The Land of Constant Worry

Some relationships seem to exist in the land of constant worry. Is he doing X? Is she doing Y? It’s a constant guessing game, filled with yucky feelings, insecurity, and angst.

Now I am not a psychologist, and I am sure there are multiple reasons and causes for such a dynamic. I have seen people worry constantly when there was no reason to, and also cases where they had every reason to worry. But I think the most important part to focus on is such relationships are unhealthy and unhappy, whatever the cause. It’s not a good space.

In the end the last place you or your partner should be walking on eggshells is in your relationship.

If you have such feelings in every relationship, perhaps it’s time to look within. If you don’t normally have these feelings but are Having them in a particular relationship, maybe your intuition is trying to warn you?

Of course every relationship will have good days and bad, but if theres consistently more worry than peace, it’s not good. Time to take an honest and close look at yourself, your partner, and your situation.

What do you think such a relationship dynamic reveals? Please share in the comments.

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Dating Is Expensive

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I have a friend who once complained when a man she met online planned a relatively inexpensive outing for their second date.

Instead of embracing a fun and creative day, she pouted the whole date and (surprise) wasn’t asked out on a third.

Dating is expensive, especially if he’s picking up the tab. Being mindful of that, and even suggesting fun but low cost date ideas yourself, is a good way to stand out from the entitled princess types and demonstrate you’ve got LTR partner potential.

Yes, dinners out at the best places in town are nice, but a gal who expects nothing less on every outing may find herself soon wondering why he never called again.

Oh and be sure to say, “Thank you.” A guy once told me it’s surprising how many women don’t, and when it happened, he would not call them back.

What do you think about the economics of dating? Please share in the comments!

Overheard

The other day while waiting in the doctor’s office I couldn’t help but overhear when a cute, but not extraordinarily so, gal in her early 30s sitting nearby checked her voicemail on speakerphone.

A male voice said, “Hey, I have been thinking about you and how we should get together soon. I know your kid comes first and everything, of course, but call me back and let’s set something up!”

She rolled her eyes and pushed delete.

I pondered the exchange from multiple angles. Would she someday regret taking such calls for granted? Do nice guys win last? What would he have said differently had he known about the red pill? How would she have viewed the situation if she did? Would she call back? Would he?

Of course we don’t know the backstory, so it’s speculation, but what do you think of the exchange? Please share in the comments!

Practice Positivity

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An interesting point came up in the comments recently about how much a man appreciates a woman who assumes the best of his intentions, words, and actions instead of the worst.

For example, let’s say you text him and don’t hear back right away. Do you assume something is wrong? Worry? Get upset? Assume it’s deliberate? Maybe even start sending a flurry of accusatory or drama filled texts trying to get a response or the reverse, ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment in return when he does reply? (BTW, both a very bad idea!)

If so, you may want to start practicing more positivity. How about taking a deep breath, assuming until proven otherwise that everything is fine, and just moving along with your day?

It’s not so hard to do and it will create a world of difference. Letting anxiety and insecurity get the better of you causes nothing but harm to a relationship.

And if he’s truly someone you just can’t trust, or who is repeatedly unresponsive, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why you are even in a relationship with such a person rather than focusing on trying to control something you can’t?

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

16 Qualities of an Irresistible Woman

Ladies, if you want to stand out, here’s a great to-do list from a guy’s point of view. From what I have read around the manosphere, I’d say he has captured it pretty well, and some of the list may be new! Certainly not things you’ll read in women’s magazines giving dating advice. What do you think? Do any of these points surprise you? Contradict what you have been told or read is important to men? Please share in the comments!

Σ Frame

This post outlines an easily digestible checklist for feminine qualities that score big with men. These things, plus a healthy RESPECT (which doesn’t make the list, because it is a skill, not a quality), is what makes a woman unforgettable for me, and I believe, all men as well. Unfortunately, right now in western history, irresistible, respectful women are on the brink of extinction. So here’s the ideal, lest we forget!

  1. Emotional maturity is the biggest asset of all. She is happy, relaxed, and emotionally stable. She knows how to maintain a good attitude at all times. She has a bubbly sense of inner joy that doesn’t change with respect to circumstances. She accepts people for who they are, and doesn’t denigrate or shit test them. She knows what she believes, what she likes, and what she wants, and she knows how to get along with people in a…

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Ghosts From the Past

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Much has been said in the manosphere about the Alpha widow — the gal who aimed out of her league and forever after longs for the one(s) who got away. Usually with disastrous consequences for any who follow.

Tonight, as I watched Dancer and her guy interact, and her reaction as he once again brought up his ex in conversation in a wistful way, it made me wonder if there is a male equivalent? An Alphette widow? And if such a thing exists, what does that look like? Is it the gal who was crazy good in bed (and crazy BPD otherwise) that sticks in his memory, or is it the one who captured his heart?

In either case, is there any cure? Or is everyone involved simply doomed?

What do you think on this topic of “ghosts from the past” who haunt long into the future? Please share in the comments!

Embrace Womanhood

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If like me you were raised to fit the feminist mold, you may have been discouraged from acting in ways that were too “traditionally feminine.” I know I was, and to this day I still struggle to put back the pieces of that part of my identity.

I was told that it was better to be strong, independent, and “more like a man” than to act like a woman. How ironic that feminism taught females that being a woman was somehow lesser than being a man!

I was taught that if I acted “too much” like a female I would be oppressed, victimized, harassed, and not taken seriously. And of course I didn’t want that to happen!

So I avoided acting or dressing “too feminine,” opting for loose-fitting or androgynous clothing instead. I did wear make up and style my hair modestly, but was careful not to try to look “too pretty” so that it didn’t overshadow or detract from my intelligence or personality. In fact I very much downplayed my looks.

I took shop class instead of home economics. I avoided learning “traditional feminine skills.” I was told by teachers to avoid typing class, for instance, because if I knew how to type, I would always be, “just a secretary.” I did all sorts of things trying to learn how to win in a “man’s world” and shedding my womanly nature somehow seemed to be key in that.

A movie that I remember from childhood that captures the zeitgeist of that time was “Nine to Five.” I forget the entire plot line but in it three female characters struggle to be taken seriously in the work world. All are taken advantage of in one way or another by their male boss, but perhaps most of all was Dolly Parton’s character, the feminine, big busted, big hearted blonde who was regulated to secretarial roles where she was mostly lustfully eyeballed by her male collegues and anything she had to add or contribute was automatically dismissed because of how she looked.

Of course I didn’t want to end up like that!

Fast forward several decades and I have now come to realize that these beliefs, perhaps however well intended, ended up causing me to view the world as a dangerous, sexist place, where I would never truly be taken seriously, would have to fight for everything twice as hard as a man, would likely be taken advantage of, and treated unfairly. And why wouldn’t I believe it? Everyone told me it was so!

What a negative and suspicious lens to view the world through! I imagined boogymen who didn’t exist, barriers that weren’t there, often misread situations. In retrospect, thinking that all men were out to thwart me, or worse harm me, was a really bad space to approach life from.

So I have been working hard since realizing all this to embrace womanhood. To be ok with being born an XX. To not view it as a negative, or some kind of lifelong handicap.

And just when I think I have overcome, made peace with it all, something will happen or a situation will arise and I will realize just how deeply embedded that programming is. It still is lurking there, urging me to not be OK with who I am. Whispering that if I dare, I will pay, and that bad things will happen, opportunities will be missed.

I hope young women today aren’t being raised to reject themselves as I was, a child in the 70s and 80s. Because there’s nothing wrong with being female. With being a woman. With being feminine.

And anyone who is telling girls or women that is the actual sexist, the true woman hater, the real misogynist.

I hope that someday I can truly embrace all this to the core of my soul. In the meantime I do my best to remind myself daily and often that there’s nothing wrong with me just being me, no matter what anyone says.  I am equal, and I always have been.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

(p.s. In a similar way, men of my generation and since were raised that being a male or masculine was somehow “wrong,” too. Ironic, isn’t it? While women were being raised to be “more like boys” boys were being raised to be “more like girls.” How nutty is that?!?!?)

 

 

 

An Unlikely Pair

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Prince Harry, second son of Prince Charles and Princess Diana just announced his engagement to an American born actress, Meghan Markle.

Harry is 33, Meghan is a 36-year-old divorcee.

Meghan’s parents also divorced when she was 6. Her father had two children from a previous marriage, a son and a daughter, both of whom have had trouble with the law. The brother for putting a gun to his financee’s head during a drunken argument and the sister for phone stalking, harassing, and threatening her ex.

The sister didn’t have kind words about the news, calling Meghan a “Narccisist” and a “social climber.” The sister plans to write a book about her life with the “pushy princess.”

Meghan’s mother, who is African American, had only one child, Meghan.

Compared to past royal matches, Meghan seems an unlikely candidate, not being Brittish, or royal, or previously unmarried.

Perhaps the royal family is trying to become more mainstream?

While I always want to wish couples well, this match is not sounding like a wise one on Harry’s part from a red pill point of view. Hopefully they beat the odds rather than become another statistic.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Waste Little, Want Not

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A popular saying from the depression era was, “waste little, want not.” It was a phrase often repeated by my grandmother who lived through the depression as a child and teen.

In today’s “gimme gimme” culture built on debt and instant gratification, the idea of making do and being greatful isn’t a popular one. Yet it’s one that can bring peace and centering in times of both plenty and lack.

Imagine feeling like what you have is enough. That you lack for and need nothing. Impossible? Chances are if you are like many today you actually not only have enough, but more than enough.

In fact it’s a common complaint today that people have too much! Yet despite homes filled with clutter and “stuff” they seek more, never truly filling the hole within.

Ironically, in a culture of abundance and self-centered-ness, people are more dissatisfied and lonely than ever. So maybe the secret isn’t more and “me” but less and “others?”

Waste little, want not.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

The Secret to Success

I recently picked up the book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” at a secondhand shop after hearing about it for years. I have only read two chapters so far but it’s packed with simple but really profound insight. And while it’s not a relationship book, it certainly could be.

According to the author success comes not from luck or chance, but from doing, acting, and being those things that lead to success. And equally important, not doing things that don’t.

Want a successful relationship? Then you must not simply want it, but BE it. Be someone who takes the steps and acts in ways that lead to a successful relationship.

While it sounds simple, how many people today truly do this?

Further he says while society today often looks to outside sources or to others to “grant” success, it’s really only something that comes from within. YOU have to take the small but steady daily steps to develop success creating behaviors then make them consistent habits. Not your spouse (although ideally they do so too), not society, but YOU.

Are you consistently being, doing, and acting in ways that create relationship success? If not, you’ll never get there.

The same applies to all kinds of situations, from health to parenting to work to goals. To get the outcome you desire, make sure you are behaving in a way that will get you there, not just wishing, wanting, and hoping it will somehow happen.

I know I have identified ways I can up my game. Join me! 🙂