Isn’t your life complicated enough?

Yes, yes it is. Don’t add to it.

Let those who have ears hear.