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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: marraige

Choose Your Counsel Carefully

08 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 55 Comments

Tags

break up, break ups, dating, divorce, hookup, hookups, love, marraige, marriage counseling, online dating, red pill, relationship advice, relationship counseling, relationships, separation, Tinder

Ladies, when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s essential to choose your counsel carefully.

Whether you are looking for advice on your marriage, getting divorced, getting married, a romantic interest, or how to navigate the dating scene chances are almost everyone has a take on the “right” thing to do.

However, I have found most of the time that advice is exactly the opposite of good counsel! While it may be well meaning and well intended, if it steers you in the wrong direction the results can be disastrous and long lasting.

My advice would be to seek relationship-type counsel from male family members (who can often see through guy-games much better than any woman!) or trusted women older than yourself who are themselves in happy, healthy, long-term relationships. While they may not always tell you what you want to hear, the fact that they themselves are successfully navigating these waters, even if they have not faced your particular situation, suggests they have the experience to guide you to success.

Likewise, avoid the counsel of friends, family, and co-workers who themselves are not doing well or have not done well on the relationship front. While such women (and men!) can often seem to know what they are talking about, and even speak with authority, chances are their advice won’t work any better for you than it is working for themselves.  Especially so if their love life is a constant hot mess!

You see, advice geared toward single and married women today is often exactly the opposite of what works. And this bad advice is much more commonly available and espoused than good advice.

Often when a gal is struggling in her marriage, for example, she’ll find far more voices of support for her to just leave and move on than she will encouraging her to work things out.

Likewise, single women are often given advice that leaves them sitting by the phone wondering if a guy will call back or brokenhearted than advice that will lead to a stable, solid, successful match.

There’s a saying in the investment world that to win, one should do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. I think that advice can apply here as well. Because let’s face it, there are far more people in failed, failing, or miserable relationship situations than there are ones who are not. Doing and being different is likely the secret to those who find success.

So next time you find yourself wondering what to do about a relationship issue, remember to choose your counsel carefully.  Listen to those who are truly “winning” in love. Often their advice will involve patience, sacrifice of instant gratification for long-term results, grace, forgiveness, self-discipline, and other ways you can improve the situation on YOUR part, rather than a focus on, “what he needs to do.”

Perhaps the hardest part about choosing your counsel carefully is that the ones most worth listening to may say what you least want to hear. In fact, that alone may be a good sign their advice is on the right track. If it’s the opposite of 90 percent of the advice on love and relationships you see, hear, or read today, it’s likely worth pondering. If it’s the same old stuff you hear at every turn, beware!

I wish somebody would have said these things to me in my youth.  And I wish I would have been more discerning who I sought counsel from.  Most of my “advisers” weren’t doing well in relationships then, and no surprise they still aren’t today! Sadly, I can’t turn back time, but I can try to share what I have learned the hard way in hopes it helps others avoid the same path.

Today I am very selective in whose counsel I keep. I’ll take advice from someone who is succeeding over the advice of someone who is not any day! I would suggest you do the same!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Thoughts on the Nobility of Men

27 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

dating, feminism, male privlidge, marraige, masculinity, men, relationships

In our culture today, few talk about the nobility of men. We’re much more likely to hear about how they are abusers, users, creeps, cowards, oppressors, buffoons, women-haters, skirt-chasers, wussies, and so on.

Images in the popular media portray men as simple stereotypes: The clueless and useless man the wife rolls her eyes at and pats on the head. The macho player cad who leaves a trail of broken hearts in his wake. The ruthless misogynistic jerk. The bitter, angry man. And yes, there are these men. But I would argue they are the few, not the many.

The more I study men in various places around the manosphere, the more I see another side: a true and steady nobility. While men don’t go on and on about their feelings and thoughts as openly as women do, when they do share their inner thoughts they often reveal still water that runs deep.

Another thing I see is that many men today are hurting, deeply. They wonder why their marriages aren’t working. They want nothing more than to find a girlfriend. They mourn the loss of children they are denied access to by court order. They are afraid to be accused of sexual harassment for looking the wrong way. They are afraid to approach a woman to talk to her and to be mistaken for a pervert. They can find a girl to sleep with but not one who will give him her heart. Their concerns are marginalized, their voices unheard. They are hobbled to the post by assumptions that they are the cause of all the world’s (and women’s) problems. And if they dare complain or speak up, they are accused of male privilege (or worse).

But the truth is, most men are simply wonderful. They are achingly handsome. They are intelligent. They are strong. They are brave. They are loyal. They are kind. They are helpful. They are virtuous. They are hard working. They are honorable. They are tough. They are heroic. They are sexy. And some might say, they love deeper and truer than women do.

So while it’s been a long time since we’ve needed them to slay actual dragons, they are out there doing it in big and little ways for their maidens each and every day. And I, for one, adore them for it.

And here’s a little secret you may not hear so much anymore in a post-feminist world: Men aren’t our enemy. They want to be our allies. It’s ok to love men, to respect them, to honor them, to swoon over them. They like it. It won’t make you less of a woman. And it doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should.

 

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