Why People Have Affairs

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Well I am sure none of my regular readers will be surprised by this but the  college guy friend who reached out that I wrote about in two posts back tried to cross the line into turning our friendly talks into an online affair.

Thanks to the schooling from the red pill guys over the past few years, I knew this was coming.

And also thanks to them, I can understand what he’s feeling and why he would take this route. And I was ready when he did.

”Can I send you a picture?” He asked.

“Of?” I asked.

“I feel kinda silly,” he said.

“If it is inappropriate, don’t send it,” I said.

”Ok, sorry,” he said.

Then I said I understand what he’s feeling, and even what he’s trying to do, because I felt it myself when I was unhappily married. But that an affair was not the solution, facing what he’s avoiding, his bad marriage, is.

I know this may sound funny but a lot of times people have affairs as a way to stay in a bad marriage. I know that may not make sense but it’s true.

The affair distracts them from the problem and makes them feel good short term. But in the long run they end up feeling much worse.  And if the affair is discovered, it is hugely embarrassing and devastating for all involved.

My life is complicated enough, as I always say.  And I don’t want to enable him to continue to avoid his real problem.  And of course most of all, I would never do that to my guy. Nor would I want to do that to his wife. Nope. Not happening. Not even for the tingles!  (Sorry tingles, you never give good advice!)

He said he’s scared to be alone. I said well I guess it is up to him to decide is it worse to be alone, or to feel so stuck and unhappy he thinks of suicide as a way out.   And I reminded him, there’s the third option that maybe he can like Horseman did go from unhappily married to now very happily married.

I am actually glad he reached out to me so that  I had the chance to say all this. And to try to help him find a real solution.

I sent him the name and number of a male therapist I know who I think can really help him sort out how he got into a marriage says he never wanted, and then help him decide what now? Not marriage counseling. Personal counseling.

Now not all therapists are alike and so going to one can sometimes make things worse not better, but I know this one well and I know he will give this guy good guidance. Red pill style.

I hope he calls him. He said he would. I guess time will tell.

And hopefully he keeps talking. But just like Hercules, the answer to anything illicit is now and always will be, “Isn’t my life complicated enough?” Yes it is. No need to throw illicit affairs into the mix, thanks, flattered, but that’s a NO.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

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Choices

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The recent abortion law signed in New York brought up an interesting discussion in our home.

I figured my oldest, now in high school, was old enough to learn about the topic of choice.

I described the law in minimal words and without any hint where I stood or how I felt about it.

As she asked questions, one stood out, “What about when the mother’s life is at risk?”

She was surprised, as was I when I had first read the same, that doctors said in reply to the law there is no medical condition after 25 weeks gestation (the age when a baby can now survive outside the womb with preemie care) that requires a choice between mom or baby. None.

None.

So what is the reason for the law, if not to save the mother’s life?

At that point, we switched topics to a former preschool teacher and her son, whom she and her husband adopted after discovering a medication her own mother took in pregnancy had made her born infertile.

The boy’s birth mom (or biological mom) was a single mom with two kids already. When she found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy, she choose to place the baby for adoption. As part of the open adoption agreement she received an annual letter with highlights of her birth son’s year and photos showing he was happy and well.

He’s in college now, and has had a wonderful life. His adoptive parents love him dearly.  My daughter knows them all personally and has seen what a wonderful family they are.

I didn’t even have to say it, how differently that would have turned out for all involved had the boy’s biological mother chosen differently.

Luckily for all involved his biological mom chose to carry the baby to term and place him for adoption.

She choose to think of others, not what was most convienent for herself. I am sure it was not an easy choice. But for all involved I am certainly glad she made it.

Then I brought up Steve Jobs, creator of her iPhone. Adopted. How different the world would have been, for example, had Steve Jobs not lived? Imagine. No Apple technology. No Apple. Would Bill Gates have been pushed to the heights he was without his nemisis Jobs? Would anyone ever made a computer in their garage without Jobs? Maybe not. Imagine. (And yes I know girls and their smart phones is oft discussed negatively in the manosphere, so I suppose some could argue not everything Jobs created was helpful. Lol. But that’s a different post.)

I hope she remembers this conversation if she herself (God forbid) ever faces an unplanned pregnancy. And if so, I hope she remembers it’s bigger than her.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

It’s a Guy Thing

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A guy friend I have known since college but had lost touch with recently reached out bc he’s going through a mid life crisis of sorts and is struggling with depression.

Why? He’s in an unfulfilling dead-bedroom marriage. Among other things. (He didn’t actually say the dead-bedroom part, but I can read between the lines.) He’s also tiring of pulling the plow. Without reward.

Then he said he feels bad because he’s attracted to other women and feels bad about his thoughts.

I told him Ton stories for a bit to make him feel better. I reassured him his thoughts were no match for Ton’s daily, and that it’s ok. Ton would approve of his efforts to think such thoughts.

Guys look at chicks and if the chicks are hot they probably think about banging them. I reassured him all guys (or most guys anyway, 98%) feel the same. It’s what guys do. It’s normal, even if everybody says it’s not.

He seemed relieved at the idea, completely blue pill and church raised good boy that he is. (Then I dropped the name and number of a guy counselor I know who would be a good person to talk to him about this bc I cannot. I figured Ton was unavailable lol. )

And yes ladies, surprise —  guys who talk to you probably want to bang you. This guy maybe wants to bang me (or his memory of me, lol!) Won’t happen, of course, but if he didn’t want to maybe I would think something were wrong. With me or with him. Because, like it or not that’s how it works. Always has. Always will.

Just like if a woman was not thinking like all women do about men, admit it or not, I would be shocked. (What they are thinking is a topic for a whole other post but it’s basically, “What are you offering in exchange? Is it better than other offers?” Real, or much more likely, imagined?)

Spoiler alert it’s either top-possible provision and protection or top-possible tingles. Ideally both but unicorns are rare so… just like it’s the rare guy who actually gets to (gladly) bang every woman he wants to with them also all being totally super down with that, no strings attached, most women don’t get their 100% list either. Um yeah. Most everyone else (M and F) settles for some version thereof they can live with. Supply and demand. Reality.

In short nobody says it but men and women have competing yet complimentary initiatives. It’s maybe “ugly” and “unacceptable” to some but it is what has built civilizations. Always has. Always will.

In fact without it, civilization probably won’t get built (let’s also face it as long as we are calling out taboos, mostly by men who want to bang chicks in exchange) at all. We are almost here now. Google MTGOW if you don’t believe me. Or Japanese herbivores.

Yep.

I doubt that any of that will be appearing on a “wuv u!!!” greeting card anytime soon so that is why we all have plausible deniability. Because if we all admitted all this, well that would ruin the romance! Wouldn’t it? Lol.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

A Red Pill (Not Red Pill) Moment

Random but interesting moment today.

I was at a local mini mart. My daughter laughed and pointed at a sign on the car next to us. It was a funny sign, and it just so happened to be for something I needed to fix on my place years ago but have been putting off.

So I waved and honked and then after the guy rolled down his window explained how I was wondering if I could get a bid? He asked where I lived? Turned out he lives in my same area. And had the time. And so he showed up and looked at the situation.

In the meantime, as he measured and figured, he for whatever reason started sharing his life story. (It has happened to me for decades, not sure why, but people tell me stuff they say nobody else knows, I always feel so lucky even if sometimes people tell me too much. Or stuff I wish I didn’t know. But they do.)

So he told me how he was born and raised in the same faith as my kids former babysitter. But he said when he went to college he was exposed to ideas he had no idea at the time were so detrimental.

Like a darkness they grew. He confessed he stopped believing, became atheist, yet still knew playing along ment jobs and connections. So he did.

And yet, he said nihilism set in. A dark hour of the soul. And that for the first time, without higher belief, he understood in a way he never had before how people could not care, could in fact become a danger (like in a “how could this ever happen to innocent people who have nothing to do with it?” danger in the worst case and in a “enjoy the fall poolside, bring popcorn” person in the less worst case danger.)

So I can imagine only his surprise when I said I totally got it. Understood. And that it was only in my 40s myself that I realized I had been sold a bum deal my whole life. “Strong independent female” etc.

And that I agreed, society was degenerating daily in a way I could never have imagined even possible ten years ago. And that I did not understand. Or see going anywhere good.

He said in 1855-some his church predicted this — that men would become women and that women would become men.

And then more recently (3o-some years ago) his church predicted that right would become wrong and what was once considered wrong would become right. That it would flip.

And that there would be years of darkness and then it would be followed by an awakening.

Finally he wrapped up his measuring and figuring and gave me a bid. It was more than reasonable and I hope to hire him soon. I get the idea he would do an amazing job.

Anyway I am not sure what the point is except I am sure he’s likely never heard of the red pill. Yet he has clearly taken it. I found that interesting indeed.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

Put Yourself in His Shoes

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So often when I hear women talking of finding a guy they are quick to list all of the many qualities and requirements they want — the must-have list.

Naturally the list of often quite demanding. She only wants the best, after all!

Often if I ask her what she has to offer, I am met with a confused look and radio silence. Big mistake.

A woman who is serious about meeting and marrying a guy who is what every other gal also hopes to find would be foolish not to put herself in his shoes and consider if she is what a guy such as that would be seeking? Does she even know what that is?

And as many guys like that readily admit, the answer is usually, “No.”

Add to that the legal environment is not set up to favor, much less equally protect, him in the case of divorce and child custody, combined with a lifetime of observing this harsh reality in the lives of the men around them, such men today are even more wary of becoming a husband and father.

So he’s facing a dating pool of women who eagerly rattle off checklists of all he must be and do, who at the same time have little to no understanding of what he wants or needs, and meanwhile his odds are the same as flipping a coin that if he marries and has kids that he’ll end up in divorce court vs. that lasting a lifetime. Can you see why he may not be saying, “Sign me up!”

One can dismiss this inconvenient truth all she likes, blame his commitment phobia, or demand he needs to, “Man up!” But guess what? That’s not going to get her any closer to her goal.

A savvy gal instead becomes singleminded in figuring out what a guy like that is looking for and does all she can to develop herself and those qualities. The earlier in life she does this, the better.

Such women are exceedingly rare, some might call them unicorns. But in that rareness they stand out like a precious jewel — the kind of woman every guy is looking for.

See how that’s a two-way street? Yep.

Let those who have ears hear!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

TLF!!!

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Ok maybe I am getting jaded, but who else is really buying this?

https://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2019/02/12/modesto-elderly-couple-wedding/

I know they are going for the feel-good story here. And for everyone involved’s sake I hope it’s true.

But her SEVENTH marriage and his FOURTH? But this time, of course, it’s different, it’s the real deal.

Really? True love forever (TLF) or is that too late fools??!!??? (TLF)

I suppose if nothing else, I guess it shows hope springs eternal. Even in my most jaded of thoughts on the topic, I hope I am wrong about them and this. But I would not bet money on it, so I guess not hopeful enough. Although at their ages the odds a divorce will be finalized before…. (wow, I really AM getting jaded!!!)

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Self elimination, lack of education

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I know a gal, super entitled, who married into a major land-owning family in my area. Like 500+acres owning.

The family she married into has already put their land into trust. Those who continue the line will continue to inherit what has been built.

Still she says she will never have children. Wants to get her tubes tied. Blah, blah, blah me, me, me! As she said all this, for his family’s sake I agreed — get those tubes tied! You go sista!

Because as she and I wrapped up a group business meeting at a local watering hole, she was already cozying up to a guy at the bar who was by every indication a total cad at best.

Her husband’s family strongly objected to the marriage and held it off even for several years. But she (and he) prevailed.

I find it tragic but also illuminating that rather than secure her position via future generations she seems hell bent on not only terminating that for herself but also her husband, who is currently the oldest son of the oldest son.

Hopefully  the cad boys will be there for her. But probably not.

When she bails I have a feeling the oldest son will find a more than willing life mate to secure his future line.

If he can believe in it then, that is.

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

 

A Red Pill Valentine’s

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Ahhh, Valentines Day. A day wrought with high expectations. I heard once more couples fight on Valentines than not. I am not sure it’s true, but if so it wouldn’t surprise me.

Many times Valentine’s is focused on, “What did I get?” Not, “What can I give?”

This Valentine’s take a different approach. Instead of picking apart your relationship, or the day, or having high expectations of the dozen roses and right restaurant and the blah blah blah, focus on the good.

Focus on how YOU can show love, appreciation, and gratitude. And the many things big and small you have to be greatful for.  Forget what’s missing, focus on what’s there. Everybody’s Valentines Day will be better off for it.

And if you are alone this Valentines, also try to focus on what you have not what you don’t. I bet there is someone you could show love to and for today even if it’s not romantic love. Doing so will make their day and yours much better than focusing on what’s missing.

Happy Valentine’s folks! I love you! Each and every one! Thank you for reading this! Thank you for all the wisdom and caring and concern you have shared, given, and shown for me over the years! I appreciate it and YOU!

💞💕❤️💕💞

What do you think about Valentines? Please share in the comments!

Another Marriage Done

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The other day I ran into a gal I don’t know super well and had not seen in awhile. I always liked her and her husband, a very striking couple with three picture perfect girls. They seemed happy in the photos on Facebook of them hiking, or in sappy happy anniversary posts to each other, or photos with the kids. She was active in church. Volunteered at the school. Seemed to have a very good life.

That’s why I was shocked to bump into her the other day and have her break the news they have divorced, but everything is good, and both are happier. I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to talk then but she wants to get together soon.

The youngest daughter just went off to college. (The mom is very attractive and young looking, my guess is they started their family young. She was in the Air Force when they met, so maybe she’s older than I think but… anyway…) I hate to predict this but my guess is she’s doing some version of empty nest, “Eat, Pray, Love.”

I wanted to tell her. Warn her. Advise her to go back and do whatever it takes to preserve her marriage. But I could tell by the hopeful gleam in her eye as she shared the news,  she probably wouldn’t get it.

I suspect, like many do, she thinks I love being a strong independent female.

I think she will be surprised. I wonder if I won’t be.

Very sad.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Outrage Fatigue?

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Ok, I know I have not been writing much lately. But it’s not because I don’t feel the same, or don’t care.

It’s maybe because I am just slightly ahead of the post-outrage curve. Not peak outrage. More like —  I am over it outrage. Or maybe never even was outraged, except at the nonsensical outrage. Outrage fatigue?

Like facial razor companies complaining about testoserone? Um… yeah… awkward and obviously in so many ways — not a good strategy. But you go, razor company!!! Die on that hill, if you must. I’ve got better things to do.

Like live my life. Pardon me for not caring. I just can’t relate. I really don’t care about your outrage. Meh.

(Boys acting like boys?!? Girls acting like girls?!? Omg!!! Refreshing TBH!!!)

Anyway… here’s the link.

https://nypost.com/2019/01/19/how-the-media-convinces-us-were-all-outraged-even-when-no-one-cares/

How about you? Over it? Outraged? Just discovering the red pill? Please share in the comments!