Tag Archives: sex

There Are Few Do-Overs

19 Tuesday Sep 2017

Posted by in Red Pill

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When I was younger, I had the impression that life was a series of endless do-overs. When and if I made a mistake, I could simply recalibrate and no harm done.

With age I have found the idea of unlimited do-overs is an illusion, perhaps fostered even more today with grades, tests, and other once hard lines always open for “a retake.”

I would caution young women to avoid the do-over mentality, and to instead view life as a series of largely one-way choices. Choose well, and you will have a good and happy life. Choose poorly, and you will more than likely struggle and not have a good life.

Decisions such as when and with who to be sexually active, for example, are huge. Girls losing their virginity young, before they truly understand that sex is meant to be a sacred experience you ideally have with your one true love and should save for that person, are making a decision they can’t ever do-over. And they are opening themselves up to being used, pumped and dumped, hurt, and discarded.

Don’t. You are worth more than that. If you have already taken this path, stop. You can’t go back but you don’t have to keep going forward. Be good to yourself. Wait for someone who will love you, care for you, and not leave.

Likewise the choice of when and who to marry is not to be approached with a do-over mentality. If you are entering marriage with the thought, “well, if it doesn’t work out we can divorce,” you are making a huge, huge mistake. Don’t. Wait. Wait for the one you will stand by and who will stand by you without question thru thick and thin. Through anything. Through everything.

Obviously, children are not a do-over either. When you have them know every day and every decision and every moment is building them into the adult they will become. Make sure that’s a happy, healthy, functional one. While it can feel at the time you will have them forever, you won’t. Make the most of that time even if you must sacrifice your needs and wants at times to do so. Even if you didn’t have a happy childhood, your children can. Giving them that will in turn heal you, too.

Experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and other unhealthy addictive behaviors is also not a do-over. Being controlled by something rather than being in control sucks. It destroys your life and the lives around you. Don’t. Just don’t even go there. If you are there, stop. Seek whatever help you need to do so.

Likewise, financial choices are often not do-overs. Live below your means. Save for a rainy day. Avoid the huge trap of debt. Give yourself the gift of financial stability by starting to save just 10% of every check you get, and then doing so for life. Small daily choices can make a huge difference in financial stability vs. disaster.

See, these types of decisions are not really do-overs. They are once and done. Love yourself and those around you enough to make good healthy choices. You will be rewarded with a good life filled with no regrets.

Let those with ears hear.

 

 

 

Nature is Sexist!

21 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Gender

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There is a difference between sexism and biology. And before throwing down the “sexist” claim, it’s important to understand the difference.

Sexism is basically telling people (historically women) that they cannot do X, Y, or Z because of their sex. These things were possible, but due to social constraints were not “acceptable” and so they were forbidden. That’s sexism.

However, there are certain things in life that may appear sexist at first blush, but are actually biological constraints. These are not sexist, although they may be sex-specific.

Men cannot, for example, have babies. That is not sexist, that’s biology.

Or to make examining such things less heated, it’s often helpful to extrapolate from the animal world, from nature in general, to understand the difference between sexism and biology.

Besides the seahorse and Emperor penguin and a few other token examples, for the most part, by and large, it is the female of the species who does the bulk of the work rearing the young. Now one could fight it is not “fair” till the cows come home, but it simply is what it is.

Without mothering, most offspring simply do not survive or if they do they are confused and unprepared for what lies ahead.  Sure there are examples of animals who need no mothering or fathering (sea turtles, for example), but again if that’s the way they are biologically designed that is a far cry from it being a “choice.”

In the animal kingdom, none fight this. They simply go about life doing their biological role and everything works out great.

We humans, despite being the “most intelligent” species on the planet, seem to be the only ones who want to ignore biology and define it for ourselves.

It’s at most a fool’s errand. But people still do.

Let those who have ears hear!

Can you name some examples of this either in your life or that you have seen in the lives of others? Please share in the comments!

 

A True Life Carousel Tale

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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There’s a common saying in the Red Pill world that a girl who embraces the choice to live it up in her 20’s and early 30’s, choosing casual sex and “experiences” over settling down is “riding the carousel.”

Riding the carousel cashes in on the upper hand a woman has in youth. And it’s all fun and games until the reality hits — when she’s “ready” to settle down, things have changed, and not in her favor.

This woman’s essay captures a real life carousel tale, although she herself probably has never heard the term:

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a10010/failure-to-launch-when-beauty-fades-323090/

(Note the part of her story when she did have a great guy who wanted to marry her, and instead of appreciating his love she cheated on him with every bad-boy she could find. Poor guy!)

And here are some images to illustrate, at what point do you think she was at her highest MMV (marriage market value)?

liz1

liz2

She did eventually marry, at age 47. And I hope they are happy, and she’s good to him, and that her life experiences have not jaded her so much that she cannot truly bond or love. And I hope she advises the younger women in her life not to take their youth for granted, and that nothing lasts forever…

Taboo Talk

27 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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It is interesting to me what a to-do people are making about some of the things Trump has said, while at the same time the book 50 Shades of Grey outsold Harry Potter (!) without any marketing or advertising beyond whispered word of mouth. And it was filled with lots and lots of taboo talk!

Some of the latest dialog being quoted was said about a contestant on his reality show, a former Playboy centerfold and Playmate of the Year.

While people are up in arms, I find it interesting that the woman he said these things about and to was not in the least offended by them. And she thinks highly of the man. She seems to “get it” that of course he felt that way (duh!), and she took his saying so not as an insult but as a compliment and as lighthearted teasing said jokingly. They both seemed to get it was just talk.

When I was younger, I would get very uncomfortable about men saying things about my body or my sexuality unsolicited. I get that such language, if not said jokingly, can be scary. Such things said in a different tone would in fact be crossing a line.

But I think we have gone too far, where even innocuous admiration of the female form has become weaponized. Men like looking at pretty women. It’s that simple. Even married men like looking at pretty women.

Something I learned in the manosphere is that men are looking at women all the time, way more than we realize. One man described how it’s almost automatic for him to size up every female he comes across (“She’s a 2, there’s a 7, that one is a 6, etc.”) It’s just something his mind automatically did, and other men admitted theirs did too, and that it wasn’t pervy or leering. It’s the way the male mind works. Visual. Very visual.

And maybe we should all just get over it.

For example, awhile ago my vacuum cleaner hose got a toy lodged in it. So knowing the guy who owns the local country store is handy, and needing the vacuum fixed asap, I headed over to see if he could help me out. He’s likely nearly 60, married, super nice guy, blue collar, former truck driver.

He was sitting there with my neighbor, an elderly bachelor farmer in his late 70s, and they were shooting the breeze. They were happy to help me with my dilemma and soon got the toy dislodged.

I thanked them and turned to walk back home. I heard the farmer comment about being happy to help, “in exchange for the nice view.” And yes, he meant my backside. The store owner laughed good-heartedly, in a “I was thinking it, but he actually said it out loud” kind of way.

My reaction? I added a little extra shimmy to my walk, and carried on my way, with a smile on my face, knowing they meant it as a compliment, and feeling kinda good that they noticed.

It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t sleazy. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was life.

Now I know this pales in comparison to what Trump said to and about the contestant, but I have had men say similar things as what he said to me, too. And they said it lighthearted and joking, and I knew and they knew it was just talk. And the few times it wasn’t, I made it known I wouldn’t have it. End of.

Much ado about nothing, I say. I’d much rather see fair, balanced investigative journalistic news stories comparing the candidates views on the issues that really matter to the American people, rather than see “reporters”wasting ink on such tabloid fodder.

 

 

 

What Is A Red Pill Woman?

18 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Uncategorized

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My apologies for not writing much lately, I have been busy with real life endeavors as well as enjoying some summer fun!

But to keep things going, I wanted to share an oldie-but-goodie post from the red pill blog “Married Man Sex Life” on the topic of what a “Red Pill Woman” looks like.  The entire original post can be found here: http://marriedmansexlife.com/2012/08/what-exactly-is-a-red-pill-woman/.

He lists 20 qualities a truly “Red Pill Woman” would posses: (Hope he won’t mind me re-posting the list here for ease of commenting upon!)

Have a look and share what you think in the comments!

“(1)  Understands that physical appearance and her looks are what attracts men’s sexual interest. She stays in shape and while every waking minute she may not be dressed to the nines, neither does she get mistaken for a slob. She “looks good for [insert age]”

(2)  Understands that all her skills, effort, kindness, intelligence and “inner beauty” et al, is what creates relationship comfort and makes her someone capable of having a functional relationship with.

(3)  Understands that what she does with her vagina always has some sort of consequence.

(4)  Understands that there is a sexual marketplace, and that women have an earlier peak of sexual desirability than men do. That the point (1) stuff comes very easily to young women, and that the point (2) and (3) stuff pays off over the longer term.

(5)  Understands that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and that committed men place extreme value on sexual loyalty.

(6)  Doesn’t need a man to save her from her own folly. Will not tolerate a relationship with a man that requires her to save him from his folly.

(7)  Is aware of her own sexuality and understands what in a man attracts her and turns her on. Namely hypergamy, Alpha Traits, why she may Fitness Test and so on.

(8)  Can delay gratification. Can pass on someone or something that is fun for now, but painful later on.

(9)  Can articulate things that she did wrong in prior relationships. Even if the guy was clearly the greater cause of relationship failure, she can acknowledge things she could have done better, or differently. She can think consciously about her relationships, rather than simply follow her emotions from moment to moment. Has a learning curve.

(10)  Understands that relationships are not static, that effort and intention to maintain them is an ongoing requirement. That while she can reasonably expect the man to take the lead, that doesn’t mean he’s the sled dog and she can curl up and take a nap on the sleigh.

(11)  Expresses genuine relationship discontent, clearly and directly, allowing time to correct the relationship issue. Does not complain to everyone else but her husband, does not act out instead of addressing problems, does not plan and/or execute an exit strategy before stating her discontent.

(12)  Lets go of resentment for relationship issues that are now resolved.

(13)  Understands that divorce sucks and is more akin to getting treatment for cancer than having cosmetic surgery.

(14)  Likes men in a general sense for who they are and what they do, rather than detesting all men in general and making an exception for the tiny few in her nuclear family.

(15)  Understands the risks both men and women take in having serious relationships, and is willing to negotiate ways to verify trustworthiness in each other. Sees doing this as evidence of true commitment rather than an insulting invasion of privacy.

(16)  With her chosen partner, is deeply and passionately sexual.

(17)  Is aware of her own personal kink and can communicate her sexual desires. Takes responsibility for receiving her own sexual pleasure.

(18)  Has a sense of humor.

(19)  Respects the boundaries of other peoples relationships and doesn’t attempt to mate poach.

(20)  Doesn’t keep the Red Pill a secret from those that need it.”

It’s a high bar these days, for sure, but is a path less traveled that I believe would lead such a woman toward a lifelong stable relationship versus a lifetime of serial monogamy or casual hook ups and unstable pairings.

Anything missing? Anything you agree/disagree with? Do you know any women like this?

 

 

 

 

Yes, I am Still Here!

02 Saturday Apr 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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Sorry, I have been busy with real life endeavors as of late and have not had much chance to write, or even comment! But rest assured, I am still here and all is well!

I have an idea stewing in my head but it’s not quite complete, so perhaps for now perhaps you guys can share some ideas for topics you’d like to see me tackle and discuss them among yourselves?  I’m all ears…

Have a GREAT weekend!

The Doctor and His Wife

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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A couple who frequents my biz offer an interesting Red Pill vingette.

Now I don’t know them well, but they are friendly and with each visit a little more comes out. They are an attractive couple, he is tall and trim, with a bit of an Alan Alda circa M*A*S*H vibe. Not super hot, but not bad looking by any means. She is very natural yet very attractive, wavy brunette hair, striking big green eyes, curvy but not at all fat, athletic and fresh faced, as if she just came from a spirited hike in the woods.

He’s a psychologist, she works for a group that aims to conserve rural land.  They are happy and light and like to crack jokes, poking fun at themselves as well as at the absurdity of the world. They seem very fun.

They often stop in on their way to work out together at the gym, or to go out exploring nature, or some weekend couple’s time activity. Sometimes they bring friends, mostly they come alone.

It’s hard to say how long they have been together, but my gut says not very long. If I had to guess, I would say they met online and have been married less than two years. My guess is they dated for a year or so prior to that based on how they act with each other. They don’t have the “We’ve known each other for ages,” vibe couples seem to get – yet. (I will see if I can find out more of their story next time they stop in.)

They are affectionate, yet reserved. I am not sure I have ever seen them actually touch each other in public, and certainly no PDAs that stand out. Yet they have a definite fondness for each other, with a hint of a paternal vibe. Something tells me they have an active love life.

It can be hard to tell ages, but at their last visit I slipped it into the conversation out of curiosity. He revealed that he is 43, she is 28 (although very poised and not at all immature or girlish, regal almost.) I saw the twinkle in his eye and said, “A perfect age difference,” to which he readily and wholeheartedly agreed.

They are an example of a Red Pill truism, that men tend to hit their highest SMP/MMP mark later in life than a woman, while women tend to sooner. I get the feeling that pre-education/career he was not likely a ladies man, although he is natural enough in conversation. I suspect she’s at the peak of ripeness in her life, although I am sure she will continue to develop and mature with age. However in youthful beauty, she’s right there at the cusp.

They don’t have children together, but he said he does have a 20 year old of his own. They don’t plan to have kids, he announced and she shook her head in agreement. I get the feeling that these two just want to enjoy life and each other. (Although it will be interesting to see what happens as she nears 35 or so, when the maternal urge often seems to kick in full force even in women who have not had it before.)

If you were to chart these two on a graph with each at their SMP/MMP peak, they’d both be there about now, which is exactly what the Red Pill predicts. They are a matched set. I predict a pretty cushy life ahead.

Or in other words ladies, when the Doctor picks his wife, she’s likely going to be younger than he, better looking, and she’ll be quite thrilled with her hypergamous catch.

Ladies, you would not be unwise to start looking for your love match in ernest starting at or before age 25. And it wouldn’t be bad to aim a bit older than yourself, as he’ll likely be more settled and ready to be looking for his match as well compared to someone your own age. To guys her age, she may not stand out or they may still be in casual dating mode, but for a man around 40 she would be a definite score! Not to say people of the same age don’t get together, but when he was scanning profiles of 40 some year old women (likely with added life complications) versus ones of ladies in their mid to late 20s who likely has less relationship baggage, odds are the guy will choose as above.  Had she been tied up with a guy her age who’s not ready to commit, she may have missed him. It’s something to ponder and to set yourself up to win accordingly.

Not to say it can’t happen, but the idea that a gal can wait just like a man can to settle down with an upper shelf guy rarely works out in her favor, while for a man it more than likely can. (Or in other words, would she have married a Doctor at 41? Maybe, maybe not…)

What do you think?

 

Cool Ways to Show Your Guy Some Love

26 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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Today’s post is going to be a little different from the rest. In this post I hope YOU as readers and commenters will share stories of cool ways a gal can show her guy some love — both large and small.

These can be things you as a woman have done for your man that he seemed to really like, or things women have done for you as a man that made you feel especially loved. Also they can be stories of things you have seen others do that you thought were cool, or even things you wish someone would do, but hasn’t.

In short anything is fair game! The idea is to give the ladies following along some ideas for ways they can show their man more love, appreciation, and respect and take some positive steps toward crafting a happier relationship/marriage.

Please, dive in!

Do You Know What You Want And How To Get There?

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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On yesterday’s post, commenter ballista74 shared a link to a blog post at his place I wanted to call attention to. You can find that post here, it is part of a longer series, all well worth reading to help you understand the sexual/marriage market we find ourselves navigating today, how it has changed, and why that’s not working out so great.

He shared a graphic that really breaks it all down, how the path from meeting someone to marriage, even for traditional marriage-minded folks, has all but disappeared with no clear path to take its place. I hope he will not mind me reposting it here:

2015-12-17-mating-evolution

Thing is ladies, it’s kind of like that old saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will get you there.”

Instead of following the other mating lemmings off the cliff and hoping the fire department has put out a crash pad at the bottom to save you, I’d highly suggest gals absolutely define what they want, and then come up with a solid strategy for getting there.

??? + somehow does not = (courtship) marriage.

Hanging out/hooking up does not reliably = marriage.

My advice? Don’t play the lotto with your life and future. Have a plan. Work your plan.

I think ballista74 has hit the nail on the head. What do you think?

It Just Doesn’t Work That Way

19 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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In a comment on yesterday’s Alpha or beta post, commenter Ton once again brings up a post-worthy point that how male/female dynamics SHOULD work (or we are all told they work) and how they DO work are two very different things.

He says:

“If chicks grooved on the sort of guys men like and respect, betas would be held in high regard and there would be no man-o-sphere; if chicks fucked dudes who did limp shit like hand out 900 flowers, betas would be popular with chicks and there would be no man-o-sphere.”

The fact that we are here, discussing things like why chicks dig bad boys while good guys sit home alone or how women are constantly wondering where all the good guys have gone and/or chasing players means, well, he does have a point there.

Ton often refers to this very observable phenomenon as, “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground.” Or in other words, it ain’t the 1950’s anymore.

For the men, the takeaway point is that blue pill “good guys” often finish last. Not that it means one needs to be a bad guy, but that good guys might want to examine the tactical reality on the ground and act accordingly. Or simply go his own way and craft a life not centered on a woman, whether that means forgoing them entirely or forgetting about the whole love-marriage-baby carriage script and crafting a relationship that works for him.

Ton, for example, is a new father as well as the dad of two grown kids. He’s not married to the latest arrival’s mom though, having been down that road before and still paying the alimony for it. Instead he insisted on NOT marrying. That way if she bails, she at least does not also bail with half (or more) of his financial assets, and paternity laws still guarantee him all the same rights to his child, or more, than as if they married. Without the incentive to divorce-rape him for cash and prizes, perhaps she’ll be more motivated to stick around and work things out (and retain access to the assets/protection/goodies Ton offers so long as she does.) He has another girlfriend as well, a non-traditional poly lifestyle they all knew they were getting into up front and everyone was on board with. Let’s call it the, “more the merrier” approach. Girl #2 may be having Ton spawn #4 this year if all goes as planned. It seems to be working for them. (Both girls are 20+ years younger than his 45 years old, as well.) This is how Ton has decided to face the “tactical reality on the ground” and while it may not work for some men, it seems to work for him. And for him, defining his own path as a man, that’s what matters.

For the ladies, I think this “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground” might look something like this: she realizes that most girls are playing a losing game by chasing the bad boys/false alphas so she consciously seeks a guy that not only she is attracted to, but who is the kind of man other men admire as well (a true alpha/greater beta.) Rather than chase the players, she seeks a keeper, but at the same time (and this is KEY) she seeks one who she is actually attracted to above and beyond simply for provision and protection, thus avoiding setting them both up for a future falling out when he “just doesn’t do it for her” anymore. (It’s not OK to use people, ladies, and it doesn’t work out long term for anyone, yourself included.) For most women, marriage is ultimately the best position she can hope to be in, especially if children are involved. (Some women are also choosing to forgo marriage, so long as that is a conscious decision and she is not expecting the taxpayers to provide and protect for her, I see no harm in this either.)

But wait…that’s a contradiction, right? It’s a disadvantage for a man to marry, but an advantage for a woman to?

Yep. The two sexes have always had different agendas. That’s part of the complexity. Coming up with something that works for both, perhaps a deal where nobody is totally happy or gets everything they want, but everyone gets enough of what they want, based on the tactical reality on the ground, is the sweet spot?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!