The Power of Nesting

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The other day when I was feeling particularly restless, I decided to channel that pent up energy into cleaning house.

Now cleaning house is not my favorite thing to do, by any means, nor am I particularly domestic. In fact, I was raised to think of housework as “oppressive drudgery” and something to do as least as possible. Domesticity is not my strong suit.

But as I went room to room creating order from chaos, I found my inner mood also became much more calm. The better things looked, the more it spurred me on. After I was done reclaiming the living room from under the piles of stacked and folded laundry I found myself sitting in the now tidy room, relaxing and enjoying the space, feeling calm and serene.

There’s something to nesting that is particularly female, I believe, and perhaps some of our current angst is due to a modern day suppression of this inborn instinct to create a beautiful space.

Unlike most modern women, my babysitter and her clan absolutely revel in household chores, cheerfully doing laundry, cooking up tasty treats, redecorating with ingenuity, and in all ways big and small turning a house (no matter how modest) into a home. It’s a busy hands, happy heart approach to living. Rather than begrudge such chores, they embrace them as an expression of love and nurture for their families, their contribution to the collective good.

Men also appreciate “a woman’s touch” in a home. As one male blogger said, a gal with a comfortable abode stands out in the search for a mate. And what guy wouldn’t love being with a gal who joyfully primps and preens their space rather than constantly harping, nagging, and keeping score with him that all household chores are split absolutely 50/50?

After realizing what a mood lift I got from nesting, it dawned on me that it’s something I have been denying myself, another piece of the feminist narrative it’s high time to discard. There’s nothing “wrong” or “demeaning” in nesting. Quite the opposite — it’s surprisingly deeply gratifying. Nurturing — both to myself and others.

For me, getting started is often the hardest part. It can seem daunting…where to begin? A good friend taught me a wonderful trick she used to get going — set the timer for 15 minutes per room, get as far as you can in 15 minutes, then either take a break, move on to another room, or spend another 15 minute burst in the same area. Somehow knowing I am only going to spend 15 minutes cleaning makes it seem less overwhelming and it is surprising just how far one can get in a 15 minute sprint. Before you know it, you’re done!

So if you too have been raised to see “woman’s work” as something to scorn rather than celebrate, I invite you to join me in embracing the lost art of domesticity. Let me know if you find the same uplift from doing so that I have! Here’s to creating and crafting a beautiful, bountiful nest for you and yours!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

 

The Need for Struggle

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A customer of mine, who is also a psychologist, and I were shooting the breeze the other day and he brought up an interesting thought: that people need struggle in their lives.

Now one would think just the opposite, that a life free of struggles would lead to happiness and contentment. But apparently not.

Not so long ago, say 150 years, life itself provided plenty enough struggle just via day to day living and survival. Most men and women spent their days toiling for survival via planting crops, tending crops, raising animals, running small businesses, doing physical housework, and the like. The need to struggle was largely fulfilled with physical struggle, hard work.

After an industrial and urban way of life largely replaces a subsistence one, there was still struggle as many jobs were still physical. People were largely involved in working in factories, building and manufacturing goods. It was a different kind of struggle than living on a farm, but still plenty strenuous.

In a post industrial world the need for physical struggle to survive day to day has been greatly reduced thanks to modern conveniences such as electricity and plumbing and a variety of labor saving devices that depend on them. Many jobs also replaced physical struggle with a more sedentary day.

Without the need to struggle physically, rather than feel content and happy, people started to struggle emotionally. Literally creating problems for themselves and others when not distracted by true physical struggle to survive.

It’s an interesting idea to ponder, what one might be doing in their own life to fulfill the human need for struggle. Perhaps replacing that with some form of physical struggle via exercise, sports, active hobbies, and the like would actually lead to contentment and happiness far better than trying to eliminate all struggle?

One example of this might explain why studies found people who walk 15 minutes a day (physical struggle) can gain as much relief from depression as those who take antidepressants. The physical exertion literally creates serotonin, eliminating the need for it to be supplemented.

What do you think?  Can you name examples of ways people struggle today? Either self created or not? Can you think of ways people might replace non-productive, self created struggle with productive struggle?

 

It Takes a Village

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There’s a saying that goes, “It takes a village to raise a child,” but have you ever stopped to think about who builds those villages and keeps them running?

I was pondering this the other day:

“I flip on the switch and the light works. I turn on the tap and clean water comes out. Water goes down drains and toilets and washing machines and away. I put the trash out and it disappears. I pick up the phone and police or firemen or medics come. I assume this is all a given when clearly it is not. Women don’t get that very well. That stuff doesn’t “just happen” by a long shot. How many women even understand the supply chain involved in all that happening? Few. Not enough to make it keep happening for sure.”

The first time I heard that men build civilization at a red pill blog, I freaked out and told off the blog author. (Cringe.) After reconsidering for awhile I realized that it was true: Men build civilizations and create the safe and functional conditions villages thrive under.

That means, if it were not for the supposedly “horrible and oppressive” men willing to protect and provide, the villages would not exist.

Yep. Maybe men aren’t so horrible after all? Maybe they aren’t trying to oppress women, but to help them? Maybe they could use some thanks and appreciation for their contributions? Maybe they aren’t the enemy?

Please discuss while at the same time respecting other people’s points of view. Could villages exist without men?

(Not) Forever Young

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A comment on the last thread by Sergey points out one of the biggest issues with the “modern woman” script: In youth, the world is her oyster. Anything is possible, options are all open. But then unexpectedly it tops out around age 35. Once one is no longer a young woman, the path becomes murky… where does the path go from here?

He says:

“It’s the best time ever for Western women in their 20s/early 30s. After that, though, the options are the following:
* spinster – crushing loneliness and a feeling of self-inadequacy for most, except radical egoists;
* single mom – financial and emotional strains, a risk of problematic child, a sense of life wasted on upbringing the kids;
* divorcee – effectively one of the above, with bitterness of life wasted on wrong mate/stupid breakup on a whim;
* having a committed partner, without kids – generally trying to conceive, due to the strong social/biological pressure and time until fertility window close running out fast; child-free variety is probably one of the happiest combination;
* having a committed partner, with kids, without career – with life embittered by the sense of missing something other women presumable have (“a care-free single life”, professional achievements etc) – thanks to all that lib-fem messages they are daily bombarded with;
* having a committed partner, with kids and a career – have-it-alls; they have their problems as well, all too common self-shaming of “being a bad mother”, envy to ‘care-free’ lives of single women etc.

Self-contradicting mix of social messages sent to women by society (mostly other women, both “progressive” and “conservative”) seems to cause much harm. The lack of it, a sort of ‘each to her own’ relativism is no better: seems that women are somewhat wired to external validation, and the lack of praise/shame feedback to their choices confuses females even more.”

At one time the female life path was fairly defined. She’s a girl, a maiden, a young woman, a wife, a mother, an empty nester, a grandmother, a matriarch.

Yes the choices were limited, but perhaps that is as liberating as stifling? Studies show the more choices we have, the less satisfied we become, ironically. Without a clear path… is modern woman lost in the wilderness?

What do you think? Please share in the comments (while respecting the viewpoints of others.)

Games Girls Play

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A post over at The Rational Male and the comments that follow got me thinking about some of the games girls play, and how men are getting hip to such games and are countering with self-preservation strategies of their own.

(NOTE: A word to the wise, before you go to that blog and post how “not all women are like that” NAWALT or to try to argue, just don’t. I guarantee you will not be met with understanding or a warm reception. It’s a “guy space.” Please respect that and just read but not comment. Comment here instead.)

For example, consider this comment by YaReally from a guy point of view of such games, and ask yourself how many times have you seen a girlfriend do this (or have done it yourself?) Then ask yourself if you were a guy, how would you feel if almost every girl you dated offered you this deal?

“No man “committing” to a girl raised in 2016 culture is in a monogamous LTR. He’s in a one-sided pLTR (Primary LTR, a primary partner with multiple orbiters/side-poon) but in the GIRL’S favor (aka she keeps her options available while he restricts his own).

Social media and women out of the kitchen and into the workplace etc creates a system where women can openly gather and string orbiters along and openly seek higher-value options than her current man and this is socially acceptable because it’s all done under the guise of “just being friends” or anonymity.

If her significant other tries to restrict her access to that stuff, he’s labelled controlling, insecure, jealous, abusive, etc And if the guy keeps his own options open, he’s a player, cheat, unfaithful, emotionally abusive, etc

In the old days, before modern technology (especially before phones were invented but even in, like, the 50s say), a woman had to go out of her way to gather and keep orbiters around. It took actual effort and even if she went out looking she really only had access to a handful of men besides her husband. Once she determined that he was her best option, her Hypergamy was satisfied enough to make a relationship work long-term. That doesn’t mean women didn’t cheat, or weren’t subconsciously still on the prowl for some mysterious high-value stranger who passes through town, but like, it was significantly more difficult to entertain that shit (plus she had other shit to do with her day, like keeping the house/family taken care of before modern technology turned cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc into short often automated tasks that give her tons of free time to be bored).

But today’s technology means that a girl can be dating the greatest catch in her social circle, but still potentially have access to an even higher value guy through her social media. And if she switches to that guy, when he’s sitting on the couch beside her being boring, she can be communicating with a AAA celebrity through her social media.

Hypergamy doesn’t “shut off”, it NEVER sleeps…it’s ALWAYS there, always pinging for value. If you can keep her away from other men that don’t necessarily HAVE higher-value than you but that she PERCEIVES *MAY* have higher-value than you in HER value system of what constitutes high-value (which causes her to feel that compelling instinctive urge to test to SEE if he is juuuust incase he IS and she should pursue him), then you have a shot. But all the actions that would help that are demonized and villified as controlling, abusive, etc thanks to feminism pushing for Open Hypergamy and Open Cuckolding. This is why they’ll keep pushing that stuff trying to program boys from an early age so that it’s normalized to them when they’re adults and they don’t question the arrangement where they give up all their options while the girl says she does but is still pinging for better in the background thanks to the technology that’s made that abundant, easy and discreet (and connected her to astronomically high-value males like celebrities).

The ruse is that a relationship where a man gives up all his options and is sexually faithful to a woman, while the woman is sexually faithful to him (for now) but is constantly subconsciously on the prowl for better (because social media and being in male spaces like male workplaces and hobbies) under an “innocent” frame of “oh that’s just some guy from work, it’s no big deal, why are you getting jealous don’t be so insecure!”, is still “a monogamous relationship”.

That’s NOT a monoLTR. That is a pLTR in the woman’s favor. No guy dating/settling with a girl in 2016 is settling into a “monogamous LTR”, he’s settling into a “pLTR in the woman’s favor”. Like, guys need to really let that concept sink in.

The only guys in ACTUAL monoLTRs are guys who’s significant others don’t (or barely) use social media (so a lot of guys with older wives which is why I stress the raised in 2016 culture thing, or if you can find like, an Amish girl lol), and/or don’t (or barely) spend time in male spaces around other men (like working at a place where she’s surrounded by high-value men).

Literally any girl with social media is only offering guys a pLTR in her favor, but everyone in society including the man agreeing to it will still call it a monoLTR, and that man will find himself frustrated that she has orbiters posting/flirting on her Facebook wall but will then realize he’s in a Kobayashi Maru when he tries to call her out on it and is labelled jealous/insecure for it…he won’t be able to articulate it unless he’s a Red Pill guy and even then it depends on how much of the pill he’s swallowed, but he’ll instinctively know that him sitting on the couch watching Netflix while she sits beside him surfing Facebook and responding to guys on her Facebook wall, that something isn’t “right” with that agreement he’s entered. Because it’s lopsided in her favor.

This is why I’m pushing for guys to understand and explore the dynamics of how pLTRs and oLTRs work, and how oLTRs naturally become pLTRs if you can keep her Hypergamy triggered, and just REQUIRING a pLTR from her already puts you near the top of her Hypergamous options because it’s giving her all the shit she needs (dread, jealousy, etc) and giving you all the shit you need (sexworthiness, charisma to flirt with other girls, abundance mentality to walk away, etc) for her to stay attracted to you.

And it’s why I’m pushing for guys to start experimenting with pLTRs so we can get more guys in them and get more guys thinking about how we can successfully have and raise kids in a pLTR (in the man’s favor) arrangement with no legal ties and possibly accepting the fact that women may not stay past the 7 year itch and prepare for accepting that and prospering within the new system.

Because the old system is DEAD. MonoLTRs don’t exist anymore. I can’t re-state that enough.

Unless you can keep your girl jobless in your home and off all forms of social media (even the seemingly innocent ones that are for hobby groups or business networking etc)…which with a 20+yo girl in 2016 with a huge social network, is pretty unrealistic (her friends/family (who are all in shitty relationships themselves) will likely view you as abusive and be trying to turn her against you to “save” her from the horror that is your relationship actually having a chance at working out lol). You may manage to make an “LTR” work in 2016 with a girl raised in 2016 culture, but understand that unless you’re pro-actively running a pLTR in your favor, you are making a “pLTR in her favor” work, not a “monoLTR”.

This is a big part of why marriage is a bad deal. Even if you marry a chick who doesn’t use social media, and get her to quit her job to be a housewife, when she’s sitting around at home all day long bored out of her mind, she’s VERY likely going to end up getting social media to have some kind of contact with the outside world, and now you’re legally tied to a pLTR in her favor. The best you can do is even the odds out with your own girls, but you’ve signed legal paperwork handing her all the power in the world to destroy your life if you miscalibrate at some point in the next 40+ years.

And none of this is even taking into account the social conditioning girls are receiving from an early age telling them boyfriends and commitment and monogamy are all a drag that keeps you from having fun going to Avicii concerts with your BFF girlfriends and hooking up with guys and you’ll be young forever and Amy Schumer gets the rich doctor when she’s 35 and shit.”

Or in other words, if you are a girl who wants to have a successful relationship in an era where more and more men are seeing trading commitment for sex in an era of free and easy sex and no fault divorce as a fools game, you should NOT play such games.

And the thing is, you may fall into playing these girl games without even realizing that you are doing it or why. Because women are hard wired to seek the best match possible (hypergamy). At one time, engagement/marriage was the end of that, largely because women who divorced without VERY GOOD reasons were ostracized. But not anymore. The removal of the social stigma of divorce and/or serial monogamy (moving from one sexually active “LTR” to the next) have removed the safeguards that in the past protected men once they committed to a woman that she would stay and be committed to him. Being conscious of said girl games and guarding yourself from playing them will set you ahead of the other girls who are playing such games. Often because dating and relationship advice aimed at women encourages such games.

In days past, men were the ones who were on the commitment hot seat. Not anymore. Today it is the woman who needs to prove her worthiness of commitment, not the other way around. Why? Because more often than not today women are the ones to initiate breaking said commitment, not him. And she will get plenty of support from society when she decides to break said commitment, unlike a guy who will still be shamed for doing so.

Many a woman today can be heard wailing, “Where have all the good guys gone?” But the truth is in many (most) cases, the actions of women themselves, the very real financial and emotional risks a man takes by getting legally entangled with a women via marriage and children, and the obvious societal support for women to hold the right to exercise moving on (or up) whenever she sees fit without condemnation or shame, have chased those good guys off. Not the other way around.

Why are the good guys dropping out? Because modern women are presenting them with a no-win deal. End of. Why commit to someone who always has the socially sanctioned and even encouraged option to uncommit to you? Instead, they choose to opt out by playing the “let’s not commit” game themselves.

So before we blame the guys, ladies, it’s good to do a personal inventory and ask yourself, are you playing girl games — and likely losing now that men are getting hip to these games? If so, perhaps it’s time to do and be different.

What do you think? Please share in the comments, while at the same time respecting the point of view of other commenters.

 

 

Alpha Siren Song

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I haven’t done one of these for awhile, but sometimes songs can illustrate the emotions involved in a red pill concept better than anything. Like this one, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

She wants to love and be loved by the alpha and yet he’s wild and untamed and she’s afraid to believe it could be…the wall approach-eth…can she take the chance? Will he destroy her, or complete her? Maybe she has shit tested and lost? Did she blow it? Realize too late? Can she surrender? Dare she surrender?  He holds all the cards.

(For full effect play the video and read along w the lyrics.)

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Stevie Nicks and Bonnie Tyler

Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart

Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turn around,
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turn around bright eyes
Turn around bright eyes
Turn around,
Every now and then I know you’ll never be the boy you always wanted to be
Turn around,
Every now then I know you’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turn around,
Every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turn around,
Every now and then I know there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing that I just wouldn’t do
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I’m only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turn around bright eyes
Turn around bright eyes
Turn around

 

 

Reverse Sexism?

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An article recently linked to a post by a feminist on Twitter claiming all men are rapists and should be shot.

Think about that. All men should be shot? All men are rapists?

Now imagine someone saying all women are (X) and should be shot. Or all people of color? Or all gay people? Or all transgender people? Certainly there would be an outcry.

Hate speech is hate speech, no matter who is saying it. And it’s not OK.

In fact, it’s more than not OK. Anyone (including women) saying such things are a threat to a functional and orderly society.

First of all, all men ARE NOT rapists. Clearly they are not. Rape is a violent and horrific crime and to call anything less than the true definition of  that “rape” minimizes what true rape victims have experienced. This is rape. A guy looking at you in the cafeteria is not.

As one commenter raised, just who did she propose would round up and shoot all these men? Would she expect other men to do it for her? Then shoot each other at the end? Or was she imagining some posse of women rounding up and shooting all the men? Who exactly is going to commit this genocide?

Thing is why is it commonly accepted that negatively stereotyping and lumping a group of people who share one common characteristic is not OK, unless that group is men?  How is that fair and equal? But it happens all the time, and nobody says a thing about it.

The crazy just needs to stop.

I for one acknowledge the many, many good men in this world. Wonderful men. Men who work hard to keep things working. Men who collect the garbage, fix the power lines, plumb the pipes, police the streets, defend the country, and all the other invisible and visible jobs good men who deserve respect and appreciation, not death threats, do.

The thing is, men don’t HAVE to do anything for women. They don’t OWE women anything. And the more women act so blatantly unappreciative and entitled, the less men will want to do for women. I don’t think that is in anyone’s best interest, including that woman’s.

So listen up sister — shut it! And perhaps you should be charged with hate speech and encouraging hate crime and lose your job and all status in society while we are at it. Just like a man would be.

Hate speech is no more acceptable from a “minority” or “disadvantaged group” than from a majority. And how someone who supposedly is for equality and human rights could possibly believe otherwise is beyond me.

What do you think? Please share in the comments, and remember to respect other commenter’s views even if you disagree. Thanks!

 

 

What is Beauty?

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One thing I have learned from the red pill, is that men and women’s attraction triggers work in very different ways.

As far as I understand, it seems men’s attraction triggers are largely based on her physical appearance, an almost instant judgement of sorts. It’s a yes or a no, end of story.

Women on the other hand seem to have a multi-faceted attraction screen. A guy can be very physically attractive, but still strike out with the ladies for other factors such as personality, status, philosophy, etc. A guy who is physically less attractive can do well with women depending on other factors such as personality, status, likability, and so on.

Now of course there are those situations where women fall for the photo of a felon thug who is in all ways obviously not a good candidate for a long term partner, after all he is in prison!?!?! But that I suppose is an entirely other phenomenon…

From what I can tell, men and women often have different perceptions of what female beauty is or is not. And it is difficult as a woman for me to understand how personality flaws (bitchiness, shallowness, cattiness) could be overlooked, while the gal with the heart of gold who doesn’t have the physical package doesn’t stand much chance. But it does seem, from what the men say, to be the case.

So what is beauty? Is it as defined by Playboy magazine, for example? A very manicured, very unnatural, very high maintenance (although in its own way undeniably attractive) look? Does artifice attract men?

Consider the “Shannon Twins,” onetime girlfriends of Hugh Hefner who arrived at the mansion at the age of 18.  Do they look better in their natural state, or after they have surgically altered themselves with nose jobs, breast implants, and butt implants?

Before:

ga-twins2-jpg

After:

shannon-twins-01-435.jpg

I think they look better before, but again I am not a guy.

And perhaps it’s been said that men have a broader range for attraction than women do, or more diversity so to speak. So while the gals above may flip one guys triggers, they might leave another cold?

The two admit now that they had the surgeries because being surrounded by so many beautiful women all the time fed their insecurities to the point they believed themselves unattractive in comparison in a sea of “10’s.” And at a certain point it seems one would be splitting hairs trying to pick out the “most attractive” woman in a flood of beauties.

What is beauty? Is there an ideal? And if so, what is it? Feel free to discuss your thoughts in the comments, and remember what one person holds as their truth may not be so for another, so please respect everyone’s differing points of view.

 

Time to Hang Up the Cape?

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Like many women of my generation, I was raised with ridiculously high expectations.

I cannot remember anyone ever saying, “when you are a wife or mom…” but I can recall plenty of times where I heard, “When you go to college, when you have a career, etc.”

So I went to college. I had a lucrative and impressive career. And apparently when that wasn’t good enough, I decided to open my own business. I work all the time. People admire all I have accomplished. I’m “a somebody.”

Yep. I am a success by all accounts. Except more and more often lately I am wondering if what I should really do is give up the superwoman act, hang up the cape, and “just” be a mom and wife?

What good is being a superwoman if I am missing my children’s childhoods because I am always working? What good is being a superwoman if all I ever seem to talk or think about is my business and career? What good is being a superwoman when that quest has led to failed relationships and out of wack priorities?

I am seriously toying with the idea of chucking it all and being a nobody. Yep. A failed superhero.

I feel guilty even thinking about it. And yet I am thinking about it more and more and more.

Yep. I might just go ahead and waste my potential, go back to the kitchen, and while I am a little old for being pregnant, I could at least be barefoot.

I have lived the superwoman life and to be honest, I am over it.

First female president? Not me.

Nope. Super hero out!

Beware Male-Female Friendships

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It’s been said that men and women can’t be “just friends.” While I am not sure it is entirely true, if there is attraction on either side that isn’t mutual it likely is true.

The guys in the manosphere have said that men rarely hang out with women they aren’t interested in. So if he’s spending time with you on a social level, or doing stuff like helping you move or fixing your car or other “boyfriend” type things, chances are he may hope that if he just hangs in there you will fall for him.

While you can’t control what other people feel, you can control your own actions. And the thing is in this case it’s in everyone’s best interests if you minimize contact with male friends you don’t have a romantic interest in.

Why? Such situations rarely end well. More often there are feelings of hurt, rejection, and even anger on his side, as well as feelings of confusion on yours when the friendship implodes when the interested party has finally had enough. Often, things get ugly, rumors get spread, and reputations are tarnished.

In the manosphere such a dynamic is called a “beta orbiter.” And depending on one’s point of view, he puts himself in that position, or she does, or perhaps both. A beta orbiter is a guy waiting in the wings, hoping he will get a chance to win your heart.  Often that desire is not communicated or expressed, so much so that a gal could take it at face value and truly think it’s “just friends” when he really is hoping it will be more.

I have unwittingly been in this situation more than once, and always regret that I did not recognize what was happening sooner, before feelings were hurt or people felt taken advantage of.

Even worse is when women work these dynamics on purpose, knowing that she is manipulating him. Just don’t. Totally not ok. Ever.

It’s not always the case that men and women can’t be friends, but often it is. Do everyone a favor and avoid getting into this sticky situation and unintentionally (or intentionally) hurting others.

Have you ever been a beta orbiter? Have you ever had a beta orbiter? What happened? Please share in the comments.