Tag Archives: relationships

Vixen Update

16 Sunday Apr 2017

Posted by in Relationships

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Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long! Been very busy with real life stuff (all good!) as of late.

For those who saw the last post in the series on Vixen, I wanted to offer an update. I shared some of the things said by commentators about her situation, including how people said if the Alpha was going to commit or truly be there for her, he would already be. Plus some other nuggets of red pill wisdom shared. She pondered that long and hard, and wanted me to pass along thanks for the thoughtful advice.

(Please note I use these terms just for the shorthand. I don’t believe the Alpha to truly be an Alpha, more of a faux Alpha. And I actually think very highly of the beta, not his choices as far as them, but he is a good solid man who frankly deserves to be treasured, not used. So take the terms with a grain of salt….)

A few weeks later, she got abrupt notice from the owner of the house she rents that it would be put up for sale and she had 30 days to figure something else out. Her beta friend advised her to talk to the Alpha, see what he would do.

Well, as many of you predicted, he apparently flipped out at the idea of actually having to prove up on his talk that he wants to take care of her and the kids, get a place, make a life. That was always, “someday” but when he heard she had to move, his response was to escalate it into a fight, accusing her of making it up, and telling her, “That’s it, I am DONE.” (Of course this is her version of events, so what actually transpired we don’t really know, but whatever happened an offer to help finance her moving into a new place or more commitment was not forthcoming.)

So the beta offers that they can move in with him. And she accepted. I am not so sure this is a good idea, at all, but it appears to be the plan. He rents a small guest house on his brother’s place, so it will be tight quarters with three kids plus them.

And I can’t help but feel that she’s not being true to her self or him by accepting his offer versus looking into a place of her own. I gently floated that as “option c” but didn’t push the issue because people are going to do what they are going to do, I have learned.

The Alpha’s reaction to her moment of need was a red pill bitterly forced down. I think she’s always secretly believed that if push came to shove, he would be there. Well, as she found, not.

We talked about that, and what it means, and a bit about recognizing guys who are all flash but no substance, and how getting involved with guys like that is just a disastrous decision for a gal.

So the saga continues… I am not really hopeful about this turn of events but perhaps the harsh reality of the whole thing will somehow lead to an awakening on her part? I am not holding my breath, but stranger things have happened.

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Beta Orbiters from the Gal Side

22 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Relationships

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You may recall I have written about Vixen, my former neighbor before, and an update, and her latest… Well this morning I talked to her and probed further to try and understand why the Alpha/beta orbiter thing, and by golly I think I may have struck a red pill goldmine! New data to fold in, in any case, hopefully.

(Male readers: Please keep in mind the following is examined from the FEMALE pov. What I would advise the men in this situation, or what men would advise them, likely would be, “Next!” And I get that. I feel for these guys involved, I truly do! I am just trying to explain the “why” of female behavior from the gal side, which may help men understand it better too, but please know I am NOT saying it is good or right gals do this. To clarify. )

Short story, she’s been torn between two guys for several years: One is an Alpha who she chases, one is a beta who chases her. Both are intelligent, successful, and good looking guys. However her playing the fence is damaging the chances of relationship success with either suitor by the day. So why does she do it?

It’s an ancient female mindset, and a part of hypergamy, to always have a plan B, and C if needed. Aka the beta orbiter. Why? Life is historically precarious for a woman, especially a woman with small children, as her man may go off to war or off to hunt and never return. (Life as a man is obviously risky as well, in a more direct way, by no means minimizing that.)

She really wants the Alpha, but he won’t fully commit to her (and maybe for good reason!) This leaves her feeling unsafe. So she keeps the beta orbiter close by, in case Alpha bails. Beta orbiter is a real steady Eddie, willing to watch her kids, pay for their dance lessons, pay her bills, the works. Before the unplanned (or was it?) pregnancy with Apha, I highly advocated she forget Alpha and go for the beta orbiter, who I believe is a far better bet if what she needs is a family man. He’s actually far better looking, far more interesting and intelligent, and so on as well. The better “catch” imho, except despite me advising him not to be, he’s just too darn available! And that turns her off.

Meanwhile the Alpha remains just out of reach. He’s told her he would marry her and take care of her in a minute, IF she knocks off the beta orbiter thing and adopts HIS frame. But she isn’t sure… will he? Can she trust him? After all, he’s got “options” and has shown he’s willing to walk if needed. (Ironically this is exactly what draws her in, if he was too available, he’d be a deta orbiter in her mind, and she’d likely seek another Alpha. Complex, I know!)

And so it goes round and round. I suggested she completely cut off contact with the beta orbiter, because he undermines her relationship with the Alpha and is a BIG reason things aren’t progressing to a commitment. She really needs to choose. And to PROVE herself worthy of commitment!

Add to that, the wall approaches and I pointed this out to her today. Don’t waste precious time, I suggested. Get this figured out NOW, don’t wait until you are 50.  (She’s 41, I believe.)

She saw the sense in all this, when I explained the concepts. I truly believe she herself does not understand how her feminine imperative is pushing her to do things that are not helping, but actually hurting her chances of success. One must recognize the self-sabatoge hypergamy can cause, and why women play these games, to overcome them.

She said it was because Alpha isn’t local, as his job requires him to be onsite in a remote location (and pays much more b/c of that.) To this I called BS. I am in a long distance relationship myself, which she is seeing is working very well for me now that I am red pill savvy enough to “get” what I need to give and be to have that successful long distance relationship.  But as I told her, he’ leave me in a MINUTE if I played the games she is, and so I simply don’t. He’s way too good to me for me to ever even think of risking that! Because of him, my life now works in ways it never could have without him, and I feel safe. It’s a choice, I told her. If she wants what she sees I have, then she needs to accept his frame and the job situation.

Anyway, I hope Vixen will consider all this and for her baby boy’s sake, do what the Alpha demands, make him cookies, and nurtures that relationship with all she has. And most of all gives him one of the biggest things a gal can give a man — LOYALTY. Commit to him or he will never commit to you!

We’ll see… you can lead a horse to water but… I hope to God she DRINKS!!!! (I’d force her to drink if I could but she needs to see it on her own and do so willingly, darn it!)

What do you think? Have you seen women do this? Please share in the comments…

Focus on YOUR Half

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Red Pill

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Most of the couples I know who are unhappy make a common mistake — instead of thinking about what they could do to make their side of the relationship work better, they pick their partner apart.

I have had one woman tell me that, “She’ll try AFTER he fixes all his stuff first.” Really? And trust me she can roll out a list of things he does wrong, but is unable to see her own side of the dysfunction.

When the relationship is struggling, it is good to ask yourself what YOU can do to improve things, rather than focusing on what your partner should do or isn’t doing.

It’s nearly never 100% anyone’s fault. Man or woman. Many times there are things YOU can do to make things better, even if your partner isn’t. And change creates change. You changing how you approach the relationship will eventually force them to act differently, as well.

And the only thing you can control or change is YOUR SIDE of things, anyway.

And if the issue really is something there is no fixing, like your partner has a personality disorder,  and things don’t work out despite your best effort to make it so, at least you will know you tried.

Let those who have ears hear.

The Wide and Narrow Gates

21 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Red Pill

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There is a passage in scripture that talks about the wide and narrow gates. And whether you are a religious person or not, I do believe the concept offers good advice on living your life well.

Most people go for the wide gate. It’s easy, everyone else is doing it, and when you do so you are in the majority. The wide gate is like a big tent, anything goes, nobody judges, and the standards are low (or nonexistent.)

Few choose the narrow gate. The narrow gate asks one to rise above their basest natures and desires and to forgo short term pleasures and ease for a long term vision aligned with Truth and doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

At first glance there are few drawbacks to the wide gate, and many to the narrow one.

But in reality the wide gate is the path of pain, disappointment, betrayal, anguish, drama, and loss — not only in some life-after-death way, but also very much in the here and now.

The narrow gate, at first glance costly, actually is protection against pain, loss, betrayal, hurt, deception, and the like. Today, in this life, right now. It is the path of wisdom, the path of self-love.

I have watched many friends take the wide path in “love” and to end up suffering horribly for it. Men who used them. Men who lied to them. Men who cheated on them. Men who gave them lifelong illnesses. It seems only in movies and fairy tales that the wide path leads to true love and happiness.

Taking the narrow path may mean not dating as much, sitting home on Saturday nights, even being made fun of for not doing what everyone else is doing. But in the long run, all that is a small price to pay for having standards that will lead to true and lasting love and happiness.

As I wrote before, bake cookies. Be that girl. And once you find love, stay on the narrow path. That would be my advice.

Let those who have ears hear!

 

Build a Bridge

25 Wednesday Jan 2017

Posted by in Relationships

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Ladies, put yourself in their shoes:

(these are all ACTUAL stories!)

  • The man who gets told off for holding the door open.
  • The injured vet who finds women won’t hold the door open for him, even though he is on crutches.
  • The husband of two young kids who is blindsided by his wife leaving him for her fitness trainer.
  • The dedicated employee passed over time and again for promotions because of his “privilege.”
  • The guy who was nuclear rejected by a gal who then posted video of it on Snapchat.
  • (Insert your own examples here.)

For decades men have been the only group it is OK to openly ridicule and the only group who is also not allowed to stand up against it.

So ladies, don’t be surprised to get less than a warm welcome from the men folk these days. We’ve collectively earned it.

While countless women continue to wail, “Where have all the good men gone?” and blame their lack of a committed relationship on guys who are too immature, too picky, or  unable or unwilling to commit, the wiser ones will see that women have created the hostile situation, and if she wants a man in her life to she’s going to have to actively re-build that bridge her sisters blew up long ago.

Instead of focusing on a long checklist of traits he “must have” to qualify, try thinking about your own list, what you bring to the table, and how you can qualify yourself to a good man.

And then be pleasant. Be feminine. Be as attractive as you can be. Act like a lady. Be loyal. Be trustworthy. Be appreciative. Be kind. Be respectful of him. Be supportive of him.

Trust me, such women are so rare these days, you’ll stand head and shoulders above the rest.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

Female Violence?

14 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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A reader comment got me thinking, you don’t hear much about female violence in the news or in general. But it’s actually a HUGE problem. Even the CDC says more men than women experience partner violence.  And there is almost no public awareness or discussion about how we can help reduce female violence, little to no support or resources for victims of female violence.

Why is this topic so taboo? Isn’t all violence worth talking about? Worth effort to reduce?

(Note: This post is not meant to take away from women who have experienced violence. That is also not OK. I am just speaking of violence by women, and wondering why we don’t talk about that, too.)

Root Out the Misinformation

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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Something I have written about in several different ways, but that I think bears repeating, is how my red pill awakening resulted in the uncomfortable realization that almost everything I had been taught about “how the world works” really doesn’t.

Even now I find myself having to be conscious of that old programming and not letting it back in.

For example, I was raised to not act or dress too feminine, because that was weakness and asking to be a victim. I was told to put off marriage and family, and instead to worship the Gods of education, career, and independence. I was taught men were not to be trusted, that they were out to get me, that they would oppress me and/or hold me back at every turn. I was taught children were a burden, they would keep me from my own hopes and dreams, and to put them off as long as possible if not indefinitely. I was taught to think, “Me first!”

Things is, I did all that and it didn’t work. If anything it lead to failed relationships, workaholism, disconnection, paranoia, and putting my own internal wisdom aside to follow the “modern” way.

If you have also been raised with some of this way of thinking, ask yourself, “How’s that working out?” And if it isn’t, start relearning what does work. Root out the misinformation, and do different even when at times it feels “wrong” or “weird.” Because it will.

Realize as you make new and different choices, others will try to push you back on the path you are abandoning. Look at their lives and ask yourself, “it is working for them?” before taking advice.

The good news is the ancient wisdom is in there. Trust it. Seek it. Grow. Share.

 

The Girl and Boy Games Start Early

05 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by in parenting, Relationships

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If you have every been around preschool or grade school aged kids, you may have noticed the girl and boy games start early. My youngest, now in grade school, recently encountered one of the trickiest girl games, and I have to say she handled it like a champ.

There is a boy in her class who right from day one declared he thought she was the bee’s knees. And beautiful. And that he loved her. And wanted to marry her. The kid is “a natural,” clean cut and good looking. He’s got game already!

Every day after that he waited for her to arrive. I walked her to class the first few weeks, so I go to witness his face light up at the sight of her, watch him rush over, say, “Hi” and then the compliments would begin.

Then he started to “kiss” her. He was savvy enough to know that rather than actually try to kiss her, he would make a little “beak” like with his fingers and peck her on the cheek.

“Momma, why does he do and say all that?” she’d ask me after giving her daily report.

Now before the manosphere perhaps I would have overreacted, read something sinister into it, worry that he would hurt my little girl. But thanks to the guys around here, I knew by then that nope, he was just a sweet little boy with a crush. So I told her just that, and said to be nice to him, and take it as a compliment, then say to him, “My mom says I am too young for all this.”

I was also tempted to ask him what his career goals were, or to see how many camels, sheep, and goats his family might have to offer. (Kidding!)

Now that’s not the tricky part, although navigating girl-and-boy games can be tricky indeed. No, the tricky part was that her friends who were girls started to get jealous and to wish this boy was crushing on them instead. They started to chase him at recess, and try to win his affections away.

But he didn’t waver. He had made his decision. I thought that was very touching, and that it showed him to be of good character rather than a gadabout. (I am a momma bear, after all.)

After a few days when I asked her how she handled it, the girl games, she said matter of fact, “I told them it is not my fault he likes me. And that they didn’t need to get him to like them, they just needed to find their own love of their life. And that he was out there. Somewhere.” The girls accepted this, and all remained friends.

Lol. Out of the mouth of babes! She’s spunky, that one!

If these two actually do end up getting married, I will for sure be writing a country song about all this.

Is the Red Pill Going Mainstream?

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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More and more often I am hearing red pill type thinking from people in real life who I am pretty positive have never heard of the red pill or visited the manosphere. And I mean so many times in the past few weeks versus the past few years that I can’t write it off as just coincidence.

The interesting thing is they seem to be of various ages and demographics, both male and female.

I am not sure if these people have always secretly thought this way, and the results of the recent election have allowed them to feel they can speak more freely, or if the red pill is somehow going mainstream and people outside of this little corner of the Internet are somehow picking red pill concepts up?

In any case I find it very encouraging. I hope it leads us from where we are now to something that is more positive and works better for men, women, and children alike.

I am curious…has anyone else noticed the same?

(We touched on this in the comments of yesterday’s post, but I thought it might be good to expand on that and the “Overton Window shifting” idea…)

The Downside of the Red Pill

30 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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When I discovered the red pill, it felt like my eyes were opened and suddenly it clicked why everything had never made sense or worked as planned, before.

I made huge changes in my life and mindset over the next several years. I read all I could about relationships and dynamics between men and women based on the red pill. I learned a great deal and what I learned has greatly improved my life.

So what’s the downside?

The downside of the red pill, or one of them anyway, is that once one realizes it, you go through a stages of grief almost as you process that everything you have ever been told about how the world works, doesn’t.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And finally, acceptance.

I realized I had been sold an experimental life script. I and those of my generation and those after were unwitting guinea pigs in perhaps the largest social experiment ever. And that much of the pain and failure I had experienced in relationships and life, was because of that. And that I would never get that time or those opportunities back. And that I didn’t even know how to do things different. And that there were few places, if any, to learn how. I had to move forward without a map or much support in society for my quest.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

That ALL SUCKS BIG TIME.

Yeah, it almost seems easier not to face all of that truth. Many people won’t even peek under the lid of life because facing such things is not for the feint of heart.

But what you have seen cannot be unseen. And the only choice is to move forward the best you can. And while it is not always easy, isn’t that better than continuing to work a broken script?

If nothing else, one can use the information make the most of the life they have left and to try and leave the world a better place for the generations to come by sharing what was learned with others in hopes to help them avoid the same.

The older I get, the more and more I can see we only have limited days on this earth. The past is done, the future unwritten, but we do have this — the now to seize.  Reality is what one makes it. You are the author of your fate.

And knowing that is ironically a major upside of the red pill.