As you may or may not know, this blog came out of my stumbling across the manosphere, listening what to these gruff and sometimes grouchy men had to say, and then realizing that it was information being said nowhere else that women like myself and those I knew needed to hear.

And I also knew that most women probably wouldn’t be able to stick around the manosphere long enough before they got offended, or in an argument with the men, and rejected the message entirely.

Because guys see things in a different way, it’s almost a different language, my I’d ea was to take the information that the men were sharing and then translate it into language that women could understand, would find helpful, and would not reject because of the way that it was phrased or who was saying it.

I also wanted this to be a welcoming space for male readers, just as they so graciously allowed me to hang around the “men only” manosphere and answer my million questions and not just run me off. Maybe I (and we) can give them some insight into the female brain, just like they gave me insight into the male brain.

And here I am, I don’t know how many years later, 6 or 7 years later, and I find myself writing less not because I don’t care about this anymore or I don’t believe in these things anymore but because I really feel like I rarely have something new to say that I haven’t said before.

If you are new here I would encourage you to dig back to the beginning of time and read from the bottom up or just poke around and read stuff as you see fit or use the search box and find things that you have questions about. There’s a lot of information here.

Today I was thinking about this concept of how girls just want to have fun and how it’s both an upside and a downside.

But for better or for worse it is the way the Creator has designed woman, and I truly think the world needs their levity when it is a positive force. The feminine nature is at its best inspirational and what makes civilization get built by men who like these silly happy creatures and making them happier.

But it can be also a huge blind spot and weak point for women who do not understand it themselves.

The naturals and cads of the world understand this about women intuitively, and know that appealing to a girls just want to have fun nature is a big part of connecting with them.

The downside to this of course is that women often get involved with the wrong kind of man, the love ‘em and leave ‘em cad, just because he’s witty or charming or knows how to talk to women and “be fun.”

In the past the man in a woman’s family would sort that out because they can see it better than women can and they would runoff the men that had bad intentions and not let them get close to their precious women They were trying to protect and wanted good future’s for.

Along came feminism which told women these men are trying to control you and you should be able to make your own choices.

It all sounds good but it’s kind of like Eve and the Apple. And what seems harmless can cause great harm indeed, including to her. Although she may be having so much fun at the time she doesn’t notice.

But if you look around and you observe how many women are being used and misstreated and ditched and hurt because of this, you will see the obvious downside and how it’s really not that fun except initially.

So ladies remember girls just wanting to have fun can have drawbacks. So make sure you’re sticking to the good fun side of things.

And to any men folk reading here I would say remember girls just want to have fun and so if you can somehow couch your interactions with them in the guise of fun you will probably find it is very effective, indeed! It’s like catnip! Use this knowledge well and wisely and for good.

Goodness knows with everything else that’s going on in the world we could all use a little more fun in our lives. Just make sure it’s of the productive sort.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Today I bought a vintage hope chest, to work on and refinish as a project with my oldest daughter.

For being a solid decade older than myself, it’s in pretty good shape. All it will need is a corner of lifting veneer reglued and a fresh coat of clear shellac to bring it back to its early 1960s prime.

But  I didn’t buy it because it is made of beautiful walnut wood with amazing graining, or because it is built to construction standards you cannot even find in furniture today, or because it’s worth $200 more than I paid even in current condition. Not that any of that is not enough, but I bought it for another reason.

I bought it because it’s time for my daughter and I to start talking in ernest about the idea of maturing from girl to woman, and of marriage. And preparing for marriage. And what that means.

I am not even sure if they still make hope chests to this day, or market them to every girl of a certain age in  high school with a free tiny cedar box, but they used to back in my day and in generations before. 

I remember when I brought my tiny cedar box home from high school, excited about the idea of a hope chest, and how my mom nipped that idea in the bud right quick. (I still have the little box, but never got a hope chest.)

In my mom and many of her generation’s mind,  hope chests represented a thing of the past. Gone, she believed, were the days were a girl needed to put things to start a home aside, dream of a good man,  and plan to bring something to the table to start a new life with him when that time came. As a team.

As I have written multiple times in the past, perhaps it was well intended “modern” advice, to put off marriage and kids as long as possible while focusing instead on self, but in reality it was disastrous (socially speaking.) No. That experiment has failed.  Clearly.

I think it’s time to bring back the idea of the hope chest and all it represents.

I look forward to restoring this sweet little chest with my daughter and the many discussions about all of that that will come.

Luckily my oldest is a sensible girl, she’s not boy crazy, and she’s not wanting to date even though she is the age where many would have racked up multiple notches already on too young of a belt.

I hope and pray that she will wait, find her other half, hitch up, and live happily ever after.  Without all the drama, trauma, and heartache “dating loads of guys first” can bring.

I hope that she will wait for her one and only and that they will be together for their entire lives.

What mom with any sense would not wish that for her daughter? Or not encourage her to indulge in the idea of a hope chest and fill it with the best of dreams?

Happily ever after is a good thing to dream of, plan for, work toward, and stick to.

I look forward to supporting that adventure!

What do you think? Please share in the comments! 

 

Yesterday, my oldest came running up all excited from the chicken coop.

“Mom, I think they’re hatching! Come see!”

We snuck down for a look at momma hen, who a few months ago started sitting a nest the very next day after the local coyotes got three of our six laying hens. Gotta rebuild, I guess? Trouble was the eggs were duds.

We used to have a rooster, as I personally love the sound of one crowing in the morning, and because they protect and guide the hens, so I don’t have to. If you watch chickens you’ll see, the hens wander around, pecking and looking down as they scratch and forage for tasty seeds, plants, and insects. The rooster stands near the flock on alert, always scanning around and above for danger. I have lost several Roos to coyotes as they heroically threw themselves between them and the hens while loudly sounding the alarm, “Danger, back to the coop!” 

But after the last roo decided my three-year-old was a danger and flew at her and then anyone —including my ex who grabbed it and wrung it’s neck on reflex when it flew at him when he came to pick up our daughter — so into the pot it went, and we have been roosterless since.

But I digress.

So when the hen decided it was time for babies, she parked parked herself in a corner in the coop with a clutch of eggs and trust me, the look in her eyes told me, she was NOT going to let me take those eggs!

I told a friend of mine, whose farmer husband helps me out from time to time with bigger projects, “I don’t know how to break it to her, but she can sit there as long as she wants, but those eggs won’t hatch.”

The next day my friend showed up with five eggs from her place. She has almost 30 chickens, and a rooster. She cooed at the hen as she slipped the old dud eggs out, and the new fertile ones in about three weeks ago.

Yesterday, my daughter and I sat and watched the hen hunkered down in the corner, feathers a bit more fluffed and posture a bit more defensive and “stay the hell away” than usual. All ears. Then we heard it… “peep, peep.”

I can’t tell you how that sound brought such joy to our hearts! After all the trial these past few months, as the world got seemingly weirder by the day, we really needed that moment of lightness. Yay!

I think I heard two, but I didn’t want to disturb momma, and the chicks were tucked safely under her warm belly out of sight. We’ll find out how many there are soon enough, but for now we just want her to stay put on the last few eggs until they all hatch out.

(Nobody is a better momma than a momma hen, by the way! Lucky chicks! I feel sorry for ones raised by a lamp, no momma to fuss over them constantly. )

The rest of the day felt more hopeful, thanks to those peeps. And my daughter had a huge smile for the rest of the day.

Despite what current social norms say, about babies holding women back, I think babies —feathered, furry, or human — actually lift us up!

Trust me, as a woman who has lived in a man’s world, I would much rather be surrounded by cute little faces beaming with love, than sit in a room surrounded by competing and often unethical colleagues who don’t care a lick about me or anything but getting in front of the  line, no matter how ruthlessly they do it. No thanks.

As I lay here in bed, typing this on my phone before the rest of the house awakens, two adorable little faces are gazing upon me with love. They are the last two kittens from a group of four feral ones my neighbor rescued out of a long parked and abandoned VW Baja and then brought to me, his soft hearted neighbor who he knew would be happy to bottle feed them and find them homes. Two were adopted this weekend, and these last two will be going to live together at their forever home in a week.

Until then, I am going to revel in their cuteness,  and let their constant little baby needs distract me from the cares of the world. Because that’s what babies do, and between them and peeking in on the chicks, I won’t have time to worry about myself or things happening in cities far away. It’s not about me. It’s all about them. What a relief!

Don’t let anyone tell you differently, babies are a blessing and their spark and new life lift us up in a way little else can. Enjoy it!

Hopefully one of those five eggs contains a rooster! I’ll be watching close to see if any of the baby chicks stands more upright and looks up and around, unlike the rest.

What do you think? Please share in the comments! And I hope the news of our new arrivals lifted your soul up, too!

“Peep, peep!”

🐣🐥🐣🐥🐣

 

Something I have been pondering a lot lately is this concept of a lost generation.

Thanks to effective birth control, like many women of my generation, I was able to avoid pregnancy young, as I had been urged by my mom and others. They advocated to put off having children as long as possible. “Don’t waste your potential,” they said. “Invest in yourself.” As a result I had my first child at age 33 and my second at age 40.

I was very fortunate both times that I had no trouble conceiving, but I know many friends of my generation who are unable to do so in their 30s even with expensive medical assistance.

I have a 25-year-old helper who works in my business. She’s a go-getter, very enthusiastic, and is not afraid of getting dirty or doing whatever it is that needs done.

Her mom is the same age as I am, but obviously started younger. The more time I spend with her the more I realize I easily could have grown children her age, if I had started having children younger.  And how much I would enjoy it, if so.

When I ponder how much help she is to me and how much help a son her age might also be, I am not sure the advice to put off becoming a mom was so wise. Her young 20s energy is a great fit with my middle of the journey experiences.

Sure I enjoyed my 20’s, travelled, built my career, did things I maybe could not have done with little ones. And yet, was it worth it? Not really. 

When I did finally become a mother I realized I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. Even pregnancy it was not the misery I was expecting it to be, and had been warned that it would be. Perhaps I got lucky there but I never felt so good in my life as when I was expecting my two children.

And don’t get me wrong, I love my kids a lot and they are a source of great joy and are getting more helpful with age. No regrets! Yet I could practically be their grandmother, versus their mother, no matter how young I may look or act for my age.

Although I did not notice it in my youth, I now notice the “missing generation” more with time. I wonder how many others have this same longing later in life, recognizing what could have been that will never be?

There are some who believe every child is a gift, a golden crown. Planned or unplanned, perfect timing or not. The older I get the more clearly I see this is true.

Do not fear or put off having children, would be my advice. Celebrate each and every one! Surround yourself (and your good man!) with them if you can, and raise them up in a happy intact home. Build your tribe!

Sure, you may have to put yourself aside, but the return on that investment simply cannot be matched. To enter midlife and the elder years surrounded by a supportive family unit that you have invested in is gold. Not that this alone as a reason to have a family, but it is a good one!

I feel for my friends who have put careers first and never married or had children and who are seriously regretting that now. They post pictures of their fur babies and try to make it look like everything’s good but I know the sorrow in their hearts. Maybe not all of them, but more that way than not. And by the time that realization came, the ship had sailed.

And of course on top of birth control, there’s a whole other lost generation, the generation lost to Choice. Millions and millions who would never be. Many developed countries are grappling with this loss now.

Perhaps it’s all the unrest we have experienced over the past few months that brings this front and center. I find myself reevaluating what’s important, and looking back on what was important, and what was folly.

As I have written in the past when you were young it feels like life offers many chances. But with age you see every choice is a door opened or closed and there is rarely the opportunity to go back on the path and make different choices. We are all progressing along a linear line that is our life time.

Choose wisely so it adds up to a life well-lived!

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

(p.s. speaking of comments, while there are many worthy topics of discussion today, please try to stay on the topic this blog is about! Thank you!)