Tag Archives: marriage

Dating Dilemmas Decoded

22 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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Ladies, if you find yourself puzzling over dating dilemmas such as what to do when a guy doesn’t call back, what men think about sex on the first date,  a simple way you can stand out from the rest, and more you’ll want to go to this informative dating blog written by a man cluing women into all those things about dating that never made sense, but suddenly will!

Now some of his advice may come across as blunt or even harsh at times, but if you take it like advice from a brother to his sister, his no holds barred, cut to the chase style becomes more a form of tough love to save you from many mistakes, broken hearts, and go nowhere situations.

In fact, I would suggest you go to this page that lists all of his posts, and start reading from the bottom up a few a day until you have read them all. By the time you do, dating will no longer be so much of a mystery and you will be armed with the knowledge you need to succeed in relationships, rather than wondering time and again what went wrong.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Wedding Daze

20 Sunday May 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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All the news and such on the royal wedding has me thinking how easy it can be to get swept up in the event itself rather than what it’s really all about.

It’s not really about the dress, the flowers, the decor, the ceremony, the breaking or not of tradition, who is invited or not, who shows or not, etc.

I have often seen women get so caught up in the planning of the day that they lose sight it’s not the finish line, it’s actually the starting line.

The wedding day itself will last 24 hours at most, and in many cases the ceremony is 15 minutes or less.

What really matters is not the wedding but the attitude and mindset one approaches the entire situation with. It’s not about being a bride. It’s about becoming a wife.

Being a wife is about entering a whole new life phase. Doors closing and others opening. Building a life. Making a commitment. Sticking to it. Two becoming one.

Needless to say the choice of life mate is perhaps the most important one you will make in life. Not only choosing well and wisely, but also being a good and wise choice in return.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the day but in the process be sure you don’t lose sight of the big picture.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Hormonal Swings

18 Friday May 2018

Posted by in Red Pill

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Regular commenter Earl said the other day, in response to a discussion about how women’s hormonal cycles can lead to some pretty poor decisions (cheating, feuding, drama, and more),  some good advice to keep in mind when hormones surge:

“Not everything is about what your menstrual cycle is telling you.”

I had to laugh out loud at that one! Nailed it!

Now granted, it took me YEARS to figure this out. Not that I was cheating, but like clockwork I would find myself stewing and snappy two to three days before “Aunt Flo” arrived, and despite it happening every single month I would be caught off guard and say things I sincerely regretted a few days later when, “Duh.”

But at the time, I swore whatever I was feeling was the honest to God truth. I would even call it my, “moment of clarity!” (Cringe.) When that 24-hour or so moment struck, I swear I would have at times thrown a car across the yard if I could have managed it. I was snarly, grumpy, moody, glum, and prone to argue. Not good. Not good for me, and not good for those around me.

Now one would think it would be obvious pretty quickly, after a year or two, but no. I did not start to put two and two together until I was in my late 30’s. After nearly 20 YEARS of experiencing the same month after month.

Maybe I am just slower than most, but I would guess many women’s hormonal cycles get the better of them a few days a month. Much to their later regret. But the key is — it doesn’t have to!

That’s right, tracking your cycle is easier than ever thanks to apps, smart phones, and gizmos. If you prefer to keep your private life private, there is always the old fashioned calendar method.

Trust me, life gets a whole lot easier when one can identify, “this is probably hormones, don’t make a big deal” versus, “I hate my life and want to blow it up just ’cause!”

Now I have heard women make excuses, that they can’t help it, that they can’t control themselves, that other just have to accept it. No. This is simply not fair and is a very immature way to think. While it’s true you can’t stop or control the cycle, you CAN stop or control yourself. (Yes, you can.) Hormones are not an excuse to wreak havoc on those around you, possibly causing long term damage to your relationships — romantic, work, friends, and family.

If this sounds all too familiar, if you find yourself coming off the rails once a month, try tracking your cycle. Challenge yourself to take a deep breath when you feel off and ask yourself, “Could this be hormones?” Practice some self-control and self-mastery. You’ll be glad you did. And you’ll find it gets much easier with time.

Trust me, doing so makes life much smoother and more tranquil for you and everyone else.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

The Enjoli Girl

17 Thursday May 2018

Posted by in Fempire

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I may be dating myself, but when I was a young girl there was a perfume commercial with a very catchy jingle that pretty much summed up the times.

It went:

“I can bring home the bacon

Fry it up in a pan

And never, ever let him forget he’s a man

Cause I’m a woman

Enjoli!”

Granted by today’s standards this song symbolizing the liberated modern woman  ideal of that time almost sounds sexist. Were it rewritten today it would likely leave out the frying things up in a pan, or never letting him forget he’s a man, but trust me, at the time it was edgy.

Fast forward to today. Studies show women are more dissatisfied with their lives than they were in generations past, marriage rates at at a 93-year low, depression and other mental health issues are at all time highs, and things haven’t quite panned out the way they were supposed to.

So now what? When do we stop demanding more rights and concessions and change, and start realizing that’s not the answer? Realize that maybe the plan was flawed, and trying to have it all and all at once was actually a set up to fail?

I wish I knew how to fix this big old mess. I think talking about it openly would be a great a start. And admitting what was supposed to be the answer has actually led to other problems, more problems, unforeseen problems.

Trouble is, it’s taboo to talk about such things (feminism a fail?!?! What?!?!), but if we don’t talk about it, how can we understand it? If all the changes over the past forty or so years haven’t led to a better, happier life for women (or men or kids), where do we go from here?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Marriage Minded

15 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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Ladies, are you marriage minded? As in, your goal of dating is to find a suitable mate and to marry, or if you are already married to be so for life?

Sometime in the 1970’s the social contract on marriage changed. It went from something that everyone involved expected to be for the long haul to something people expected to do, “until we don’t feel it” or “As long as we’re happy.” People admit to walking down the aisle knowing they can divorce if things don’t “work out.” In essence, marriage has been reduced to little more than going steady, another stop in the serial monogamy journey. This is not being marriage minded!

At the same time young women were urged to put off marriage into her 30’s. The advice is likely based on knowing young women in their late teens to early 30’s have youth and beauty on her side. If she’s married, some argued, she might “miss out” on maximizing on those assets. In reality, pairing up is much like the game of musical chairs. Over time there are fewer options left, until there are no options at all except a few broken chairs. Many women who followed this advice found sure enough, finding a man interested in marriage in the 30’s is not as easy as it would have been younger. Such women often regret not being marriage minded younger.

And finally, if one is going to marry, she should have her head on straight first about what marriage is really about. It’s about building a life, a partnership, raising a family,  leaving a legacy — not something that is based on feelz and being “in love” and “always happy” and “fulfilled” and all the rest. Not that marriage can’t have those things, but they are not the rock to build it on. Understand marriage is a long game, and not every day of it will be fun, fulfilling, and exciting. Lots of it will just be regular, uneventful, maybe even boring. Get that regular, uneventful, and maybe even boring is GOOD because that means things are going ok, there is no crisis, and that’s something to be thankful for!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Why Can’t We All Just Be Honest?

14 Monday May 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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I bumped into my former neighbor Vixen this weekend and she got me caught up on her love life latest. Not much has changed is the short story.

As she described things, how being torn between the nice guy who is there for her and the bad boy who isn’t, I realized she is a living example of the AF/bb model.

So I explained the theory to her, that some say for most of the month women seek comfort, security, and good guy qualities. But during the ovulation window they might go for the bad boy type. And how women seem to want both, steady Eddie and Harley McBaddy.

Her eyes lit up. “Exactly!” She said. “Why can’t that be ok? Why can’t we all just be honest about it?”

It was a question I couldn’t answer, not being a guy myself, but based on what I have observed it never seems to work out that way.

Perhaps in years past women like Vixen still would have sought this dual mating strategy, but rather than try to openly live it out as women do today, they would have kept things far more covert.

And maybe there in lies the rub — in pushing for the ability to openly pursue a dual mating strategy women have in turn dismantled its underpinnings. Not that an AF/bb strategy was ever very stable but it seems it was far more so under wraps than out in the open.

And it makes sense. Why would the guys go along?

Granted, I am not saying every woman runs around three days a month. Then or now. Hardly. But even those who don’t may feel temptation stronger at certain times of the month than others, especially in her reproductive age years, and if so it’s likely this dynamic at play.

Women openly pursuing this strategy today seem to end up baby mommas. And that likely is the natural outcome.

In any case I found Vixen’s question interesting. The answers I think, are a whole lot more complex.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Young Love

24 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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This weekend I met a couple who revealed they were on the way to meet his parents. I congratulated them and wished them well. Then I just had to know, “So, tell me how this all began…”

They blushed and then said they had met online. I asked which site, just curious what seemed to be working these days. They hemmed and hawed, said it was embarrassing, and then admitted it was Tinder!

Oh dear. The story deepened. Turned out they had met just a week ago and were so swept up in each other he’d met her family the day before, and meeting his was next on the list.

It is hard to guess ages but I would say she was mid 20s and he was early 30s. Both were good looking and they seemed well matched. A dashing pair.

I overheard them talking about logistics, including his bringing up the idea of a prenup, which she initially opposed and then supported. Things seemed tense for a moment, but then they got past it.

I worried they are diving in, but then I do know a few couples who met and within a week were thick as thieves and are still happily married to this day. Or it could go just the opposite, hard to say.

Will they make it to the alter? Who knows. Maybe someday I will bump into them again and find out?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Will She or Won’t She?

19 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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A woman I know shared the following tale about her son and daughter in law the other day.

The couple dated for several years before getting married four years ago. A little over 18 months ago their baby girl was born.

He works for the National Guard. She is a part time nursing student and stay at home mom.

A little over a month ago, the wife revealed she was having an affair with a high school flame she reconnected with on Facebook.  She told her husband she was considering a divorce.

A few days later she changed her mind and now says she wants to work on the marriage. It seems that means, “let’s pretend this never happened,” versus actually seeming to regret her affair or wanting to examine what happened. Rather than it being something big, it simply seems to be boredom.

His parents always worried about his choice, as the girl was prone to drama and conflict. The son made excuses for the behavior because of her, “tough childhood” and “parent’s nasty divorce.” She even worked very hard to win over his family before the wedding, saying how all she had ever wanted was a loving secure marriage like his parents have.

His mom and sister fear the wife is only biding her time, lining things up so she can serve him with divorce papers when the time is right.

Shes’s visiting her parents home an hour away more often these days, who also happen to live in the same area as the man she was seeing.

Of course there’s no way to know will she or won’t she pull the plug on her marriage, or if she’s continuing her affair, but it’s not looking good.

I hope she will come to her senses. I wish I could talk to her myself, warn her about what lies ahead if she persists in this foolishness. It only seems easier to start over, but it won’t be. Not even close.

If I could talk to him I would advise he take control of the situation rather than let her drive it, implement some dread and paint a good picture of what burning it all to the ground would look like if she persists.

Will they be another needless, senseless frivorce casualty? Only time will tell.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

30 Years In

16 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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A couple I know who have been married for 30-some years are a great example of how it pays to stick it out in marriage rather than frivorce.

He works for a large international shipping company and has for most of his career. He gets up at 4 a.m. to go to work and spends his day scheduling and overseeing the routes of some 300 trucks. It’s not a glamorous job but he makes a good living, has a solid pension building, and has provided well for his family.

She was a stay at home mom until her children were grown, focused on their care and education. She helped out in the schools, occasionally working as an aide. After her children were off to college she started substitute teaching, found she had a special affinity for working with visually impaired children, and now she’s got a great job working in this niche. She reversed the more typical career then kids path, and it’s worked out well.

Despite having average income, they have slowly and steadily built a solid base and are financially set with a beautiful home and no worries. They have avoided debt and the stress it can bring. Now they have the ability to travel and enjoy life, thanks to their approach.

They have three grown children who love and adore their parents. All have completed college and are gainfully employed in their career fields. Two are now married, but no children yet. All the kids consider the parents home the central gathering place for special occasions, and they often have all family gatherings on weekends as well. As the clan grows I can see their gatherings becoming a close knit, multi-generational affair.

Two years ago the wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was in the early stages fortunately, but in order to reduce the risk that it might come back she decided to have a full double mastectomy. Her loving husband and children have been right there for her through the medical ordeal, and continue to be as she’s had a few setbacks with related complications from the surgery and reconstruction.

Theirs is a good marriage, dedicated, loving, and supportive. The couple puts their union first over themselves in a mature and healthy way and are devoted to their Catholic faith. They are young and vivacious for their age, an attractive pair. They look at each other with respect and love, so touching to see.

As she told me of her medical struggles it occurred to me how fortunate she was to have her husband and children’s support through that tough time. And how that’s a big perk of being 30 years in, of having built that solid platform for herself by building it for her family.

It’s rare to see these days but so comforting when one does. In a society where everything is disposable, something that lasts seems all the more precious.

Choosing and marrying well and sticking it out may not be the most common path today, but it’s the one I would recommend. I hope my daughters take this path and enjoy the lifetime of happiness it creates.

Verify Then Trust

22 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

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Long ago, a noted manosphereain gave me this good advice when evaluating new love or other more platonic interests (like new friends, coworkers, and such): Verify then trust.

In other words, give things some time, slow it down intentionally, let people show you who they are. People may be able to sustain their best behavior for a short time, but if they have ill intent, they will simply bounce to an easier mark than prove up.

People who do have good intent will not even question you verifying it. They have nothing to lose, there is no act. It would not even occur to them.

People who question it or try to make you feel bad about it — no matter how many sad stories of being the innocent wronged they can tell to justify this  (Red flag right there! Never wrong? Always wronged? Time and again? Really???) beware.  Reasonable and good boundaries avoid problems, they don’t create them. If someone has problems with such, take it as a sign.

Verify THEN trust. Not trust THEN verify. Good advice for anyone navigating life. It will never do you wrong, and it can head off all sorts of trouble.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.