Russian Guys

Much has been written in the manosphere of the feminine nature of Eastern European women, so I thought I would share a recent run in with the Russian-born guy.

Marco and Sergio are in their mid to late 40s, and we became acquaintances when I replied to an ad for a refurbished washer dryer set. After an email and a phone call I felt the situation was on the up and up and I set up a time to have the units delivered and installed. (And my old set hauled away, including the washer stuck on extra small load for over two years! Ug. Bye bye!)

Marco is the mastermind of the pair, not good looking, not fit, but very very smart. I get the sense no matter what one needed, Marco is “the guy” who could make the connection. To be “in” with Marco clearly opens doors and makes life easier. In addition to wheeling and dealing in appliances of all sorts, this Serbian is also a real estate investor who specializes in flipping properties in multiple states.

Marco liked Dancer and I so much he returned the following day with his pretty and demure Ukrainian wife, and their three young sons. He’s obviously proud and fond of his wife, and I noticed no attitude or drama from her toward Dancer and I. She treated us as esteemed sisters, not rivals (which we are not but some women see all women as such, especially non married women, so her attitude was refreshing.)

Sergio is the looker and smooth talker of the two. From Uzbekistan initially, but proudly American now. He reminds me of Zeus and his sons, confident, flirty, and very self assured. He’s good looking and he knows it. He’s the sales guy of the two.

Sergio is married as well. Widowed once, with four children, and now a second wife who has two of her own. He proudly showed us photos of his strikingly beautiful wife and his middle daughter, proudly bragging how people confuse them as sisters (and they do look very alike!) plus photos of the whole clan. I joked soon the tribe will be much larger as grand babies arrive, (two so far) and I swear he preened!

Now don’t get me wrong, none of it was one bit inappropriate, but just as men speak of the feminine ease of Russian and Eastern European women, the men are likewise at ease with their masculinity. Marco and Sergio took the stage w Dancer and I but never did we feel oppressed or suppressed, rather it was a natural, playful, innocent, and easy banter.

I have never been completely at ease with the manosphere definition of Alphas and betas but I would say these two men are both Alpha but perhaps of different types. Marco is a financial/connection Alpha, while Sergio is more of a natural sort.

I have a feeling we will see them all again, and I look forward to observing them more.

The untamed masculine male, unapologetic, unencumbeted, at ease with his maleness. That’s what I saw with at least these two. I wonder if their women are so feminine in natural reaction to the masculine. Hard to say. But interesting to ponder.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

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Musical Chairs

I was reading an article at a popular manosphere site that made the observation that  most of the happily married couples and relationships are those that formed early in life. While the author was speaking of men, it’s something I have noticed to be true for women, too.

Someone here posted a video once that illustrated the idea well. (I think it was Fuzzie?) In it the social experiment showed the most desirable and attractive people in a group tended to pair up early and first, with the rest being left with an ever diminishing quality of choice, much like a game of musical chairs.

Conventional blue pill wisdom over the past few decades has encouraged both women and men to put off “settling down.” But as many women (and men) are finding, once one is over 25, 30, or 35, or 40… the chairs diminish increasingly rapidly.

I often jokingly tell young gal pals not to wait until there are only broken chairs left. But in reality it’s not a joke — I have seen the more failed relationships, hurts, betrayals, and such people undergo, the less bright eyed and bushy tailed they can be about the “next” potential mate.

Don’t wait too long. If you have waited, get serious about your search. Or be left standing. That’s the cold, hard reality of the situation, no matter what advice the “modern” world gives.

You only have one life. Play your cards well and win. Or don’t, and don’t. I’d recommend having a plan and working it, myself. Just like the stock market, the tried and true way to win is to NOT do what everyone else is.

Let those who have ears hear.

It Can be Easy

I recently met a woman who exemplifies how it can be easy, if a gal has her head on straight.

My friend is an attractive gal, mid-50s, married 30 years, recently retired, has plenty of financial security, a husband who still adores her, and a happy life filled with travel to visit children, grandchildren, family, and friends.

The other day Dancer, my older daughter, and I were visiting with her while her hubby was fixing something at my place, and I asked her how did they meet?

She said she worked in an office job and was going to manicure school then (she was 24.) An older lady in her office invited her over to her house, under the pretense of having her nails done for practice.

When the woman got up to wash her nails, she noticed her single 29-year-old neighbor across the street, mowing his lawn. So she called out to him to come over, as she had a doll she wanted him to meet.

He waved and continued mowing, while my friend said she turned bright red from embarrassment. Soon he finished up, and the neighbor gal again called out, offering him a popsicle as she knew he liked sweets. So he walked over, and was then embarrassed himself as he thought the neighbor lady said “dog” not “doll.”

He could not take his eyes off her. After some small talk, the neighbor insisted they go see all he had done to his backyard. My friend was amazed and impressed by his immaculate lawn and his obvious care and pride in things.

My friend said she knew right then he would be her husband and he knew right then she’d be his wife. He wasn’t the guy she had pictured (tall and blonde) but his short stature and dark hair did not matter, she just knew.

They dated briefly and married soon after. They have had tough times, like all marriages, but not so tough that they don’t still obviously adore each other.

Dancer and I sat there enthralled at the tale. Then I asked, “What color was the popsicle?” My friend said red. Without my even having to say, Dancer jumped up and ran to the kitchen and returned with two red popsicles. My friend laughed, took them, and went off to meet her man for a break. I hope it was a romantic flashback!

Sometimes it works, simply and easily. And I love to see it when it does! I am glad my daughter got to hear that story.

Let those with ears hear.

 

The (f)utility of man

It’s been said in the manosphere that men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. Yesterday, I saw opportunistic loving up close, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

My new roomie was once again bemoaning her (failed) SIW fate, openly berating her boyfriend of four years for not “manning up” and making all of her problems disappear. In one breath he went from the man of her dreams to a worthless piece of shit.

Shocked at her attitude, I played devil’s advocate. What hadn’t he done, I asked, besides not bailed her out of her own self-created debt and lack of financial planning? Did he owe her that? Did anyone?

On and on she ranted, completely oblivious to how she was speaking of him as a thing rather than a person. She callously blamed him for being downsized at the end of his career, ten years short of retirement, from a high paying executive level job. Instead of any empathy she only expressed disgust at how he had been unable to secure similar work since, at how he had in her opinion misspent his money on his children and himself since, at how every penny not directed HER way was a major crime in her eyes.

Rather than in any way understanding how such a life event might be devastating or demoralizing for HIM, she ranted and raved how it all affected HER. How it ruined HER plan. She pondered aloud how perhaps she should just move on, his utility to her apparently done. She “deserved more,” she said.

It was so sad, so unattractive, so unsupportive. I could only imagine what she must say to him, and it pained me to think what insult to injury it must be. What kind of co-captain would such a woman make? And how could she not see how her own entitled “me, me, me” behavior made it highly unlikely any such offer would be forthcoming.

When I reflected back to her what I saw, she seemed unable to comprehend that it was not HIS responsibility to solve her problems, and that perhaps rather than emasculate and eviserate him for his lack of reemployment she might try to support and encourage him in HIS time of need.

I don’t think any of it got through, nor that she was even listening to anything I said, so wrapped up in her pity party was she. It made me thankful I wasn’t a man, and that I wouldn’t be “loved” like that. Sad. Truly sad.

Let those who have ears hear.

Develop a Growth Mindset

My youngest came home with an assignment from school the other day illustrating the concept of having, “a growth mindset.”

In short the idea is simple, instead of telling yourself self-defeating or self-limiting messages, take a growth mindset to the areas you currently struggle in, whatever those may be.

In her case it was school-based — whether the struggle was reading, math, writing, or PE, instead of thinking, “I can’t” or “I am not good at” the kids were encouraged to think positively, “I can and will do better. I can do better with practice and if I don’t give up.”

It’s a better mindset than, “halfway is good enough,” or “I am just not a natural so why try?” In reality the secret to winning in life is often simply not giving up until you reach the finish line. Day after day.

Maybe not everyone can be a math major, or a Nobel prize winning author, or an astronaught, or whatever, but everyone can strive to do their best with what they have been given, both talents and weaknesses.

There is always room for improvement. And isn’t taking a positive approach to the struggles of life far better than a negative one?

Let those with ears hear.

The Worst Case is Not the Norm

In comments from the previous post something interesting came up, how feminism often portrays the worst case into the norm. But it’s not the norm, and thinking so leads to all kinds of problems.

For example, the idea that men are always the abusers all of the time. And the closely related “all men are rapists and abusers.”

Now clearly neither statement is truth nor do the stats even bear them out. Are some men abusers? Yes. But some is not most or all. The number of men who physically abuse women has always been a small number of the entire male population. And most men themselves feel revulsion at a “man” who abuses or victimizes anyone weaker than itself.

Another example, “All men leave.” Or the variation, “You always have to be independant in case he leaves.” Sure, statistically some men leave, but for the large part most men are more than willing to stay and are quite shocked themselves when their woman leaves them.

Another example is pay on the job. Yes, in some cases it has been revealed that men were making more for the same job. But in most cases, they aren’t. There is no secret keep women down society, there really isn’t.

So next time you find yourself accepting such statements as TRUTHS, look closer and see if it’s really so. More often than not it’s just another example of Apex fallacy, the belief that all men have it just like the top, most privileged men, when in reality they don’t. Sometimes, they have it worse, even much worse, than women! Yep.

Let those with ears hear.

 

Careful What You Wish For

Women bemoaning the state of affairs between men and women today should stop blaming the guys for, “Not stepping up,” and start taking ownership for how the changes women collectively demanded unintentionally led to where we are today.

Before the division of labor was fairly straightforward: he earned the money, she ran the home. It wasn’t perfect perhaps, but people had more time off then, less angst, and lived pretty stable lives.

Enter feminism. “We want equal rights!” was the mantra of the day, but in reality it wasn’t about equality, it was about special rights. It was about wanting all the perceived upsides of being a man, plus a strong social safety net that would guarantee she’d win in any dispute or divorce settlement.  And there were plenty of social programs created to make sure if these independent women couldn’t be truly independent, the State could step in as Daddy govt.

Well, men aren’t blind, or stupid. For the first few decades they tried to play along, until it became all too obvious they were the automatic losers in this new social order. No other person can be discriminated against anymore *except* the “privileged” white male. So much for equality.

Problem was, those supposed “ebul guys” were by and large the same ones who had built a functioning and safe society now being torn apart.  They were shamed. Divorce raped. Accused of assault and other crimes for minor infractions (like “he looked at me!” Or “I did it at the time but regretted it later so that’s his fault!”) And then, they checked out.

It wasn’t a movement. There was no rallying cry. Most knew nothing of the red pill or the manosphere. But they knew it was a game they couldn’t win, so one by one they dropped out.

Instead of looking to marry and raise children they accepted serial monogamy or open relationships. Instead of building a career they worked just enough to support their hobbies and lifestyle. And instead of building a safe and secure world for women, they started to just build a safe and secure world for themselves.

So rather than shame them for being, “basement dwelling losers,” it may be time to realize they have come up with a new way to win. Checking out.

Careful what you wish for. You may find you have to live life as a single independent self supporting female responsible for her own financial security and retirement as well as fixing whatever breaks, whether you want to or not.

Checkmate!

Let those with ears hear.

There Are Few Do-Overs

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When I was younger, I had the impression that life was a series of endless do-overs. When and if I made a mistake, I could simply recalibrate and no harm done.

With age I have found the idea of unlimited do-overs is an illusion, perhaps fostered even more today with grades, tests, and other once hard lines always open for “a retake.”

I would caution young women to avoid the do-over mentality, and to instead view life as a series of largely one-way choices. Choose well, and you will have a good and happy life. Choose poorly, and you will more than likely struggle and not have a good life.

Decisions such as when and with who to be sexually active, for example, are huge. Girls losing their virginity young, before they truly understand that sex is meant to be a sacred experience you ideally have with your one true love and should save for that person, are making a decision they can’t ever do-over. And they are opening themselves up to being used, pumped and dumped, hurt, and discarded.

Don’t. You are worth more than that. If you have already taken this path, stop. You can’t go back but you don’t have to keep going forward. Be good to yourself. Wait for someone who will love you, care for you, and not leave.

Likewise the choice of when and who to marry is not to be approached with a do-over mentality. If you are entering marriage with the thought, “well, if it doesn’t work out we can divorce,” you are making a huge, huge mistake. Don’t. Wait. Wait for the one you will stand by and who will stand by you without question thru thick and thin. Through anything. Through everything.

Obviously, children are not a do-over either. When you have them know every day and every decision and every moment is building them into the adult they will become. Make sure that’s a happy, healthy, functional one. While it can feel at the time you will have them forever, you won’t. Make the most of that time even if you must sacrifice your needs and wants at times to do so. Even if you didn’t have a happy childhood, your children can. Giving them that will in turn heal you, too.

Experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and other unhealthy addictive behaviors is also not a do-over. Being controlled by something rather than being in control sucks. It destroys your life and the lives around you. Don’t. Just don’t even go there. If you are there, stop. Seek whatever help you need to do so.

Likewise, financial choices are often not do-overs. Live below your means. Save for a rainy day. Avoid the huge trap of debt. Give yourself the gift of financial stability by starting to save just 10% of every check you get, and then doing so for life. Small daily choices can make a huge difference in financial stability vs. disaster.

See, these types of decisions are not really do-overs. They are once and done. Love yourself and those around you enough to make good healthy choices. You will be rewarded with a good life filled with no regrets.

Let those with ears hear.

 

 

 

SIW Meltdown

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For the past few weeks, among other things, I have had a front row seat at a SIW (single independent woman) meltdown of epic proportions. For my friend, age 43, the red pill realities of the wall, the SIW fallacy, and more are all coalescing at a fast and furious pace.

Ever since moving out on her own she’s “done it on her own.” She married briefly in her 30s, no kids, but fought the yoke hard and decided she was better off on her own than, “stuck with some man.”

After that she held various office jobs, and met her current beau there. Unlike her former husband, an artistic sigma, this executive level, successful, attractive divorced (frivorce, brutally) father of six had all the markings of “a good provider.”

They have dated for several years now but as far as I can see he’s firmly MTGOW (even if he doesn’t know the term) and seems quite happy with their seperate houses, “I’ll see ya when I see ya,” lifestyle.

About two years ago she tired of the drudgery of going to her dead end office job day after day, so she threw caution to the wind, quit, and made do with a conglomeration of jewelry making, pet sitting, and house cleaning gigs. But it wasn’t enough to live the same lifestyle as before, so she supplemented that with credit card debt, figuring it would, “all turn around someday.” Perhaps the day her beau proposed. But he didn’t.

Now, she’s exceptionally good looking, with a darling figure and perky rack. So things have mostly gone her way in life. But for what she has in the looks department she lacks in the emotional control category.

As the weeks and months went on, she became less and less emotionally stable. She often picks fights with her boyfriend, demanding he “Step up or else,” which is followed by a period of him ghosting and her begging him back.

As you may have guessed, things have come to a head and she’s been forced by financial circumstances to move out of her apartment. When no offer from her beau came, I hesitatingly offered her a room at my place in exchange for housecleaning and landscaping, while she “gets back on her feet.”

For the past two weeks she’s drug her feet as moving day approached, fighting tooth and nail daily with her beau who was helping her out financially, tying up loose ends, and trying to help her pack.

He confessed to me he didn’t know how much more he could take, and that he didn’t understand her behavior.

“It’s simple,” I said. “She wants to move in with you, not me.” But he said it simply wasn’t possible.

Yesterday was her last day at the apartment. They spent nearly 24 hours doing what she could have done over the past few weeks. And at 2 a.m. she was texting that she, “just needed a few more hours.”

He says the fighting has been intense, and they have yet to arrive here the following morning.  I am sure she’s doing all she can to try to force his hand in the direction she wants things to go, but she’s kidding herself.

He told me not to tell her but he’s leaving on a guys trip this evening for the next two weeks. I guess I will be doing my best to help her pick up the pieces. Based on how she’s acted the past few days, I’d be surprised if he comes back.

Many SIW think in youth that they can decide when and where they will finally settle down with the Mr. Big of their dreams, only to find life isn’t a movie script. Nobody owes anyone anything anymore under the new social rules. And other people get to make their own choices, too.

Yes, women today have the freedom to make their own choices. But they should remember, choices have consequences, and nothing in life is all upside. Play your hand poorly or well, but you’ll live with the results either way you choose. Just like guys have always “been free” to do.

She’s got 40 years or so to go, no savings, no kin, no skills that someone younger won’t do for less, and a guy who can’t wait to be rid of her. That’s going to be a tough hand to play. I’ll be doing my best to red pill her a spoonful a day, because getting her head on straight and quickly is about the only chance she’s got, as far as I can see.

Let those with ears hear.