Beta Orbiters from the Gal Side

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You may recall I have written about Vixen, my former neighbor before, and an update, and her latest… Well this morning I talked to her and probed further to try and understand why the Alpha/beta orbiter thing, and by golly I think I may have struck a red pill goldmine! New data to fold in, in any case, hopefully.

(Male readers: Please keep in mind the following is examined from the FEMALE pov. What I would advise the men in this situation, or what men would advise them, likely would be, “Next!” And I get that. I feel for these guys involved, I truly do! I am just trying to explain the “why” of female behavior from the gal side, which may help men understand it better too, but please know I am NOT saying it is good or right gals do this. To clarify. )

Short story, she’s been torn between two guys for several years: One is an Alpha who she chases, one is a beta who chases her. Both are intelligent, successful, and good looking guys. However her playing the fence is damaging the chances of relationship success with either suitor by the day. So why does she do it?

It’s an ancient female mindset, and a part of hypergamy, to always have a plan B, and C if needed. Aka the beta orbiter. Why? Life is historically precarious for a woman, especially a woman with small children, as her man may go off to war or off to hunt and never return. (Life as a man is obviously risky as well, in a more direct way, by no means minimizing that.)

She really wants the Alpha, but he won’t fully commit to her (and maybe for good reason!) This leaves her feeling unsafe. So she keeps the beta orbiter close by, in case Alpha bails. Beta orbiter is a real steady Eddie, willing to watch her kids, pay for their dance lessons, pay her bills, the works. Before the unplanned (or was it?) pregnancy with Apha, I highly advocated she forget Alpha and go for the beta orbiter, who I believe is a far better bet if what she needs is a family man. He’s actually far better looking, far more interesting and intelligent, and so on as well. The better “catch” imho, except despite me advising him not to be, he’s just too darn available! And that turns her off.

Meanwhile the Alpha remains just out of reach. He’s told her he would marry her and take care of her in a minute, IF she knocks off the beta orbiter thing and adopts HIS frame. But she isn’t sure… will he? Can she trust him? After all, he’s got “options” and has shown he’s willing to walk if needed. (Ironically this is exactly what draws her in, if he was too available, he’d be a deta orbiter in her mind, and she’d likely seek another Alpha. Complex, I know!)

And so it goes round and round. I suggested she completely cut off contact with the beta orbiter, because he undermines her relationship with the Alpha and is a BIG reason things aren’t progressing to a commitment. She really needs to choose. And to PROVE herself worthy of commitment!

Add to that, the wall approaches and I pointed this out to her today. Don’t waste precious time, I suggested. Get this figured out NOW, don’t wait until you are 50.  (She’s 41, I believe.)

She saw the sense in all this, when I explained the concepts. I truly believe she herself does not understand how her feminine imperative is pushing her to do things that are not helping, but actually hurting her chances of success. One must recognize the self-sabatoge hypergamy can cause, and why women play these games, to overcome them.

She said it was because Alpha isn’t local, as his job requires him to be onsite in a remote location (and pays much more b/c of that.) To this I called BS. I am in a long distance relationship myself, which she is seeing is working very well for me now that I am red pill savvy enough to “get” what I need to give and be to have that successful long distance relationship.  But as I told her, he’ leave me in a MINUTE if I played the games she is, and so I simply don’t. He’s way too good to me for me to ever even think of risking that! Because of him, my life now works in ways it never could have without him, and I feel safe. It’s a choice, I told her. If she wants what she sees I have, then she needs to accept his frame and the job situation.

Anyway, I hope Vixen will consider all this and for her baby boy’s sake, do what the Alpha demands, make him cookies, and nurtures that relationship with all she has. And most of all gives him one of the biggest things a gal can give a man — LOYALTY. Commit to him or he will never commit to you!

We’ll see… you can lead a horse to water but… I hope to God she DRINKS!!!! (I’d force her to drink if I could but she needs to see it on her own and do so willingly, darn it!)

What do you think? Have you seen women do this? Please share in the comments…

Nature is Sexist!

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There is a difference between sexism and biology. And before throwing down the “sexist” claim, it’s important to understand the difference.

Sexism is basically telling people (historically women) that they cannot do X, Y, or Z because of their sex. These things were possible, but due to social constraints were not “acceptable” and so they were forbidden. That’s sexism.

However, there are certain things in life that may appear sexist at first blush, but are actually biological constraints. These are not sexist, although they may be sex-specific.

Men cannot, for example, have babies. That is not sexist, that’s biology.

Or to make examining such things less heated, it’s often helpful to extrapolate from the animal world, from nature in general, to understand the difference between sexism and biology.

Besides the seahorse and Emperor penguin and a few other token examples, for the most part, by and large, it is the female of the species who does the bulk of the work rearing the young. Now one could fight it is not “fair” till the cows come home, but it simply is what it is.

Without mothering, most offspring simply do not survive or if they do they are confused and unprepared for what lies ahead.  Sure there are examples of animals who need no mothering or fathering (sea turtles, for example), but again if that’s the way they are biologically designed that is a far cry from it being a “choice.”

In the animal kingdom, none fight this. They simply go about life doing their biological role and everything works out great.

We humans, despite being the “most intelligent” species on the planet, seem to be the only ones who want to ignore biology and define it for ourselves.

It’s at most a fool’s errand. But people still do.

Let those who have ears hear!

Can you name some examples of this either in your life or that you have seen in the lives of others? Please share in the comments!

 

She Lives! And Naughty Lady Teachers…

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Hi guys,

My sincere apologies for not writing more regular posts, lots of very good and very exciting things are happening in my “offline life” that are preventing me from being able to focus much on this. For now… don’t worry, it is short term!

So in the meantime, how about a post where YOU, the reader, tell me what you think in the comments about the following:

http://www.todayupfeed.com/high-school-teacher-arrested-allegedly-ex-three-football-players/

It seems lately there are more stories about FEMALE teachers taking advantage of underage students, than male. Why do YOU think they do this? What is the motivation? What is this really “about?” Are female on male student-teacher relationships different somehow than male on female based ones? Discuss…

I will in the meantime, mow, since the sun is out today and the grass is growing, growing, growing! 😀

 

Focus on YOUR Half

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Most of the couples I know who are unhappy make a common mistake — instead of thinking about what they could do to make their side of the relationship work better, they pick their partner apart.

I have had one woman tell me that, “She’ll try AFTER he fixes all his stuff first.” Really? And trust me she can roll out a list of things he does wrong, but is unable to see her own side of the dysfunction.

When the relationship is struggling, it is good to ask yourself what YOU can do to improve things, rather than focusing on what your partner should do or isn’t doing.

It’s nearly never 100% anyone’s fault. Man or woman. Many times there are things YOU can do to make things better, even if your partner isn’t. And change creates change. You changing how you approach the relationship will eventually force them to act differently, as well.

And the only thing you can control or change is YOUR SIDE of things, anyway.

And if the issue really is something there is no fixing, like your partner has a personality disorder,  and things don’t work out despite your best effort to make it so, at least you will know you tried.

Let those who have ears hear.

Thoughts on Gender Benders

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Over the past few years, the idea that gender is something one chooses rather than is has been increasingly directed at some of our society’s most vulnerable and impressionable — children.

Parents and caregivers are encouraging it. The media is encouraging it. Even public schools are teaching transgenderism (a.k.a. It’s a choice if you are a boy or a girl or one of the many other possible “gender identities”) in some states. But the American Academy of Pediatrics has drawn a line — they say such teachings are CHILD ABUSE. Here are their 8 reasons why. They say:

1. Human sexuality is an objective biological binary trait: “XY” and “XX” are genetic markers of health – not genetic markers of a disorder.

2. No one is born with a gender. Everyone is born with a biological sex. Gender (an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female) is a sociological and psychological concept; not an objective biological one.

3. A person’s belief that he or she is something they are not is, at best, a sign of confused thinking. When an otherwise healthy biological boy believes he is a girl, or an otherwise healthy biological girl believes she is a boy, an objective psychological problem exists that lies in the mind not the body, and it should be treated as such.

4. Puberty is not a disease and puberty-blocking hormones can be dangerous. Reversible or not, puberty-blocking hormones induce a state of disease – the absence of puberty – and inhibit growth and fertility in a previously biologically healthy child.

5. According to the DSM-V, as many as 98% of gender confused boys and 88% of gender confused girls eventually accept their biological sex after naturally passing through puberty.

6. Children who use puberty blockers to impersonate the opposite sex will require cross-sex hormones in late adolescence. Cross-sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) are associated with dangerous health risks including but not limited to high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke and cancer.

7. Rates of suicide are twenty times greater among adults who use cross-sex hormones and undergo sex reassignment surgery, even in Sweden which is among the most LGBQT – affirming countries.

8. Conditioning children into believing a lifetime of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex is normal and healthful as child abuse.

I have never felt conflicted or torn about being biologically and socially a female. So I will admit, it is hard for me to relate to someone feeling they are not the sex they were born. And I am sure there are relatively rare cases (.003%) where it truly is the case, such as in people who were born hermaphrodites and whose parents choose at birth their gender, and choose wrong.

But otherwise, from the minute sperm meets egg, people are XX or XY. And that same XX or XY data replicates, along with the rest of their DNA, in every single cell of their body.

It’s not good or bad to be a boy. It’s not good or bad to be a girl. It simply is what it is. IMHO, it isn’t a choice. Actually it seems masochistic and self-loathing to fight it. There are lots of things we can choose about being who we are. I say better to focus on those, rather than spend energy on wanting to change something one cannot —  your own biological reality. Even after surgery, hormones, and other measures — you’ll never change your cellular reality of XX or XY.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

The Wide and Narrow Gates

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There is a passage in scripture that talks about the wide and narrow gates. And whether you are a religious person or not, I do believe the concept offers good advice on living your life well.

Most people go for the wide gate. It’s easy, everyone else is doing it, and when you do so you are in the majority. The wide gate is like a big tent, anything goes, nobody judges, and the standards are low (or nonexistent.)

Few choose the narrow gate. The narrow gate asks one to rise above their basest natures and desires and to forgo short term pleasures and ease for a long term vision aligned with Truth and doing the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

At first glance there are few drawbacks to the wide gate, and many to the narrow one.

But in reality the wide gate is the path of pain, disappointment, betrayal, anguish, drama, and loss — not only in some life-after-death way, but also very much in the here and now.

The narrow gate, at first glance costly, actually is protection against pain, loss, betrayal, hurt, deception, and the like. Today, in this life, right now. It is the path of wisdom, the path of self-love.

I have watched many friends take the wide path in “love” and to end up suffering horribly for it. Men who used them. Men who lied to them. Men who cheated on them. Men who gave them lifelong illnesses. It seems only in movies and fairy tales that the wide path leads to true love and happiness.

Taking the narrow path may mean not dating as much, sitting home on Saturday nights, even being made fun of for not doing what everyone else is doing. But in the long run, all that is a small price to pay for having standards that will lead to true and lasting love and happiness.

As I wrote before, bake cookies. Be that girl. And once you find love, stay on the narrow path. That would be my advice.

Let those who have ears hear!

 

Welcome to Waaa-Merica?

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Maybe it is just me, but is anyone else sick and tired of this seemingly endless back and forth about the long over and done election?

Donald Trump was legally elected president. The next opportunity to elect a president is in 2020. Can we MOVE ON???

Like it or not, just like every other president he has the right to choose a cabinet, set an agenda, determine priorities, and do his best to keep his campaign promises to those who voted for him. Which he is doing at an amazing rate and despite much resistance, btw.

Rather than temper tantrum meltdowns, how about we be happy we have a stable secure government that works, with peaceful transitions of power, checks and balances on govt., a legal system not based on bribery and extortion, freedom and opportunity for those willing to work for it, and more prosperity than most people on the planet?

We must seem like the most spoiled, entitled, self-absorbed, first world problem focused nation on earth! Frankly, it is embarrassing.

For all our blessings, all many seem to be able to do is complain that they deserve “more.” How about being part of the solution, not part of the problem? How about giving as much (or more!) than you are taking?

Maybe it is pre-menopause speaking here, but I am really having to restrain myself from not saying this sort of thing out loud and in person pretty much daily to those I encounter complaining about “the system.”

Count your blessings. That’s what I would recommend. Be positive. Look toward the future. Try to make the things you see wrong better.

It is amazing that for the supposedly most intelligent species on the planet, we never seem to learn from history. Look back in time and all the once mighty cultures fell not in their struggle but at their peak. Somehow rather than evolving the easier things get, people seem hell bent on devolving to their basest natures.

What’s next? Feeding Christians to the lions for sport? Burning folks at the stake based on mere allegations? The worst of our nature rising rather than the best of it shining?

I hope not. Wake up people, before it is too late and you only tell tales to your offspring of the wonders of running water, electricity, and a functioning society.

Let those who have ears hear.

Be Mine, Valentine

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Today I happened to be walking out of a store at the same time the local high school was getting out. I saw multiple teen boys with bouquets of flowers in hand, obviously headed off to present them to someone.

They looked so young, so hopeful, so eager. I hope the gals the flowers will go to will be gentle with their hearts and realize it’s an honor when a man asks her to, “Be mine, Valentine.”

I have heard many men in the manosphere say they never loved again like they loved their first love. And for some whose first love broke their heart, the recovery can take years, if ever.

Ladies, if you have a man bringing your flowers today, be good and true to him!  In turn, he will gladly move mountains for you!

Let those with ears hear.

Head Games Don’t Pay Off

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I have written about my former neighbor I nicknamed Vixen before more than once. Last time I wrote about her she was about to have a baby, and was torn between the dad who wouldn’t commit and the beta orbiter who would.

The baby is now almost 10 months old and sure is a cute little guy! He has a very even temperament and is the “easy baby” all moms hope for. I think God knew what she could handle, and cut her a lot of slack!

She still continues to waffle between the two choices, never fully committing or detaching from either one. So things continue to be a cluster.

The other night I had a little red pill heart to heart with her, and explained that a big reasons she (and her kids) are in the situation she’s in is due to her fence sitting. In classic projection she’s the one who is really unwilling to commit to either path 100%, not them, and the longer it goes on the more damage is being done.

Honestly I am surprised they both have not given up on her by now, but from what I see both guys are willing to commit to her *IF* she would commit to them. But she can’t decide, and that is the problem.

The baby’s father has a great job but it is and always has been in a different state. He comes home frequently, but as he has explained to her multiple times if he were to take a job closer to home, he’d be taking a 2/3 pay cut as well.

He’s got an Alpha temperament and so the more she tries to bend him to her will, the more distance he puts between them. I have met him and seen them interact and she constantly “shit tests” him whenever he comes home for the weekend. His reaction? He doesn’t want to be around her, and so he leaves.

As I watched her once again bring up the tired old, “We wouldn’t fight if you were here, it’s your job that is the problem,” yada yada last time he visited, I could not help but interrupt, “Haven’t we had this fight already?” (Not to mention in front of myself and the kids!)

He’s made it pretty clear he is more than willing to pay her rent and commit to her *if* she will stop the nagging and fighting and would drop the orbiter. And yet she just can’t seem to stop herself, even when it leads to him breaking things off and dating other women for awhile, which he has done. He’s a good guy but he simply is not going to tolerate her behavior.

Her beta orbiter is also a great guy. But she says as much as she wishes she felt “tingles” with him, she doesn’t. He’s too available, too ready to run to her aid, too willing to put up with her nonsense. It kills  her attraction but he just can’t seem to stop himself. He’s holding on in hopes that he will be the last guy standing in the end.

During our red pill talk I asked her which one she wanted. She said the baby’s father, ideally, which I also agree now that baby is here and he is willing if she can learn to curb her tongue. But I explained to her he would never be all in unless she was too. And that means cutting off the beta orbiter and his “help” 100% completely. And of course all other potential orbiters or relationships with single men who are attracted to her.

I also pointed out that her behavior was driving him away, and that rather than fight with him every time he comes to town, maybe she should welcome him, make a fuss, treat him like a king, and not complain. Make her place somewhere he can’t wait to get to rather than run away from.

He’s got the opportunity to transfer to an equal job here within the next six months.  So I suggested she spend the next six months cementing the relationship than continue to play foolish games. Cut off the other guy completely in the meantime, as his involvement and help only makes things more confusing. She simply can’t have both. She agreed it made sense.

Then, this weekend, just two days after our talk she spent most of her time with guess who? The beta orbiter. Ug!

I didn’t say anything, but she knows what I think. She’s playing with fire and it’s going to end up with her and her kids getting burned I am afraid.

She has taken note of my own long distance relationship, also due to work constraints. Rather than fight with him and make it an issue, I patiently wait because I realize it is in both of our best interest he ride out the next few years to get a full retirement that will be a huge benefit to us both! In the meantime we are in frequent contact, never fight, and see each other as often as his leave time allows. On weekends I stay home and I stay away from “friendships” with single guys because I don’t want him to even have to question where I stand. I have chosen him and that’s that. I do all I can to prove I am a good bet rather than play games and try to make him prove himself to me! He’s all in, but I know he would not be if I were not, too! (And I respect that!)

The bottom line is men don’t share. They just don’t. And men don’t like a bunch of drama either. Her own behavior is why she is single and has a commitment from nobody, while meanwhile I don’t have a care in the world and all is swell! I know she’s watching how I am handling my own situation differently, and I hope it will click for her, although honestly there’s already a LOT of damage done in the last 2-3 years she’s played games. I don’t see how either relationship could ever be what it fully could have been had she not played games. I wonder if she will ever get that?

What do you think? Have you ever seen a woman try to run a relationship as if she is an Alpha male? Except she isn’t, so the plate spinning and jealousy does not work in her favor? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

(Personally I think both guys should RUN!!! But softie that I am, I still hope for her, her kid’s, and the guys sake she will figure it out before they do.)

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

Ladies or Warriors?

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A post on a friend’s Facebook page caught my eye. Here’s the image:

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Now I am sure my friend just thought, “That’s right, you go guuuurl!” and re-posted it without much thought.  She likely didn’t mean any harm.

But let’s talk a closer look, and think more critically about the message in the image. (I was relieved to see the comments attached to the image did point much of this out, yay red pill commenters!)

First of all, the image has a “Mad Max” type feel. This is not an image of a little girl living in a safe and stable civilization. So that right there is not a good thing, as girls in such a situation would most likely be subjected to abuse, rape, kidnapping, and other horrible treatment in such a doomsday scenario.

Secondly, women are designed to bring life into the world, and to nurture and sustain life, not to take life. If this little girl were to die in battle, her tribe loses far more than if she was able to reach adulthood and help her tribe gain in number and strength.

There’s a red pill saying that, “sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive.”  What that means is that men are more “expendable” from a biological standpoint. One male can impregnate many women, carrying on his genetic lineage, while a female can only bear one child at a time, and at great personal risk and cost, especially in a scenario like the above where there likely would be no medical help!

Now, expendable is not the same as unnecessary or unimportant or optional. Men are certainly a key part of a functioning, safe society. Their natural role as provider and protector is a noble one. (As is the female role, as the giver of life.)

To die in battle for your tribe is indeed the highest sacrifice a man can make. Likewise, a female having children for her tribe is the highest sacrifice she can make. This is why females dying in battle is not a gain to the tribe, it is a huge loss.

This is true in many cases in the animal world as well. For example, I keep chickens. In a flock, the rooster is the only one who looks around and up for danger. The hens are completely oblivious, relying on him to sound the alarm if trouble approaches. When it does, the rooster will literally throw himself in the path of danger to allow the hens to escape safely back to the coop. I have had several roosters give their life in this way, trying to fight off a coyote or wayward dog. Interestingly, the hens (whose eggs are fertilized weeks before they are laid) will then immediately start a nest, I assume to replace the missing rooster they have just lost. It’s also important to note, without a rooster, the coyote or dog will kill the entire flock of hens, who do not even see it coming.

And finally, encouraging women to be fighters instead of lovers does not prepare them well for the role of wife or mother. Brash argumentative uppity women are unpleasant to be around, and struggle to maintain relationships. Not good for her, her mate, or her children! (Also note, being a lady has the exact opposite effect!)

Not that women can’t fight if needed, but it is usually not the go to. Even the strongest women have trouble holding their own against an average man. If it is down to women doing the fighting, things are very bad indeed!

In any case, while such images today are meant to “empower” women to be strong and self sufficient, under examination such thinking really isn’t in the best interest of anyone, including the little girls being told to “be a warrior!”

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!