Tag Archives: modern life

Pretty Little Lies

22 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Fempire

≈ 59 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

A big part of the red pill involves unraveling all the pretty little lies we are told about how things work and are versus how things really work and really are. Often this occurs when those pretty little lies fall apart.

For men it may look something like this: All their lives they have been told that if they are good, kind, respectful, generous, sensitive, and so on that girls will like that, they will find a good girl, and live happily ever after. “Be a modern male,” they are told. Often this does not work as described and such men either don’t find girls as attracted to them as “bad boy” types or he does marry, does all the “right” things, and his wife is unhaaaapy and divorces him.

For women, it looks a little different. Women are told things like education and career should be their focus. Put off marriage and children. Be independent and self reliant, even in a relationship or marriage. You can do, be, and have it all. There are no limits. Don’t “waste” your potential. Etc. “Be a modern woman.”

I am simplifying as there are many many more layers than this. And many girls and later women work very hard to be and do all that. And it can even seem to be working or work somewhat. Society reinforces and props up the ideas on many levels, furthering the illusion. Yet for many women, despite doing and being all that, life doesn’t work “better” as described. A gnawing uneasiness develops as the mid-30s approach. The cause is often misunderstood. It couldn’t be the pretty little lies!

So she may double down, thinking more independence, career, self-reliance, etc. is what is needed. Maybe a divorce, sudden career change, or move is how it materializes. “Change,” becomes the answer. Perhaps it works short term. But as the decades pass, the discord between how it was supposed to work and how it’s actually working grows.

For many women in their early 40s and above, you are here. (It may occur earlier or later depending on situations and circumstances.)

A choice. Double down again, or admit maybe they were wrong? Maybe you were wrong?  There’s no going back, no do-over, just now. Maybe it’s time to start unraveling the pretty little lies? To reconstruct with what remains?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Advertisements

Two Paths

06 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 148 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I recently saw on Facebook that a young woman I know who is in her early 30s had just gotten out of a treatment facility after a suicide attempt. She admitted she had made multiple attempts in the past year.

I was surprised by this because from an outside view she seemed to come from a good family, have a fun job as a hostess at a local gathering spot, and was attractive and well liked. She comes across as confident, self-assured, and pulled together.

From her profile I could see she had recently been dating someone for about six months, and had several other such semi-long term relationships as well. Most seemed to be musicians. None seemed particularly promising.

Then I noticed a cryptic and nostalgic posting from her to a male friend about a trip they took together years ago. Curious, I clicked on his page and there it was, a photo album he had made of their trip.

Unlike the musicians, I could tell this young man had been serious about this gal. The captions on the photos made it clear he was smitten. I would not doubt he had thought she was, “the one.”

They both would have been in their early 20s then. They looked so happy, so carefree. He seemed like a really solid and loving guy. They looked charmed, innocent. I wonder what happened, why they hadn’t married, if perhaps she had bought the advice to, “not settle down too young.”

Whatever happened it seems she’s never found another who felt for her the way this guy had. I wonder if regrets about this played a role in her current situation?

I know the guys around here will likely have little sympathy for her. Many have been in that young man’s shoes themselves.

Anyway I thought the situation captured some of the modern relationship pitfalls we so often discuss.

I wonder how her life would have been different had she married back then rather than taken a single independent women, serial monogamy path?

It is of course impossible to know. What lies ahead for her is also unclear. I am hoping for the best as always.  For our purposes here it’s not so much about her particular case as what can be learned from it in general.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

Busy

31 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill

≈ 136 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

This is a busy time of year for me and will be for the next few months. As they say, one must make hay while the sun shines.

That said, at this time of year I can also really question the messages I received in early childhood and beyond. That it was all about having a career, being successful, being, “just like a man.”

Perhaps all that is possible minus children, and indeed before I had kids I focused mainly on building my career. But now I find myself in the situation that my busy season coincides with my kids summer break.

I sometimes try to picture what life as, “just a mom” would be like. Sadly it’s so foreign to me, and has never been my world, that I can’t really even picture it.  What would I do with all that time? Who would I “be” without my career? I really have no idea.

One of the big reasons I was encouraged to have a career was because it was supposed to provide a woman with freedom. Freedom from dependence, freedom from being left in the lurch, the freedom of being able to support oneself.

What they don’t tell you is it becomes a trap, too. Once you have a career, especially a successful one, people naturally expect you to continue. Having a career often involves significant investment (education, time, energy, etc.) walking away from that career means losing all that investment. And having a career does provide income, income you and others then often don’t feel you can give up once you have it.

Something else they don’t tell you is everything has a price. There’s no magical path of all upside.

My career has created revenue, yes, but has come at significant cost, as well. To both myself and others. It’s simply impossible to have it all. So I have a great career, but it takes away from other spheres (important, critical ones) no matter how hard I try to “balance” it all.

So is it really freedom? Is it really better?

These are the questions I ask myself as I pay others to take my kids swimming or to enjoy some summer fun while I work.

I guess i did it. I really am just like a man, at least in one way.  Men rarely get to take summer off, spend the days playing with their kids either.

Yay feminism.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

The IKEA Illusion

20 Friday Jul 2018

Posted by in parenting, Red Pill

≈ 139 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Yesterday, my oldest daughter and I picked up a bookcase she has long admired from IKEA for a birthday gift.

She’s been showing a lot of interest in decorating and rearranging her room over the past few years, something I have encouraged as I see it as practice for feathering and keeping her future home as an adult.

She’s shown herself to be quite creative and frugal — repurposing, restyling, and reusing items or moving them around and mixing things up to create fresh new spaces.

Shes also adopted a “less is more” approach, and has already learned that her room looks better and is easier to keep tidy if there’s less “extra stuff” in it.

She loves to study images of home decor, getting ideas and inspiration for seasonal touches or ways to make her room more cozy, comfortable, and inviting. All in all I think these are all good things to be learning and exploring not to mention practice for the future.  She could certainly be interested in less wholesome teenage pursuits and I am so thankful that she’s not.

But back to the bookcase. It was an adventure for us to go to the store, admire the various showroom displays filled with creative and appealing ideas, find the bookcase, load it onto the cart together, then into and out of the car, pack the big box into the house, and assemble it.

I am not the most handy person but I was the handiest of the two so my daughter looked to me to lead the way. We read through the instructions and got down to it. I gathered the tools and we went to work, step-by-step. Luckily there were no major snafus and after an hour or so of good mother-daughter bonding the bookcase was built.

As we were nearly done it occurred to me that we had just experienced the IKEA illusion — that with few skills or tools two rather not-handy people could successfully build something themselves!

I seized the teachable moment and we had a really interesting discussion about this illusion and how often in modern life we forget that for most of the history of humankind things did not come pre-cut, pre-drilled, pre-painted in a box with instructions.

We assembled the bookcase, but we did not make it. Without those who designed, engineered, planned, sourced the materials, cut, painted, drilled, packaged, and sold the bookcase, we would not have had that moment. Because of them, we could.

It was an interesting thing to reflect on and I could tell she understood. We may have successfully put it together but that’s does not mean we “built” that bookcase or that we now have all the knowledge and skill to build bookcases independently on our own in the future. It’s only an illusion that we, “did it ourselves.”

In any case, it looks great and she’s happily reorganizing, decorating, and dreaming of ways to make her little nest more cozy. It was a fun experience and an unexpected red pill moment!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Patriarchy

12 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in Fempire, parenting, Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 71 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

When you hear the word patriarchy, what images and thoughts come up?

For many raised in a post-feminist world, images or thoughts of oppression, violence, anger, intolerance, abuse, toxic masculinity, and victimization may come to mind.

Yesterday I saw an example of patriarchy that defied all those images and labels. An example that perhaps more truly reflects the true concept of patriarchy.

I noticed the children first, at a small local family fun park where the girls and I had gone to spend a beautiful summer afternoon.

The kids ranged in age from about 17 down. There were lots of them, and they beamed with happiness and joy, good naturedly joking with each other, playing tag, and clearly enjoying themselves. There was a distinct innocence to them, a carefreeness and sense of absolute security.

They were all tastefully dressed, not overtly any distinct religious faith but also not in the latest fashions. Timeless but not at all out of fashion either. The girls wore girl cut T-shirt’s and skirts with Capri leggings underneath, and their faces were glowing and fresh but make-up free.  The boys wore T-shirt’s and shorts.

I could tell they were likely related because of their similar appearance and obvious close ties, I figured perhaps they were cousins.

A man not much older than myself followed the youngest girl, a cute and spunky little blond. She scrambled up to the top of a tall slide and fearlessly barreled down, calling to and waving to the man the whole way.

He laughed and beamed with pride. “Hard to believe she only weighed three pounds when she was born,” he said to me out of the blue. “She was 9 weeks early.”

“I was just thinking what a daredevil she is,” I replied. He beamed even more.

”She’s the youngest of 12,” he said, gesturing to the other kids who bounded around happily, playifully. “She’s three.”

“That’s fantastic!” I replied. “How old is the oldest?”

”Twenty-six,” he replied. “Ages 26 to 3!”

”Any grandkids yet?” I asked?

”The first is on the way this January,” he said.

”Congratulations!” I replied. He smiled a  lovingly proud smile.

The little girl then dashed off to the next activity and he followed at a close but not hovering distance.

Later in the evening I saw him and his wife. He tenderly held her arm as they steered through the crowd of people gathered on the grassy hill to enjoy a performance., heading back to their brood. They looked very content and happy.

I reflected on this couple and their children and thought how this patriarchy wasn’t as so often described — looked nothing like that, actually. It was remarkably refreshing, this family’s dynamic, I found myself wishing more families (of any and all sizes) today looked like that. Happy. Joyful. Secure.

Perhaps the patriarchy isn’t as it’s been portrayed? Perhaps there’s a much more positive side that is rarely celebrated or acknowledged today?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

Keep Good Counsel

02 Monday Jul 2018

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Looking back, I can now see some “friends” who surrounded me during times of struggle earlier in life did not give good counsel. I wish now I had forgone their company for that of others who were on a more constructive path.

Now don’t get me wrong, they weren’t obvious degenerates as in they weren’t on drugs, into crime, or violating huge moral codes.

And yet their world views were very much shaped by the world, views I can now see lead people down disastrous paths.

The whole progressive movement of the past few decades has very much an on the surface sounds good quality. Increased rights, tolerance, equality, empowerment, personal freedom. What could go wrong?

Well, such thinking has (perhaps inadvertently, perhaps purposely) led to many of the social problems our society struggles with today. Not just between women and men in building healthy relationships, but in many other areas as well. Such as debt being now widely accepted as a “necessary evil” of modern life, to bring up just one example people may not think of connected to this.

A sliding moral compass eventually leads to an “anything goes” and “live and let live” mindset. But ironically rather than leading to increased harmony I can’t think of a time in my life I have seen people more divided, nor such hostility toward those who don’t embrace an “all paths are equally good” mindset.

I am not blaming others, nor am trying to encourage lack of personal responsibility for ones own choices. But looking back I wish I had associated less with certain people who held “of the world” views that in retrospect influenced my own choices and decisions. And many of these friends attended church, professed faith, mind you.

Most of these people I no longer associate closely with although we are still on friendly terms or I hear from them from time to time. But I no longer seek them out as I once did. And my life is honestly better for it, without the drama and angst some of them are constantly in.

Its not really new advice but I think it’s tried and true — surround yourself with people who are living good, successful, admirable lives — people who you aspire to be more like yourself.

Likewise, beware the company of people who are negative, toxic, always complaining or dissatisfied, making destructive choices themselves, etc.  Not to say one shouldn’t love and care for such people but too much of their company can infect your own thinking with the same, I have found.

If I could give my younger self some good life advice it would be this — beware the company and counsel you keep — it shapes your own views and choices more than you may know.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Everything Old is New Again?

02 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 54 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Perhaps I am just engaging in wishful thinking, but from what I see, it seems as a culture we’ve pushed the “modem, equal, single, independent woman” thing about as far as it can go. And it’s not working as described. So my hope is soon there will be the inevitable swing back to more traditional values perhaps with a red pill twist.

I think while many blue pill/modern women would misunderstand the idea if presented all at once (OMG, what are you going to do lock me up and take away all my rights?), I do think people are dissatisfied enough with the way things are going that they are starting to seek out answers.

And the older I get, the more I see there is wisdom in the old ways, in tradition, in men being men and women being women. And perhaps now that these “old ways” have been out of fashion for so long, people will be able to see them in a new light.

It’s kind of like the organic farming movement. On both sides my grandparents were farmers. They farmed organically but they didn’t think of it as “organic” it was just the way things had always been done. And for the most part it worked. It was hard work, but manageable on a daily basis, and they had more free time than many people do today, fewer worries, and a quiet but comfortable life.

They drank fresh raw milk, made butter, raised their own beef, pork, and poultry without antibiotics or growth hormones. They raised and canned or froze enough produce to easily eat well through the winter. It was like a hipster’s clean eating, free range, humane, organic dream come true! I am sure my grandparents would be surprised to hear people will pay $25 for one chicken raised the way all their chickens were! The only things I can remember my grandparents buying from the store were things they could not produce themselves: sugar, peanut butter, coffee, and a few other staples.

During the depression my grandmother says while they did not have money to spend on extras, they ate just as well and for the most part life really wasn’t that much different on the farm before, during, or after the depression. In fact my grandmother would fret about those living in cities, wondering what they would do if another depression hit? If they could not or did not know how to grow their own food and had to buy it all, she saw this would be a real hardship.

I hope that traditional male and female relationship dynamics, like my grandparents had, will become as trendy and hip as organic free range foods are today. Considered a “premium” in fact!

Dare to dream. I know some who are already living that way even if the rest of the world is not, and they are among the happiest people I know, with little stress, drama, worry, or strife.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Root Out the Misinformation

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Something I have written about in several different ways, but that I think bears repeating, is how my red pill awakening resulted in the uncomfortable realization that almost everything I had been taught about “how the world works” really doesn’t.

Even now I find myself having to be conscious of that old programming and not letting it back in.

For example, I was raised to not act or dress too feminine, because that was weakness and asking to be a victim. I was told to put off marriage and family, and instead to worship the Gods of education, career, and independence. I was taught men were not to be trusted, that they were out to get me, that they would oppress me and/or hold me back at every turn. I was taught children were a burden, they would keep me from my own hopes and dreams, and to put them off as long as possible if not indefinitely. I was taught to think, “Me first!”

Things is, I did all that and it didn’t work. If anything it lead to failed relationships, workaholism, disconnection, paranoia, and putting my own internal wisdom aside to follow the “modern” way.

If you have also been raised with some of this way of thinking, ask yourself, “How’s that working out?” And if it isn’t, start relearning what does work. Root out the misinformation, and do different even when at times it feels “wrong” or “weird.” Because it will.

Realize as you make new and different choices, others will try to push you back on the path you are abandoning. Look at their lives and ask yourself, “it is working for them?” before taking advice.

The good news is the ancient wisdom is in there. Trust it. Seek it. Grow. Share.

 

The Downside of the Red Pill

30 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 108 Comments

Tags

, , ,

When I discovered the red pill, it felt like my eyes were opened and suddenly it clicked why everything had never made sense or worked as planned, before.

I made huge changes in my life and mindset over the next several years. I read all I could about relationships and dynamics between men and women based on the red pill. I learned a great deal and what I learned has greatly improved my life.

So what’s the downside?

The downside of the red pill, or one of them anyway, is that once one realizes it, you go through a stages of grief almost as you process that everything you have ever been told about how the world works, doesn’t.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And finally, acceptance.

I realized I had been sold an experimental life script. I and those of my generation and those after were unwitting guinea pigs in perhaps the largest social experiment ever. And that much of the pain and failure I had experienced in relationships and life, was because of that. And that I would never get that time or those opportunities back. And that I didn’t even know how to do things different. And that there were few places, if any, to learn how. I had to move forward without a map or much support in society for my quest.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

That ALL SUCKS BIG TIME.

Yeah, it almost seems easier not to face all of that truth. Many people won’t even peek under the lid of life because facing such things is not for the feint of heart.

But what you have seen cannot be unseen. And the only choice is to move forward the best you can. And while it is not always easy, isn’t that better than continuing to work a broken script?

If nothing else, one can use the information make the most of the life they have left and to try and leave the world a better place for the generations to come by sharing what was learned with others in hopes to help them avoid the same.

The older I get, the more and more I can see we only have limited days on this earth. The past is done, the future unwritten, but we do have this — the now to seize.  Reality is what one makes it. You are the author of your fate.

And knowing that is ironically a major upside of the red pill.