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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Tag Archives: Mr. Right

Love is a Verb

11 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

break up, break ups, commitment, dating, divorce, game, happiness, heartbreak, highest life, libido, love, ltr, marriage, MMP, Mr. Right, positive thinking, prosperity, red pill, relationships, relationships. marriage, risk, romance, sex, sex life, single mom, single parenting, stay at home mom, strong independant female, struggle, submission, true love, what men want

Ladies, do you know anyone (maybe yourself) who is in a loveless marriage or relationship?

A comment on a message board by a man whose first marriage failed but his second marriage is thriving because he “games” his wife got me thinking, maybe a lot of relationships flop because people (both men and women) make the mistake of thinking once a commitment is made, wooing, or even just downright good behavior, is no longer necessary?

As I think about the couples I know who are struggling, as well as reflecting back on my own marriage and another serious LTR that eventually failed, in many cases it’s because of that fatal flaw — one or both partners think they now have a “get out of effort free” card. All that effort they spent wooing their mate gets redirected toward other areas in life, instead.

It is a lot of work to attract a partner, as anyone in the dating market can surely attest. I can see why it might be tempting to think all that effort isn’t needed once a relationship is solidified. But I think the opposite is true — couples should never stop dating, never stop wooing his or her mate.

That said, it doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It really doesn’t take much effort at all to show someone (not just tell them) that they are special, and in fact your very most special someone. An unexpected note in their vehicle wishing them a great day, their very favorite meal made on a non-special occasion, surprising him in lingerie, sending him a racy text while he is on lunch break from work, none of these things require huge financial investment or an extraordinary amount of time, and yet these small gestures can pay off big time.

One SAHM (stay at home mom) I know, who is unhappily married, has admittedly gotten lost in her four children. She puts them and their needs on a pedestal yet doesn’t see the need to do so for her spouse. They have not once gone on a date or weekend away without the kids, much less an extended vacation. She dotes on her children and yet voices outrage that her husband dares voice he’d at least like to be on par with the kids (and really, imho he should come FIRST, not last.) She admits to rarely having sex, and even then in this begrudging “just get it over with” way. Blech.

And while I don’t know both sides of the story, the behavior she moans about, him not being happy, his snippy attitude, his not putting in effort in the bedroom, his not caring about her happiness, I wonder how much of that is a result of her lack of investment? How much is really tit for tat?

But instead of seeing that, she continues to blame HIM rather than to take a proactive approach. He should be prince charming to her princess. When I gently urge her to try making a fuss over him, telling him how much she appreciates his sacrifices (like working a job that requires hard physical labor in extreme heat and cold and miserable conditions, daily, for the past 10+ years so she could be at home with the kids), making the moves on him, or scheduling a date or weekend away, she looks at me like I have gone mad! What? I am supposed to be sympathizing with her, not the enemy!

But I refuse to do it. Because I made the same mistakes in my marriage, and I am now a single mom, and while she thinks I have all this freedom and a glamorous lifestyle of excitement and fun, in reality I know firsthand the grass isn’t greener. It’s not easier to be a single mom than a married one, by a long shot. Trust me on this.

She seems to on one hand be quite distressed that her marriage is so unhappy yet stubbornly wants her husband to take the first steps to make things right. But in the end, in all areas of life, relationships included, you get out what you put in.

And in the end, what is she risking? A little effort needed to stoke the fires of romance and breathe new life into her marriage? The risk that it might not work? Yes, that risk is there. But there’s also the very real possibility that instead of being in an unhappy marriage, she could find herself (and her children) in a happy one. That opportunity is within her grasp. But not if she doesn’t change her attitude.

Love is a verb. Never stop loving your mate. Like a lifetime of slow, small, steady investments, it will likely pay off big time in the end over a lifetime of haphazard big investments of love on the expected anniversaries and holidays and then long stretches without in between.

Let those who have ears hear.

Check Out Your Friendzone

23 Friday May 2014

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

courtship, dating, friendzone, hookups, love, marriage, Mr. Right, red pill, relationships, romance, true love

Ladies, have you heard the term “friendzone?” It’s a manosphere term that roughly means if a gal doesn’t like a guy in that way, she says “let’s just be friends” or some such and the guy hangs around as a friend hoping the situation will change.

Now in some cases this is truly what happens. A gal isn’t attracted to a guy and so to be nice she says, “let’s just be friends” instead of being more direct and saying something like “I am not attracted to you in that way, sorry.” In this case it is good to be clear, even if in “girl talk” that seems mean, because otherwise he may get more hurt in the end if he thinks there is a chance you will change your mind.

However, there is another kind of friendzone that I think a lot of women don’t know about. I didn’t know about it myself until I saw a man say men and women can’t be friends on a message board discussion. What? Men and women can’t be friends? Really?

No, they insisted. If a man is hanging around as a friend, and you are both single, he is interested in you. Otherwise he would not be hanging about spending time alone with you, being supportive of your dreams, talking to you about your feelings, and so on. Because guys don’t like to do that with girls they don’t have the hots for, apparently.

I don’t know about you, but that idea came as a complete shock to me! What? Could it be?

I started to think back about my many male friends over the years. Was this true? Had they been attracted to me, but they just never made a move or let me know?

Go ahead, think back yourself. Shocking. Isn’t it?

But sure enough, they have all moved on since finding girlfriends, which I assumed was just because they were busy and life is busy. But maybe not…

And the thing is, as I thought back over my male friends, they are all very interesting men whose company I enjoyed. They had great jobs and interests and hobbies. They were attractive. I truly liked them.  But I had not once considered them as romantic partners — not because I had consciously decided that I did not like them (although that has happened too, followed by the “let’s just be friends” talk) — I didn’t think of them as anything more than friends because they never made it clear that they liked me more than a friend.

And the thing is, I probably would have dated many of them, had they asked!

When I revealed this to the men, they did not believe it. They accused me of misleading them. Of planting false hope. But I think the ladies would back me up here, if a guy friend has not made an explicit move and gotten the “just friends” reply, he should consider testing the attraction waters somehow (maybe by talking about if men and women can be friends, and then him saying, “No they always like you,” and then she says,  “But look at us, we’re friends?” And he says, “Exactly” and watches the first expression on her face….something like that may work. If she says “Nah, I don’t want to risk our friendship,” or “LJBF” then he can just say, “I was joking silly. Of course I don’t like you. As if…” Which by the way may be just the dare that makes her set her sights on him, because women are like that. But I am revealing too much….)

But back to the friendzone. This got me to thinking, if I had made this error, I bet a lot of other women may be too. So if you are single, and have single guy friends, stop and consider would you like it to be more than friends? Would you (or do you already secretly) want to date them? If so, you might want to somehow let them know!

Check out your friendzone, ladies. There may be some great guys whose company you enjoy crushing on you already and you don’t even know it!

Silly boys should speak up, I know, but since they aren’t, you might need to test those waters yourself. You’re a woman, you can be subtle about it, right? That way if he truly does just want to be friends, that can continue and you can check him off the list of possible true love ever after, knowing he truly and really just wants to be a friend.

Rejection is scary, I know, but guys have to face it all the time. In fact, that’s probably what’s holding your secret admirers back as well. Men say it is just brutal to have to face rejection time and time again. Maybe we ladies can take a little bit of that heat off, right?

And I know, women are told over and over to never ever approach a guy, it’s like the taboo must not do girl dating rule of all time, but the guys I asked about it said if they liked a girl, and she made the first move, it would be a most welcome development.

If I am right, don’t be shy sharing the results. I am always a sucker for a good love story.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

Don’t Be a Sucker

13 Tuesday May 2014

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

dating, happiness, heartbreak, Mr. Right, PUA, red pill, relationships, true love

There he is, looking at you from across the room. Wow, he’s cute! Your heart jumps. Before long, the two of you are maneuvering your way closer to each other. Oh my goodness, he’s saying everything you’ve ever hoped to hear. I’s just like in the movies! How could you ever be so lucky. Maybe this is IT?!?

So you bounce it off your girlfriends, who are all equally swept up in the romantic tale. Go for it, they urge you. Don’t let this one get away!

Screech. Brakes. Reality check.

If he’s that smooth, it’s probably because he’s done this little ditty before. I know you don’t want to hear that. I know I am throwing a big wet blanket on your true love tale. Trust me, I am a big fan of true love myself.

But ask a few guy friends, describe the interactions, and you will get a whole other take on who this guy is and what he is up to. If something is too good to be true, it likely is.

Maybe he really is that great guy he portrays himself to be. But watch out. Take your time. Don’t be a sucker. Slow it down. If he’s just spinning tales, he’ll tire of the game not working as quickly and easily as usual. And you will not be left reaching for tea and hankies.

If he’s actually a good guy, that will come to light too. It happens. We’ve all heard the tales.

But before you jump in heart first, do a little fact checking and recon, so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. The best part about not being a sucker, is that you save yourself from getting hurt. And that’s a mighty wise thing for a gal to do.

Let those who have ears hear.

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