Tag Archives: sobriety

Don’t Be That Girl

01 Monday Oct 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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The other night I happened to be at a big wedding for a friend of a friend. Early on I noticed a beautiful blond girl in a flowing black formal gown. To say she was stunning was an understatement. She looked like some sort of goddess, I am not kidding. On the looks scale I would say she was a 9 or maybe even a 10. No joke!

Later I saw her with a baby and a young man I assumed was her husband. They looked like a dashing young couple and their daughter (maybe 10 months old) was adorable.

The next time I saw her she was surrounded by a crowd, drink in hand, telling stories as friends gathered around. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

A bit later I saw her again, another drink in hand. Still telling stories, her voice starting to slur. Her man and baby were gone.

An hour or so later she’s stumbling around. Not making much sense. People start to avoid her except for a few guys who seem to be hoping to take her home.

Another hour goes by and she’s been cut off from the bar. I hear her baby daddy (turns out they weren’t married, for this reason) had left with the child. He’s in the process of trying to get custody. Had he videotaped her behavior, I am sure it would not have looked good in court.

She asks several times for another drink at the bar but is turned away. She starts going around and drinking half finished beers left behind on tables. Twice she nearly falls as she trips on tables and chairs in search of another half empty can. Waiters at the event notice and start picking up any abandoned containers before she can.

The wedding ends and I overhear people trying to talk other people into giving her a ride home. Nobody wants to except for a guy who seems to want to take advantage of the situation. Finally someone else agrees to give her a ride. I overhear long time friends say, “She always does this. We are so sick of it!”

The mother of the groom says the girl dated her other son briefly but because of her behavior he had broken things off. The son was there with his now wife and baby. The wife wasn’t as striking as the blonde but she was pretty in a less flashy way,  was clearly better wife material, and was the picture of a devoted happy young mom. She had married well, into a very successful and nice family.

I wanted to talk to the blonde but realized that in her stumbling, fall down state it would have done absolutely no good. I am pretty sure she would probably not remember much of the night.

Some people just shouldn’t drink and this girl seemed to be one of them. I hope someone says so to her, and soon.  And if so I hope she listens. If not the girl is headed for disaster. Sadly, her daughter’s future doesn’t look too bright either.

Don’t be that girl!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Addiction

28 Wednesday Mar 2018

Posted by in Relationships

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My brother is an alcoholic. As in he was once drinking so much and so often that he hallucinated for days and had all sorts of health issues due to trying to quit cold turkey.

In the past ten years he’s been to various rehab programs. As is typical with recovery he will do really well and then relapse, sometimes short term and sometimes full blown.

He’s been doing good for 11 months. Works at the local VA hospital, lives in a home with other men in recovery, goes to meetings. But today, after a seemingly good visit with our mom, he left only to be brought by paramedics back to her house stumble down drunk.

She called me as he was sleeping it off on her couch. What to do? I suggested she get him home, don’t lecture or be all heavy about it in the current state, and then the next day let him know he won’t be meeting her at her house anymore, she will meet him somewhere near his.

She’s suspected for months he was drinking on the sly during his visits. She found empty alcohol containers in the bathroom trash. But she didn’t say, “No, no more here.”

Neither my mom or myself can fix my brother’s issue, only he can take that step,  but we can resist enabling it. We can have boundaries of our own to protect ourselves from his alcoholism. We can say, “No, I am not going to go along.”

I hope he won’t lose his housing, which is tied to his being and staying sober.

If he doesn’t, he could well end up one of those guys with a sign on a freeway exit, living under the overpass. God, I hope not.

Today I prayed with my mom that the Lord would ring him with angels of healing, send Raphael himself to tend to his health. And I prayed for my mom and myself that we would be granted the wisdom and strength to know how to help him in ways that will help, not further enable, his illness.

I honestly don’t know a lot about this topic but intend to read up. Our grandfather had the same issue, but was more functional.

I also prayed my brother will eventually not only belp himself but also in turn help others recover themselves.

What do you think? Have you had similar struggles w someone in your family? Please share in the comments.