Tag Archives: relationships

Female Violence?

14 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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A reader comment got me thinking, you don’t hear much about female violence in the news or in general. But it’s actually a HUGE problem. Even the CDC says more men than women experience partner violence.  And there is almost no public awareness or discussion about how we can help reduce female violence, little to no support or resources for victims of female violence.

Why is this topic so taboo? Isn’t all violence worth talking about? Worth effort to reduce?

(Note: This post is not meant to take away from women who have experienced violence. That is also not OK. I am just speaking of violence by women, and wondering why we don’t talk about that, too.)

Root Out the Misinformation

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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Something I have written about in several different ways, but that I think bears repeating, is how my red pill awakening resulted in the uncomfortable realization that almost everything I had been taught about “how the world works” really doesn’t.

Even now I find myself having to be conscious of that old programming and not letting it back in.

For example, I was raised to not act or dress too feminine, because that was weakness and asking to be a victim. I was told to put off marriage and family, and instead to worship the Gods of education, career, and independence. I was taught men were not to be trusted, that they were out to get me, that they would oppress me and/or hold me back at every turn. I was taught children were a burden, they would keep me from my own hopes and dreams, and to put them off as long as possible if not indefinitely. I was taught to think, “Me first!”

Things is, I did all that and it didn’t work. If anything it lead to failed relationships, workaholism, disconnection, paranoia, and putting my own internal wisdom aside to follow the “modern” way.

If you have also been raised with some of this way of thinking, ask yourself, “How’s that working out?” And if it isn’t, start relearning what does work. Root out the misinformation, and do different even when at times it feels “wrong” or “weird.” Because it will.

Realize as you make new and different choices, others will try to push you back on the path you are abandoning. Look at their lives and ask yourself, “it is working for them?” before taking advice.

The good news is the ancient wisdom is in there. Trust it. Seek it. Grow. Share.

 

The Girl and Boy Games Start Early

05 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by in parenting, Relationships

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If you have every been around preschool or grade school aged kids, you may have noticed the girl and boy games start early. My youngest, now in grade school, recently encountered one of the trickiest girl games, and I have to say she handled it like a champ.

There is a boy in her class who right from day one declared he thought she was the bee’s knees. And beautiful. And that he loved her. And wanted to marry her. The kid is “a natural,” clean cut and good looking. He’s got game already!

Every day after that he waited for her to arrive. I walked her to class the first few weeks, so I go to witness his face light up at the sight of her, watch him rush over, say, “Hi” and then the compliments would begin.

Then he started to “kiss” her. He was savvy enough to know that rather than actually try to kiss her, he would make a little “beak” like with his fingers and peck her on the cheek.

“Momma, why does he do and say all that?” she’d ask me after giving her daily report.

Now before the manosphere perhaps I would have overreacted, read something sinister into it, worry that he would hurt my little girl. But thanks to the guys around here, I knew by then that nope, he was just a sweet little boy with a crush. So I told her just that, and said to be nice to him, and take it as a compliment, then say to him, “My mom says I am too young for all this.”

I was also tempted to ask him what his career goals were, or to see how many camels, sheep, and goats his family might have to offer. (Kidding!)

Now that’s not the tricky part, although navigating girl-and-boy games can be tricky indeed. No, the tricky part was that her friends who were girls started to get jealous and to wish this boy was crushing on them instead. They started to chase him at recess, and try to win his affections away.

But he didn’t waver. He had made his decision. I thought that was very touching, and that it showed him to be of good character rather than a gadabout. (I am a momma bear, after all.)

After a few days when I asked her how she handled it, the girl games, she said matter of fact, “I told them it is not my fault he likes me. And that they didn’t need to get him to like them, they just needed to find their own love of their life. And that he was out there. Somewhere.” The girls accepted this, and all remained friends.

Lol. Out of the mouth of babes! She’s spunky, that one!

If these two actually do end up getting married, I will for sure be writing a country song about all this.

Is the Red Pill Going Mainstream?

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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More and more often I am hearing red pill type thinking from people in real life who I am pretty positive have never heard of the red pill or visited the manosphere. And I mean so many times in the past few weeks versus the past few years that I can’t write it off as just coincidence.

The interesting thing is they seem to be of various ages and demographics, both male and female.

I am not sure if these people have always secretly thought this way, and the results of the recent election have allowed them to feel they can speak more freely, or if the red pill is somehow going mainstream and people outside of this little corner of the Internet are somehow picking red pill concepts up?

In any case I find it very encouraging. I hope it leads us from where we are now to something that is more positive and works better for men, women, and children alike.

I am curious…has anyone else noticed the same?

(We touched on this in the comments of yesterday’s post, but I thought it might be good to expand on that and the “Overton Window shifting” idea…)

The Downside of the Red Pill

30 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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When I discovered the red pill, it felt like my eyes were opened and suddenly it clicked why everything had never made sense or worked as planned, before.

I made huge changes in my life and mindset over the next several years. I read all I could about relationships and dynamics between men and women based on the red pill. I learned a great deal and what I learned has greatly improved my life.

So what’s the downside?

The downside of the red pill, or one of them anyway, is that once one realizes it, you go through a stages of grief almost as you process that everything you have ever been told about how the world works, doesn’t.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And finally, acceptance.

I realized I had been sold an experimental life script. I and those of my generation and those after were unwitting guinea pigs in perhaps the largest social experiment ever. And that much of the pain and failure I had experienced in relationships and life, was because of that. And that I would never get that time or those opportunities back. And that I didn’t even know how to do things different. And that there were few places, if any, to learn how. I had to move forward without a map or much support in society for my quest.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

That ALL SUCKS BIG TIME.

Yeah, it almost seems easier not to face all of that truth. Many people won’t even peek under the lid of life because facing such things is not for the feint of heart.

But what you have seen cannot be unseen. And the only choice is to move forward the best you can. And while it is not always easy, isn’t that better than continuing to work a broken script?

If nothing else, one can use the information make the most of the life they have left and to try and leave the world a better place for the generations to come by sharing what was learned with others in hopes to help them avoid the same.

The older I get, the more and more I can see we only have limited days on this earth. The past is done, the future unwritten, but we do have this — the now to seize.  Reality is what one makes it. You are the author of your fate.

And knowing that is ironically a major upside of the red pill.

Are Women Being Raised to Fail?

29 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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Something I realized very quickly after discovering the red pill was that myself and most women (and men) born in after the late 1960s in America have basically been raised to fail in life and love.

Now I am not saying it was intentional. I really do think at least some people thought changing the social contract between men and women was going to be a step forward. Progress. Better. Utopia, even.

Of course others involved in the movement did so because for whatever reason the old social contract wasn’t working for them. Maybe they were trapped in a bad marriage. Maybe they had been abused. Maybe they were not attracted to or interested in men. But something all these women who started the feminist movement had in common is they were not happily and successfully relating with men, and so were they really in the best position to advise women how to fix that?

Pretty much all the advice I got growing up from multiple sources about how to be a happy, strong, successful woman turned out to have done more harm than good in my life and relationships. And as I look around at the other “modern” women I know, they too are experiencing the same.  Relationships not working. Priorities out of wack. Lack of balance. Workaholism. Unhappiness. Frazzled. Families falling apart. Dysfunction. Depression. Anxiety. Confusion. Etc.

My theory is that this is the blue pill version for females. Men were sold the “Be nicer. Be more sensitive. Be more like a woman,” line at the same time women were being told, “Be tough, be outspoken, be more like a man.”

Simultaneously, women were also being warned that men were the enemy, that they couldn’t be trusted, that they needed to always be financially independent of men because of that, and that they always needed to be on guard against them.

It wasn’t until I saw my babysitter living a truly traditional life that I actually saw how the old social contract worked, and worked pretty well. (You can read about her in more detail here.)

She’s always happy. She loves her life. She loves her husband. Her husband loves her. Their kids are happy and well behaved. She’s gracious and feminine and mild. And rather than treat her like a doormat, he cherishes her for it. She oversees the home and children sphere, he brings home the bacon. Of all the marriages I have seen, theirs has the least amount of discord or unhappiness of all. It works. It works really well, actually.

It’s something to ponder for sure, whether these social changes of the past 40 years have actually made life better for women. And men. And children. Or are things worse?

What do you think?

 

 

 

A Good Question

28 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

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Reader Mega recently questioned if he should continue to date a woman who he gets along with in every way except ideologically?

Apparently the recent election brought things to a head, with him on one side and her on another. As the discussions continued, the divide chafed more and more.

From what I have seen opposites may attract, but over time seeing the world from opposing viewpoints can lead to increasing strife, which is a lot harder to live with long term than increasing harmony.

He wondered if it was possible perhaps she would change her point of view with time? It’s a big “if.”

Now I do believe people can and do change their point of view, as I certainly did upon discovering the red pill, but usually people have to do so on their own. It’s not something you can really talk someone else into.

In the long run I would say it is easier to be with someone who shares your worldview, than opposes it. Especially if they can’t agree to disagree.

After all, isn’t life complicated enough? Yes. Yes it is.

As one man explained it to me once, ladies, men spend their whole lives scrapping with each other in the public sphere — for jobs, for status, for recognition, for respect, for territory, for everything basically. The last thing a guy wants to do is retreat into his private world and encounter strife or competition there as well. No. A man wants and needs his woman to be a soft place to land.

If I were a betting gal, chances are Mega’s 50-some-year-old girlfriend will soon be on her own once again. Perhaps,  it will be a moment of awakening. Perhaps not.

But the chances of a cantankerous 50-some-year-old woman finding someone willing to put up with such behavior for long are slim. Really, it’s not “attractive” to most men to be in a constant debate with a partner. Perhaps, she should think about it before it is too late. Maybe better for her to  just drop it, even if she doesn’t change her point of view, rather than continue the verbal sparring?

 

A True Life Carousel Tale

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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There’s a common saying in the Red Pill world that a girl who embraces the choice to live it up in her 20’s and early 30’s, choosing casual sex and “experiences” over settling down is “riding the carousel.”

Riding the carousel cashes in on the upper hand a woman has in youth. And it’s all fun and games until the reality hits — when she’s “ready” to settle down, things have changed, and not in her favor.

This woman’s essay captures a real life carousel tale, although she herself probably has never heard the term:

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a10010/failure-to-launch-when-beauty-fades-323090/

(Note the part of her story when she did have a great guy who wanted to marry her, and instead of appreciating his love she cheated on him with every bad-boy she could find. Poor guy!)

And here are some images to illustrate, at what point do you think she was at her highest MMV (marriage market value)?

liz1

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She did eventually marry, at age 47. And I hope they are happy, and she’s good to him, and that her life experiences have not jaded her so much that she cannot truly bond or love. And I hope she advises the younger women in her life not to take their youth for granted, and that nothing lasts forever…

Divorce Isn’t A Fix All

18 Tuesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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A good friend of mine who was in her 40’s and had been divorced for some time said something that I will never forget, “Something I realized after my divorce was the same problems I used to think were caused by him still remained.”

In other words the bathroom still didn’t clean itself. There were clothes on the floor. The dishes piled up. Bills still came. Stuff still needed fixing. And all the rest.

She said it was a real case of eating humble pie when she realized it, too.

Despite my friend being a very attractive, fit, petite women with a great job (she was a neonatal nurse), a fun personality, and no kids or other responsibilities, she had not managed to find another relationship in the decade after she left her marriage.

Sadly, we’ve lost touch over the past 10 years, but last I heard she was dating someone who had decided he would never remarry and they lived separately and had just broke up because she didn’t want to live alone.

Sometimes the problems that are so easy to blame on a spouse are simply life problems. Problems you are going to have as a single person, too. Except you will now face those problems on your own.

I hope her tale serves as an example that divorce doesn’t magically fix all of life’s problems, and often marriage isn’t the problem, life is. So before you jump into the great unknown thinking it will be easier and better, stop to ask yourself if maybe you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater (or in this case the hubby!)

Let those with ears hear.

 

A Bride or a Wife?

14 Friday Oct 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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Recently, I helped at a wedding that provided a great example of the difference between being ready to be a bride versus being ready to be a wife.

The couple is in their 20s. I would guess she’s about 22, he’s in his late 20’s. They met in a rather unique way — she was on a blind date with one of his friends (it was not a match). He waited a year, kept tabs on her via Facebook, then asked her out on a date. Before the date was over, she says they both knew this was likely “it.”

This young couple impresses me in many ways. They are already committed to a debt-free lifestyle. They bought a piece of land and are building a home. They approach life as a team already. They are unusually sensible and mature for their ages, it seems to me. They are “on the right track” and seem to have a solid plan for their future.

All of this impressed me already, but I really saw that this girl was ready to be a wife, not just a bride, when the wedding day approached. By a stroke of bad luck there was a huge storm, and with high winds and pouring rain forecast, the outdoor fall wedding she had dreamed of was just not in the cards as planned.

Three days before the event, she accepted reality and quickly went to work securing an alternate indoor venue and rearranging everything.

Not once did I see her melt down. Not once did I see her feel sorry for herself. Not once did I hear her complain. No princess fantasy derailment. No, “My day is ruined!” She just bucked up and did what needed done. Like a boss (and I told her so!)

I have to say, she surprised me. I had underestimated her, as she is very attractive and seems like the kind of girl who has likely had a charmed and easy life. Or so I thought. I was surprised in fact when I met her parents to learn this very traditional minded gal had been raised in a hippie commune.

Who would have thought? A gal raised in a Northern California hippie commune would turn out to be such a mature, sensible, solid adult? Who despite both being raised in an alternative culture combined with the current culture, choose to marry and start her adult life young, and choose very well. Her husband comes from one of the most respected families in the area and he is a great guy. His choice of a wife reveals a wisdom and readiness to lead.

I predict good things for them. She’s shared that they plan to start a family soon, and after working in commercial daycare centers in high school, and despite being recently promoted to manager in a national coffee house chain with the promise of an upwardly mobile career ahead, they have decided when children come she’ll stay at home and raise them.

In any case, she’s a good example of a woman who is not just ready to be a bride, but who is ready to be a wife. It warms my red pill cynical heart to see, that sometimes people still manage to find their way despite the mainstream madness.

I hope to raise my daughters to be as wise as this young lady.  She’s a great example and role model for any young woman to follow.