Tag Archives: life

Simple Beginnings

16 Thursday Aug 2018

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I saw a quote on a reader board the other day that read, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

I thought it was such a simple truth — indeed that providing a loving, healthy, safe home for your family truly can make the world a better place. Not just within the home, but in schools, workplaces, and the community as your family returns that love, health, and safety out into the world.

Likewise, family dysfunction can haunt those involved for generations. And again, not just in the home but in schools, workplaces, and the community. Much of society’s biggest woes (crime, violence, etc.) can likely be traced back to an unhappy home as the root.

Fill your home with love today and every day. Doing so is naturally easier for those raised in such a home themselves. Yet it’s a choice available on a daily basis to all. I have known many people who have worked hard to give their families something they themselves wished for but did not have.

What are you “playing forward?”

Please share your thoughts in the comments!

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Problems and Solutions

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Many people are good at pointing out problems, or “what’s wrong” with this or that. And indeed it is step one.

But have you noticed how few people seem to be able to focus on the solutions rather than simply fixate on the problem?

I see this all over the place, not just in relationships. It seems we are a culture very good at identifying problems — calling them out loud and clear. We are not so good at finding solutions it seems… in fact many seem to NOT want to find solutions, but rather just harp and harp on the same old “problems.”

But trust me, solutions are where the good stuff is. The problems are only an opportunity to grow and thrive, reach another level — and you get there by coming up with solutions to whatever the problem is one faces.

Sometimes others will appreciate the solutions, join in, other times they will not. So long as you find a solution for YOURSELF to whatever it is, that’s what matters. Others will have to find solutions for themselves. Or maybe they will just choose to focus on the problems. Some may not want to solve the problems. In any case, don’t get sucked in!

So next time you find yourself with a problem, rather than getting stuck there push on to brainstorming possible solutions.  Soon whatever you face won’t matter as much because you will prove to yourself time and again that whatever the problem, what really matters isn’t that, but coming up with a workable (for you) solution!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

More on Actions and Outcomes

06 Friday Jul 2018

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To keep riffing on the idea that actions create outcomes, let’s look at some examples. What would the outcome be for the following (best guess, just based on the average outcome.)

Case Study 1: Person shows up to work on time (or a bit early!), is rarely absent, works diligently, looks and acts professionally, adds value whenever possible, is minimal drama, and gets ‘er done on a daily and regular basis. Outcome?

Case Study 2: Person is often late, sick the minute a leave day accrues, often gets off task, looks and acts unprofessionally, does the minimum, often involved in or creating drama, doesn’t complete tasks on a regular or daily basis. Outcome?

Case Study 1: On a regular or daily basis person does the following: walks for 15 minutes a day, takes the stairs instead of the elevator whenever possible, parks in the farthest spot in the lot, does resistance training either at home with body weight resistance and bands or at the gym with weights, has an active hobby (boating, hiking, swimming, biking, etc.), and mostly eats a sensible, balanced, high nutrition, low processed and junk food diet. Outcome?

Cast Study 2: Person wishes they could lose weight and get fit, but never or rarely or sporadically at best does any of the above.  Outcome?

Case Study 1: Person wants financial stability so they put away 10 percent of every paycheck, avoid debt or pay extra on any prior debt until it is paid off, pays bills early or on time to avoid fees, shops at garage sales, consignment shops, resale shops, or thrift stores for most household and clothing items, comparison shops and buys new items on sale vs. retail, prioritizes needs vs. wants, has $1500 in a rainy day fund for emergencies and repays the fund when used, puts money regularly into some sort of retirement fund, takes on extra work or generates extra income on the side when possible, lives below their means on a regular or daily basis. Outcome?

Case Study 2: Person wants financial stability but tells themselves they can’t afford to save anything, buys mostly on credit, pays minimum on cards and debts, often pays late including additional fees, always buys household and clothing items brand new at full retail price, has no cash reserves for emergencies so charges such expenses, puts nothing away for retirement, doesn’t look for extra work or ways to generate income on the side when possible, lives paycheck to paycheck or even above their means via credit. Outcome?

As these examples hopefully illustrate, it’s not rocket science. The secret to getting the outcome you desire is taking regular or daily actions that have high odds of leading to the desired outcome. Not doing so greatly decreases it.

I am sure you can think of such case studies of your own (and if so, feel free to add them or other thoughts on actions and outcomes in the comments!)

Actions Create Outcomes

04 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Actions create outcomes — it’s a simple concept but one that often escapes people (myself included) when the way life is and the way we want life to be do not match up.

Consider the common problem of clutter. Actions can either lead to less clutter (steps are taken on a regular and ongoing basis to reduce clutter) or more (a one time effort is made or no steps are taken, the same actions that led to clutter keep occurring, clutter persists or worsens.)

Another example might be a personal goal, such as losing weight. Actions can either lead to weight loss (increase physical activity combined with a balanced, low calorie, high nutrition eating plan on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (any change is shortly abandoned or no increased physical activity, no change in eating habits.)

Perhaps the goal is financial stability. Actions can lead to financial stability (live below ones means, put extra toward debt reduction and savings on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (continue to live above one’s means or paycheck to paycheck.)

This concept also applies to relationships. Actions can lead to better and more satisfying relationships (taking steps on a regular and ongoing basis to nurture the relationship, increase positive experiences, and reduce negative ones) or not (give little or no thought or action toward improving relationships.)

As you may see, this simple but powerful concept can apply to all sorts of situations. And in every case the solution to whatever the problem is to TAKE ACTION. And often to take that action on a REGULAR and ONGOING basis.

Think of them as habits. At first doing things differently can seem forced and uncomfortable. But after about 21 days, experts say new actions become habits. Once this happens, those behaviors become part of the operational plan — working for (or against) you on autopilot.

So if there is something in your life that you wish were different the good news is in almost every case there is something you can do to change that — take action in the direction you would rather things be and then keep doing so until and after you reach the goal. The path from where you are to where you want to be is just that easy — and also just that hard if you want the outcome but aren’t taking the actions required to produce it.

It’s been said that often the biggest obstacle we face is our-self.  In most cases the only thing holding us back from what we want out of life is our own choices, habits, and behavior. The good news is — we can always choose to change! (And if it’s something you can’t change, you can still take action — accept it and focus on what you can change!)

Take action. Better days ahead await! (And now I am going to take action to water, pull weeds, and tend to my veggie garden, spending 15-20 minutes a day doing so, so I can later enjoy my goal to have an abundance of fresh grown flowers and produce this fall instead of it just turning into a weedy tangled mess!)

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Making Our Dreams Come True…

24 Sunday Jun 2018

Posted by in Fempire, Red Pill

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While listening to a vintage top 40’s radio show rerun, a song I had completely forgotten about reminded me of a Single Independent Woman (SIW) sitcom I watched often during my childhood: Laverne and Shirley.

Does this song ring a bell? (I apologize in advance if it gets stuck in your head now! Lol.)

Let’s look at the lyrics:

Making Our Dreams Come True

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated
We’re gonna do it!

Give us any chance – we’ll take it
Read us any rule – we’ll break it
We’re gonna make our dreams come true…
Doin’ it our way

Nothin’s gonna turn us back now
Straight ahead and on the track now
We’re gonna make our dreams come true…
Doin’ it our way

There is nothing we won’t try

Never heard the word impossible
This time there’s no stopping us
We’re gonna do it

On your mark, get set and go now
Got a dream and we just know now 
We’re gonna make our dream come true
And we’ll do it our way – yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
And do it our way – yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you! 

This is how Wikipedia describes the show:

“Laverne & Shirley (originally Laverne DeFazio & Shirley Feeney) is an American television sitcom that ran for eight seasons on ABC from January 27, 1976, to May 10, 1983. A spin-off of Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley followed the lives of Laverne DeFazio (Penny Marshall) and Shirley Feeney (Cindy Williams), two friends and roommates who work as bottle-cappers in the fictitious Shotz Brewery in late 1950s Milwaukee, Wisconsin. From the sixth season onwards, the series’ setting changed to mid-1960s Burbank, California. Michael McKean and David Lander co-starred as their friends and neighbors Lenny and Squiggy, along with Eddie Mekka as Carmine Ragusa, Phil Foster as Laverne’s father Frank DeFazio, and Betty Garrett as the girls’ landlady Edna Babish.

Noted for its use of physical comedy, Laverne & Shirley became the most-watched American television program by its third season [emphasis mine], and was nominated for two Golden Globe Awards and a Primetime Emmy Award in 1979.”

I found myself wondering how much this show affected my impressionable young mind, and the minds of other girls of my generation?

I also wondered what a follow-up would show? What would Laverne and Shirley be up to now? How did their plan work out? What specifically was their “dream” and did it come true?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

The Value of Man

06 Sunday May 2018

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You’ve likely seen the articles that put a salary figure on what moms or wives do and what those things would cost if she were paid for them. But have you ever seen the same for a husband or dad?

I haven’t but I would wager men bring just as much or more “free work” to a couple as the gals do.

For example, there’s yard work and landscaping, carpentry, electrical, mechanical, painting, troubleshooting of broken items, home security, personal bodyguard,  and more. A quick pricing of what any of these tasks would cost on a hired basis shows it’s considerable.

Not to mention everyday tasks such as laundry, cooking, and all the other chores many couples now often share as part of keeping things going day to day.

Sure not all guys do x, y, or z but the overall point is that articles about the value women contribute “for free” tend to imply men don’t do so as well when clearly they do.

Building a life and keeping things going involves sweat equity from all involved. Appreciating each other’s contributions goes a lot further than keeping score.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Reflections on Life

27 Friday Apr 2018

Posted by in Faith, Red Pill

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This morning I took my youngest to the dentist. Because her adult teeth are coming in and her jaw is small, the dentist pulled two baby teeth to make some room so her teeth aren’t too crowded. Plus she got a filling and sealers on all her molars.

I was doing my best, but the idea of her being put under anesthesia was really worrying me. What if something went wrong? What if there were complications? Was it the right choice? (The dentist recommended it, saying it’s less scary for the child and then they could do in one appointment what would have been three otherwise.)

I put on a brave front, reassuring her all would be fine. I could see she was also pensive, but being brave. When we walked into the dental room, she saw all the monitors and equipment and started to cry, refusing to get up in the dental chair. Luckily the kind nurses had been here before and they were able to reassure her and get her to sit in a regular chair, then they put the anesthesia mask on her face while I held her hand and kissed her head. She drifted off and we moved her into the dental chair. At this point they asked me to go out to the waiting area.

After 40 long minutes, and gentle reassurances from several other sympathetic mothers who had been in my shoes before, it was done and she was awake again. No worse for wear. Luckily none of the possible side effects (nausea, shaking, crying, disorientation, etc.) occurred and as far as she was concerned, only a few seconds had passed.

I reflected how much things in dentistry had changed since I was a child. No scary huge needles, no shot, no loud drill, no bad memories. I hope she won’t have the dental phobias I do.

Every time my children go in for a routine and minor medical procedure I think how blessed I am that they are healthy, that we aren’t there for more serious matters. I cannot imagine what parents with children who are seriously or terminally ill must go through.

Like a mom and dad right now, in The United Kingdom, whose 23-month-old son’s life hangs in the balance. Alfie Evans.

Against his parent’s wishes, hospital staff and the courts have decided to take Alfie off life support, and to deny him food and water. A mysterious and undiagnosed disorder has left the child in an unresponsive state for months, with many seizures a day. The doctors have said it is hopeless.

Alfie’s parents have been desperately reaching out for help. The Pope got involved. An Italian hospital is ready and willing to take over Alfie’s care. Italy has granted him citizenship. It is what his parents want.

But the doctors and the courts have said no. The parents cannot even take their child out of the hospital that has effectively sentenced him to death. Armed guards are at the doors to prevent their departure.

For three days and nights after being taken off life support, his mother has held him, and Alfie has remained alive. How much longer without any food or water he will live, is unknown. His parents now just want to take him home, where they can be together in peace. The hospital says no, even to this.

I cannot understand how such a thing could happen. How a medical system and a government could superseded a parent’s wishes, could deny the child’s transfer to another facility who is willing to provide care, at no cost to the system. How could that be denied? And backed up by law? It boggles the mind.

I hope that Alfie somehow defies the odds, his parents succeed in their fight to get him care elsewhere, and that perhaps a miracle answer can be found. And that the madness will end, and the medical people and courts will come to their senses.

Tonight I have my child, happy and healthy and swinging in the late afternoon sun. Seemingly no worse for wear for her trip to the dentist. I count my blessings, and pray for Alfie and his family.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

 

Will She or Won’t She?

19 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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A woman I know shared the following tale about her son and daughter in law the other day.

The couple dated for several years before getting married four years ago. A little over 18 months ago their baby girl was born.

He works for the National Guard. She is a part time nursing student and stay at home mom.

A little over a month ago, the wife revealed she was having an affair with a high school flame she reconnected with on Facebook.  She told her husband she was considering a divorce.

A few days later she changed her mind and now says she wants to work on the marriage. It seems that means, “let’s pretend this never happened,” versus actually seeming to regret her affair or wanting to examine what happened. Rather than it being something big, it simply seems to be boredom.

His parents always worried about his choice, as the girl was prone to drama and conflict. The son made excuses for the behavior because of her, “tough childhood” and “parent’s nasty divorce.” She even worked very hard to win over his family before the wedding, saying how all she had ever wanted was a loving secure marriage like his parents have.

His mom and sister fear the wife is only biding her time, lining things up so she can serve him with divorce papers when the time is right.

Shes’s visiting her parents home an hour away more often these days, who also happen to live in the same area as the man she was seeing.

Of course there’s no way to know will she or won’t she pull the plug on her marriage, or if she’s continuing her affair, but it’s not looking good.

I hope she will come to her senses. I wish I could talk to her myself, warn her about what lies ahead if she persists in this foolishness. It only seems easier to start over, but it won’t be. Not even close.

If I could talk to him I would advise he take control of the situation rather than let her drive it, implement some dread and paint a good picture of what burning it all to the ground would look like if she persists.

Will they be another needless, senseless frivorce casualty? Only time will tell.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

30 Years In

16 Monday Apr 2018

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A couple I know who have been married for 30-some years are a great example of how it pays to stick it out in marriage rather than frivorce.

He works for a large international shipping company and has for most of his career. He gets up at 4 a.m. to go to work and spends his day scheduling and overseeing the routes of some 300 trucks. It’s not a glamorous job but he makes a good living, has a solid pension building, and has provided well for his family.

She was a stay at home mom until her children were grown, focused on their care and education. She helped out in the schools, occasionally working as an aide. After her children were off to college she started substitute teaching, found she had a special affinity for working with visually impaired children, and now she’s got a great job working in this niche. She reversed the more typical career then kids path, and it’s worked out well.

Despite having average income, they have slowly and steadily built a solid base and are financially set with a beautiful home and no worries. They have avoided debt and the stress it can bring. Now they have the ability to travel and enjoy life, thanks to their approach.

They have three grown children who love and adore their parents. All have completed college and are gainfully employed in their career fields. Two are now married, but no children yet. All the kids consider the parents home the central gathering place for special occasions, and they often have all family gatherings on weekends as well. As the clan grows I can see their gatherings becoming a close knit, multi-generational affair.

Two years ago the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was in the early stages fortunately, but in order to reduce the risk that it might come back she decided to have a full double mastectomy. Her loving husband and children have been right there for her through the medical ordeal, and continue to be as she’s had a few setbacks with related complications from the surgery and reconstruction.

Theirs is a good marriage, dedicated, loving, and supportive. The couple puts their union first over themselves in a mature and healthy way and are devoted to their Catholic faith. They are young and vivacious for their age, an attractive pair. They look at each other with respect and love, so touching to see.

As she told me of her medical struggles it occurred to me how fortunate she was to have her husband and children’s support through that tough time. And how that’s a big perk of being 30 years in, of having built that solid platform for herself by building it for her family.

It’s rare to see these days but so comforting when one does. In a society where everything is disposable, something that lasts seems all the more precious.

Choosing and marrying well and sticking it out may not be the most common path today, but it’s the one I would recommend. I hope my daughters take this path and enjoy the lifetime of happiness it creates.

Free Flow

14 Wednesday Mar 2018

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Sorry for the lack of new posts this week. Long story.

In the meantime, please free flow your own ideas, struggles, insights, questions, observations, or whatever is going on this week with you in the comments.

I have often said, the posts are not where the good stuff is, it’s actually in the comments. So go ahead! Please share!