Tag Archives: sexism

Can Women Really Be Red Pill?

26 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by in Red Pill

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If you have done much reading on the manosphere about the red pill you surely have found, well, that seems to be a guy thing. It’s mostly guys talking to other guys about this red pill. Can a woman be red pill? Should she? What can a woman gain from red pill information?

As I have shared elsewhere on this site, I stumbled across the red pill after yet another relationship failure, desperate to figure out what I was getting wrong so I could start getting it right. I was doing all the things I had been told girls were supposed to do: I had a college degree, a career, had started my own business – I was living the dream! I was doing and being all that I could be. I am woman, her me roar.

Except, that all wasn’t working out so well on the home front. I was a single mom with two children and failed relationships with both of their fathers, one I was married to for 12 years, the other who I met a few years after after my divorce, we lived together and had a child (because this is the “modern age” right? Who needs marriage? It’s just a piece of paper, I thought. Marriage didn’t work for me, so why not skip the marriage part?) That time, it lasted 4 years. I was devastated. About 6 months after that, I met and dated someone for 6 months. It was going good at first, but then that too crashed and burned. WTF?

I knew there had to be another way.

Now that I am red pill aware, I can see the role I played in all those relationships not working out, and it wasn’t minor. Not that it was all my fault either, but I could have been and done better in all those relationships. I am ashamed to admit I rarely thought about what these men might need from me in these relationships, that maybe they weren’t just there to prop me up so I could live my dreams. My career and business came first, before them and before my kids. I was trying to become this island, the liberated modern female who didn’t need anyone but herself, could take care of herself, could provide for herself, and could thanks to all that be unoppressed and free.

Despite these repeated relationship failures, everyone around me was building me up for being this “strong independent woman,” or SIW who was a single mom, running a business, active in the community. I didn’t need a man, they said, I was living proof that feminism worked. Meanwhile, inside, I knew something was not working, not working at all. I didn’t want to be a SIW poster child. I wanted to be a part of something, not to be an island. I wanted a happy relationship and a happy family.

Confused, I was surfing the internet one night looking for information on successful relationships when I stumbled across a red pill blog, The Rules Revisited. It was a blog written by a man, to women, explaining a lot of things that women don’t seem to get about men. I could not stop reading. Suddenly a lot that didn’t make sense before, suddenly did. I read every single post over the next few days. I read all the comments. Somehow one of them led me to another red pill blog, Just Four Guys, where inner-gender relationships and dynamics of men and women and relationships were being discussed more openly and honestly than I had ever seen.

Over and over I heard the story of relationships failing, from a male point of view. Through their stories, I could see where I had gone wrong in my own. Friends who I tried to talk to about what I was reading flat out rejected it as misogynistic rantings of bitter, angry, men. How could I even read that stuff, they asked?

But somehow I knew these red pill men were on to something. I read the blogs every day. I read every comment. Over time I started to recognize the names of those who commented over and over, started to piece together their stories. Eventually I started commenting myself. Having grown up with only one older brother, their direct way of communication and their abrupt, sometimes offensive, language didn’t phase me.

These were men being men. I knew I needed to understand men. Here they were. And although I have heard many women say red pill men hate women, it is not true. Those guys were/are some of the smartest, kindest, bighearted men (and a handful of women also interested in these red pill ideas) I had ever met.  And even though I was only starting to grasp the red pill, they welcomed me and they encouraged me on my quest to try to understand how men think, what men needed, and what women just don’t get about men but men wished they did.

Day after day they accepted me and made me feel welcome although at times if I was getting off track they would make no bones about pointing it out. Several times when I would have a “red pill moment” and come face to face with a truth about myself or the world I didn’t want to see, they patiently supported me as I wailed and beat my chest and went off the rails emotionally in protest before making peace with whatever it was I didn’t want to see but needed to. They knew, because they had been there, too.

“If the red pill wants to make you vomit,” one said, “then you know you are starting to get it.” Because it’s true, the red pill often reveals to men and to women things about being who we are that we’d rather not see. Things we have built amazingly complex subterfuge, smoke and mirrors, and pretty little lies around, desperately trying to conceal and deny these truths about men and women and relationships and how it all really works.

I learned all sorts of thing. What men wanted in a woman. What was important to men in relationships. What was important to men in general. Where women often go wrong. Where I went wrong. Why men acted like they did. What women just didn’t get about men. What women just didn’t get about themselves. And more, much much more.

Sometimes a woman commenter would show up and start arguing with these guys, displaying her SIW flag loud and proud and insisting these red pill concepts were wrong. When this happened, these men made no bones about what the red pill had to say about all that. In many cases these women would double down, and yes it could get ugly. The men would call out the red pill ideas these women’s very own commentary proved true. Sometimes the gals would stay and try to fight, lobbing in low blows and insults, but the guys would not back down on what they believed. Sometimes the girls got it and settled in to be a constructive participant. If not, and usually after much drama, eventually they would go off in a huff, reject the red pill entirely.

As my own understanding grew, I  would try to act as a translator for these new gals, putting what these guys were saying into words I knew a woman could better understand. For me. For them. And even for my own girls. At that time, I felt even if I wasn’t in a relationship and didn’t know if I ever would be again, I could at least learn these things so I could help my two daughters and other women avoid my divorced single mom fate.

In fact, doing so inspired me to start this blog, I wanted to share with women these red pill ideas, both to better understand them myself by writing about them and in hopes this information could help them avoid some of the relationship pitfalls I had not. I felt if women could understand these red pill concepts, from the female point of view, it would improve their lives and relationships. I also do the same in real life, counseling friends about how to save their marriages and connect with their men rather than encouraging them “you go girl!” toward divorce and the SIW path I now know is not the way.

Am I red pill? Can a woman really be red pill? I am not sure. But I know I am at the least red pill aware, and that what I have learned from the red pill over the past year plus has set me up to succeed in my new relationship and understand how to have that happy marriage and family I have always wanted plus how to eliminate the thinking and behaviors I held that were preventing it before. It’s changed me, and for the better. I feel very good about the future. The time I have spent wrestling with these red pill concepts has paid off many fold in making me a better woman, a better partner, a better mother, and a better friend. It hasn’t always been easy, but I don’t regret it, not one bit.

What do you think? Can women be red pill?

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Exploring the Power of the Feminine

06 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by in Gender

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As someone who grew up in a post-feminist world, I didn’t think much about many of the messages myself and other women were being told but just accepted them as truths, just like I accepted the sky was blue.

However now that I am older and starting to question these beliefs I think one place where feminism really threw the baby out with the bathwater was with the notion that feminine traits were weakness and to be avoided.

I now question if in one fell swoop that type of thinking actually weakened one of women’s most powerful sources of strength, her womanliness. And it reinforced that being a woman somehow was “less” and that women who want to be taken seriously should start acting like men and avoid acting like women.

There are many examples of this message, such as the power woman pantsuit (complete with shoulder pads to give the illusion one was a linebacker) favored by the career women of the 1980s who wanted to be “taken seriously.”

Women were discouraged from wearing dresses, make up, having long hair, and the androgynous, flat chested, straight waist figures of Twiggy and pre-pubescent looking models like her that followed were deemed “better” (by feminists) than  hourglass curves. To try to be or care about looking pretty was practically a crime and women who did retain feminine appearances were deemed bimbos or victims and all sorts of things.

But really, what’s “wrong” with being a woman? What’s wrong with being womanly? Wasn’t this supposed to be about choice? Why then was being a career woman in a traditionally male field suddenly the pinnacle of success while women who wanted to be mothers and homemakers were openly scorned as “less than?”

I find it interesting that men, on the other hand, (or most, anyway) didn’t seem to adopt a preference for women who acted like men. They by and large continued to prefer women being womanly. Perhaps in some weird way, this banishment of the feminine led to it almost becoming fetishized, only increasing the draw.

It’s kind of a silly story, but case in point. One time I showed up at a friend’s house party (I was about 35 or so) on Halloween but for some reason it didn’t dawn on me that it was a costume party. Everyone else was dressed up and there I was in a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans. So I dug through my friend’s closet, found a cowgirl hat and some boots, shoved two balloons in my shirt, and said I was dressed as a cowgirl with more money than sense, or in other words didn’t know when to stop when it came to breast implants. (I am medium chested naturally, but with the added balloons I was more in the Dolly Parton category.)

Everybody knew they were balloons and that it was a joke. But by golly, I was shocked to find myself the belle of the ball, even though there were gals there is sexier, skimpier, vampier costumes. Guys of all ages from their young 20s to their late 60s were tripping over themselves to fetch me a drink, open the door, and to just hover about. All night there was a circle of men around me, like moths to a flame (and yes, the gals were in a snit.) All because of two balloons stuffed under a plain long sleeved t-shirt. Wow. What?

(Interestingly, the attention didn’t seem sexual necessarily, harassing, creepy, or oppressive. It was more like admiration or adoration for lack of a better term. Like I was a goddess, or something.)

No, I didn’t go get breast implants, but that night was a very interesting lesson in the power of the feminine and the strong draw it has for the opposite power, the masculine.

So ladies, if you truly want to wear navy blue power suits, by all means. But if you are wearing them but secretly wish you could be a little more feminine but are afraid that if you do, that it will somehow diminish your power, let me argue you may just find the opposite.

If you don’t believe me, give it a try. And too bad I didn’t post this before Halloween, but if there’s ever an opportunity to put some balloons in your shirt and see what happens, as an experiment into the power of the feminine, go for it. I have a feeling you will be surprised at the results.

In short, it’s ok to be a woman. Being a woman or being womanly does not make you “less than” anything. Really. Women are great. Men are great. Men AND women can both be great. So be who you are. And if that is a feminine women (or not), by golly, go ahead!

Let those who have ears hear.

YOUR TURN: What do you think, dear readers? Do you think a woman dressing or acting feminine diminish her social power or standing? Or do you think a woman minimizing her femininity increases her odds of being taken more seriously?

What Have Men Done for You Lately?

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Red Pill

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Yesterday’s post at another red pill aware gal’s blog got me to thinking about where exactly women would be in a world without men willing to keep it safe and functioning?

Short story: In big trouble, whether women or especially feminist women want to admit it or not.

In the blog post linked above, the author points out that 412 of the 414 first responders who died on 9/11 were men. It’s a staggering number. 412 out of 414.

And the thing I realized after pondering that is it not only happened that day, but it is happening every single day. On the front lines fighting for our country’s safety or on the front line responding to 911 dispatch calls that there’s a burglar, fire, accident, or some other emergency — men are there.

I know it’s a lot more popular to bash men these days than to praise them, but think for a moment what it would be like to live in a world where when you called 911, nobody showed up? If there was no such thing as 911. If the only military or police forces around were corrupt and run by local warlords? If in your time of need you were on your own, sister, deal with it?

Likewise, imagine if all those job sites where men are building buildings, or those road projects where new roads are being built or old ones repaired, or when there’s a huge storm and a tree goes through the power lines, or insert major-infrastructure-of-any-sort here were simply empty — no hardworking men showing up in all sorts of weather making sure it’s all getting done.

Imagine of all the cargo transportation services, again overwhelmingly a male industry, stopped delivering. No trains. No planes. No trucks.

I could go on and on but what I am getting at here is when you stop to think about it, the answer to the question, “What have men done for you, lately?” is actually, “A heck of a lot.”

And I know, I know there are women doing many of these jobs and women are capable of doing many things, but pointing out all that men do in no way diminishes women, does it?

And let’s face it, women aren’t employed in huge numbers in these jobs by their own choice. Women by and large don’t *want* to do these jobs. But they need done. And men do them.

And I for one am grateful, and I hope I never live in a world where I have to wonder if anyone will respond when I call 911, or when our country is attacked, or when a bridge collapses, or when the power goes out. I hope I don’t have to take all that on myself, or let’s face it, more likely do without.

And here’s another thought, do men do all these things because they hate women and live to oppress them and because they think they are better than them? Nope. No they do not. They do it because they care about people, including women, because they care about society and civilization. They care so much they are willing to sacrifice their own safety and life in the process if necessary.

Huh. Isn’t that interesting? When was the last time you heard that on a women’s talk show? Or read that in a women’s magazine?

Of course sure, there are bad guys, and the hijackers of 9/11 were all male, and some men do indeed do bad things. But that’s a very, very small portion of all men actually. Most men are great guys, hardworking and true.

So as unpopular as it is to say these days, I am going to say it. Thank you, men! I couldn’t do it without you, and I wouldn’t want to. I appreciate all you do. I appreciate that you do it so well, it’s nearly invisible and seamless. I am glad I have never lived in a world without all these things you do, or had to wonder if you would. And I hope I never will. Thank you.

And you know what, it doesn’t take anything away from me or what I have achieved or done to say that. And it doesn’t put down other women, either, or mean I don’t also think women have value and need appreciation.

But in this blog post, it’s about the guys and me thanking them for all they do. They certainly deserve it. This one is all about them.

Let those who have ears hear.