Tag Archives: security

Be Mine, Valentine

14 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Relationships

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Today I happened to be walking out of a store at the same time the local high school was getting out. I saw multiple teen boys with bouquets of flowers in hand, obviously headed off to present them to someone.

They looked so young, so hopeful, so eager. I hope the gals the flowers will go to will be gentle with their hearts and realize it’s an honor when a man asks her to, “Be mine, Valentine.”

I have heard many men in the manosphere say they never loved again like they loved their first love. And for some whose first love broke their heart, the recovery can take years, if ever.

Ladies, if you have a man bringing your flowers today, be good and true to him!  In turn, he will gladly move mountains for you!

Let those with ears hear.

Head Games Don’t Pay Off

13 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Relationships

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I have written about my former neighbor I nicknamed Vixen before more than once. Last time I wrote about her she was about to have a baby, and was torn between the dad who wouldn’t commit and the beta orbiter who would.

The baby is now almost 10 months old and sure is a cute little guy! He has a very even temperament and is the “easy baby” all moms hope for. I think God knew what she could handle, and cut her a lot of slack!

She still continues to waffle between the two choices, never fully committing or detaching from either one. So things continue to be a cluster.

The other night I had a little red pill heart to heart with her, and explained that a big reasons she (and her kids) are in the situation she’s in is due to her fence sitting. In classic projection she’s the one who is really unwilling to commit to either path 100%, not them, and the longer it goes on the more damage is being done.

Honestly I am surprised they both have not given up on her by now, but from what I see both guys are willing to commit to her *IF* she would commit to them. But she can’t decide, and that is the problem.

The baby’s father has a great job but it is and always has been in a different state. He comes home frequently, but as he has explained to her multiple times if he were to take a job closer to home, he’d be taking a 2/3 pay cut as well.

He’s got an Alpha temperament and so the more she tries to bend him to her will, the more distance he puts between them. I have met him and seen them interact and she constantly “shit tests” him whenever he comes home for the weekend. His reaction? He doesn’t want to be around her, and so he leaves.

As I watched her once again bring up the tired old, “We wouldn’t fight if you were here, it’s your job that is the problem,” yada yada last time he visited, I could not help but interrupt, “Haven’t we had this fight already?” (Not to mention in front of myself and the kids!)

He’s made it pretty clear he is more than willing to pay her rent and commit to her *if* she will stop the nagging and fighting and would drop the orbiter. And yet she just can’t seem to stop herself, even when it leads to him breaking things off and dating other women for awhile, which he has done. He’s a good guy but he simply is not going to tolerate her behavior.

Her beta orbiter is also a great guy. But she says as much as she wishes she felt “tingles” with him, she doesn’t. He’s too available, too ready to run to her aid, too willing to put up with her nonsense. It kills  her attraction but he just can’t seem to stop himself. He’s holding on in hopes that he will be the last guy standing in the end.

During our red pill talk I asked her which one she wanted. She said the baby’s father, ideally, which I also agree now that baby is here and he is willing if she can learn to curb her tongue. But I explained to her he would never be all in unless she was too. And that means cutting off the beta orbiter and his “help” 100% completely. And of course all other potential orbiters or relationships with single men who are attracted to her.

I also pointed out that her behavior was driving him away, and that rather than fight with him every time he comes to town, maybe she should welcome him, make a fuss, treat him like a king, and not complain. Make her place somewhere he can’t wait to get to rather than run away from.

He’s got the opportunity to transfer to an equal job here within the next six months.  So I suggested she spend the next six months cementing the relationship than continue to play foolish games. Cut off the other guy completely in the meantime, as his involvement and help only makes things more confusing. She simply can’t have both. She agreed it made sense.

Then, this weekend, just two days after our talk she spent most of her time with guess who? The beta orbiter. Ug!

I didn’t say anything, but she knows what I think. She’s playing with fire and it’s going to end up with her and her kids getting burned I am afraid.

She has taken note of my own long distance relationship, also due to work constraints. Rather than fight with him and make it an issue, I patiently wait because I realize it is in both of our best interest he ride out the next few years to get a full retirement that will be a huge benefit to us both! In the meantime we are in frequent contact, never fight, and see each other as often as his leave time allows. On weekends I stay home and I stay away from “friendships” with single guys because I don’t want him to even have to question where I stand. I have chosen him and that’s that. I do all I can to prove I am a good bet rather than play games and try to make him prove himself to me! He’s all in, but I know he would not be if I were not, too! (And I respect that!)

The bottom line is men don’t share. They just don’t. And men don’t like a bunch of drama either. Her own behavior is why she is single and has a commitment from nobody, while meanwhile I don’t have a care in the world and all is swell! I know she’s watching how I am handling my own situation differently, and I hope it will click for her, although honestly there’s already a LOT of damage done in the last 2-3 years she’s played games. I don’t see how either relationship could ever be what it fully could have been had she not played games. I wonder if she will ever get that?

What do you think? Have you ever seen a woman try to run a relationship as if she is an Alpha male? Except she isn’t, so the plate spinning and jealousy does not work in her favor? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

(Personally I think both guys should RUN!!! But softie that I am, I still hope for her, her kid’s, and the guys sake she will figure it out before they do.)

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

Build Up Your House

30 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in Faith, Relationships

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There’s a proverb that I think every woman should know and use as a guiding principle in life. It goes:

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” ~ Proverbs 14.1

I have known many women who behave and believe in ways that foolishly tear down their homes, and sadly I have only known a few who work hard to build their homes up.

A few examples of tearing down one’s home include engaging in “husband bashing sessions” with other women, spending recklessly, threatening your spouse that you will leave or divorce them during arguments, allowing people in your life who bad talk your marriage, continually bringing up past grievances, calling names or fighting dirty rather than focusing on resolving issues, putting other things or people (friends, money, career, hobbies, etc.) in front of your family, having one foot in your marriage and one foot out the door, spending time around other men who you are attracted to or who are attracted to you, and more.

I am sure if you think about the women you know or have seen on TV or in movies, you could easily come up with many examples of women tearing down their homes with their own hands. There are few, if any, of women taking steps to build their homes up.

In fact, it seems women get far more support and encouragement today to LEAVE their marriages, than to work things out. But the wisdom and truth of this proverb has not changed.

As you go about your day, making decisions small and large, ask yourself, “Is this building my home up, or tearing it down?” Or, if you are unmarried, ask, “Is this building toward my plans for a future successful relationship, or not?”

A wise woman asks herself these questions, while a foolish one ignores them.

Let those who have ears hear.

Can you think of ways a woman could build up her house? Tear it down? Please share them in the comments!

A Bride or a Wife?

14 Friday Oct 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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Recently, I helped at a wedding that provided a great example of the difference between being ready to be a bride versus being ready to be a wife.

The couple is in their 20s. I would guess she’s about 22, he’s in his late 20’s. They met in a rather unique way — she was on a blind date with one of his friends (it was not a match). He waited a year, kept tabs on her via Facebook, then asked her out on a date. Before the date was over, she says they both knew this was likely “it.”

This young couple impresses me in many ways. They are already committed to a debt-free lifestyle. They bought a piece of land and are building a home. They approach life as a team already. They are unusually sensible and mature for their ages, it seems to me. They are “on the right track” and seem to have a solid plan for their future.

All of this impressed me already, but I really saw that this girl was ready to be a wife, not just a bride, when the wedding day approached. By a stroke of bad luck there was a huge storm, and with high winds and pouring rain forecast, the outdoor fall wedding she had dreamed of was just not in the cards as planned.

Three days before the event, she accepted reality and quickly went to work securing an alternate indoor venue and rearranging everything.

Not once did I see her melt down. Not once did I see her feel sorry for herself. Not once did I hear her complain. No princess fantasy derailment. No, “My day is ruined!” She just bucked up and did what needed done. Like a boss (and I told her so!)

I have to say, she surprised me. I had underestimated her, as she is very attractive and seems like the kind of girl who has likely had a charmed and easy life. Or so I thought. I was surprised in fact when I met her parents to learn this very traditional minded gal had been raised in a hippie commune.

Who would have thought? A gal raised in a Northern California hippie commune would turn out to be such a mature, sensible, solid adult? Who despite both being raised in an alternative culture combined with the current culture, choose to marry and start her adult life young, and choose very well. Her husband comes from one of the most respected families in the area and he is a great guy. His choice of a wife reveals a wisdom and readiness to lead.

I predict good things for them. She’s shared that they plan to start a family soon, and after working in commercial daycare centers in high school, and despite being recently promoted to manager in a national coffee house chain with the promise of an upwardly mobile career ahead, they have decided when children come she’ll stay at home and raise them.

In any case, she’s a good example of a woman who is not just ready to be a bride, but who is ready to be a wife. It warms my red pill cynical heart to see, that sometimes people still manage to find their way despite the mainstream madness.

I hope to raise my daughters to be as wise as this young lady.  She’s a great example and role model for any young woman to follow.

War Brides

12 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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As someone who grew up in a military town, I have met and gotten to know many war brides.

Now, the “war bride” phenomenon is one few want to talk about, or acknowledge, as it speaks to a part of woman’s nature that men cannot fathom and many women don’t want to admit, that yet is part of the female internal program.

In short, in times of war, women respond to conquest by adapting to the new reality. They will marry soldiers who recently killed their kin and fathers and sons and brothers. Because the harsh reality is, if they do not find a protector, they are as good as dead.

If they cannot line up such a protector for themselves because of age (post menopause) they will try to align such a match for their younger female kin like everyone’s survival depends upon it, because in a very real way it does.

All of the true war brides I have known (not just women who married American G.I’s stationed in their area in peacetime) all had a certain air to them, an air of regret and unhappiness. An empty, soulless look to their eyes. They survived, yes. But there was a high price to pay.

Women today are quite detached from the reality that all that stands between them and choosing war bride or death are their countrymen.

Trust me, your countrymen are the way to go. Always. Cherish them. Be loyal, supportive and true to them in good times and bad. Bring them tea and sandwiches. Have their back. And be sure to build them up. Little gestures they are, but to men they mean so, so, so much.

If not, your future is as (in)secure as the direction of the latest wind.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

Half Empty or Half Full?

29 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in Relationships

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I am starting to see a common thread in the stories of the women in my life – it’s far more common to hear a woman focusing on the glass being half empty than half full. And guess what? The ones who do, they are unhaaaaapy.

I challenge you ladies, start looking at the half full side of things. Start steering your thoughts and attitude toward happy and grateful for the good things in your life from the smallest to the biggest. Chances are you will find yourself a lot haaaaaapier if you do so.

Extreme example, but it’s a good one. A friend of mine who has been talking non-stop about divorcing her loyal, hardworking, steady Eddie husband of 10+ years and father of her four children (two hers he took on 100%, two theirs) for over a year now (and I have been trying to talk her out of it), her husband had a freak reaction to anesthesia during a minor surgical procedure a few months ago. He nearly died.

She freaked out. This man is the sole source of income and support for her family. She was in the hospital and on her knees praying for his life for two days straight. And, he lived and is doing well.

I am not kidding, less than a week later I call her up and right away she starts back into, “I am unhaaaaapy. It’s all his fault. I should just divorce him and get this over with. How long can I live like this?” And so on. LESS THAN ONE WEEK LATER.

Seriously, sister? And this poor guy, he actually gets up and goes to work and does all he can to make her happy anyway! Bless him. How many women would do the same?

There’s a saying that before you point out the speck in someone else’s eye, you should take the log out of your own. Because I would say in all of the cases of my friends who I see doing this, the unhappiness isn’t him, it’s within themselves. Leaving him won’t fix that.

If you have a good man who maybe isn’t perfect but he’s working hard and trying to please you, is a good dad, has a good heart — he is not abusive, not cheating, not an addict or alcoholic — be grateful for what you have, because I tell you, you will miss it dearly when it is gone. And you will regret not doing different.

So do different now. Be happy. Be happy with what you have. Look for the good in him. Be good to him. Build him up in your mind, and his. Love him, honor him, cherish and obey him. Like you promised you would, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.

And if you do, you will be a happy woman. And you will have a happy man, who will work all the harder to make you happy, and he will honor you above all others, and your children will be happy, and that happy will make more happy. Unlimited happy. Happier than you ever dreamed. I have seen even marriages racked with infidelity and alcoholism turn around with this one simple choice — to focus on the good and not the bad. The choice is yours.

Let those who have ears hear.