A Banished Ballad

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The Me Too movement continues to point an accusatory finger, this time at a cheeky and playful holiday song now deemed predatory.  News reports today say many radio stations and public forums are banning it.

Let’s have a look. Probably the best way to access the situation is to click on the video and then read along with the lyrics below:

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I really can’t stay (Baby it’s cold outside)
I gotta go away (Baby it’s cold outside)
This evening has been (Been hoping that you’d dropped in)
So very nice (I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice)
My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (I’ll put some records on while I pour)
The neighbors might think (Baby it’s bad out there)
Say what’s in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell) (Why thank you)
I ought to say no, no, no sir (Mind if move in closer?)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (What’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?)
I really can’t stay (Baby don’t hold out)
Baby it’s cold outside
Ah, you’re very pushy you know?
I like to think of it as opportunistic
I simply must go (Baby it’s cold outside)
The answer is no (But baby it’s cold outside)
The welcome has been (How lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (Look out the window at that storm)
My sister will be suspicious (Gosh your lips look delicious!)
My brother will be there at the door (Waves upon a tropical shore)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (Gosh your lips are delicious!)
Well maybe just a cigarette more (Never such a blizzard before) (And I don’t even smoke)
I’ve got to get home (Baby you’ll freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat? (It’s up to your knees out there!)
You’ve really been grand, (I feel when I touch your hand)
But don’t you see? (How can you do this thing to me?)
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow (Think of my life long sorrow!)
At least there will be plenty implied (If you caught pneumonia and died!)
I really can’t stay (Get over that old out)
Baby it’s cold
Baby it’s cold outside
Okay fine, just another drink then
That took a lot of convincing!
So what do you think? Is this a flirty and fun song demonstrating plausible deniability?  (Meaning she’s fine with it but she’s playing hard to get so she doesn’t seem too eager) or predatory creep pushing drinks on a poor, innocent, girl who isn’t into it but is trying to let him down gently? A patriarchal plot to teach generation after generation of young men how to trap and molest the ladies, player techniques passed on thru song?
What do do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

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The Lost Job

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A meeting with my oldest’s guidance counselor led to an interesting teachable moment afterward.

The meeting was a fairly standard, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” one. Would she go to college? Trade school? Etc.

After the meeting she expressed some valid concerns, including feeling like she wasn’t ready to choose. And to be honest, she is fairly young to make such a decision.

I explained it was just the start of the discussion and that she really has several years to figure it out. There are tests she can take to help her narrow things down by identifying her aptitude’s and interests.

Seeing the opening I dropped in a red pill. “You know when I was your age, there was a really important job option nobody ever talked about.”

”Really?” she asked. “What?”

”The job of taking care of the homefront,” I replied. “Supporting a husband so he could work while the wife took care of all the tasks that help keep life running smoothly like cooking, cleaning, gardening, and childcare.”

I explained when I was her age they told us what a “waste of our potential” staying home and taking care of things would be.

But as she has seen firsthand as the child of a “career mom,” what happens is that stuff either doesn’t get done or gets done on the margins.

I pointed out some people we know who have taken that path, and how well it has worked for themselves and their families. I explained how I often felt I had been sold a half truth, and that had I chosen a different path my life might have been far less stressful, difficult, and overwhelming.

I could tell she liked the idea that maybe she didn’t have to be a career gal like myself. That maybe there was another way.

She said she did want to have an education, and job skills, and to have some work experience, “just in case.” I used her former babysitter as an example of someone who had done just that, and how if her husband ever needed her to take the lead because he was ill or something, she had the education and marketable skills to do so.

It was a really good discussion and one I hope she factors in as she chooses her life path.

Time will tell. But at least she and I are having the discussions I wish someone would have had with me at her age.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

State of the Union

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So just minutes ago, I randomly happened to see a post on Instagram with pink plastic reusable-but-also-disposable cups for — I am assuming — a bachelorette party (???) that say, “Same penis forever.” Along with a diamond engagement ring clip art image.

So naturally I had to write a post.

How depressingly red pill is that? Are the holders of said cups already regretting the end of the Alpha Fux, soon to be beta bux (AF/bb) era? Are the cups being both reusable (for a whole weekend!!!) but disposable a sign of the times?

Is this a healthy and marriage-ready or marriage-worthy sentiment? How long until that same penis gets old? What then?

Or am I just taking a joke and a lighthearted spin on the male version of this sentiment all too seriously?

As one manospherisn might say, (Drink!) And then discuss in the comments!

Be Thankful

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It seems like an apt time of year to ponder gratitude.

True thankfulness is exceedingly rare in today’s entitled “gimmie, gimme NOW” world.

I find it so ironic that in an era where many have more material and physical abundance than perhaps ever before in all of history, it’s much more common to encounter people thinking they need more than to meet those who appreciate all they’ve got.

And since this blog is for the ladies, I will focus on this from the female perspective from here. (Perhaps a male blogger can tackle a version of this topic for the guys.)

For women, who have for decades been raised to believe there are no limits, they can be or do anything they want to be, that they deserve it all, and that they don’t just deserve it they are OWED it, contentment and gratitude can be viewed as negative, limiting, and outdated.

However I would argue it’s only those rare women who cultivate a true gratitude attitude that ever find the seemingly-ever-elusive happiness, fulfillment, balance, peace, and abundance so many desperately seek.

The answer ironically isn’t having more, it’s not just being OK with — but actually being thankful for — less.

Now before you think I am advising gals need to aim low or give up, give me a chance to explain.

Contentment and gratitude for what *is* truly is the secret to ever having enough. Because everything is relative.

For example, for some people an 800 square foot house is “small.” For others a 2,500 square foot house is “small.” Any house could be viewed as too small, too big, or just right based on one’s perception.

I once read a book by a woman who suddenly realized one day that the problem wasn’t that’s her house was too small, it was her attitude toward it that was. Rather than being thankful for and loving the house she had, she resented it for everything it was not, and spent many disgruntled hours wishing to live anywhere but there.

After that “ah ha moment,” she embarked on a year-long quest to love her home with all she had. She lovingly took stock and then went to work making it as beautiful, comfortable, welcoming, and cozy as it could possibly be.

Soon others began to notice her modest little house. Editors from home and garden magazines that she used to read with envy started calling her, asking to feature her home! Then offering her a regular column! Then encouraging her to write books about how she had created her lovely abode.

That’s the difference gratitude makes. It was the same house. She was the same person. All that had changed was rather than wishing for something else she embraced what she had and poured her heart and soul into loving it just as it was while doing all she could to make it all it could be with the resources she had.

In the end embracing gratitude led to so much more than not doing so ever did. She wasn’t settling. Or aiming low. Or giving up. Or getting less.

In fact had she stayed on the path of wanting more, she would likely still be stuck right there, bitterly hating her little house, wishing for something else, thinking, “if only…”

Instead she was loving her house, living a life beyond her wildest dreams, and embracing the ever growing abundance with a humble and thankful heart.

If you find yourself often thinking about what you wish you had, were, missed, or should be, try looking at what you have right now with gratitude, knowing it’s enough, being thankful for exactly what you’ve got, making the most of it, and embracing the blessings that have been right there all along. At home, at work, at play, and in love.

Happy Thanksgiving! May it be a blessed one.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Post Red Pill?

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In addition to being very busy, lately I have found myself just not wanting to keep rehashing the same old same old.

Not that I don’t see red pill truisms occur every single day, the outcomes just as sadly predictable as always, or that I deny any of it.

I guess I just want to take the knowledge I have assimilated and now build in a positive direction for me and mine even if the rest carry on as usual.

Its just too depressing to do otherwise. And I can’t do much of anything about any of it except in my own world.

Yeah it’s all messed up and going to hell in a handbasket, but rather than focus on that I find myself wanting to do what I can to create a small little refuge from the storm and quietly appreciate how all I have learned now allows that.

It won’t stop the rest from happening or change the world but at least it can stop happening to me.

Maybe that’s all one can really hope for.

This doesn’t change the fact that I still feel for those who don’t know or don’t want to know, but I can’t do it for them just like nobody could do it for me except myself. I hope someday they too will know and I hope my quietly doing and being different will provide proof that there are other paths, a reassuring calm in the storm.

It’s not denial, it’s not defeat,  it’s acceptance.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

Still Here

In case you have been wondering, I am still here! And I plan to continue the blog. It’s a very busy season for me and that’s left little time for writing, or coming up with new topics.

But all is well! I wanted to drop by and say hello quickly, and that I am still around!

Feel free to comment about whatever red pill topics are on your mind. The best stuff is often in the comments anyway!

Carry on…

Be Good to Men

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After finding the manosphere, I have a much deeper understanding (although not perfect) of the male experience. This has led me to be much more aware of how I personally interact with men, as well as how other women do.

Something I have noticed is how many women automatically treat men with suspicion, hostility, or indifference.

I can’t imagine if every time I said hello to someone I was treated like some sort of pervey creepy potential rapist, or like I don’t even exist. Many men (especially non-top-tier men) are treated exactly like that. I see it often. I probably even did this myself before I was aware of it, sadly.

Now I don’t treat guys this way, I don’t assume the worst, I don’t blow them off or ignore them, and I don’t treat them like all they want is to get in my pants. And guess what? Nothing bad has happened!

If you find yourself walking around “with your bitch shield up” as they say in the manosphere, try taking it down a notch. Try assuming the best, not the worst.

Guys really seem relieved and appreciative of being treated like a normal human being rather than like a psycho stalker.

Try it and let us know the results!

Don’t Be That Girl

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The other night I happened to be at a big wedding for a friend of a friend. Early on I noticed a beautiful blond girl in a flowing black formal gown. To say she was stunning was an understatement. She looked like some sort of goddess, I am not kidding. On the looks scale I would say she was a 9 or maybe even a 10. No joke!

Later I saw her with a baby and a young man I assumed was her husband. They looked like a dashing young couple and their daughter (maybe 10 months old) was adorable.

The next time I saw her she was surrounded by a crowd, drink in hand, telling stories as friends gathered around. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

A bit later I saw her again, another drink in hand. Still telling stories, her voice starting to slur. Her man and baby were gone.

An hour or so later she’s stumbling around. Not making much sense. People start to avoid her except for a few guys who seem to be hoping to take her home.

Another hour goes by and she’s been cut off from the bar. I hear her baby daddy (turns out they weren’t married, for this reason) had left with the child. He’s in the process of trying to get custody. Had he videotaped her behavior, I am sure it would not have looked good in court.

She asks several times for another drink at the bar but is turned away. She starts going around and drinking half finished beers left behind on tables. Twice she nearly falls as she trips on tables and chairs in search of another half empty can. Waiters at the event notice and start picking up any abandoned containers before she can.

The wedding ends and I overhear people trying to talk other people into giving her a ride home. Nobody wants to except for a guy who seems to want to take advantage of the situation. Finally someone else agrees to give her a ride. I overhear long time friends say, “She always does this. We are so sick of it!”

The mother of the groom says the girl dated her other son briefly but because of her behavior he had broken things off. The son was there with his now wife and baby. The wife wasn’t as striking as the blonde but she was pretty in a less flashy way,  was clearly better wife material, and was the picture of a devoted happy young mom. She had married well, into a very successful and nice family.

I wanted to talk to the blonde but realized that in her stumbling, fall down state it would have done absolutely no good. I am pretty sure she would probably not remember much of the night.

Some people just shouldn’t drink and this girl seemed to be one of them. I hope someone says so to her, and soon.  And if so I hope she listens. If not the girl is headed for disaster. Sadly, her daughter’s future doesn’t look too bright either.

Don’t be that girl!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Young Love

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My oldest daughter started a new school recently (she has been doing online homeschool for two years at her request but I worried she might be too isolated so she’s now attending a charter homeschool hybrid program with in person classes twice a week) and on the first day parents were encouraged to come along so I got to go back to school, too! High school even! (Unlike regular school parents are encouraged to visit anytime and are even able to sit in on classes to learn the topic themselves if they like!)

I share the background so the rest of this will make sense.

In one of her classes the teacher kicked things off by having everyone write down three things about themselves (parents too!), put them in a basket, draw another out, and go around introducing yourself and then asking questions to try and find the person whose paper you had. (Cool idea, I thought! I am very impressed with all of her teachers and the school so far!)

Anyway, this class was an elective so it contained students from freshmen to seniors. When the teacher got to one student, who sat with his giggly girlfriend, she mentioned he wasn’t really a student anymore as he had graduated the year before. His girlfriend had drawn his paper and read off the three things: 1. He liked sports. 2. His favorite thing to do is sleep. 3. People always stare at him. The girlfriend giggled.

I should add he looks almost exactly like Rock Hudson. I wondered if he knew how classically handsome he was, or if he honestly didn’t know why people stared. His girlfriend is not nearly as striking but she clearly adores him.

In the manosphere he likely would be what’s known as a natural. Attracting women’s attention will likely never be something he has to learn how to do. However,without knowledge he still might struggle with women if he doesn’t just figure things out or have someone teach him.

I wondered what will become of this young couple or how long they have been together. Maybe in time I will find out.

Anyway, what do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

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Today I met a woman in her late 50s or maybe early 60s who just started telling me her story, like many people do.

Turns out she’s engaged to be married, to a man who lives overseas. Kenya, to be exact.

He’s in the military she said, and the met via an online dating site.

She seemed like a nice lady, and was with her elderly mother. She has mid length reddish blond hair and seemed like perhaps a retired school teacher, or some such. She dressed very plainly, not much make up, her hair somewhat messy.  And she looked tired. Like she had the worries of the world on her shoulders.

She mentioned being married before, when she was 23. She said her ex-husband remarried recently at a popular nearby spot. She saw this on Facebook. She didn’t want a big wedding like that, she said. She wants to keep it simple.

I could somehow feel as she described what started to sound like an extremely complicated situation involving her sending tens of thousands of dollars to the fiancé so he could come that things may not be what they seem. There had been multiple delays, expired documents, more checks sent via money wire for thousands more.

He’ll be here soon, she said. I wondered if I sensed doubt in her voice? Soon… hopefully… she looked off in the distance, the words seemingly just hanging there.

Her mom didn’t know, she said. Nobody in her family did. She didn’t explain further, I didn’t pry. I wanted to ask more. I was afraid to ask.

I really worry for her and hope she is not being scammed. But as is sometimes said around here I had to remember, “Not my monkey, not my circus.”

Will she be another post-wall woman fleeced of all she has in the name of “love?” I hope not. Maybe someday she will pass my way again and I will find out how the story ends.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.