Tag Archives: life

There Are Few Do-Overs

19 Tuesday Sep 2017

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When I was younger, I had the impression that life was a series of endless do-overs. When and if I made a mistake, I could simply recalibrate and no harm done.

With age I have found the idea of unlimited do-overs is an illusion, perhaps fostered even more today with grades, tests, and other once hard lines always open for “a retake.”

I would caution young women to avoid the do-over mentality, and to instead view life as a series of largely one-way choices. Choose well, and you will have a good and happy life. Choose poorly, and you will more than likely struggle and not have a good life.

Decisions such as when and with who to be sexually active, for example, are huge. Girls losing their virginity young, before they truly understand that sex is meant to be a sacred experience you ideally have with your one true love and should save for that person, are making a decision they can’t ever do-over. And they are opening themselves up to being used, pumped and dumped, hurt, and discarded.

Don’t. You are worth more than that. If you have already taken this path, stop. You can’t go back but you don’t have to keep going forward. Be good to yourself. Wait for someone who will love you, care for you, and not leave.

Likewise the choice of when and who to marry is not to be approached with a do-over mentality. If you are entering marriage with the thought, “well, if it doesn’t work out we can divorce,” you are making a huge, huge mistake. Don’t. Wait. Wait for the one you will stand by and who will stand by you without question thru thick and thin. Through anything. Through everything.

Obviously, children are not a do-over either. When you have them know every day and every decision and every moment is building them into the adult they will become. Make sure that’s a happy, healthy, functional one. While it can feel at the time you will have them forever, you won’t. Make the most of that time even if you must sacrifice your needs and wants at times to do so. Even if you didn’t have a happy childhood, your children can. Giving them that will in turn heal you, too.

Experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and other unhealthy addictive behaviors is also not a do-over. Being controlled by something rather than being in control sucks. It destroys your life and the lives around you. Don’t. Just don’t even go there. If you are there, stop. Seek whatever help you need to do so.

Likewise, financial choices are often not do-overs. Live below your means. Save for a rainy day. Avoid the huge trap of debt. Give yourself the gift of financial stability by starting to save just 10% of every check you get, and then doing so for life. Small daily choices can make a huge difference in financial stability vs. disaster.

See, these types of decisions are not really do-overs. They are once and done. Love yourself and those around you enough to make good healthy choices. You will be rewarded with a good life filled with no regrets.

Let those with ears hear.

 

 

 

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Start Where You Are

08 Saturday Jul 2017

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If there is something you would like to change about your life, here’s a tip: start where you are, and start right now.

I know many people who want their life to be different, yet they are waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting for enough money, waiting until they have x, y, or z.

Maybe they want to lose weight or live healthier, maybe they want a different job or career, maybe they want to find a relationship, or fix a relationship, etc.

They want it, but they’re waiting…

My advice? Start right now, today, in whatever way they can, no matter how small. Every journey begins with the first step. And doing 10% to get there will still get you there faster than waiting to do anything.

It’s your life. You are the artist. Nobody can craft the masterpiece but you!

You might make mistakes. You might not know exactly how to do it. You may have other limitations. It’s OK. But still no reason to delay. Start where you are — it’s the only way to get there!

Whats something you’d like to be different? Please share in the comments!

I am an IUD Oops Baby!

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by in parenting, Red Pill

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True story: I am an IUD oops baby, luckily born just shortly before abortion was legalized. Yep, I am a one percent-er!

My mom had the IUD installed after the birth of my brother, who was 9-months-old when I was conceived. Had abortion been available, I am pretty sure she would have chosen to have one because she has said many times she wanted at least a two-year spacing between kids.

Luckily for me, she could not make that choice, so she went ahead and here I am! (Then to be sure it didn’t happen again, she got her tubes tied when I was born. Lol!)

I am sure it was a hardship to be unexpectedly pregnant again while chasing after a very active 9-month-old who was just walking. And as my mom puts it, he never really walked, he ran!

Tragically, two years after I was born, my father died in a car accident and my mom was a 27-year-old widow with two kids under the age of 5. I can’t even imagine how trying those times must have been for her. It wasn’t easy for any of us.

My mom has said many times were it not for myself and my brother forcing her to carry on simply because we needed the daily care, she isn’t sure she would have made it through those years. And she was glad that she had my bother and me, small parts of my dad living on. She could see him in us, in behaviors or physical traits, and it comforted her.

My mom says now she couldn’t imagine her life without me, or without her two granddaughters. And of course, I can’t imagine life without me or my kids, either! Had my mom had the right to choose, these very words you are reading probably never would have been written, my story never told!

Sometimes things happen. Those things may not be planned or ideal. But life has taught me that it’s best to roll with it, because none of us knows what lies ahead, and life has also shown me that if you just take things one day at a time, it works out, no matter how impossible it may seem at the time.

I am glad I beat the 99 percent odds against my ever having been, and I am happy to still be alive today to tell the tale!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

Home Sweet Home

22 Thursday Dec 2016

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I have a very simple rule in my home: all who enter must respect that it is a sanctuary. A place of peace, health, safety, love, and tranquility. A respite from the public sphere.

Now imagine if I invited in some house guests because they had fallen on tough times. And they started started trashing it, committing crimes, being violent, terrorizing my neighbors, forbidding my traditions, insisting on making the rules in my home, insisting that I (and my neighbors) needed to live by those rules, etc.

Wouldn’t it just make sense to make the guests leave, and never let them come back? If I would not do it myself, how long would it be before my neighbors banded together and did it anyway?

I think it would be better for me to face my mistake and act, than to ignore the obvious and make it someone else’s problem.

Just saying. There may be an allegory here.

What do you think?

The Power of Gratitude

21 Wednesday Dec 2016

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Something I have noticed in life is that nothing can turn a bad attitude or a feeling of want around like gratitude.

Because you know what? There will always be something going wrong, something we want, something we think we need, or something we wish we had. In fact, if one focuses on what’s MISSING there is really no end to the things to be upset about. No matter how much you have, it will never be enough.

Gratitude is just the opposite. There is always something to be thankful for, and often once I start listing my things off they quickly outnumber the “missing” stuff.

Another bonus, when I focus on what I am thankful for it’s almost impossible to feel unhappy or upset, either.  It switches the glass from half empty to half full, or even runneth over, just like that.

In this season of “gimmie gimmie” gratitude is like a breath of fresh air. I don’t need a Lexus with a red bow on top to make Christmas complete (I actually would not even want that, but the commercials every year make me wonder, does anyone actually do that, and if so do they give the car along with four years of car payments, or how would that work?)

I have always worked to instill gratitude in my kids, as well. And a few years ago during a particularly lean holiday season, I was so proud of them when they happily embraced the few gifts I was able to afford that year, never even noticing or asking for more.

One thing our holidays were rich with that year (and ever since) were experiences — decorating the tree, making gingerbread houses, enjoying candy canes, looking at holiday light displays, telling holiday tales, watching Christmas movies, making crafts to give as gifts, baking cookies, sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows, cuddling up in blankets on the couch, admiring the tree. These things don’t cost much but will be remembered long after the latest “it” toy loses its luster.

In the end material things are just that — things. But relationships, family, friends, health,  community, health, Grace, memories and all those other things no amount of money can buy are the true treasures in life. Cherish them, and may your heart be filled to bursting!

Merry Christmas!

Root Out the Misinformation

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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Something I have written about in several different ways, but that I think bears repeating, is how my red pill awakening resulted in the uncomfortable realization that almost everything I had been taught about “how the world works” really doesn’t.

Even now I find myself having to be conscious of that old programming and not letting it back in.

For example, I was raised to not act or dress too feminine, because that was weakness and asking to be a victim. I was told to put off marriage and family, and instead to worship the Gods of education, career, and independence. I was taught men were not to be trusted, that they were out to get me, that they would oppress me and/or hold me back at every turn. I was taught children were a burden, they would keep me from my own hopes and dreams, and to put them off as long as possible if not indefinitely. I was taught to think, “Me first!”

Things is, I did all that and it didn’t work. If anything it lead to failed relationships, workaholism, disconnection, paranoia, and putting my own internal wisdom aside to follow the “modern” way.

If you have also been raised with some of this way of thinking, ask yourself, “How’s that working out?” And if it isn’t, start relearning what does work. Root out the misinformation, and do different even when at times it feels “wrong” or “weird.” Because it will.

Realize as you make new and different choices, others will try to push you back on the path you are abandoning. Look at their lives and ask yourself, “it is working for them?” before taking advice.

The good news is the ancient wisdom is in there. Trust it. Seek it. Grow. Share.

 

The Girl and Boy Games Start Early

05 Monday Dec 2016

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If you have every been around preschool or grade school aged kids, you may have noticed the girl and boy games start early. My youngest, now in grade school, recently encountered one of the trickiest girl games, and I have to say she handled it like a champ.

There is a boy in her class who right from day one declared he thought she was the bee’s knees. And beautiful. And that he loved her. And wanted to marry her. The kid is “a natural,” clean cut and good looking. He’s got game already!

Every day after that he waited for her to arrive. I walked her to class the first few weeks, so I go to witness his face light up at the sight of her, watch him rush over, say, “Hi” and then the compliments would begin.

Then he started to “kiss” her. He was savvy enough to know that rather than actually try to kiss her, he would make a little “beak” like with his fingers and peck her on the cheek.

“Momma, why does he do and say all that?” she’d ask me after giving her daily report.

Now before the manosphere perhaps I would have overreacted, read something sinister into it, worry that he would hurt my little girl. But thanks to the guys around here, I knew by then that nope, he was just a sweet little boy with a crush. So I told her just that, and said to be nice to him, and take it as a compliment, then say to him, “My mom says I am too young for all this.”

I was also tempted to ask him what his career goals were, or to see how many camels, sheep, and goats his family might have to offer. (Kidding!)

Now that’s not the tricky part, although navigating girl-and-boy games can be tricky indeed. No, the tricky part was that her friends who were girls started to get jealous and to wish this boy was crushing on them instead. They started to chase him at recess, and try to win his affections away.

But he didn’t waver. He had made his decision. I thought that was very touching, and that it showed him to be of good character rather than a gadabout. (I am a momma bear, after all.)

After a few days when I asked her how she handled it, the girl games, she said matter of fact, “I told them it is not my fault he likes me. And that they didn’t need to get him to like them, they just needed to find their own love of their life. And that he was out there. Somewhere.” The girls accepted this, and all remained friends.

Lol. Out of the mouth of babes! She’s spunky, that one!

If these two actually do end up getting married, I will for sure be writing a country song about all this.

Remember Y2K?

17 Thursday Nov 2016

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Maybe or maybe you don’t remember Y2K, but that was the date that all the computers were supposed to freak out and the world was going to come to a crashing end.

It’s complicated but in a nutshell, when computer programmers were setting things up, shortsightedly they only left two spots for the year instead of four. Supposedly this was bad, bad, bad. Because 2000 and on, how would they record that? Ooops!

Lots of money was spent. They must have figured things out because well, it never happened.

Kinda like the other day, huge dire predictions, and now look at us — still here!

I wonder when the next end of the end will be? Anybody want to take a guess?

(Bonus question: Can anyone explain HOW they fixed Y2K ? I am curious…)

Taboo Talk

27 Thursday Oct 2016

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It is interesting to me what a to-do people are making about some of the things Trump has said, while at the same time the book 50 Shades of Grey outsold Harry Potter (!) without any marketing or advertising beyond whispered word of mouth. And it was filled with lots and lots of taboo talk!

Some of the latest dialog being quoted was said about a contestant on his reality show, a former Playboy centerfold and Playmate of the Year.

While people are up in arms, I find it interesting that the woman he said these things about and to was not in the least offended by them. And she thinks highly of the man. She seems to “get it” that of course he felt that way (duh!), and she took his saying so not as an insult but as a compliment and as lighthearted teasing said jokingly. They both seemed to get it was just talk.

When I was younger, I would get very uncomfortable about men saying things about my body or my sexuality unsolicited. I get that such language, if not said jokingly, can be scary. Such things said in a different tone would in fact be crossing a line.

But I think we have gone too far, where even innocuous admiration of the female form has become weaponized. Men like looking at pretty women. It’s that simple. Even married men like looking at pretty women.

Something I learned in the manosphere is that men are looking at women all the time, way more than we realize. One man described how it’s almost automatic for him to size up every female he comes across (“She’s a 2, there’s a 7, that one is a 6, etc.”) It’s just something his mind automatically did, and other men admitted theirs did too, and that it wasn’t pervy or leering. It’s the way the male mind works. Visual. Very visual.

And maybe we should all just get over it.

For example, awhile ago my vacuum cleaner hose got a toy lodged in it. So knowing the guy who owns the local country store is handy, and needing the vacuum fixed asap, I headed over to see if he could help me out. He’s likely nearly 60, married, super nice guy, blue collar, former truck driver.

He was sitting there with my neighbor, an elderly bachelor farmer in his late 70s, and they were shooting the breeze. They were happy to help me with my dilemma and soon got the toy dislodged.

I thanked them and turned to walk back home. I heard the farmer comment about being happy to help, “in exchange for the nice view.” And yes, he meant my backside. The store owner laughed good-heartedly, in a “I was thinking it, but he actually said it out loud” kind of way.

My reaction? I added a little extra shimmy to my walk, and carried on my way, with a smile on my face, knowing they meant it as a compliment, and feeling kinda good that they noticed.

It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t sleazy. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was life.

Now I know this pales in comparison to what Trump said to and about the contestant, but I have had men say similar things as what he said to me, too. And they said it lighthearted and joking, and I knew and they knew it was just talk. And the few times it wasn’t, I made it known I wouldn’t have it. End of.

Much ado about nothing, I say. I’d much rather see fair, balanced investigative journalistic news stories comparing the candidates views on the issues that really matter to the American people, rather than see “reporters”wasting ink on such tabloid fodder.

 

 

 

Pumpkin Carving

26 Wednesday Oct 2016

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Sometimes it is good to take a step back, and to look at things from a distance. Like traditions. Like pumpkin carving.

Now pumpkin carving is kind of a minor tradition, and one mostly for the young folks.

Today our journey started with a field trip to the local pumpkin patch, run by one of my very favorite local agriculture preservation activists. He and his wife are salt of the earth, I kid you not. True blue. And they welcome school buses of kids every fall to help show  them where food comes from. (Not the store.)

Not only do they grow amazing mind-blowing sweet corn and other goodies that I and other locals look forward to all year and then silently cry when we taste their sweet, sweet perfection again. Corn will never look the same, not unless they raised it or you raised it yourself.

Anyway, I digress.

These things kind of make no sense (carving gourds into scary faces to scare away evil spirits on All Hallows Eve????) and yet it is part of the shared collective, some weird bonding glue of mutual understanding. Traditions can both make no sense, and yet oddly make everything tie together.

And my kids loved it. The gooey pumpkin seeds and guts. Drawing the design. Mom, doing her best not to cut herself or anyone else in the process of carving. The pretty good if I do say so myself result.

It was an opportunity to remind my kids that this time of year signifies harvest, and plenty, and the lack to come, and how being prepared pays off.

And a chance to talk about a farmer, and how I admire him and his family, and tradition, and the rest, as we carve that silly pumpkin, gooey guts and seeds and all.

Anyway, time to light the masterpiece.

Memories made. Traditions passed. Future memories to come made.