On yesterday’s post, commenter ballista74 shared a link to a blog post at his place I wanted to call attention to. You can find that post here, it is part of a longer series, all well worth reading to help you understand the sexual/marriage market we find ourselves navigating today, how it has changed, and why that’s not working out so great.
He shared a graphic that really breaks it all down, how the path from meeting someone to marriage, even for traditional marriage-minded folks, has all but disappeared with no clear path to take its place. I hope he will not mind me reposting it here:
Thing is ladies, it’s kind of like that old saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will get you there.”
Instead of following the other mating lemmings off the cliff and hoping the fire department has put out a crash pad at the bottom to save you, I’d highly suggest gals absolutely define what they want, and then come up with a solid strategy for getting there.
??? + somehow does not = (courtship) marriage.
Hanging out/hooking up does not reliably = marriage.
My advice? Don’t play the lotto with your life and future. Have a plan. Work your plan.
I think ballista74 has hit the nail on the head. What do you think?
In a comment on yesterday’s Alpha or beta post, commenter Ton once again brings up a post-worthy point that how male/female dynamics SHOULD work (or we are all told they work) and how they DO work are two very different things.
He says:
“If chicks grooved on the sort of guys men like and respect, betas would be held in high regard and there would be no man-o-sphere; if chicks fucked dudes who did limp shit like hand out 900 flowers, betas would be popular with chicks and there would be no man-o-sphere.”
The fact that we are here, discussing things like why chicks dig bad boys while good guys sit home alone or how women are constantly wondering where all the good guys have gone and/or chasing players means, well, he does have a point there.
Ton often refers to this very observable phenomenon as, “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground.” Or in other words, it ain’t the 1950’s anymore.
For the men, the takeaway point is that blue pill “good guys” often finish last. Not that it means one needs to be a bad guy, but that good guys might want to examine the tactical reality on the ground and act accordingly. Or simply go his own way and craft a life not centered on a woman, whether that means forgoing them entirely or forgetting about the whole love-marriage-baby carriage script and crafting a relationship that works for him.
Ton, for example, is a new father as well as the dad of two grown kids. He’s not married to the latest arrival’s mom though, having been down that road before and still paying the alimony for it. Instead he insisted on NOT marrying. That way if she bails, she at least does not also bail with half (or more) of his financial assets, and paternity laws still guarantee him all the same rights to his child, or more, than as if they married. Without the incentive to divorce-rape him for cash and prizes, perhaps she’ll be more motivated to stick around and work things out (and retain access to the assets/protection/goodies Ton offers so long as she does.) He has another girlfriend as well, a non-traditional poly lifestyle they all knew they were getting into up front and everyone was on board with. Let’s call it the, “more the merrier” approach. Girl #2 may be having Ton spawn #4 this year if all goes as planned. It seems to be working for them. (Both girls are 20+ years younger than his 45 years old, as well.) This is how Ton has decided to face the “tactical reality on the ground” and while it may not work for some men, it seems to work for him. And for him, defining his own path as a man, that’s what matters.
For the ladies, I think this “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground” might look something like this: she realizes that most girls are playing a losing game by chasing the bad boys/false alphas so she consciously seeks a guy that not only she is attracted to, but who is the kind of man other men admire as well (a true alpha/greater beta.) Rather than chase the players, she seeks a keeper, but at the same time (and this is KEY) she seeks one who she is actually attracted to above and beyond simply for provision and protection, thus avoiding setting them both up for a future falling out when he “just doesn’t do it for her” anymore. (It’s not OK to use people, ladies, and it doesn’t work out long term for anyone, yourself included.) For most women, marriage is ultimately the best position she can hope to be in, especially if children are involved. (Some women are also choosing to forgo marriage, so long as that is a conscious decision and she is not expecting the taxpayers to provide and protect for her, I see no harm in this either.)
But wait…that’s a contradiction, right? It’s a disadvantage for a man to marry, but an advantage for a woman to?
Yep. The two sexes have always had different agendas. That’s part of the complexity. Coming up with something that works for both, perhaps a deal where nobody is totally happy or gets everything they want, but everyone gets enough of what they want, based on the tactical reality on the ground, is the sweet spot?
You might remember as a kid hearing your mom say something along the lines of, “Just because everyone else jumps off a cliff, that doesn’t mean you have to, too.”
And yet, it’s hard to deny that there’s a powerful pressure to run with the pack if you want to fit in. People (and some would say especially women) care a great deal about how others think of them.
In this insightful essay about the hierarchy of the herd, the author explores why this is and how this herd mentality drives social norms, movements, and individual behavior more than we may consciously realize.
One thing the red pill philosophy encourages is to question everything you think you know is true. And when you do, before long chances are you’ll come to the very uncomfortable realization that a lot of what you thought was true actually isn’t. And that a lot of the thoughts and decisions you thought were your own, aren’t.
It can be such an uncomfortable experience that many would rather deny, deny, deny than face the truth. Even if what they are doing isn’t working. Even if what they are doing will never work.
As the above essay points out, there can also be stiff penalties for not following, speaking out against, or going against the herd. Even when the herd is headed right toward a cliff.
For example, I would argue that the herd is currently headed (stampeding, really) in a very dangerous direction. The herd is destabilizing, derailing, and destroying much of what made our society work, relationships and marriages work, families work, our economy work, our government work, our schools work, western civilization work.
Look around. Examples of this are everywhere. (This next part is admittedly America-centric but I am an American woman so it is what I know.) In a country where people have experienced unparalleled prosperity and freedom, we are instead of rising to the top, racing to the bottom. Why? The herd.
Mark my words, there is a cliff straight ahead. Whether you believe me or not, the law of gravity applies just the same.
Let those who have ears hear.
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But that’s just what I think. What do you think? Are things getting better, or worse? Why or why not?
If you are an adult woman (or man) who is single or married or married and now single or whatever your certain situation, how’s that working out?
I truly hope the answer is “Great!” and if so, I am very happy for you. Keep it up. You may not be able to relate to the rest of this but then again, surely even if you yourself are happy, you still know those who this whole “modern” dating-relating-love-marriage thing isn’t going so hot for.
Have you ever wondered why? Why is everything so messed up? Why are so few people happy? How did we get here?
Let’s go back in time, about 40 years ago…even though it all started long before that. But we’ll eventually get there too.
Right before I was born, two things happened nearly simultaneously – the sexual revolution and the women’s liberation movement. All backed by the pharmaceutical development of the birth control pill right when a whole generation came of age. Kaboom. What had always been there smoldering,suddenly burst into flame.
Social norms that had existed for centuries (millennia?) were suddenly passe. Quickly discarded relics of an ancient age. The risk of pregnancy, always a deterrent (or a reason for shotgun weddings) was much less of a factor. The birds and the bees went wild. Anything went, everything went, and nobody could really even remember anymore how it went before or how it was supposed to go after that.
Now, fast forward a few decades. Everybody’s getting it on and life is one big groovy party, right? All peace and love and rainbows? World peace achieved? Happy, happy, joy, joy? The genders embracing like never before? Bliss? Well not exactly.
Like this guy, he sounds pretty pissed. Or this girl. Or this guy. Or this girl. Each with their own story and take on the new SMP (Sexual Market Place) and MMP (Marriage Market Place). None seem to be saying it’s all splendor in the grass. Well ok, maybe this guy. Or this one. But I digress. That’s a whole other blog post (or likely many!) as I explore all the different takes on the red pill world (yes, even from the domain of the PUA a.k.a. Pick Up Artists promoting Game) as I search for truth and understanding and share what I think of all this hullabaloo, from a female (but not necessarily feminist) perspective.
For now, I’ll just summarize: I am starting to realize we are all unwitting participants in the biggest social experiment in perhaps the history of the world. And what is largely the outcome so far?
Short answer: This S#&t Is All F*$ked Up! Not that I am saying no thing good has come of these changes, but to say it’s all progress is the ultimate in blue pill thinking.
So now what? I don’t even begin to pretend I know all the answers, but I certainly do have a lot of questions. Questions I now wish I had asked a long, long time ago. But better late than never. I’m going to be asking them now. And telling that story. And maybe I’ll even stumble upon some answers about the meaning of life and love along the way. Anything’s possible.
Welcome to the notes from a red pill girl. Read them if you dare. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it can also set you free.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 