Tag Archives: sex

Alpha or beta?

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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In the fine tradition of Red Pill shiv master Chateau Heartiste, today we will play a little game called Alpha or beta?

The idea is to access, from subtle body language tells in photos, if a guy is Alpha or beta.

Today’s candidate comes to us via frequent commenter Ton, who shared a news article on the Alpha/beta handing out a flower to each and every girl (900 of them) in his high school for Valentine’s Day.

Ton writes:

“Here’s a guy who will never be laid; maybe he should pack up and move to that yankee city with the platonic cuddle clubs.”

So, like the girl I am, I immediately visited the Alpha/beta’s Facebook page to snoop and found some photos of him and the ladies. From this, I am not so sure his grand gesture has not made him a hypergamy target in the small fickle pond that is his high school. (Utah, need I say more?)

I replied:

“@ Ton I dunno, rose boy seems to have a blonde hottie admirer, click thru to his Facebook!”

In typical Ton fashion, he replies:

“As if likes of FaceBook etc equals being balls deep in said hottie?”

So, dear readers, let’s have a look. What do you think — Alpha or beta? Let us know in the comments, and why you think so.

AlphaBeta

12592309_1121046947905908_981596745534408509_n

AlphaBeta3

AlphaBeta5

And with his previous girlfriend (also a looker, I’d say. Possibly blondie before coloring her hair, although to me blondie looks to be a natural blond? Hard to say.)

AlphaBeta6

 

What do YOU think, my friends? Alpha or beta?

 

 

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What Would You Bring?

10 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 55 Comments

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A commenter on a Red Pill blog I used to follow (Just Four Guys, which unfortunately is no longer online) once said something I think is an idea worth sharing, and one not shared nearly enough.

He told the tale of twice being on the verge of proposing, and twice changing his mind after having this conversation with his potential life mates:

Him: What are you looking for in a relationship/marriage?

Her: (She easily comes up with a long list of must have attributes, ways the relationship/marriage would benefit her, what she would expect from him, etc.)

Him: And what would you bring?

Her: (Blank confused stare, crickets…)

In both cases, he realized that she had not given any thought, not even in passing, about what she would BRING to a relationship, simply what she would GET from a relationship. And for him, that was a deal breaker.

So ladies, take heed. Next time you find yourself making a list of what HE needs to do, be, give, etc. (which by the way, often leads to feelings of unhappiness, lack, and dissatisfaction if you are making that list about a current partner, much less a dream one) try switching it up and thinking about what YOU could do, be, and give instead.

After all love is a two-way street, isn’t it?

Let those who have ears hear.

What’s Your Market Value?

29 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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Ladies, have you heard of the terms “sexual market value (SMV)” and “marriage market value (MMV)?” If not, they are red pill terms for how men rank a woman’s (and women rank a man’s) desirability for sex and marriage.

This is a really touchy subject, and one many people get up in arms about. However it is also powerful information you can use to your full advantage after you understand it.

Similar to a 1-10 scale, the higher the number, the more desirable a person is and the more options they will have. SMV and MMV are slightly different, as someone can have a high SMV ranking (they are hot and get lots of attention) but not a high MMV (for some reason they aren’t good marriage material.)

It’s also important to note that women’s SMV and MMV are at their highest in the early to mid 20s while a man’s SMV/MMV peak comes in his mid to late 30s. Why?

Much of a woman’s SMV and MMV is based upon her physical appearance and fertility while a man’s is based upon his material wealth, status, and power.

It’s also important to note that fair or not, a woman is at her physical and fertility peak a full decade younger than a man is at his wealth, status, and power peak.

Now you can say that’s sexist, or unfair, or not true*. But on a biological level, it’s simply reality. It’s the rare woman who looks better at 40 than she did at 22, and no woman is more fertile at 40 than she was at 22.

Unfortunately many women today focus on their SMV in their youth, and don’t consider how the actions she takes in her teens and 20s could either positively or negatively affect her MMV. Or in other words, short term gains in SMV can lead to big losses in MMV.

Perhaps the guys can weigh in here: Is it so? And if it is, when it comes to SMV vs. MMV, what ranks at the top of your list?

[* And remember, men are not immune to this effect either. A man who is naturally good looking, for example, may have a high SMV in his teens and 20s, but if he’s not also building up his MMV factors via education, job experience, financial stability, and status, he may find it harder and harder to attract women with age.]

The Virginity Curse

26 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by in Sex and Such

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I don’t know about you, but back when I was a teenager (in the late 80s, egads!) there was this mentality that to be a virgin was some kind of curse or something, and the social pressure from peers was that virginity was something to be ditched at the first possible opportunity.

If you don’t believe me, just watch the teen movies of that era. In almost every one, there is a character on a quest to lose their virginity like it is some rite of passage.  Characters who are virgins are portrayed as dweebs or squares or horribly uncool.

When I talk to teenagers today, it seems not much has changed. There may be some here and there who are taking virginity pledges and such, but for the most part it seems the attitude that to be a virgin is somehow a bad thing remains. That “experience” is preferable to innocence.

Frequent commenter Artisanal Toad raised an interesting point on his blog recently when he brought up an Old Testament passage that says, to paraphrase, when a girl loses her virginity, in God’s eyes the couple is married for life, unless the father objects to the match. In either case the man is required to pay the father the “bride price” in exchange for the daughter’s virginity.

Think about that for a minute. That would mean every girl reading this who is not a virgin is actually still married to the guy she lost her virginity to! Even if he or she went on to marry someone else! Uh oh, if this is the case, that means there are many awkward conversations to be had! (And yes, this rule seems only to be applied to women losing their virginity, not to men, unless the girl is also a virgin and then they are married.)

I hope he won’t mind my reposting the diagram from his site explaining this rather radical idea under today’s sexual norms, for those who are having trouble following this  here:

marriage-chart

Wow. I don’t know about you, but I find that absolutely mind blowing!

Now I am not sure if this is the case post New Testament, and since I cannot ask God directly about the in’s and out’s of the fine print, I don’t want to split hairs over if this is or is not the case anymore. However if nothing else it does make me wonder, if women today operated under that assumption that whoever they choose to lose their virginity to would be their husband from that point on till death do they part, how would that change things? Would women still be in a rush to “get it over with” as soon as possible? Or would they be a lot, lot, lot more thoughtful about the matter?

In our culture, the current assumption by and large is that partners WON’T be virgins when they marry. Or even when they meet. Sadly, this is largely the case even among church going folks. I do in fact know several couples who are each other’s first and only, and who are still together and going strong, but it’s exceedingly rare anymore.

How sad. I know I will be encouraging my own girls to wait, to value their virginity and innocence, to resist silly peer pressure, and to wait for a man who is ready and willing to commit to her for life, someone who will love her, honor her, cherish, and keep her all the days of her life.

I hope other girls/teens/young women will also rethink this idea of the “virginity curse” and buck the trend. Wouldn’t it be great if our society got to a point where it was “cool” to be a virgin until one was married? That it was considered a special and sacred moment once more?

Because it truly is a rite of passage, which is very likely why the tradition of weddings became such a big deal. That ceremony is supposed to signify this Old Testament idea — that to lose one’s virginity = marriage. Yep! That’s what the white gown and the standing up and the father giving away and the vows and the big party after are all about. Believe it or not!

Obviously we as a society are so far from that, the idea almost seems nutty. But if you ask me, it actually makes a whole lot of sense! And if one is a believer, it’s something to ponder very carefully indeed.  I doubt God’s view of the matter has changed all that much.

In the case a believer has already crossed the line, I am not sure what the solution might be. Except to repent and sin no more. Like the bible also advises, if you can’t be celibate, find someone and get married, and spend the rest of your days happily knocking boot with your chosen life mate! Yep, it’s as simple (and complex) as that!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

Is Sex Always for Sale?

18 Monday Jan 2016

Posted by in Sex and Such

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Last week we discussed the topic of sugar daddy/baby relationships and what they reveal about gender relations when viewed through a red pill lens.

Today I stumbled across a blog by a former call girl who describes her career choice quite candidly, and in a way that challenges a lot of the commonly held stereotypes about the profession.

In this post she asserts there’s really little difference between a call girl/John relationship and a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend one except call girls are openly and honestly acknowledging it’s an exchange of sex for resources with one key difference — unlike with dating or marriage, with a call girl the exchange is guaranteed.

In fact she hints that’s exactly why “good” women object so strongly to prostitution: because it puts the exchange many such women don’t want to admit right out there in the open where it makes those who want to pretend it’s (and they’re) not like that extremely uncomfortable.

It’s an interesting insight as far as inter-gender relations, even if I am not so sure myself that it always boils down to the simple equation of a woman gives a man what he wants (sex and/or babies) in exchange for what she wants (provision and/or protection.) And actually in this post, she says similar, and goes into the topic of transactional sex and marriage further. Interestingly, she speculates that it is the idea that all sex should be based on true love/feelings and should never, ever be transactional that is behind many a divorce today.

Once again, like with the sugar post,  I am not advocating women choose (or not choose) to become call girls or for this to get into a discussion about morality or virtue.  What I am more interested in is the question — is all male/female sex basically a transaction on some level?

Perhaps this is why, or at least partly why, women’s right activists and feminists advocate for a woman’s right to have sex for free with anyone they choose without “slut shaming” but will in the next breath take a hard line against actual whoring, saying it’s always about oppression and victimization? (Not that it sometimes isn’t.) Is that not a contradiction?

Perhaps they equate free/casual sex with independence and sex in trade for money or provision/protection (like marriage) as dependence? Or do they object because it somehow reveals something about the feminine imperative they would rather not be out in the open?

Are modern women trying to blur the line between sex and resources because they want to be able to exercise their option to get the goodies and NOT make the trade? (For example, in the sexless marriage.) Or to exercise the option to make the trade, when they want to, minus goodies? (For example, to be able to have casual or no strings sex without the social judgement of days gone by.) To have a sort of sliding scale approach, where some guys “pay” nothing while others “pay” dearly, based on how attracted she is to him? (the AFBB model)  Or are they simply trying to get an upper hand in the gender balance, exploiting their options as fully as possible while at the same time trying to limit men’s?

Her argument brings to mind an old saying once commonly said by mothers to daughters, which (in a seemingly opposite but perhaps similar way) feminists rally against because it also hints at this transaction nature of sex. “Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?”

It’s an interesting topic to ponder, I think. What do you think — is sex between women and men basically always about a transaction? And if so is that a fair exchange, or not?

(And if you did not click on the link and read the post that this post is in response to before, I highly recommend you do so before commenting whether you agree with her or not, just for purposes of discussion.)

 

 

 

 

Is Everything Old New Again?

10 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by in Sex and Such

≈ 50 Comments

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Somehow I recently stumbled upon information about a growing new market in online dating: sugar daddy/sugar baby websites.

Now for starters don’t get me wrong here, I am not endorsing such an approach, nor advocating women sign up for a sugar daddy website.

But there is something about it that is all very red pill somehow, although I am not sure I can put it into words. Not that it’s stopped me before, lol, so I will try.

Something I find really interesting about it is the outrage from feminists in particular about the idea. Seems it flies smack in the face of the “single independent woman” mantra.

As if somehow it’s OK to have a “sexually positive” relationship with a man, but only if it also contains no expectations of provision or protection in return.

Somehow one night stands and casual hookups are completely ok, without any emotional ties or connections, but God forbid a woman have a more traditional relationship where she is in an exclusive committed relationship with man who cares for her emotionally, physically, and/or financially because that would be akin to oppression, or prostitution, or something.

The almost schizophrenic reasoning behind it can be seen all over in both popular culture and society at large. Young girls are encouraged to explore their sexuality, freely, and for free, no strings attached a la Sex in the City while the young married stay at home mom is seen as some sort of outdated oddity who couldn’t possibly be happy.

In a weird way the sugar baby rules of “no nookie until a financial agreement is struck” seem almost refreshingly Victorian in a casual sex world. Ironically, it’s the gals who sign up for such sites but try to play the game by today’s rules (give up nookie, hope for an arrangement in return) who seem to be the ones complaining of getting “taken advantage of” by sugar daddy’s who then disappear. (Surprise!) Boo hoo. No Louboutin shoes or Gucci bag to show for it, either! Waaa. (BTW: there are much more important things in life, but that’s another post…)

Again, don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating a sugar baby lifestyle is the way to go. But a return to a more traditional relationship dynamic where expectations of provisioning and protection proceed physical relations might not be such a bad idea after all.

What do you think, readers? Is it wrong for a woman to expect provision or protection? Old fashioned and outdated? Does that make a woman a victim? A user? Cheapen her? Turn sex into a transaction?

And what about from a male point of view? Is it exploitation if a woman says no agreement, no kitty? Or is it all-in-all a livable deal?

Talk amongst yourselves…

Why Humans Aren’t Extinct

12 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by in Sex and Such

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I saw this quote on another blog and I thought it was both likely the truth and also funny enough I had to share. Ladies, you have been warned!

“If it weren’t for sex, men would have hunted women to extinction centuries ago.”

~ Cautiously Pessimistic

I could speculate about the sex lives of dinosaurs and try to debunk the whole ice age/meteorite theory here, but I think that might distract from the point so I will just keep this one short and sweet!

Let those who have ears hear.

10 Surprising Things Guys Like in a Women

24 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Relationships

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In the past year or so that I have been lurking about the manosphere reading what men have to say about love, marriage, relationships, and women, I have learned some surprising things, like they wish women would:

1. Be pleasant: That sounds easy, right? But far too many men say it’s is really hard to find. Today, men say it’s far easier to find what they don’t like in a woman: sassy, gossipy, self-absorbed, nagging, bragging, adversarial, independent, argumentative, drama-driven, immodest, and immoral.

2. Ask About What He Likes: Many men say they feel like far too many women seem to think a relationship means everything and anything SHE wants. Guess what? He had feelings, wants, needs, and dreams, too! Ask about them. Then remember and do your best to implement them into your time together. From as small as what’s his favorite cookie? Meal? Drink? Ice cream? To planning a trip to a place he’s always wanted to go, these actions will lead to huge bonus points for you!

3. Be Loyal: Men like it when women have their back in public (even if you politely disagree later in private). Guys also say it’s very appealing to know you won’t run him down to others. And you would think it would go without saying, but lots of men say far too many gals leave them wondering if they could be faithful, or would cheat if they got the chance. Men are very loyal minded. Trust is big.

4. Look Pretty: Men are very visual. And they like when women look pretty. Yep. I am not making this up! Skirts, dresses, flattering jewelry, attractive hair and makeup, and other “girly” touches make a guy visually happy. Not that he doesn’t like “the natural you” but he likes “the feminine flair you,” too. And he notices. Not that it has to be over the top. Think Marianne, not Ginger.

5. Be Supportive: Men say they can’t resist those gals that act like a first mate, not ones who war for the captain’s chair. A relationship is you two against the world, not you two against each other. Yet, men say they aren’t looking for doormats, either. Being supportive of his career, goals, dreams, hobbies, and struggles will pay off for you both. Oh and have your own dreams and goals, too. Men like to hear about and help you achieve those, too.

6. Have Your Finances in Order: Guys say too many women they have met seem to spend every penny they have, and then some. Debt isn’t attractive. And men especially don’t like women who seem to have a get out of debt plan of, “Find Price Charming who will deal with it.” Um yeah, nope. A woman who has financial self-control shows good partner potential.

7. Show Don’t Tell: Women tend to verbalize what they are thinking and feeling much more than men do. A man would rather his gal show him how she feels about him by being affectionate, attentive, and kind than by talking about it for hours on end (while not noticing he’s awkwardly wondering how to escape!)

8. Keep It Simple: Women’s minds are always on the go. We enjoy talking out loud with our gal pals, dissecting our every emotion and experience, pondering all the possible options and outcomes, and breaking it all down. Guys? Not so much. Guys are more bottom line. When you REALLY want to make a point, keep it to 5 words or less.

9. Maintain Respect: It’s been said that if they had to choose between respect and love, they would choose respect. Women usually answer the opposite – love. Obviously both are important. But you will get a lot of “street cred” with a guy by showing him respect, and especially keeping your emotional cool during heated moments. Focus on resolving the issue, not attacking his character.

10. Love Him True: Even some of the most gruff guys in the manosphere show a soft side when they talk about love. Men love with a devotion that few women can fathom, it is so different from our own feeling-based love. They say once a man loves a woman, he makes that choice and then will love her forever after unless she actively takes steps to destroy that bond. (And yes, his heart can hurt badly too, so be gentle with it.)

They don’t really sound all that hard to do, nor are they really anything new, buy guys say these traits are extremely hard to find in a woman, yet highly attractive. Why not adopt these irresistible habits?

Let those who have ears hear. And please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments. Have I left anything out?

Case Study of a Successful Marriage

03 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 22 Comments

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I hope a commenter on another red pill blog I follow won’t mind me posting this, but I wanted to share a case study on a successful marriage based on the many things she’s shared about her relationship that I think are ideas that could help a lot of women build happy and successful marriages.

Please note all of this is based on my observations and what I have read in her posts so I could be getting some of this wrong and if so Liz I apologize in advance and I hope you will feel free to either elaborate on this post or let me know if you would like me to make any corrections.

Liz is in her early 40s and has been married to her hubby for a little over 20 years. They have several sons who are pre-teen to early teen aged. She and her husband met in college where they were both studying engineering. They had a short courtship that began when he asked her to start meeting him for study dates. Soon he made his romantic interest known and they dated for a short time before getting engaged and then married within a few months.

Liz says she was not raised to be a wife and mother and was encouraged by her parents, especially her mother, to put her education and career first like many girls of her generation. She also says she was not raised in a traditional or conservative religious home. Despite this, I find it very interesting that Liz seems to have taken a different path than many women of her generation, a road less traveled. Many times I have thought she had a solid inner wisdom from an early age that has helped her do different and build a happy successful marriage and family.

Her husband joined the military after college and spent his career there moving up the ranks as an officer. They moved many times. Liz decided to forgo finishing her engineering degree in favor of getting married and  supporting her husband’s career. As they moved around, she took classes and completed her nursing degree. She has both worked full time and been a full time stay at home mom at different points in her marriage based on what she and her husband decided was best for their family goals at the time.

She reports her home is the home all of the kids want to hang out at and often has her sons friends over as weekend guests. Her kids would rather be at home than be at their friend’s home and Liz likes and encourages this so she can keep an eye on her boys and his friends and knows what they are up to. Their home is boisterous and fun and loud and she encourages her boys to be boys.

In fact, she’s said she was first drawn to the manosphere and red pill thinking out of concerns for her son’s futures and wanting to do what she could to advocate that schools, government, and society at large take the needs of men and boys into account just as they have the needs of women and girls.

As a military wife of an officer, Liz also frequently entertains her husband’s bosses and co-workers. She seems to enjoy supporting her husband and his career and doing all she can to help him look good and advance. She sees his career as a team effort, his status is “their” status, not something that takes away from her career or her accomplishments or status. She seems to happily take this supporting role behind the scenes and I have never sensed she has any bitterness about putting her husbands career before her own.

After 20 years of marriage, Liz reports being madly, truly, and deeply in love with her husband. Based on her posts they seem to have an active love life, and physical attraction is very high even after many years. Liz reports her husband is very attractive and that many women flirt with him openly. Liz does not seem to be bothered by this, but rather is proud of her hottie man.

Liz is physically active and works out regularly. She watches her weight, eats well, and cares about her appearance. She takes care of her skin and does her best to prevent aging. Liz is a hottie in her own right, something she does to both feel good about herself and to keep her husband’s attraction to her strong. Liz seems confident and vibrant and again she doesn’t seem to resent going to the effort to look good for her guy. She seems instead to enjoy knowing that her hot husband who other women would, in her own words, line up at her funeral to marry, only has eyes for her and she is more than willing to put in effort to keep it that way.

Liz once reported that she believed one secret to a happy marriage was having a short memory, approaching each day together as a new one. She reports they have had hard times in their marriage, and hurts have been had on both sides as will happen in marriage, but she doesn’t dwell on these past issues or hold onto them or bring them up over and over. She leaves the past in the past and focuses on the present and the future.

Liz and her husband seem to have built a solid financial foundation as well, and because they have managed their money carefully even in lean times they seem to enjoy an affluent lifestyle today. Early in their marriage, as many couples experience, they did not have much money and Liz was frugal and did her best to make do with what they had rather than complain about or focus on what they didn’t have. Again she seems to approach their finances with what’s best for them as a family in mind, investing not only money but time and energy into hearth and home, building a cozy nest she and her sons can’t wait to get home to.

I have never heard Liz voice bad words about her husband or to criticize him. If anything she openly sings his praises and from her attitude toward him I can tell she loves and respects him very much.

I have also never heard her voice an attitude of entitlement. She doesn’t seem to think her marriage is about HER happiness, but all of their happiness. She doesn’t seem to think her husband “owes” her happiness or to put her needs and wants above all else. If anything she seems to take a can do approach and it seems like she focuses on putting in, not on what she’s getting out. She’s willing to work to make her marriage work.

She’s admitted more than once that she needs her husband in her life, and that she would never want to be without him. She doesn’t seem to wonder if she’d be better off without him or on her own, toy with “what if” fantasies, or long for independence and freedom. Liz doesn’t seem to consider divorce an option.

I really admire Liz and am truly fascinated by the details she shares about her marriage. I think Liz is a great example of a women who is getting it right and I think if other ladies adopted some of her thinking and actions, they would find their marriages happier for it.

Liz I hope it won’t embarrass you that I have shared all of this. As you can probably tell, I think a lot of you and I wish you and yours many, many, many happy moments ahead! You have taken a path less traveled and I think it has paid off. I hope my sharing your story will help other women do the same in their own life, to buck the current mantra that putting one’s marriage and family first means a woman will be a doormat or get the short end of the stick. I think as your story shows, it’s quite the opposite. Liz you embody what wedding vows really mean, for richer and poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do you part.

These two sayings also remind me of you and your approach:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

and

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.”

And thank you Liz, for showing me another way and for inspiring me in my hopes to do the same.

Let those who have ears hear.

Love is a Verb

11 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 15 Comments

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Ladies, do you know anyone (maybe yourself) who is in a loveless marriage or relationship?

A comment on a message board by a man whose first marriage failed but his second marriage is thriving because he “games” his wife got me thinking, maybe a lot of relationships flop because people (both men and women) make the mistake of thinking once a commitment is made, wooing, or even just downright good behavior, is no longer necessary?

As I think about the couples I know who are struggling, as well as reflecting back on my own marriage and another serious LTR that eventually failed, in many cases it’s because of that fatal flaw — one or both partners think they now have a “get out of effort free” card. All that effort they spent wooing their mate gets redirected toward other areas in life, instead.

It is a lot of work to attract a partner, as anyone in the dating market can surely attest. I can see why it might be tempting to think all that effort isn’t needed once a relationship is solidified. But I think the opposite is true — couples should never stop dating, never stop wooing his or her mate.

That said, it doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It really doesn’t take much effort at all to show someone (not just tell them) that they are special, and in fact your very most special someone. An unexpected note in their vehicle wishing them a great day, their very favorite meal made on a non-special occasion, surprising him in lingerie, sending him a racy text while he is on lunch break from work, none of these things require huge financial investment or an extraordinary amount of time, and yet these small gestures can pay off big time.

One SAHM (stay at home mom) I know, who is unhappily married, has admittedly gotten lost in her four children. She puts them and their needs on a pedestal yet doesn’t see the need to do so for her spouse. They have not once gone on a date or weekend away without the kids, much less an extended vacation. She dotes on her children and yet voices outrage that her husband dares voice he’d at least like to be on par with the kids (and really, imho he should come FIRST, not last.) She admits to rarely having sex, and even then in this begrudging “just get it over with” way. Blech.

And while I don’t know both sides of the story, the behavior she moans about, him not being happy, his snippy attitude, his not putting in effort in the bedroom, his not caring about her happiness, I wonder how much of that is a result of her lack of investment? How much is really tit for tat?

But instead of seeing that, she continues to blame HIM rather than to take a proactive approach. He should be prince charming to her princess. When I gently urge her to try making a fuss over him, telling him how much she appreciates his sacrifices (like working a job that requires hard physical labor in extreme heat and cold and miserable conditions, daily, for the past 10+ years so she could be at home with the kids), making the moves on him, or scheduling a date or weekend away, she looks at me like I have gone mad! What? I am supposed to be sympathizing with her, not the enemy!

But I refuse to do it. Because I made the same mistakes in my marriage, and I am now a single mom, and while she thinks I have all this freedom and a glamorous lifestyle of excitement and fun, in reality I know firsthand the grass isn’t greener. It’s not easier to be a single mom than a married one, by a long shot. Trust me on this.

She seems to on one hand be quite distressed that her marriage is so unhappy yet stubbornly wants her husband to take the first steps to make things right. But in the end, in all areas of life, relationships included, you get out what you put in.

And in the end, what is she risking? A little effort needed to stoke the fires of romance and breathe new life into her marriage? The risk that it might not work? Yes, that risk is there. But there’s also the very real possibility that instead of being in an unhappy marriage, she could find herself (and her children) in a happy one. That opportunity is within her grasp. But not if she doesn’t change her attitude.

Love is a verb. Never stop loving your mate. Like a lifetime of slow, small, steady investments, it will likely pay off big time in the end over a lifetime of haphazard big investments of love on the expected anniversaries and holidays and then long stretches without in between.

Let those who have ears hear.