Tag Archives: relationships

SIW Meltdown

16 Saturday Sep 2017

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

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For the past few weeks, among other things, I have had a front row seat at a SIW (single independent woman) meltdown of epic proportions. For my friend, age 43, the red pill realities of the wall, the SIW fallacy, and more are all coalescing at a fast and furious pace.

Ever since moving out on her own she’s “done it on her own.” She married briefly in her 30s, no kids, but fought the yoke hard and decided she was better off on her own than, “stuck with some man.”

After that she held various office jobs, and met her current beau there. Unlike her former husband, an artistic sigma, this executive level, successful, attractive divorced (frivorce, brutally) father of six had all the markings of “a good provider.”

They have dated for several years now but as far as I can see he’s firmly MTGOW (even if he doesn’t know the term) and seems quite happy with their seperate houses, “I’ll see ya when I see ya,” lifestyle.

About two years ago she tired of the drudgery of going to her dead end office job day after day, so she threw caution to the wind, quit, and made do with a conglomeration of jewelry making, pet sitting, and house cleaning gigs. But it wasn’t enough to live the same lifestyle as before, so she supplemented that with credit card debt, figuring it would, “all turn around someday.” Perhaps the day her beau proposed. But he didn’t.

Now, she’s exceptionally good looking, with a darling figure and perky rack. So things have mostly gone her way in life. But for what she has in the looks department she lacks in the emotional control category.

As the weeks and months went on, she became less and less emotionally stable. She often picks fights with her boyfriend, demanding he “Step up or else,” which is followed by a period of him ghosting and her begging him back.

As you may have guessed, things have come to a head and she’s been forced by financial circumstances to move out of her apartment. When no offer from her beau came, I hesitatingly offered her a room at my place in exchange for housecleaning and landscaping, while she “gets back on her feet.”

For the past two weeks she’s drug her feet as moving day approached, fighting tooth and nail daily with her beau who was helping her out financially, tying up loose ends, and trying to help her pack.

He confessed to me he didn’t know how much more he could take, and that he didn’t understand her behavior.

“It’s simple,” I said. “She wants to move in with you, not me.” But he said it simply wasn’t possible.

Yesterday was her last day at the apartment. They spent nearly 24 hours doing what she could have done over the past few weeks. And at 2 a.m. she was texting that she, “just needed a few more hours.”

He says the fighting has been intense, and they have yet to arrive here the following morning.  I am sure she’s doing all she can to try to force his hand in the direction she wants things to go, but she’s kidding herself.

He told me not to tell her but he’s leaving on a guys trip this evening for the next two weeks. I guess I will be doing my best to help her pick up the pieces. Based on how she’s acted the past few days, I’d be surprised if he comes back.

Many SIW think in youth that they can decide when and where they will finally settle down with the Mr. Big of their dreams, only to find life isn’t a movie script. Nobody owes anyone anything anymore under the new social rules. And other people get to make their own choices, too.

Yes, women today have the freedom to make their own choices. But they should remember, choices have consequences, and nothing in life is all upside. Play your hand poorly or well, but you’ll live with the results either way you choose. Just like guys have always “been free” to do.

She’s got 40 years or so to go, no savings, no kin, no skills that someone younger won’t do for less, and a guy who can’t wait to be rid of her. That’s going to be a tough hand to play. I’ll be doing my best to red pill her a spoonful a day, because getting her head on straight and quickly is about the only chance she’s got, as far as I can see.

Let those with ears hear.

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A Red Pill Lens

13 Sunday Aug 2017

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Yesterday an old friend from college stopped by with his new girlfriend (she also went to college with us, but I don’t remember her.) As she and I talked, I was amazed at how red pill aware she was, although I doubt she frequents these parts. She understood many of the concepts, and was tuned into how feminism has gone far beyond its original intent. And the destruction it had caused for men.

As she went on and on about such things I wondered, “How did she learn all this in the mainstream?”

A little while later she revealed she’d been an exotic dancer up until four years ago. Ah ha! Then it all made sense. She’s worked for years in a profession that had laid bare, no pun intended, the dynamics between the genders.

From reading blogs written by professional dancers, escorts, and courtesans, I have learned such women often understand men, and things from a man’s point of view, better than most.

My friend was clearly uncomfortable about his date’s candor. And he was also getting annoyed at her crass behavior (she could up her ladylike game.) I doubt they will be together long term, but it was interesting to meet her.

Funny had she not said so, I never would have suspected what her former “250k a year job” was. And I’d be curious how and why she decided to hang up the stilettos. Perhaps we’ll get to that part next time?

Life sure is a colorful cast of characters!

But Guys Don’t Like It

04 Friday Aug 2017

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A colleague and I were talking yesterday, and among other things she was going on and on with pride about how all her friends say they love how she’s so bold, and sassy, and speaks her mind.

After she finally finished, I simply replied, “Yeah, but guys don’t like it.”

The look of shock on her face was priceless, and the idea that her behavior was working against her with men was obviously something she had never considered.

Finally, she stuttered something about how no guy had ever said anything like that. A brave man in the midst offered, “Why would they when they could just withdraw?”

And then the pink elephant in the room was suddenly highly visible. Because what does this gal complain about most in her marriage? That her husband is “checked out.” Yep.

Cause and effect. Put them together, sista!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

A Visit from Hercules

10 Monday Jul 2017

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Hercules stopped by on Saturday with his new girlfriend and his roommate.

His girlfriend is what I would expect, young, blonde, petite, attractive, not very bright, and hanging on his every word.

His roommate was a very nice guy, not flashy, very average, well spoken, and friendly. The roommate drove a cherry 1969 Nova (SS, no less!) , while Hercules and his gal pal drove the roommate’s man cave of a truck.

We chit chatted a bit, caught up on the latest. All very friendly like.

Then, the room cleared out suddenly and Hercules got down to business.

“You got a boyfriend?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Yeah but it’s some long distance thing, right?”

“Yes,” I said. “And it’s going great.”

“Why don’t you come back to our place? My roommate is single and he wants you to come hang out.”

“Sorry,” I said. “Your roommate seems great, it’s nothing personal, but I am in a relationship.”

“Perfect. He doesn’t want anything serious, anyway. Plus, he’s loaded.”

I rolled my eyes. “You are missing the point Hercules.”

“Fine. Be that way.”

They discussed coming by the next day to help with a little project, and off they went.

Ten minutes later I get a text.

“My roommate wants you to come over and party.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I am going to stay home tonight, not feeling well. See you in the morning.”

“Oh geez.”

I call my boyfriend, and then watched a movie. Ahhhh… alone time!

Now, I easily could have gone. But why? Plus, I’d be an idiot to ruin the good thing I’ve got.

The next day they show up, just Hercules and his lady and we get the project done quickly.

I talk more with his lady, learn she is best friends with Hercules’s sister Venus, who I adore. (Venus easily could have been Playmate of the year had she wanted to.) Venus once said to me, “Nobody should ever date any of my brothers. They are all pigs!” So I figure the girlfriend has been told what she’s getting into. Maybe if so, it can work. We’ll see…

Then he notices my new riding lawnmower, and my now spare older one and offers to make a trade, some physical work needing done in exchange for the old mower.

“Sounds good, but I need to run it by my boyfriend first,” I say.

“Oh geez. Just tell him the thing disappeared.”

“Sorry,” I say. “That’s not the way things work.”

Off they go. I fill my guy in on all this, and he approves the trade.

Anyway, not sure there’s a point to this except I found it all pretty entertaining.

Beware “Friendly” Advice

29 Thursday Jun 2017

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Prior to the red pill, I would listen to advice from friends that I now can see was anything but “friendly” advice. Not that they meant to give me bad advice on purpose, I am sure, but in the end it was bad advice no matter what the intent. It’s something to be on guard against in your own life, too.

Well meaning blue pill people often give absolutely horrible advice, especially when it comes to relationships. I was more often encouraged to leave my marriage than to work on it, was told behavior was abusive and controlling when in retrospect I can now see that it was not, that being divorced would not be so bad, that when things weren’t easy it was better to just start over, and other complete nonsense.

As I touched on in my last post, even today people are all too eager to spout the blue pill party line at me, under the guise of  “friendly” advice. I am sure such people may mean well, but are blind themselves to just how brainwashed they are to see everything as abuse, control, and a red flag.

These days I am very careful who I take advice from. Unless they themselves are in a healthy, happy, functional relationship, I choose to say, “thanks but no thanks.” Because if they aren’t living it themselves, how could they possibly give good advice?

Likewise, beware the “hen sessions” made up of girls complaining about their lives and relationships. Such discussions will only leave you feeling dissatisfied, when in reality you are maybe just absorbing the toxic spew of others. Sadly, in my experience, church bible study groups often devolved into little more than a gripe session, and were often the worst.

Thank to the red pill, I am no longer buying such advice and my life is much better off for it!

What do you think? Have you ever been the victim of bad “friendly” advice?

 

 

Zeus Sighting

25 Sunday Jun 2017

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The other day I went along to a doctors appointment with a friend who is 76 and his girlfriend. He’s one of my favorite customers and was getting checked out to see if he was fit for back surgery.

These two make a striking couple even at their age, and I would love to see photos of them both from their youth. I imagine he likely looked like a taller version of James Dean and she like Marilyn Monroe.

The doctor was a beautiful Ukrainian gal, young, and I think she was quite intrigued when my friend introduced us as his wife (me) and girlfriend! He was joking about the wife part but I believe I saw the power of preselection in action because soon the doctor seemed to be crushing on him!

After we left I joked that the doctor was in love, and to that he replied, “I wouldn’t mind being married to a doctor.” Lol. Our brief sham marriage was over, just like that! Who says only women are hypergamus?

Well his appointment revealed that thanks to a lifetime of smoking, surgery might be risky, so now he’s scheduled to see three more experts to find out. The news made us all a bit sad so we went to the local Moose lodge to have a drink and ponder our mortality.

Not long after, in walks Zeus (Vixen’s former father in law.) He sat down with us and by golly my friend’s girlfriend starts batting her eyes and twirling her hair right away! Shameless.

Such is the power of an Alpha, even at the age of 78. My friend, a natural himself, could not outshine a man who has been working the ladies and loving the game his whole life. I am pretty sure had he asked, my friend’s girlfriend would have run off with him on the spot!

When I say my friend is a natural, I am not kidding. He dated my aunt back in high school, and my mom says he was the most eligible bachelor in the county back then. He says when he was 13, his mom had to start chasing the cars filled with 16+ year old teenage girls away!

But even so, he was no match for Zeus, who though older seemed 20 years younger in comparison. Everyone from the girlfriend to the waitress were tripping over themselves to catch his eye. The natural took it in stride and didn’t seem bothered by any of it a bit. Perhaps he was lost in his own thoughts about the hot doctor!

I simply sat back, watched the show, sipped my White Russian, and wondered what I would be like at their ages!

Vixen Update

16 Sunday Apr 2017

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Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long! Been very busy with real life stuff (all good!) as of late.

For those who saw the last post in the series on Vixen, I wanted to offer an update. I shared some of the things said by commentators about her situation, including how people said if the Alpha was going to commit or truly be there for her, he would already be. Plus some other nuggets of red pill wisdom shared. She pondered that long and hard, and wanted me to pass along thanks for the thoughtful advice.

(Please note I use these terms just for the shorthand. I don’t believe the Alpha to truly be an Alpha, more of a faux Alpha. And I actually think very highly of the beta, not his choices as far as them, but he is a good solid man who frankly deserves to be treasured, not used. So take the terms with a grain of salt….)

A few weeks later, she got abrupt notice from the owner of the house she rents that it would be put up for sale and she had 30 days to figure something else out. Her beta friend advised her to talk to the Alpha, see what he would do.

Well, as many of you predicted, he apparently flipped out at the idea of actually having to prove up on his talk that he wants to take care of her and the kids, get a place, make a life. That was always, “someday” but when he heard she had to move, his response was to escalate it into a fight, accusing her of making it up, and telling her, “That’s it, I am DONE.” (Of course this is her version of events, so what actually transpired we don’t really know, but whatever happened an offer to help finance her moving into a new place or more commitment was not forthcoming.)

So the beta offers that they can move in with him. And she accepted. I am not so sure this is a good idea, at all, but it appears to be the plan. He rents a small guest house on his brother’s place, so it will be tight quarters with three kids plus them.

And I can’t help but feel that she’s not being true to her self or him by accepting his offer versus looking into a place of her own. I gently floated that as “option c” but didn’t push the issue because people are going to do what they are going to do, I have learned.

The Alpha’s reaction to her moment of need was a red pill bitterly forced down. I think she’s always secretly believed that if push came to shove, he would be there. Well, as she found, not.

We talked about that, and what it means, and a bit about recognizing guys who are all flash but no substance, and how getting involved with guys like that is just a disastrous decision for a gal.

So the saga continues… I am not really hopeful about this turn of events but perhaps the harsh reality of the whole thing will somehow lead to an awakening on her part? I am not holding my breath, but stranger things have happened.

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Beta Orbiters from the Gal Side

22 Wednesday Mar 2017

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You may recall I have written about Vixen, my former neighbor before, and an update, and her latest… Well this morning I talked to her and probed further to try and understand why the Alpha/beta orbiter thing, and by golly I think I may have struck a red pill goldmine! New data to fold in, in any case, hopefully.

(Male readers: Please keep in mind the following is examined from the FEMALE pov. What I would advise the men in this situation, or what men would advise them, likely would be, “Next!” And I get that. I feel for these guys involved, I truly do! I am just trying to explain the “why” of female behavior from the gal side, which may help men understand it better too, but please know I am NOT saying it is good or right gals do this. To clarify. )

Short story, she’s been torn between two guys for several years: One is an Alpha who she chases, one is a beta who chases her. Both are intelligent, successful, and good looking guys. However her playing the fence is damaging the chances of relationship success with either suitor by the day. So why does she do it?

It’s an ancient female mindset, and a part of hypergamy, to always have a plan B, and C if needed. Aka the beta orbiter. Why? Life is historically precarious for a woman, especially a woman with small children, as her man may go off to war or off to hunt and never return. (Life as a man is obviously risky as well, in a more direct way, by no means minimizing that.)

She really wants the Alpha, but he won’t fully commit to her (and maybe for good reason!) This leaves her feeling unsafe. So she keeps the beta orbiter close by, in case Alpha bails. Beta orbiter is a real steady Eddie, willing to watch her kids, pay for their dance lessons, pay her bills, the works. Before the unplanned (or was it?) pregnancy with Apha, I highly advocated she forget Alpha and go for the beta orbiter, who I believe is a far better bet if what she needs is a family man. He’s actually far better looking, far more interesting and intelligent, and so on as well. The better “catch” imho, except despite me advising him not to be, he’s just too darn available! And that turns her off.

Meanwhile the Alpha remains just out of reach. He’s told her he would marry her and take care of her in a minute, IF she knocks off the beta orbiter thing and adopts HIS frame. But she isn’t sure… will he? Can she trust him? After all, he’s got “options” and has shown he’s willing to walk if needed. (Ironically this is exactly what draws her in, if he was too available, he’d be a deta orbiter in her mind, and she’d likely seek another Alpha. Complex, I know!)

And so it goes round and round. I suggested she completely cut off contact with the beta orbiter, because he undermines her relationship with the Alpha and is a BIG reason things aren’t progressing to a commitment. She really needs to choose. And to PROVE herself worthy of commitment!

Add to that, the wall approaches and I pointed this out to her today. Don’t waste precious time, I suggested. Get this figured out NOW, don’t wait until you are 50.  (She’s 41, I believe.)

She saw the sense in all this, when I explained the concepts. I truly believe she herself does not understand how her feminine imperative is pushing her to do things that are not helping, but actually hurting her chances of success. One must recognize the self-sabatoge hypergamy can cause, and why women play these games, to overcome them.

She said it was because Alpha isn’t local, as his job requires him to be onsite in a remote location (and pays much more b/c of that.) To this I called BS. I am in a long distance relationship myself, which she is seeing is working very well for me now that I am red pill savvy enough to “get” what I need to give and be to have that successful long distance relationship.  But as I told her, he’ leave me in a MINUTE if I played the games she is, and so I simply don’t. He’s way too good to me for me to ever even think of risking that! Because of him, my life now works in ways it never could have without him, and I feel safe. It’s a choice, I told her. If she wants what she sees I have, then she needs to accept his frame and the job situation.

Anyway, I hope Vixen will consider all this and for her baby boy’s sake, do what the Alpha demands, make him cookies, and nurtures that relationship with all she has. And most of all gives him one of the biggest things a gal can give a man — LOYALTY. Commit to him or he will never commit to you!

We’ll see… you can lead a horse to water but… I hope to God she DRINKS!!!! (I’d force her to drink if I could but she needs to see it on her own and do so willingly, darn it!)

What do you think? Have you seen women do this? Please share in the comments…

Focus on YOUR Half

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

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Most of the couples I know who are unhappy make a common mistake — instead of thinking about what they could do to make their side of the relationship work better, they pick their partner apart.

I have had one woman tell me that, “She’ll try AFTER he fixes all his stuff first.” Really? And trust me she can roll out a list of things he does wrong, but is unable to see her own side of the dysfunction.

When the relationship is struggling, it is good to ask yourself what YOU can do to improve things, rather than focusing on what your partner should do or isn’t doing.

It’s nearly never 100% anyone’s fault. Man or woman. Many times there are things YOU can do to make things better, even if your partner isn’t. And change creates change. You changing how you approach the relationship will eventually force them to act differently, as well.

And the only thing you can control or change is YOUR SIDE of things, anyway.

And if the issue really is something there is no fixing, like your partner has a personality disorder,  and things don’t work out despite your best effort to make it so, at least you will know you tried.

Let those who have ears hear.

The Wide and Narrow Gates

21 Tuesday Feb 2017

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There is a passage in scripture that talks about the wide and narrow gates. And whether you are a religious person or not, I do believe the concept offers good advice on living your life well.

Most people go for the wide gate. It’s easy, everyone else is doing it, and when you do so you are in the majority. The wide gate is like a big tent, anything goes, nobody judges, and the standards are low (or nonexistent.)

Few choose the narrow gate. The narrow gate asks one to rise above their basest natures and desires and to forgo short term pleasures and ease for a long term vision aligned with Truth and doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

At first glance there are few drawbacks to the wide gate, and many to the narrow one.

But in reality the wide gate is the path of pain, disappointment, betrayal, anguish, drama, and loss — not only in some life-after-death way, but also very much in the here and now.

The narrow gate, at first glance costly, actually is protection against pain, loss, betrayal, hurt, deception, and the like. Today, in this life, right now. It is the path of wisdom, the path of self-love.

I have watched many friends take the wide path in “love” and to end up suffering horribly for it. Men who used them. Men who lied to them. Men who cheated on them. Men who gave them lifelong illnesses. It seems only in movies and fairy tales that the wide path leads to true love and happiness.

Taking the narrow path may mean not dating as much, sitting home on Saturday nights, even being made fun of for not doing what everyone else is doing. But in the long run, all that is a small price to pay for having standards that will lead to true and lasting love and happiness.

As I wrote before, bake cookies. Be that girl. And once you find love, stay on the narrow path. That would be my advice.

Let those who have ears hear!