Tag Archives: success

Be Thankful

22 Thursday Nov 2018

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It seems like an apt time of year to ponder gratitude.

True thankfulness is exceedingly rare in today’s entitled “gimmie, gimme NOW” world.

I find it so ironic that in an era where many have more material and physical abundance than perhaps ever before in all of history, it’s much more common to encounter people thinking they need more than to meet those who appreciate all they’ve got.

And since this blog is for the ladies, I will focus on this from the female perspective from here. (Perhaps a male blogger can tackle a version of this topic for the guys.)

For women, who have for decades been raised to believe there are no limits, they can be or do anything they want to be, that they deserve it all, and that they don’t just deserve it they are OWED it, contentment and gratitude can be viewed as negative, limiting, and outdated.

However I would argue it’s only those rare women who cultivate a true gratitude attitude that ever find the seemingly-ever-elusive happiness, fulfillment, balance, peace, and abundance so many desperately seek.

The answer ironically isn’t having more, it’s not just being OK with — but actually being thankful for — less.

Now before you think I am advising gals need to aim low or give up, give me a chance to explain.

Contentment and gratitude for what *is* truly is the secret to ever having enough. Because everything is relative.

For example, for some people an 800 square foot house is “small.” For others a 2,500 square foot house is “small.” Any house could be viewed as too small, too big, or just right based on one’s perception.

I once read a book by a woman who suddenly realized one day that the problem wasn’t that’s her house was too small, it was her attitude toward it that was. Rather than being thankful for and loving the house she had, she resented it for everything it was not, and spent many disgruntled hours wishing to live anywhere but there.

After that “ah ha moment,” she embarked on a year-long quest to love her home with all she had. She lovingly took stock and then went to work making it as beautiful, comfortable, welcoming, and cozy as it could possibly be.

Soon others began to notice her modest little house. Editors from home and garden magazines that she used to read with envy started calling her, asking to feature her home! Then offering her a regular column! Then encouraging her to write books about how she had created her lovely abode.

That’s the difference gratitude makes. It was the same house. She was the same person. All that had changed was rather than wishing for something else she embraced what she had and poured her heart and soul into loving it just as it was while doing all she could to make it all it could be with the resources she had.

In the end embracing gratitude led to so much more than not doing so ever did. She wasn’t settling. Or aiming low. Or giving up. Or getting less.

In fact had she stayed on the path of wanting more, she would likely still be stuck right there, bitterly hating her little house, wishing for something else, thinking, “if only…”

Instead she was loving her house, living a life beyond her wildest dreams, and embracing the ever growing abundance with a humble and thankful heart.

If you find yourself often thinking about what you wish you had, were, missed, or should be, try looking at what you have right now with gratitude, knowing it’s enough, being thankful for exactly what you’ve got, making the most of it, and embracing the blessings that have been right there all along. At home, at work, at play, and in love.

Happy Thanksgiving! May it be a blessed one.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Actions Create Outcomes

04 Wednesday Jul 2018

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Actions create outcomes — it’s a simple concept but one that often escapes people (myself included) when the way life is and the way we want life to be do not match up.

Consider the common problem of clutter. Actions can either lead to less clutter (steps are taken on a regular and ongoing basis to reduce clutter) or more (a one time effort is made or no steps are taken, the same actions that led to clutter keep occurring, clutter persists or worsens.)

Another example might be a personal goal, such as losing weight. Actions can either lead to weight loss (increase physical activity combined with a balanced, low calorie, high nutrition eating plan on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (any change is shortly abandoned or no increased physical activity, no change in eating habits.)

Perhaps the goal is financial stability. Actions can lead to financial stability (live below ones means, put extra toward debt reduction and savings on a regular and ongoing basis) or not (continue to live above one’s means or paycheck to paycheck.)

This concept also applies to relationships. Actions can lead to better and more satisfying relationships (taking steps on a regular and ongoing basis to nurture the relationship, increase positive experiences, and reduce negative ones) or not (give little or no thought or action toward improving relationships.)

As you may see, this simple but powerful concept can apply to all sorts of situations. And in every case the solution to whatever the problem is to TAKE ACTION. And often to take that action on a REGULAR and ONGOING basis.

Think of them as habits. At first doing things differently can seem forced and uncomfortable. But after about 21 days, experts say new actions become habits. Once this happens, those behaviors become part of the operational plan — working for (or against) you on autopilot.

So if there is something in your life that you wish were different the good news is in almost every case there is something you can do to change that — take action in the direction you would rather things be and then keep doing so until and after you reach the goal. The path from where you are to where you want to be is just that easy — and also just that hard if you want the outcome but aren’t taking the actions required to produce it.

It’s been said that often the biggest obstacle we face is our-self.  In most cases the only thing holding us back from what we want out of life is our own choices, habits, and behavior. The good news is — we can always choose to change! (And if it’s something you can’t change, you can still take action — accept it and focus on what you can change!)

Take action. Better days ahead await! (And now I am going to take action to water, pull weeds, and tend to my veggie garden, spending 15-20 minutes a day doing so, so I can later enjoy my goal to have an abundance of fresh grown flowers and produce this fall instead of it just turning into a weedy tangled mess!)

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Keep Good Counsel

02 Monday Jul 2018

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Looking back, I can now see some “friends” who surrounded me during times of struggle earlier in life did not give good counsel. I wish now I had forgone their company for that of others who were on a more constructive path.

Now don’t get me wrong, they weren’t obvious degenerates as in they weren’t on drugs, into crime, or violating huge moral codes.

And yet their world views were very much shaped by the world, views I can now see lead people down disastrous paths.

The whole progressive movement of the past few decades has very much an on the surface sounds good quality. Increased rights, tolerance, equality, empowerment, personal freedom. What could go wrong?

Well, such thinking has (perhaps inadvertently, perhaps purposely) led to many of the social problems our society struggles with today. Not just between women and men in building healthy relationships, but in many other areas as well. Such as debt being now widely accepted as a “necessary evil” of modern life, to bring up just one example people may not think of connected to this.

A sliding moral compass eventually leads to an “anything goes” and “live and let live” mindset. But ironically rather than leading to increased harmony I can’t think of a time in my life I have seen people more divided, nor such hostility toward those who don’t embrace an “all paths are equally good” mindset.

I am not blaming others, nor am trying to encourage lack of personal responsibility for ones own choices. But looking back I wish I had associated less with certain people who held “of the world” views that in retrospect influenced my own choices and decisions. And many of these friends attended church, professed faith, mind you.

Most of these people I no longer associate closely with although we are still on friendly terms or I hear from them from time to time. But I no longer seek them out as I once did. And my life is honestly better for it, without the drama and angst some of them are constantly in.

Its not really new advice but I think it’s tried and true — surround yourself with people who are living good, successful, admirable lives — people who you aspire to be more like yourself.

Likewise, beware the company of people who are negative, toxic, always complaining or dissatisfied, making destructive choices themselves, etc.  Not to say one shouldn’t love and care for such people but too much of their company can infect your own thinking with the same, I have found.

If I could give my younger self some good life advice it would be this — beware the company and counsel you keep — it shapes your own views and choices more than you may know.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Know Where You Are Going

05 Monday Mar 2018

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This excellent post on another blog got me thinking: Do you have a life plan and are you actively working it?  (I highly recommend you click on and read the post before continuing.)

If you don’t have a plan you are working, chances are five, ten, or more years down the road time will have passed but you won’t be further ahead, healthier, more stable financially, or ahead in other categories for it.

However with a plan, and the small daily steps taken toward it, you could easily be far better off in all sorts of ways 1, 5, 10 or more years from now. Like a snowball rolling down a hill, such efforts start small but then can gain momentum, turning that small snowball into a huge one.

One never gets time back, either. And while it’s possible to start working a solid life plan at any age, the person who starts to do so early in life will always be ahead of the one who doesn’t begin until they are in their 40s, for example.

Today, take some time to write down some short (1 year), medium (5 year) and long range (10 years +) goals. If it helps, write how old you will be at each age, and visualize what you want your life (and the life of those you love) to look like then.

As they said failing to plan can be planning to fail.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

A Life Well Lived

07 Wednesday Feb 2018

Posted by in parenting, Relationships

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The other day I was talking with a couple about to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary. I didn’t ask their ages but he mentioned being born in 1939, although I would have never guessed it.

They are both fit and spry, more so than many people 15 or 20 or even more their junior. They look healthy, like they have eaten well, not overdone anything, and taken good care of themselves consistently.

They speak fondly to and of each other, and their children and grandchildren. It’s clear they are actively a part of their family’s lives and visit or meet up often even though the kids live across the country.

Both former schoolteachers, they say they never had a lot but the wife proudly said how her husband steadily put a little away all along and that has lasted for 20 years in retirement, likely along with teacher’s pensions. They talk of world travels taken through community ed programs and meeting up with all the clan yearly in Hawaii.

For their anniversary they are going on a six-week trip to the Caribbean, part cruise and part land. Even though she’s already tiny she mentioned she’s dieting, as she wants to look good by the pool. (So cute!)

They are both well dressed and well groomed in a solid but not flashy way. It’s clear despite their age they still take pride in their appearance and looking their best.

I found myself thinking they were a good example of a life well lived. They had invested in themselves, each other, their children, and their community. Small but steady good choices that have all added up.

I have no doubt they have endured struggles, but at the same time it’s clear the good has far outweighed the bad. It sure looked good compared to what’s happening today.

Wise choices, frugality, healthy living, moderation, and deep bonds may seem “boring” to some, but I personally think their story is a beautiful one. I’d love a family and life like that. Simple and true.

I wondered if such a life is now a thing of the past or if it’s still possible even in today’s day and age?

What do you think equals a life well lived? Please share in the comments!

Most Problems Are User Error

19 Thursday Feb 2015

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Someone* once said to me, “Most problems are caused by user error,” meaning many of the struggles in life are self-created ones.

Realizing this can be a double edged sword. On one hand it is empowering — to struggle or not in most cases becomes a choice. On the other hand, it requires taking responsibility for your life outcome, owning that you are the cause of your problem.

Try it. Make a written or mental list of your biggest problems and struggles. Then ask yourself how many of them are actually caused by your own decisions and choices, or decisions or choices you should/could be making but aren’t?

It can be both painful and liberating to realize nearly all factors in life are within our own control. That life is, like it or not, good or bad, what we have made it.

Sure, there are exceptions, times when circumstances beyond one’s control impose suffering — like being born into a dysfunctional family, getting cancer, losing everything in a fire or natural disaster, being laid off due to a downsizing, having a partner dying or walk out with no warning, being caught up in a war zone.

But even in these cases, there is still a choice involved and that choice is how you respond to factors out of your control. Constructive or destructive, how you react to tragedy is still a choice completely within your control. (Understanding this is what heroes and inspirational souls are made of.)

Luckily, true tragedy beyond control doesn’t strike often in life. Most of the time there is no outside random situation or circumstance imposing the suffering. Upon examination, we are usually creating the situation ourselves with the choices large and small we make every day. In these cases it’s as simple — and as hard — as choosing to do different.

Pity parties, blaming others, or adopting a victim stance may soothe the ego, but they only prolong the suffering.

Start doing yourself a favor, if you have been falling prey to user error forgive yourself (we’re all human), then take ownership of your life, identify the user error that’s causing you (and very likely others) suffering, and take action to change the situation from what you don’t want into what you do want.

Whatever the issue, problem, struggle, or roadblock — from weight loss, to a career funk, to relationship woes, to money problems — it’s almost always just that simple, and just that difficult. Choices. Action. Not choosing. Not taking action. A good attitude. A bad attitude.

And the good news, or the bad news, is the only person who can do it, or keep yourself from doing it, is you.

Let those who have ears hear.

—————-

*The someone who said this, ironically, knew this because they themselves were an expert at user error.

Half Empty or Half Full?

29 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by in Relationships

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I am starting to see a common thread in the stories of the women in my life – it’s far more common to hear a woman focusing on the glass being half empty than half full. And guess what? The ones who do, they are unhaaaaapy.

I challenge you ladies, start looking at the half full side of things. Start steering your thoughts and attitude toward happy and grateful for the good things in your life from the smallest to the biggest. Chances are you will find yourself a lot haaaaaapier if you do so.

Extreme example, but it’s a good one. A friend of mine who has been talking non-stop about divorcing her loyal, hardworking, steady Eddie husband of 10+ years and father of her four children (two hers he took on 100%, two theirs) for over a year now (and I have been trying to talk her out of it), her husband had a freak reaction to anesthesia during a minor surgical procedure a few months ago. He nearly died.

She freaked out. This man is the sole source of income and support for her family. She was in the hospital and on her knees praying for his life for two days straight. And, he lived and is doing well.

I am not kidding, less than a week later I call her up and right away she starts back into, “I am unhaaaaapy. It’s all his fault. I should just divorce him and get this over with. How long can I live like this?” And so on. LESS THAN ONE WEEK LATER.

Seriously, sister? And this poor guy, he actually gets up and goes to work and does all he can to make her happy anyway! Bless him. How many women would do the same?

There’s a saying that before you point out the speck in someone else’s eye, you should take the log out of your own. Because I would say in all of the cases of my friends who I see doing this, the unhappiness isn’t him, it’s within themselves. Leaving him won’t fix that.

If you have a good man who maybe isn’t perfect but he’s working hard and trying to please you, is a good dad, has a good heart — he is not abusive, not cheating, not an addict or alcoholic — be grateful for what you have, because I tell you, you will miss it dearly when it is gone. And you will regret not doing different.

So do different now. Be happy. Be happy with what you have. Look for the good in him. Be good to him. Build him up in your mind, and his. Love him, honor him, cherish and obey him. Like you promised you would, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live.

And if you do, you will be a happy woman. And you will have a happy man, who will work all the harder to make you happy, and he will honor you above all others, and your children will be happy, and that happy will make more happy. Unlimited happy. Happier than you ever dreamed. I have seen even marriages racked with infidelity and alcoholism turn around with this one simple choice — to focus on the good and not the bad. The choice is yours.

Let those who have ears hear.