I hope a commenter on another red pill blog I follow won’t mind me posting this, but I wanted to share a case study on a successful marriage based on the many things she’s shared about her relationship that I think are ideas that could help a lot of women build happy and successful marriages.
Please note all of this is based on my observations and what I have read in her posts so I could be getting some of this wrong and if so Liz I apologize in advance and I hope you will feel free to either elaborate on this post or let me know if you would like me to make any corrections.
Liz is in her early 40s and has been married to her hubby for a little over 20 years. They have several sons who are pre-teen to early teen aged. She and her husband met in college where they were both studying engineering. They had a short courtship that began when he asked her to start meeting him for study dates. Soon he made his romantic interest known and they dated for a short time before getting engaged and then married within a few months.
Liz says she was not raised to be a wife and mother and was encouraged by her parents, especially her mother, to put her education and career first like many girls of her generation. She also says she was not raised in a traditional or conservative religious home. Despite this, I find it very interesting that Liz seems to have taken a different path than many women of her generation, a road less traveled. Many times I have thought she had a solid inner wisdom from an early age that has helped her do different and build a happy successful marriage and family.
Her husband joined the military after college and spent his career there moving up the ranks as an officer. They moved many times. Liz decided to forgo finishing her engineering degree in favor of getting married and supporting her husband’s career. As they moved around, she took classes and completed her nursing degree. She has both worked full time and been a full time stay at home mom at different points in her marriage based on what she and her husband decided was best for their family goals at the time.
She reports her home is the home all of the kids want to hang out at and often has her sons friends over as weekend guests. Her kids would rather be at home than be at their friend’s home and Liz likes and encourages this so she can keep an eye on her boys and his friends and knows what they are up to. Their home is boisterous and fun and loud and she encourages her boys to be boys.
In fact, she’s said she was first drawn to the manosphere and red pill thinking out of concerns for her son’s futures and wanting to do what she could to advocate that schools, government, and society at large take the needs of men and boys into account just as they have the needs of women and girls.
As a military wife of an officer, Liz also frequently entertains her husband’s bosses and co-workers. She seems to enjoy supporting her husband and his career and doing all she can to help him look good and advance. She sees his career as a team effort, his status is “their” status, not something that takes away from her career or her accomplishments or status. She seems to happily take this supporting role behind the scenes and I have never sensed she has any bitterness about putting her husbands career before her own.
After 20 years of marriage, Liz reports being madly, truly, and deeply in love with her husband. Based on her posts they seem to have an active love life, and physical attraction is very high even after many years. Liz reports her husband is very attractive and that many women flirt with him openly. Liz does not seem to be bothered by this, but rather is proud of her hottie man.
Liz is physically active and works out regularly. She watches her weight, eats well, and cares about her appearance. She takes care of her skin and does her best to prevent aging. Liz is a hottie in her own right, something she does to both feel good about herself and to keep her husband’s attraction to her strong. Liz seems confident and vibrant and again she doesn’t seem to resent going to the effort to look good for her guy. She seems instead to enjoy knowing that her hot husband who other women would, in her own words, line up at her funeral to marry, only has eyes for her and she is more than willing to put in effort to keep it that way.
Liz once reported that she believed one secret to a happy marriage was having a short memory, approaching each day together as a new one. She reports they have had hard times in their marriage, and hurts have been had on both sides as will happen in marriage, but she doesn’t dwell on these past issues or hold onto them or bring them up over and over. She leaves the past in the past and focuses on the present and the future.
Liz and her husband seem to have built a solid financial foundation as well, and because they have managed their money carefully even in lean times they seem to enjoy an affluent lifestyle today. Early in their marriage, as many couples experience, they did not have much money and Liz was frugal and did her best to make do with what they had rather than complain about or focus on what they didn’t have. Again she seems to approach their finances with what’s best for them as a family in mind, investing not only money but time and energy into hearth and home, building a cozy nest she and her sons can’t wait to get home to.
I have never heard Liz voice bad words about her husband or to criticize him. If anything she openly sings his praises and from her attitude toward him I can tell she loves and respects him very much.
I have also never heard her voice an attitude of entitlement. She doesn’t seem to think her marriage is about HER happiness, but all of their happiness. She doesn’t seem to think her husband “owes” her happiness or to put her needs and wants above all else. If anything she seems to take a can do approach and it seems like she focuses on putting in, not on what she’s getting out. She’s willing to work to make her marriage work.
She’s admitted more than once that she needs her husband in her life, and that she would never want to be without him. She doesn’t seem to wonder if she’d be better off without him or on her own, toy with “what if” fantasies, or long for independence and freedom. Liz doesn’t seem to consider divorce an option.
I really admire Liz and am truly fascinated by the details she shares about her marriage. I think Liz is a great example of a women who is getting it right and I think if other ladies adopted some of her thinking and actions, they would find their marriages happier for it.
Liz I hope it won’t embarrass you that I have shared all of this. As you can probably tell, I think a lot of you and I wish you and yours many, many, many happy moments ahead! You have taken a path less traveled and I think it has paid off. I hope my sharing your story will help other women do the same in their own life, to buck the current mantra that putting one’s marriage and family first means a woman will be a doormat or get the short end of the stick. I think as your story shows, it’s quite the opposite. Liz you embody what wedding vows really mean, for richer and poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do you part.
These two sayings also remind me of you and your approach:
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”
And thank you Liz, for showing me another way and for inspiring me in my hopes to do the same.
Let those who have ears hear.